Lost in Wolf Dreams (Cormac's Pack)

by A. P. Jensen

  Mac sobered. When he walked towards her, she held out a hand, clearly indicating she didn’t want to be touched. Mac’s hands clenched into fists, but he didn’t push the issue. He leaned back against the counter with his gaze fixed on her face.

  “Like I said, I don’t know everything. By the time I walked into your apartment, you were the only one breathing. Some would say it was a random burglary by wolves, but I don’t believe that.”

  “What do you believe?”

  “These shifters were ex military. They don’t belong to any pack. The chances that they found you by accident or wanted to make a quick buck by burglarizing your apartment is far fetched.”

  Mac said nothing more and waited for her to come to the same conclusion. When it settled on her shoulders like a heavy weight, she took the burden without flinching.

  “You think those wolves were there because of me,” she said without inflection.

  “There’s no other reason for wolves to be in your apartment. They could have stumbled upon you by accident, but I don’t believe in coincidences. I’m guessing from the way you feel about wolves, you have no affiliation with any pack?”

  Jillian felt numb. “No, I’ve never met a wolf.” She willed herself to remember, but her mind didn't feel like cooperating. When her wolf roused and began to pace, Jillian tried to calm her racing heart. Was she responsible for her mom’s death? “Why would anyone care that I’m part wolf?”

  Mac put a bottle of water in front of her and she took a greedy gulp because her throat was bone dry.

  “Female wolves aren’t common. Males outnumber females three to one.”

  Jillian stared at him, confused. “Okay. So?”

  “If a wolf found out that there was an unclaimed, unprotected female, he wouldn't hesitate to capture you.”

  “For what?” she asked through clenched teeth.

  “They’d claim you as their mate.”

  Jillian shot to her feet and wouldn’t have been surprised if steam shot out of her ears. She was so enraged, she shook. “My mom died because some bastard wants a mate?”

  Mac held his hands up in a calming gesture that did nothing to placate her. She could feel her muscles snapping and rippling beneath her skin in preparation to shift. She clutched the counter and breathed deeply to calm rioting emotions. She was forcibly reminded of her dad, the asshole who got her into this whole mess. She never laid eyes on him and she didn’t want to. Having Mac confirm that most wolves were heartless assholes didn’t make her want to embrace her wolf side at all.

  “Jillian.”

  She whirled away when Mac put his hand on her shoulder. Aside from her mother and a few lovers, she didn’t allow people to touch her because it messed with her control. She conditioned herself not to feel and now… Her eyes burned and her throat ached with the need to scream. She stood in the middle of Mac’s living room and tried to get a handle on herself. She couldn’t accept that her mom was gone. She wouldn’t believe until she had solid evidence. That belief was the only thing that kept her human at the moment. She turned and found Mac watching her carefully with his hand on the button of his jeans, ready to shed them and shift with her. Her breathing was ragged as she tried to control her wolf, who bared her teeth.

  “I don't know what happened,” Mac repeated slowly. “You're the only one who knows and I didn’t push because I was more concerned with keeping you sane and human than figuring out what happened. I thought I’d have time, but then you disappeared.”

  “Male wolves are so desperate they’d kill for a girlfriend?” Jillian said, voice deeper than normal. Holding her wolf caged inside of her was so painful, her eyes watered.

  Mac hesitated. When she frowned suspiciously, he said, “Wolves live in packs under a mated pair. If there’s no female, the pack isn’t stable and doesn't last long. Male wolves would see you as free game.”

  Jillian couldn't hold back a growl and felt her teeth lengthen. “And where do you come into this?”

  Mac stiffened. “What?”

  “You don’t have a mate,” she snapped and raised a cynical brow. “Do you?”

  His face was expressionless. “No, I don’t.”

  “What would you do for a mate?”

  He heard the accusation in her voice and anger blasted across his face. He jabbed a claw at her and his eyes turned into liquid mercury.

  “Be careful, Jillian,” he warned, voice so low she could barely understand him.

  “You don’t want a mate?” she challenged mockingly.

