“I’ll be here.” I answered her words, both spoken and unvoiced.
Lela helped me to gather my bags from Michael’s room. I avoided giving it one last glance as we went down the stairs.
We tossed everything into the trunk of the Mustang, and I hugged everyone before I slid into the driver’s seat.
“Sure you can handle her?” teased Luke, referring to my less-than-stellar beginning in driving a standard transmission.
I rolled my eyes at him. “Thanks for the vote of confidence. I’ll try not to stall until I’m off nursery property.”
So we were all laughing when I pulled away. But tears blurred my eyes as I glanced back in the rearview mirror and saw the three of them, watching me go.
My parents were thrilled to see me. My dad exclaimed over how well I did driving the Mustang, and my mother insisted on helping me unpack my bags. She even did my laundry for me. I sensed that they had missed me and were worried about my reaction to Michael’s departure.
To ease their minds, I made a good show of being fine. I ate dinner, forcing the food down my throat as I knew my mother was watching me anxiously. I kept up a steady stream of conversation and told them about my experiences at the nursery. I even managed to share some of Michael’s news from college, that he was settling in and liked his roommate.
By the time I could safely escape to my bedroom that night, I was exhausted. Keeping up a good front was tiring business. But my parents were reassured, and that was worth the effort.
Being back at home somehow made Michael’s departure more real. I knew I had to go to bed, sleep, and then get up the next morning and do it all over again. And I would have to do that every day for the next three weeks, until school began.
As I climbed into bed, I decided that it wasn’t the initial pain that broke a heart: it was living with the loss on a daily basis. I had survived that first break, but I wasn’t certain that the routine wouldn’t kill me.
As it turned out, I didn’t have that much routine in the weeks between Michael leaving and school beginning. Work kept me on schedule, of course, but since being out at the nursery with Marly and Luke felt more like a treat than a job, I didn’t mind that at all. My heart still pounded painfully every time I drove onto Sawood, but being with the Sawyers made even that worthwhile. I felt closer to Michael when I walked the familiar grounds.
And every evening, I looked forward to my phone call from Michael. He usually called right after dinner, since his roommate tended to linger at the dining hall longer than Michael did, and privacy was pretty scarce the rest of the day. I lived for the moment I’d hear the familiar ring tone, and for an hour each day, nothing and no one existed but the two of us.
Michael was adjusting well to college life. His classes had begun, and he liked most of the professors, though he still claimed that English class was beyond his skills. He and his roommate, Paul, seemed to mutually co-exist. Michael mentioned a few other people, but we spent most of our conversations sharing each other rather than catching up on news.
I realized that the hardest part of having Michael so far away was that I could no longer hear his thoughts or sense his feelings. For nearly a year, I had been so attuned to him that losing that connection was like losing part of myself.
“We have to be like normal couples, and actually share our feelings verbally,” Michael joked when I told him about my sense of loss.
“I always did that anyway,” I muttered. “You’re the one who has to learn to communicate with me all over again, in a new way.”
“I’ll try to do a better job,” he assured me. “You’re right, I’ve gotten lazy about saying how I feel, haven’t I? I’m so used to you just knowing it.”
“I’m not really complaining,” I admitted. “But I didn’t really know how much I depended on hearing and feeling you. I wish it worked across the phone.”
“Me, too,” Michael agreed. “But then there are lots of things I wish I could do across the phone... ”
I blushed and ducked my head, even though I knew he couldn’t see me.
Lela went back to college about ten days after her parents returned from their trip with Michael. She was driving up to Virginia with a group of girlfriends who also lived in Florida. They all assembled at Sawood in the days preceding their trip, so I wasn’t able to spend much time with Lela before she left. I went to the nursery early on the morning of their departure to say goodbye.
“I’m so glad we had the chance to really get to know each other this summer,” she whispered as she hugged me one last time. “I feel like I finally have a sister.”
