Lost in Wolf Dreams (Cormac's Pack)

by A. P. Jensen

  “How many alphas don’t have an alpha female?”

  “At least half.”

  Jillian gulped. “So, no matter what I do, I’ll be hunted because I’m an alpha female.”

  Mac didn’t answer, but she didn’t need him to.

  “The fact that I’m psycho means nothing to you?” she said indignantly.

  Mac shrugged. “You have a reason. Your mother was murdered in front of you.”

  She stared at him for a long moment. “How can you understand how I feel?”

  Their eyes clung to one another and she had to look away because her body began to respond.

  “My sister mated an alpha.” When Jillian said nothing, he continued. “An alpha wanted the connection with my dad’s pack, so he claimed my sister. She was one of the more dominant wolves in my dad’s pack, but the wolves in her new pack were savage and didn’t respect her. They killed her.”

  Jillian’s hand covered her mouth and she suddenly understood.

  “I went into the alpha’s territory and challenged him. I went feral and killed him.”

  Good, Jillian thought. The alpha wanted power, yet he didn’t care at all for his mate. He deserved to die for not protecting someone weaker.

  “How long were you feral?” Jillian asked.

  “Months.” He rolled his shoulders and blew out a breath. “I’ve been out here ever since.”

  “How long ago was that?”

  “Twenty years.”

  “How old were you?” she demanded.

  “Sixteen.”

  She cocked her head to the side. “That’s not normal, right, even by wolf standards?”

  He rubbed the back of his neck. “No, it’s not.”

  “Are you, like, famous in the wolf world?” she asked, thinking of Brant’s reaction.

  Mac scowled. “How the hell would I know?”

  “Do bitches come over here to sleep with you?”

  Mac stared at her. “I’m not answering that.”

  She shrugged. “Whatever. Do you feel guilty? Is that why you’re out here alone?”

  “I was kicked out of my dad’s pack because it wasn’t my place to interfere with the other alpha. I battled wolves nonstop for fifteen years before they left me alone.”

  She thought of the vicious attack by the male wolves in Mac’s front yard. They worked in a team, attacking and retreating strategically to wear her down. It made her blood boil just thinking about it. She didn’t want to imagine Mac at sixteen battling wolves in their prime.

  “If you’re an alpha, you can start your own pack. Why don’t you?”

  “I don’t want to put anyone else in danger.”

  “Noble. Stupid,” she muttered.

  Mac’s eyes burned. “I know what it feels like to go mad with grief, so I brought you here to give you a chance.”

  Jillian swallowed hard and would have walked away, but he gripped her arm and whirled her back to face him.

  “Tell me what you remember.”

  She jerked her chin up and glared at him. “You’re lying to me!”

  He shook her. “Tell me how!”

  “You drugged me and let those assholes into the cabin. How did they know you were going to be gone unless you told them? They said you were tired of babysitting, that you didn’t want me because I’m damaged. You sold me out!”

  Mac released her as if she burned him. Incandescent rage blasted over his face and Jillian stumbled backwards, heart pounding. The muscles in his arms and chest rippled beneath his shirt. The growl that came from him made the hair on her arms stand up. The bones in his face rippled and Jillian’s eyes watered in reaction.

  “You believe I sold you out?”

  “I remember what happened that morning! You never mentioned the bodies in your front yard!”

  “There were no bodies!” he roared.

  “There were two men!” Jillian yelled back. “Your great nose didn’t pick up any scents when you came home?”

  “No!”

  “We fought in the front yard. I let my wolf go feral. When I shifted back, both men were face down in the grass. They weren’t moving and I left.”

  The hands that shot out had claws, but Mac didn’t hurt her as he grasped her face and pulled her so close all she could see were his shining eyes.

  “When I came home, the only thing not here was you. There were no bodies, no blood. Nothing,” he said, voice vibrating with intensity.

  She shoved against his chest. “I know what I saw!”

  “Jillian, I swear there were no bodies or blood when I came home.”

