“So…” I began, trying to keep the nerves out of my voice, “Mom, I’m sorry if I got a little… ummm, testy with you this afternoon. I know that you’re just worried, both of you.”
They exchanged relieved glances, and I heard, Oh, good, she’s being reasonable. That’s the daughter we know. Thank heavens… It would be so easy to just let it go at that, to let them think that I agreed and was continuing to go along with their guidelines. But I knew that wouldn’t accomplish what we both needed in the long run, and if I valued my relationship with them, I had to be as honest as I could be.
“But,” I continued with resolve in my voice, “That doesn’t change the fact that I’m old enough now to make my own decisions about the best way to use my talents. My ability. You’ve sheltered and shielded me when I didn’t know any better, when I would have gotten into real trouble, not knowing how to use it. But hearing thoughts—that’s not just something to hide and try to suppress—it’s part of me, it’s part of who I am. And when I feel ashamed of it, I’m feeling ashamed of myself. I don’t want to live my life that way.”
There was silence around the table. The unease my parents had been feeling had given way to surprise and confusion. I had never bucked them about anything involving my abilities, so this was completely new territory for all of us.
Finally my dad spoke. “Tas… that’s a very interesting point. Your mom and I—we’ve never wanted you to feel ashamed of what you can do, of who you are. But you’re also right that we don’t see it as part of who you are—you are so much more than that to us. If you were handicapped in some way, we wouldn’t want that to define you. And this shouldn’t either. With a little work, you should be able to lead a completely normal life—”
“What if I don’t want normal?” I interrupted. “As a matter of fact, why would I want normal? Our family has never been typical. We move constantly. I’ve never had friends until this year. I can hear what other people are thinking. I can feel what they’re feeling. That’s not normal, Dad. And for the first time, I’m thinking that maybe it’s a good thing, not something I need to hide.”
My mother looked troubled. “But Tasmyn, flaunting your gift could put you at real risk. Things like this aren’t the same as—I don’t know, being able to speak several languages, or being a math genius. This is a talent that can be so easily exploited. Telling anyone at all is really very dangerous for you.”
This was my opening. I drew in a deep breath. “That isn’t precisely true, Mom. You’re right that making a big deal of it and telling everyone would be wrong. But sharing this—this part of me, of who I am, with someone, with people I trust—it’s not wrong. And it’s not dangerous. I know that for sure.”
Now the silence took on an entirely new depth. I swallowed nervously, as I felt what I’d just said register in their minds.
“Tasmyn… are you saying… you’ve told someone already?” My mother’s tone was frightened and incredulous.
“I hope you mean that you’re thinking about doing it, and you know, of course, that your mom and I discourage that as strongly as we can.” My father leaned more toward disapproval in his fear.
I bit my lip nervously. “I mean, I didn’t necessarily tell someone. But… someone… guessed.”
“And am I correct in assuming that someone was Michael?”
I nodded, unable to trust my voice.
My father heaved a long and heavy sigh. I couldn’t discern whether it was disapproval or disappointment… perhaps a bit of both.
“When did this happen? Was it part of last night’s events?”
I shook my head. “No. Actually, Michael figured it out very early on.”
“How exactly?” My mother’s voice shook.
“It was the day I spilled the stuff on me in Chemistry. I was upset, and he was talking to me, and I accidentally answered what he thought instead of what he said out loud.”
“That could have been explained away,” my father remarked.
“Yes, it probably could have,” I answered slowly. “But it was my choice not to do that. I knew that I wanted to be totally honest with Michael. It was very important for me.”
They digested that statement in silence. “You trust him that much?” my mom queried.
I replied without hesitation. “I do. I trust him, and he hasn’t let me down.”
“Well, not yet anyway,” my father said archly.
“That’s a very cynical comment,” I shot back.
“The world is a very cynical place,” he answered. “I believe Michael will be discreet for as long as he is involved with you. After that… my expectations of him sink considerably.”
“What if I tell you that won’t be a problem?” I asked.
“Then I’d say you’re fairly naïve, which is about what I’d expect of a seventeen year old girl.”
“But we’ve established that I’m not really your typical seventeen year old girl, and you know, I have more insight into the situation—into my relationship with Michael—than most girls my age would have.”
“You may think you do—”
“Daddy, trust me on this. Michael has no problem with me listening to him, and although I try not to do it—I really do—I’ve heard enough to know that he’s not going to betray my confidence or break my heart.” My face flooded with heat. I hadn’t been yet so frank with my parents about my relationship with Michael, and it was oddly unnerving.
I could tell that they both remained unconvinced. Since I was already in so deep, I decided to go for broke.
“I should tell you that as of last night, Michael’s parents know the truth about me, too.”
My mother groaned and held her head in her hands. My father just sighed again. I could tell he was quickly losing patience with what he saw as my blatant rebellion.
“I’m sorry. I had to tell them. And you don’t know Marly and Luke yet, but please believe me, we can trust them.”