  She watched him struggle to control his temper. He looked at her as if he wanted to murder her.

  “I don’t want a pack, so I don’t need a mate.”

  She relaxed her guard a little and frowned because it took away his motive, which made him even more confusing. “What the hell am I doing here, then?”

  “I’m trying,” he said through fangs, “to protect you. Someone sent those wolves after you.”

  “Why do you care?” she demanded and felt her bones begin to buckle in preparation to shift. She focused on Mac and ignored the howls in her head.

  “I told you, we’re together.”

  “What does that mean?” she bellowed.

  He reached out and circled her throat with a huge claw. She struggled and found herself pinned up against the wall in a situation similar to the alley incident. This time, she didn’t bother trying to fight like a human. She used her teeth and claws. Mac took the hits and didn’t budge.

  “You belong to me,” Mac hissed in her half shifted face.

  Her eyes shifted into shimmering gold and she snarled, “I don’t belong to anyone.”

  Her wolf raised hell and took over. As her bones realigned themselves, visions began to fill her mind and she was dragged into a nightmare.

  Jillian’s heels clicked on pavement as she made her way back to the apartment. She let the breeze blow her hair back and smiled. Sebastian was a good guy. It was their third date, which was promising. He was a successful banker and all she wanted in a man. He was ambitious, practical and faithful. They hadn’t slept together yet, but if he continued on the path he was now- saying all the right things and behaving himself, maybe she’d only wait until the fourth date to sleep with him. She hadn’t gotten laid in almost a year. Ever since she broke her ex-boyfriends hip when she got too excited in bed, she was more cautious about choosing a bed partner. Sebastian looked like a better contender.

  She was content. She had a job she excelled at and a mom who was her best friend and confidant. Jillian didn’t get too close to anyone and for the most part, preferred to be alone. She had a hard time connecting with people. There was something about her that made others uneasy. The only person she had a connection to was her mom who was carefree, content and happy.

  Jillian rode the elevator up to her apartment and pushed open the front door. Even as she closed it behind her, she frowned as she took in the dark apartment. That wasn’t like her mom. She always left a light burning for her. Jillian placed her purse on the stand beside the door and was about to shrug out of her coat when she heard a muffled sound. She turned towards the living room and froze.

  Orange street lights illuminated a scene that was so hard to process that she didn’t move or speak. Her fifty-eight year old mother was tied to a chair in the middle of the room with duct tape over her mouth. Blood dribbled down her neck from a savage bite wound. Disheveled blonde hair covered half her face and her blue eyes bulged. A man dressed in black held a gun to her mom’s head while another man sat negligently on the back of the sofa, watching her without a sound.

  “Mom?” Jillian whispered and took a step forward.

  The man sitting on the sofa got lazily to his feet and gave Jillian a mocking bow. “Jillian Marks?”

  “Let her go,” Jillian said, voice trembling with fear and rage. “Whatever you want, I’ll give it to you.”

  White teeth flashed in the darkness. “That’s good. Then we won’t have any problems, will we?”


  Her mom struggled against the bonds and when Jillian tried to go to her, the man who spoke up intervened, stepping between them. He reached out, grabbed Jillian’s arm and hauled her up against him. Jillian thought of screaming, but with that asshole pointing a gun at her mom’s head, she couldn’t take the chance. The man holding her leaned down, sniffed her neck and let out a tiny groan. Jillian tried to shove him away, but his grip turned bruising. Jillian wasn’t a woman to be intimidated by strength. She lashed out with all her might and was released instantly. She realized why a moment later when the smell of blood stung the air and she realized she had claws. Her normal reaction was to tamp down her emotions, but as Jillian looked at her mom sitting there with tape over her mouth and tears streaming down her face, Jillian didn’t even try. The guy standing over her mother swung the gun towards Jillian who began to walk towards him.

  “Stay where you are.”

  Jillian didn’t stop until the gun moved back to her mom. Jillian’s claws twitched at her sides. She was so angry, she felt lightheaded. “What do you want?”