  “You think I’m crazy?”

  “Maybe it was a dream-”

  “No! It wasn’t a dream. I went back to New York and Brant saw all the bites. Flora put me in that ugly dress. I am not crazy and they aren’t dreams!”

  Jillian’s wolf leapt to the surface, roused by her anger. Jillian shoved away from Mac. She didn’t fear the shift anymore. Her memories reassured her that she and her wolf were one. One couldn’t exist without the other. She used all her strength to run off her demons. Was she crazy or was Mac lying? She chased after deer and the wolf wanted to hunt, but she was still human enough to shy away from that idea. Unsure what to do, she dunked herself in the cold stream and swam before she hopped out and splayed on the grass and let the sun dry her.

  In wolf form, Mac ambled over and nuzzled her head. When she didn’t respond, he huffed and lay beside her. He shifted back into a human and cautiously ran his hands over her. She enjoyed the sensation and didn’t nip at his hand, which was her first reaction. She was so damn confused and she took refuge in wolf form so she didn’t have to speak.

  “I wouldn’t sell you out.”

  She kept her eyes closed, but her wolf ears twitched in his direction.

  “I don’t know what you remember, but when I came back to the cabin there was no sign of a fight. I thought you woke up and thought I abandoned you. Anyone that comes onto my territory is begging for death,” Mac said grimly. “I don’t know who Flora or Brant is, but if you want to tell me what you remember, I can help you figure this out.”

  Jillian remained in wolf form with her head on her paws and eyes closed. She listened to the sound of the stream and knew her mom would have loved this place. Her mom had the heart of a wolf. Jillian was a wolf and denied it with every fiber of her being until now. She was a wolf and not feral now, she mused.

  “I fought for my sister and I don’t regret it. I’ll fight for you too.”

  Mac’s hand slid into her fur and she couldn’t stop herself from arching into his hand.

  “I don’t think you’re crazy, but I’m telling the truth. When I came home, nothing was out of place, which means there has to be an explanation somewhere in the middle. I don’t know what I can do to make you believe me. You have to trust me.”

  Jillian lay very still and watched birds fly overhead and squirrels scramble up the trees to badger each other. She could almost feel her mom prodding her between her shoulder blades and chattering excitedly. “Aww, did you hear that honey? I know you like him and he brought you here to give you time to heal. That’s a good man right there. He protects his own and look at his abs!” Jillian mentally snorted. It was as if she dreamed of her mom last night for this moment. Was she going to lean on what was “rational” and “safe” or should she take a chance and trust a wolf shifter?

  She peeked at Mac and found him watching her. She growled to show she was still thinking it over and looked back at the stream. She loved him. Her body trusted him more than her mind and in the beginning, she went with instinct until her memories began to trickle back. Mac hadn’t hurt her and she believed he was telling the truth, which meant either she was crazy or those wolves weren’t dead. Neither scenario appealed to her. Her mom hit it right on the nose- the kind of man she needed wouldn’t be the type she preferred. Mac saw her as an equal, yet he’d seen her at her lowest. The way he couldn’t seem to get enough of her made her feel more human
than she ever had.

  Jillian rose and stretched. Mac got to his feet and watched as she turned away from the river and began to trot through the trees. Mac shifted and followed her back to the cabin. Jillian didn’t shift as she walked through the house to the bathroom. Mac shifted and listened to her shower. She came out several minutes later in nothing but a towel, gave him a cool look and went into her bedroom. He heard her rummaging in her drawers, heard her feet shift on the floor as she pulled on shorts and she came out brushing her hair. His fingers tingled with the urge to touch, but he kept his hands to himself and waited.

  Jillian walked to the kitchen and he tensed when she pulled the chef knife out of the wood block and placed herself behind the kitchen island. She gripped the knife, braced herself and faced him with the length of the living room between them. For a horrible moment, he thought she was going to hurt herself. She pointed the blade at him and he was relieved to see the challenge in her eyes.