I smiled against her hair, because I felt the sincerity of her words.
“I feel the same way,” I replied. “Thanks for letting me work at the shop with you. I promise I won’t mess anything up while you’re gone.”
“You better not,” she warned with mock severity. Then with quick embraces for her parents, she hopped into the car and disappeared through the woods, much as Michael had done.
I swallowed against the lump in my throat. Marly threw an arm around my shoulders and pulled me tight to her side.
“Well, kiddo, now it’s just you and us. You’re an only child once again,” she teased. “So we can spoil you to our hearts’ content.”
“Are you trying to soften me up to make dinner for you tonight?” I countered. “Your other chef just disappeared in a cloud of dust.” It was well known in the family that Marly was a reluctant cook at best.
“I do have a lovely pork tenderloin in the fridge... ” she answered hopefully. “You could invite your parents to join us.”
And so that night we all gathered at Sawood, and though Marly and Luke knew we were trying to ease their sudden empty nest feelings, they didn’t say anything.
My good-byes weren’t quite over yet. The next week Jim and Anne left town. Jim was attending college about an hour south of us. Anne, who had always planned to start at our local community college, had decided last spring to go to the junior college near Jim’s school instead. She would live with her aunt in exchange for babysitting and housekeeping help.
Brea had spent the summer at her university to attend a sports camp, but she came home for a visit the weekend before Anne and Jim left. Anne’s mom threw a big farewell party at their home, and everybody in our old crowd was there—except for Michael, of course. I put on a happy face and told them all how much he liked college so far. Michael himself called in the middle of the festivities, and I passed around the phone so that he could talk to everyone in turn.
Cara slid up beside me as I watched my phone going from hand to hand.
“I guess we’re the ones left behind, aren’t we?” she remarked. Cara had spent a good part of the summer hanging around with Dan Hillinger. While I hadn’t heard that they were seriously dating, I wondered if they were more serious than I’d thought.
“Dan leaves this week, too, doesn’t he?” I asked.
Cara shrugged one shoulder. “Yeah. I’m going to miss having a date to the movies and parties. But we’ve just been having fun. Nothing intense. I was more thinking of the whole group. It’s only you, me and Amber now.”
I nodded. “At least we have each other. And maybe we’ll get to know some other people this year, too.”
Cara snorted. “Oh, yes, I’m sure Liza and Casey and their friends will be just dying to sit with us at lunch now.”
I raised one eyebrow. “There are lots of other people at school. I’m not worried about it.” We watched as Brea passed my cell phone to Amber, who spoke shyly to Michael for a few minutes before surrendering it to Craig Donalson.
“My dad wants me to try to branch out, make some new friends this year.” Cara didn’t meet my eyes as she spoke, and I could feel the conflicting senses of frustration and fear she was experiencing. The frustration was aimed at her father, who I knew still didn’t trust me after our misadventure last year; the fear was because Cara herself wasn’t sure exactly what role I’d played in Nell�
�s plans.
Dad says I need to keep my distance. He says there’s something off about Tasmyn. And he keeps asking questions... I wish he’d leave it alone.
I winced. Reverend Pryce had been our lifesaver last year, quite literally. But he was still so suspicious of me that I avoided spending any time at Cara’s house when he was around. Cara’s mother was a perfectly nice woman, but I knew I made her nervous. All in all, it was far preferable for me to have Cara visit me at my house or for us to meet any place that I didn’t have to deal with her family.
I sighed, thinking about all of this, and Cara turned to me questioningly.
“I didn’t mean I don’t want to hang with you and Amber,” she said hastily. “My dad—he just gets some weird ideas, you know? Maybe it’s the whole religious thing.”
I shook my head. “It’s not just that. What he saw last year when—well, with Nell—“ I lowered my voice. What had happened in that clearing was still the subject of much speculation, but somehow we’d managed to keep the details quiet. I liked it that way. “What your dad saw would make any parent freak. I’m grateful he still lets you talk to me.”