  “She’s different,” the man with the gun said uneasily.

  “She sure is.”

  The man she struck stepped into the light and Jillian saw the gashes on his face. Blood stained his front, but he wasn’t fazed. The flash of white as he smiled enraged Jillian. When he leaned down and licked the wound on her mom’s neck, Jillian went cold with shock.

  “Usually half breeds don’t survive, but your mom here seems to be a good breeder. Maybe I should try her out?”

  Jillian growled for the first time in her life. “Back off. Now.”

  “She’s a pretty thing,” the man said and his eyes glittered maliciously. “So are you.”

  “What do you want?” Jillian’s words slurred as her teeth grew.

  “You’re what we came for, but I think we should have some fun first.” He leaned down and gripped her mom’s head and jerked viciously until she looked at him. “Once humans have a wolf, we ruin them for everyone else. Maybe I should refresh her memory.”

  Jillian shook her head to clear the howling in her mind. “Stop. You want me, right? Let my mom go.”

  The leader laughed and it sent chills down her spine. “I wonder who your daddy is. She ever tell you?”

  Jillian’s rage and the animal inside of her were in full agreement. He would pay. Claws ripped through Jillian’s heels and tapped on the wood floor as she took a step forward. “You do and I’ll kill you.”

  A laugh and then, “I don’t think so.”

  Jillian looked into her mom’s eyes and saw a tear slip down her face. Jillian lost it. Her body rippled and she caught a glimpse of the dumbfounded look on both men’s faces a moment before pain consumed her. When thought returned, Jillian looked up at both men and knew she shifted for the first time in her life. The man with the gun slipped behind her mom and put the gun to her temple again.

  “It’s forbidden to shift in the city!” he shouted.

  Jillian opened her mouth and growled. The leader with the shredded face started to unbutton his clothes while the other chattered nervously. She knew instinctively, once he shifted she wouldn’t have a chance. Jillian leapt at him. He punched her in the chest and she took the blow without a sound. She went for his throat, heard him yell and whipped her head from side to side and felt warm blood fill her mouth. A loud blast cut through her killing fury and she whipped around in time to see her mom’s head drop forward as the man swung the gun towards her.

  Chapter Five

  Jillian was flat on her back with a large male straddling her chest. Deep gouges in his chest trickled blood into the waistband of his jeans, but it wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough for what they’d done to her mom. Large hands slammed her hands to the floor so hard, wood cracked beneath her wrists. That didn’t stop her from rearing up, teeth mere inches from a strong, corded throat. Another inch and-

  A big hand gripped her throat and pinned her to the floor. Jillian snarled and her free hand ripped at flesh before a hand whipped her head to the side. Her cheek bruised as it hit the unforgiving floor. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the glint of teeth a moment before the male sank his fangs two inches into the space where her shoulder and neck met. Jillian screamed and thrashed as agony edged out the living nightmare. The male wolf didn’t release her and ignored her barks and then whines. She finally stilled, realizing any movement sent the teeth deeper into her skin.

  Jillian’s breath billowed out of her and her wolf retreated, whimpering into the background. Her eyes focused and she remembered where she was and why. Mac’s teeth were imbedded in her and his body vibrated over hers. The claws she had in his back retracted and she relaxed completely beneath him and waited. It took Mac five minutes to realize she wasn’t fighting. He carefully inched his teeth out of her flesh and when she didn’t fight, withdrew completely. Mac’s face and body were ravaged. He looked like he’d been in a fight with a crazy knife-wielding serial killer- her. Jillian trembled beneath him and couldn’t stop the tears that filled her eyes.

  “Jillian?” Mac’s voice was caught between wolf and human.

  She tried to speak. All she could remember were her mom’s pleading eyes and the way her limp body fell forward as she died. Jillian swallowed the bile in her throat and raised her arm to cover her eyes because she didn’t want Mac to see her grief-stricken face.

  “What happened?”