  “I ran into the kitchen. Two men chased me. I grabbed the knife and he shoved me like this…”

  Her heart in her throat, she reenacted all she could remember from her dream. Everything was so clear and vivid in her mind. She slashed with the knife and went out the front door and told him what she could remember of the fight in the yard before she went feral. She stood barefoot on the spot that should have been soaked with blood. When she finished, she looked at Mac who stood on the porch and waited for a response. She wasn’t sure what was going through his mind. She was explaining something that he should have been able to scent from miles away. There was no evidence to support a damn thing.

  Mac came down the steps and walked over to her. He grabbed the knife she forgot she was holding, picked her up in his arms and took her up the stairs to his room. She thumped his shoulder.

  “Did you listen to what I said?” she demanded.

  “Every word,” he said and his voice shook.

  He gently put her down on his bed and when he reached for the button on her jeans, she placed her foot on his chest and shoved. He staggered back and when she tried to roll off the bed, he pinned her.

  “I didn’t tell you that story to make you horny,” she spat and tried to buck him off.

  “You trust me.”

  Mac smiled and everything in her eased. He understood the leap she made and she was desperately afraid. She was such a control freak and this was the first time she let someone in her heart besides her mom. She prayed with every fiber of her being that she didn’t end up with a broken heart because she knew she wouldn’t recover.

  Mac cupped her face with his large hands and kissed her. Jillian wrapped her arms around his body and lightly clawed his skin. He ripped her shirt and her shorts followed. Mac tested her readiness and his savage grin made her slap his hand away from her. When he raised his glistening hand to his mouth, it made her body tighten with lust. Jillian shoved him onto his back and he went willingly. She positioned his cock and sank onto him. His groan made her smile and she braced her hands on either side of his head. When he latched onto one of her breasts with fangs, she moaned. Mac couldn’t stand her rocking movement for long and tipped her onto her back and took care of matters in the wolf way- with teeth, howls, pain and pleasure.

  Mac turned her face to his and liked the look of her dazed eyes. “Now, tell me everything.”

  It took her several minutes to gather her thoughts. She told Mac about Flora the witch and their conversation on the way back to New York. He lay flat on his back with her curled against his chest. His body was rigid with tension, but the hands that moved over her were gentle. When she told Mac about Brant and Asshole, Mac reared up to stare at her.

  “So their alpha sent replacements for the mercenaries?”

  “Apparently,” Jillian said and bit her lip. “Brant tried to persuade Asshole to let me see Flora. I assume they took me to her because I’m here right now.”

  Mac nodded. “None of those names ring a bell and I don’t know of any witch that works with a wolf pack. It doesn’t make sense.”

  Mac gave her a reassuring kiss when he saw her anger.

  “I believe you, baby. Something weird’s going on.”

  “No shit,” she snapped.

  “We’ll figure it out.”

  Mac gave her a long kiss before he walked into the bathroom. Jillian fingered her swollen lips and knew she was officially ruined for life. No man could compare to Mac. She rolled on her stomach and opened the drawer of Mac’s nightstand, looking for Chap Stick she could borrow. There were rows and rows of pictures, clearly lined up and labeled. She started to close the drawer when the first picture caught her eye. She snatched it and sat straight up in bed. She even turned on the bedside lamp so light hit the picture full blast.

  In the picture, five young men stood behind a young woman with shocking blonde hair and Mac’s eyes. Behind the girl was a surprisingly scrawny Mac who had his arms around two guys that could only be his brothers. One had a Mohawk and a sneer on his face while the other had a big grin and the same silver eyes as Mac and the girl. The other two boys in the picture were the ones that made Jillian’s breath come in quick pants. Her hands shook as she held the photo. They were younger versions of the wolves that attacked her in Mac’s cabin.

  Chapter Nine

  “Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit,” Jillian chanted as she paced the room.

  She kept glancing at the incriminating drawer where she put the photo back. Were they Mac’s relatives? Were they in league with the alpha Brant and Asshole belonged to or had they acted on their own? Damn. If they were blood, Mac wouldn’t choose her over them! Her first reaction was to run and she actually sneaked downstairs to her bedroom, dressed and ran to the SUV in the front yard before she stopped herself.