Cara was quieter, too. “But it wasn’t your fault. She tricked you—you didn’t know what was going on. I just still don’t get how ended up being there... ”
I turned my head to look at Amber. She had glanced at Cara and me across the yard, and I heard her worrying about what Cara was saying. Other than Michael and his family, Amber was the only person in King who knew my secret. She had been loyally silent on the subject, despite Cara’s persistence.
“I don’t want to talk about this,” I said with finality in my tone. “It’s over. It wasn’t a happy time in my life, Cara, and I really just want to forget about it. We’re starting a whole new school year, and that’s behind us now.” I softened my voice as I laid a hand on her arm. “Okay?”
Cara eyes were narrow, as she considered pursuing the line of conversation, in spite of my words. She bit the side of her lip thoughtfully. “Yeah. Okay. Whatever.” She turned abruptly to join Dan at the food table. I watched him sling an arm around her shoulder. She stiffened just slightly, almost imperceptibly, before she relaxed against him. Although I was actively trying to block all the thoughts tonight, I could hear both of theirs quite clearly. Dan was wondering if he could get some time alone with her before the night was over, and Cara was wishing—I frowned. Cara was wishing that Michael were here.
I groaned inwardly. Last year, when I had first met Cara, I knew that Anne had worried about our new friend’s feelings toward Michael. I had been working hard to avoid hearing thoughts and had carefully blocked Cara’s, not wanting to intrude on her privacy. There was never been any question of Michael’s loyalty or of his love for me, so I had reasoned that even if Cara did have a crush on him, it really didn’t matter.
As we all became closer friends, I hadn’t noticed Cara paying special attention to Michael. Eventually I decided that Anne had been overly suspicious. With Cara and Dan’s blooming friendship, I hadn’t thought about Cara’s feelings toward Michael in months.
I still wasn’t worried about Michael. But if I had to live through the next school year hearing Cara’s yearning thoughts about my boyfriend, it was going to be harder than I’d anticipated to maintain that friendship.
It was going to be a long year. And it hadn’t even begun yet.
The cafeteria was empty. It struck me that I’d never seen it that way; last year, my class before lunch always ended late and was so far from the lunch room that I was perpetually among the last to arrive. But today, the lunch ladies weren’t even there. I realized I didn’t smell any food cooking either.
“Hello, Tasmyn.”
Whirling, I faced my lunch table, the place where I had shared so much laughter and conversation with Michael and our friends. Nell sat on the bench facing me.
She was dressed in white, and for a fleeting moment I thought she was wearing the same robe from our last encounter in the forest clearing. Her face was serene and mildly amused.
“Nell.” I wanted my voice to be strong and unafraid, but it was barely squeak. “What are you doing here?”
“Now that is a very good question, isn’t it?” She smiled broadly and shifted on the bench, and for a terrifying moment I was afraid that she was going to rise and come toward me. But she remained seated.
I tried to gather my wits and focus on her thoughts. How had she gotten here? Had she escaped from wherever it was her father had shut her away? But when I concentrated on her mind, a sharp and numbing pain gripped me.
“Ah, ah, ah,” Nell reproved, shaking her head. “No cheating, Tasmyn. Cheating, that’s what you and your parents call it, isn’t it? When you try to listen to thoughts, even though you know your parents disapprove? I like that term. It’s certainly what you did to me, you know. You cheated me.”
“I didn’t,” I whispered, holding my still-aching head. “I tried to help you, Nell. You’ve got to know that. If I had just let you—if Amber had been killed—how would you have lived with that? I only wanted to get you help.”
“Help?” Her voice rose in shrill disbelief, echoing in ears. “And you think it was helpful for me to end up in a mental hospital in the middle of Mississippi? You know, at first, I have to say, I was almost thankful. Yes, really. I thought when my father told me he was putting me away, maybe I’d be with my mother. I thought that together, we’d figure out a way to become stronger there, and we’d escape, and with our combined power, no one would stop us.