“Tasmyn, this is the crux of the whole issue. You really aren’t mature enough to understand who can or cannot be trusted with a secret that could literally turn your life upside down. You’ve known these people for less than two months. Two months. That’s nothing in the greater scheme of things. They could be psychos. They could be completely rational people who just happen to mention to a friend that their son’s girlfriend can read minds, isn’t that neat? And just like that, it’s all over.” My father was becoming more and more angry as he spoke.
“You have no confidence in my ability to judge people, do you? Don’t you know that all these years, you and Mom have been teaching me how to do that? Because of you, I can discern when it’s safe to open up to someone and when it isn’t. I know for a fact that even if today I told Michael that I never wanted to see him again—” my heart skipped a beat at even the thought of that, “—he wouldn’t ever tell anyone about me. And I know that his parents love me. They haven’t known me for a long, but they do. And since they didn’t know until last night that I could sometimes hear them think, I feel pretty secure in trusting my intuition about that.”
I paused, looking at my parents for a minute. They were both shaken and somewhat appalled by what I had shared with them. I knew it would take time for them to digest it all and understand what I was trying to tell them.
“I want you both to understand that I love you, and I will always appreciate how you brought me up. I know it wasn’t easy. You faced challenges that most parents wouldn’t be able to handle. And I want you to know that everything you did, all the time you took—it was worth it! I’m able to control my listening, for the most part. And when I do slip, I’m able to discern what’s serious and what isn’t. I don’t make rash decisions and I don’t jump to conclusions.
“But I don’t think you raised me to stay the same little girl who was afraid of what she could do, who was scared to have friends in case they guessed the secret. I think you raised me to be able to go out on my own and live a full life. And I’m telling you, this is the beginning o
f it. It doesn’t mean I’m rebelling against you. It means I’m fulfilling every dream you had for me.”
The tension in the room had largely dissipated. My mother sat back in her chair and gazed at me thoughtfully. She glanced at my father, and when she spoke, her voice was low but steady.
“You’re right, Tas. We didn’t bring you up to be a hermit, or to stay with us forever. Maybe we just thought that we’d have a little more time. It was hard enough to accept that you’re ready to have a boyfriend, and we were probably pretty short-sighted not to realize that you’d want to share more of yourself with him.”
Now my face was really flaming. “Mom—you’re talking about Michael knowing I can hear minds, right? Because I haven’t, um, shared any more of myself with him.”
My mother laughed. “That is a relief, and it’s also a whole different conversation. No, I meant you telling him. Or him guessing, however it happened. I have to admit, though, that I’m very disappointed that you didn’t tell us sooner about him knowing. I won’t speak for your father, but it makes me feel left out. I’m also a little upset that you’ve been lying to us all this time.”
It was my turn to feel squirmy. “I didn’t really lie to you. You never asked me, and when you asked if I was being careful with Michael, I told you yes. That’s the truth. I was being careful. I am.”
“Tas.” My father’s rolled his eyes at me. “It’s the spirit of the rule, not the letter. You know that. You were fully aware of what we expected.”
“And what would you have done if I had told you?”
My mother spread her hands in front of her. “What can we do? He knows. It can’t be undone. We have to live with it, and hope for the best, I suppose.” Her tone indicated that she felt more doubt than hope about the situation.
“Your mom is right. But from now on, we expect you to be honest with us. No more secrets. Got it?”
I swallowed hard, thinking of what I hadn’t shared with them about Nell and Amber and our encounter in the clearing. I knew this wasn’t the time to do that, but I hated keeping anything from them. I nodded and forced a smile.
“Got it.”
Sunday was a blissfully uneventful day. Michael took me to Lancer Lake, to our special beach, and we spent the afternoon reading and talking about anything that wasn’t related to Nell or Amber.
That night, Anne called. I had been curious about how Friday evening had turned out for her and for Jim, and I was excited to talk to her.
“So?” I asked, anticipation in my voice.
“So what?” she replied, all innocence.
“So tell! Tell all!” I insisted. “What happened Friday night?”
“I could ask you the same thing. You and Michael disappeared pretty abruptly. No one knew what happened! We were worried!”
“Oh, yes, so worried you called me right away?” I teased.
“Well…” she giggled. “I have to admit, I slept most of yesterday. And then I had plans last night.” The emphasis she put on the word plans made me laugh.
“Oh, do tell!!” I insisted. “All the gory details, please!”
“The first thing I have to say is thank you. You were right. And I never would have known or done anything about it if you hadn’t said something. I don’t know if Jim would’ve gotten brave eventually, but he had no idea how I felt, so maybe not. Can you imagine? All this time, we’ve both been feeling the same way and not knowing it or telling each other?”
“No, I can’t imagine,” I replied, amused. “But what did he do? The last I saw, the two of you were heading to the dance floor, and Jim looked like someone had hit him over the head. He was positively dazed.”
“He was, wasn’t he?” Anne was clearly enjoying this. “We went out there, and at first, I wasn’t sure he was really going to dance with me. He just kept looking at me like he had never seen me before. But then we did dance, and suddenly, when his arms were around me, and we were moving to the music, Jim seemed surer of himself.
“And then he looked down at me and told me I looked beautiful. He said, ‘I’ve been waiting for you to be whole again.’ I asked him what he meant, and he told me that since everything happened with Nick, it looked as though part of me was gone.”