  She remembered Mac’s smile when she said she trusted him. Now, it was three hours later and she was about to leave him? She was raked with indecision. Her mom was everything to her. Family came first. In the photograph they all looked so close with their arms around each other surrounding their sister. Similarities she hadn’t seen in the adults, she saw in the children. The two brothers that attacked her had different colored eyes, but the nose, brows and chin were the same.

  “Jillian?”

  She jumped and whirled to face Mac. “Hey.”

  Mac inhaled slowly and his eyes went wolf. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” she lied with a tight smile.

  Mac held out his hand. She dropped the keys on his palm. When he kept his hand extended, she looked into his eyes and knew what he was waiting for. She swallowed and wrapped her arms around him. She buried her face in his clean shirt and hoped for more time to figure this out.

  “You’re upset,” he said, hands rubbing up and down her back.

  She bit her lip before she tilted her head back to look at him. God, he was handsome and the way he looked at her made her shiver because it was possessive and hungry.

  “You talked about your sister earlier,” she ventured.

  Mac nodded. “What about it?”

  “You said you were kicked out of your dad’s pack.”

  Another nod.

  “Do you have other siblings besides your sister?” she asked, dreading his answer.

  “I have four brothers. I’m the youngest.”

  She rested her head against his chest while he continued to rub her back soothingly. God, she was in deep shit. How could she tell Mac his brothers were the ones that attacked her? One thing was certain now. She knew it wasn’t a dream.

  “Two of my brothers are still with my dad’s pack. My oldest brother is alpha of his own pack, with one of my brother’s as his second in command.”

  “And you’re all close?” she muttered into his chest.

  A growl erupted from his chest. “My oldest brother would kill me if he thought he could win, but-What’s wrong?”

  Jillian hopped up and down, wringing his shirt in her hands. “Your oldest brother, is he alive?”

  “Unfo
rtunately. Why?”

  “You’ve seen him recently?”

  “I visited his pack when I went to look for you.”

  She jerked his head down to hers and kissed him. He was startled at first, but within five seconds he had her pinned against the SUV and was trying to pull her clothes off. She shoved against his chest with both hands and their lips parted with a loud smack.

  “I need to tell you something,” she gasped.

  “Okay. Hurry up.”

  “The guys that attacked me in the cabin were your brothers.”

  Mac froze. He didn’t speak or move. Jillian wriggled against the car and touched his face with one hand.

  “Mac?”

  Nothing.

  Her anxiety ratcheted up a bit. “Mac, I know this is hard to believe, but I saw a picture in your nightstand and I recognized them. I wasn’t snooping! I was looking to see if you had Chap Stick and-”

  Mac clasped her to his chest and she felt him tremble. He walked around the SUV, placed her in the passenger seat and with stiff movements, got into the driver’s side and revved the engine. Jillian buckled her seat belt as Mac tore down his paved driveway and didn’t slow when they reached the dirt road. Jillian clutched her seat as she hopped up and down.

  “Mac, where are we going?” she hollered.

  “We’re going to see my dad,” he bit out.

  “You believe me?”

  Mac sent her a look so hot, she should have melted on the spot.

  “Without a doubt.”

  She beamed and relaxed in her seat. The air was filled with Mac’s rage, so she decided to let him digest everything for a few minutes and watch the scenery instead. She was lightheaded with relief and she thought she heard her mom cheering in her head. “You stayed and didn’t run and look what happened. You trust him, so he trusts you. It’s that simple, honey.” They reached the main road and Mac turned left. They didn’t pass many cars and after an hour without a word from him, she turned in her seat to regard him. The steering wheel wasn’t round anymore, it looked more like a flower. Beneath his chin, Mac had a thick mat of black fur and his teeth were bared. He looked terrifying, so why did that make her want to crawl into his lap and kiss him all over?