  He raised her to a sitting position and with his back against the island, pulled Jillian between his legs and licked the bite on her neck. At the first slide of his tongue, Jillian went rigid. She tried to get away, but he gently wrapped his arm around her waist and continued despite her batting hands.

  “It’ll help you heal,” he murmured. “Tell me what happened.”

  She turned her head to snap at him, but when she saw how damaged he was, she bit back her words. Her fingernails curled into her palm and dug deep. “I’m losing my mind.”

  Mac didn’t answer. Jillian had never been licked before in her life and that was twice now in the same night. She didn’t blame him for biting her. From the savage marks on his body, he probably tried to talk her out of whatever state she’d been in and tried to hold off as long as possible before taking her down hard. Maybe pain was the only thing that snapped her out of her feral state. Her memories after the gunshot in the apartment were a blur of sounds- footsteps, screams and last breaths. Jillian knew the smell of death now. She shuddered against Mac.

  “Tell me.”

  “I remember what happened to my mom-” Her voice trailed off and she clenched her teeth to stop the wail that wanted to erupt from her mouth.

  Mac paused in his ministrations. “What happened?”

  Jillian told him everything that happened from the moment she walked into the apartment. When she reached the part with the gunshot, her chest burst with renewed grief and helpless anger. She shook with the effort to control herself. Mac tightened his arms around her protectively. She shut her eyes. I can control this, she told herself. All her life she’d been able to control the animal inside of her, but her wolf was inconsolable. Her wolf rammed at the bars of its cage, frantic to wreak havoc on an enemy already gone. The wolf howled in her skin and tears seeped from her eyes in a moving veil of grief she couldn’t stop.

  “How can I control her?” Jillian whispered fiercely.

  She didn’t know how to calm her wolf when she felt the same rage and sorrow. She shuddered against Mac, eyes closed as she tried to keep herself in her own skin. She didn’t have any pride left. She needed Mac’s help and when he massaged the back of her neck, she didn’t try to push him away.

  “Its up to you unless you join a pack,” Mac said grimly.

  Jillian’s eyes flew open. “A pack?”

  “The alpha of a pack has control over the members and he could command you to stay in your skin.”

  “I-I don’t think I like the control thing,” she said unsteadily.

  “Y
ou have to pledge to the alpha for life,” Mac said into her hair. “Your wolf responds to your alpha’s dominance. Your pack mates would help as well. Once you are part of the pack, you’re bound tighter than family.”

  She wanted to cage her wolf, but would she do that at the expense of being “bound” (whatever that meant) to a pack? If an alpha could command her not to shift, what else did he control? She wasn’t planning on hanging around wolves once she recovered her memory. She was going to find a way to sweep up the pieces of herself, go on with her life and stuff her wolf back in the dark hole it erupted from.

  Jillian took a deep breath and drew in the coppery scent of fresh blood and knew it wasn’t hers. She examined the wounds on Mac’s body and put her hands flat against a particularly nasty wound on his chest. “You have a first aid kit?”

  “No.”

  Her stomach rolled when blood spurted between her fingers. Panic tickled her throat. “You’re gonna bleed to death, asshole! What do I do?”

  He closed his eyes and tilted his head back. Fearing the worst, she leapt to her feet and looked around the kitchen for inspiration. She would have rushed to the bedroom for clothes to press against his wound, but he caught her hand.

  “There’s something you can do,” he said, voice barely above a whisper.

  She fell to her knees. “What? What can I do?”

  “Your saliva, it can heal.”

  Her automatic blanch disappeared when she saw how badly she beat him up. She knew it wasn’t because he couldn’t fight back- it was because he wasted time trying to talk rationally to a crazy person. His breathing was shallow as she got to work. She licked his chest. When he stiffened, she looked at his face, but it was expressionless. She learned that little darts of her tongue wouldn’t do shit for the wounds. Long sweeps worked best and she watched in amazement as his skin healed before her eyes. She urged him to lay down on his side so she could get the slashes on his back. When that was done, she rolled him on his back to take care of a particularly nasty cut on his lower abdomen, right above the blood soaked jeans.