“Oh, how romantic!” I exclaimed.
“It was! So I told Jim that maybe the part of me that was missing was him. I told him I’d hated the way we argued, and that I knew he had been right.”
“And then what happened?”
“The dance ended, and he asked me if I wanted to go out onto the back porch of the Hall with him. So I did, and we talked… and talked… and then he kissed me. Oh, Tasmyn, it was the best night ever. It was more romantic than any time I ever spent with Nick.”
“I’m so happy for you,” I murmured.
“After the dance, he took me out to have dessert at a cute little diner, and then he took me home. I slept until noon yesterday, and my mother told me he called three times. When I called him back, he asked me out to the movies last night. He came over and asked my parents if it was all right for us to date—they’ve known him forever, so it wasn’t like I had to introduce them or anything. And then he took me out, and we had a great time.”
“Anne, this is wonderful. Oooh, I just thought of something—we could double date sometime!”
“Yeah, or triple date—Brea seems pretty stuck on that junior.”
“And have you noticed that Dan seems pretty friendly with Cara?”
“I did notice that. I guess love is in the air!” For the next hour, we dished on all the couples and potential couples in our little group, and then in the school at large. We finally circled back around to Jim, and it thrilled me to hear how Anne’s voice sang whenever she mentioned his name. Then she changed the subject abruptly.
“So you never told me where you and Michael went Friday night when you disappeared. Was it someplace romantic?”
I hesitated, wondering how much to share. I decided that we had to have some explanation for why Amber would be sitting with us at lunch the next day, and maybe it was a good idea to lay down the basics for Anne right now, as a sort of trial run for the group at large.
“Actually, no. It was more of a rescue mission.” I laughed lightly, to keep that from sounding as grim as it truly had been. “Nell Massler was up to her old tricks with Amber Cole, and Michael and I slipped out to help Amber. Everything’s okay now, but I don’t think you’ll see Amber and Nell hanging around together anymore, and Nell—let’s just say I don’t think we’ll ever be best buds.”
Anne was sympathetic. “That’s terrible for Amber. How’s she doing? How was Nell torturing her this time?” I knew Anne meant that more figuratively than literally, but it was closer to the truth than she knew.
“Amber’s fine. Her feelings were hurt, and she’s feeling a little betrayed, but she’ll recover. I invited her to sit with us at lunch on Monday. I hope that’s okay.”
“Sure, it’s your lunch table, too. We’ll be happy to have her. And speaking of Monday, I have a chapter of History I have to read for tomorrow. I better go.”
After we hung up, I sat for a while, just marveling at the changes in my life. I had Michael, someone who knew all of me and loved me anyway. I had Anne, a friend who actually credited me—me!—with resurrecting her love life. This weekend with Amber, I had used the talent that I’d hidden in shame and fear my whole life to really help someone. And I had been mostly honest with my parents and at least laid the groundwork for a little more understanding and independence.
I remembered that last fall, in Wisconsin, I had spent my weekends wrapped in blankets, alone in my room, devouring all the poetry of Dylan Thomas and John Keats. There were no friends on the telephone or dates to the lakeshore. I had been miserably aware that I was different from other girls my own age and fearful that this difference would make me an oddity for the rest of my life. There had been very little hope or optimism within me, and I had struggled to hide all of this turmoil from my parents.
>
All things considered, I liked this year much better.
I was jittery on Monday morning, wondering if Nell would be in school and how she would act toward Amber, Michael and me. Michael picked me up as usual, but our ride was much quieter than it normally was.
“So, how were your parents today?” Michael inquired. I knew that he was worried about how they viewed him, now that they knew the truth.
I made a face. “They’re still not happy about all the changes they see in me. It’s my own fault, really. If I had been up front with them from the beginning, they would have had time to process everything little by little. Now it’s all hitting them at once.”
Michael sighed heavily. “I’m sorry it’s so rough on you. Not what you needed after this weekend.”
“Well, maybe not. But I think they’ll come around. I tried to be as reasonable as I could without giving in completely.”
We pulled into the parking lot and walked hand-in-hand to my locker. The walkways were fairly empty; we’d made it in early. I didn’t see any sign of Nell or her crowd, but as I pulled books from my locker, Amber approached us.
“Hi,” she smiled, almost shyly. “I’m really glad to see you. My mom dropped me off early, on her way to work, and I’ve been wandering around, afraid of seeing—well, afraid of what was around every corner.”
“I think you’re pretty safe here,” Michael said. “But you should probably watch your back when you’re alone outside school. Is your mom picking you up today or are you walking home?” I felt the concern that he was trying to hide, and I picked up random scenarios flitting through his head.
“Yeah, I’m covered,” Amber confirmed. “I have a feeling that my parents are going to be a little overprotective for a few days, at least.”
“Overprotective is good for right now,” I put in. “You’ll have plenty of time to stretch the apron strings once things settle down.”
“I guess so,” Amber agreed. “I can’t imagine how bad it would be if I’d told them I was actually in physical danger. They’d have probably shipped me off to boarding school. Or a convent.”
King Series Box Set Page 26