“But then, of course, it turned out that he sent me to a completely different place. I’m in the middle of nowhere. It’s unbearable. I don’t even know where my mother might be—but she’s not here.” Nell’s voice turned brooding. “I’m alone, except for the half-wits who are supposed to ‘help’ me. Yes, just like you, they think that’s possible.”
“Nell, how did you get here?” I was trying to nonchalantly scan the room for any possible weapons I could use for defense and wondering when the rest of the students with fifth period lunch would arrive.
Her laugh rang out, so familiar that chills shivered down my spine. “Oh, that’s another very good question! You’re so inquisitive today. Or is it tonight?” She glanced over her shoulder, and I realized for the first time that the windows were dark.
My heart began to pound, and my head was swimming. Why was it night? I struggled to remember walking to the cafeteria, my morning classes, but everything was a blank. What was happening?
“Don’t panic, Tasmyn,” Nell scolded. “You were always so cool under pressure when you were ruining my life. Where did that gumption go? Could it be that Michael was your real backbone? And now that he’s gone, maybe you’re not really that formidable an adversary.” Her eyebrows raised, Nell’s tone was unquestionably ironic. I knew that she had never considered me an enemy; instead, I had been either an annoying impediment to her success or an intriguing pathway to greater power.
“Michael’s not gone,” I corrected. “He’s just away.”
Nell laughed again. “Oh, that’s right. That’s what you’re telling yourself. The grand romance goes on, even when you’re apart. You never were very good at facing facts. But that’s neither here nor there. You asked me what I was doing here and how I got here, but you’ve neglected to ask me why I’m here. And that’s the key question.” She tilted her head.
“Okay.” I drew in a deep breath. “I’ll ask. Why are you here? Why is it dark out there? Why don’t I remember anything about today before seeing you here?”
“Oh, thank you, all the interesting inquiries at last. It’s dark because it’s night. In one sense of reality, you’re not really here in the cafeteria. You’re at home in your own bed. Safe and sound. That’s why you don’t remember getting here. I called you to this place while you were still in another part of your sleep.
“We’re here because this is a place that I thought wouldn’t alarm you. If I had called you to the clearing, I think
you would have panicked much faster than you did. But we both know this lunchroom, we’ve been here together, and that was necessary. Of course, I could have chosen the chemistry classroom, but I hardly think that holds happy memories for either of us.” She sighed heavily.
“So I’m just dreaming this? I can wake up at any time?” It didn’t feel like a dream, but it was somewhat comforting to think I had a modicum of control.
“Perhaps something like that. But you can’t leave until I’m ready for you to go. And I’m not quite prepared for that yet.”
“What do you want from me?” I was back to whispering.
“Tonight, I don’t want much. I just wanted to make sure you hadn’t forgotten about me. This is simply a little reminder visit. I want to make sure that I’m on your mind when you go back to school. I might not be there, but I’m not ready to be forgotten yet.” Suddenly Nell looked more lost and woebegone than threatening.
“I’ve never forgotten you, Nell,” I said, keeping my voice as steady as I could. “I-I couldn’t let you hurt Amber, or Michael and me, but I never wanted you to be hurt, either. When I heard that your dad had sent you away—I was very sorry.”
“Yes, I know.” Nell looked at me thoughtfully. “The guilt practically ate you up the first few months, didn’t it?”
I didn’t answer, but I wondered how she could know that.
“Doesn’t matter,” she continued, and I wasn’t sure if she was answering my unvoiced question or referring to the guilt I’d felt. “We’re running out of time, and I’m not finished quite yet.”
“I promise, Nell, I won’t forget you,” I said. “What else do you want?”
“I want to warn you,” she replied. “You need to be aware that Marica hasn’t let this go, and she’s not going to give up on you.”
King Series Box Set Page 37
