by A. P. Jensen
The SUV was steeped in heavy silence, mostly due to Mac who glowered and growled every now and then when he glanced back at his full load. After an hour, Lan and Brant got tired of trying not to touch her and relaxed. She wouldn’t admit that the contact with them eased her as well. Her mind drifted over the events of the day and centered on Bobby. She itched to hunt and maim him, but she didn’t have a chance against him right now, maybe never. She knew being bonded to Mac was better than being sold to the highest bidder according to Bobby, but everything was different now. She was tied to Mac for life. She couldn’t leave. Mac could punish her for disobedience. She was at his mercy, but then, she had been from the moment they met, she just hadn’t known it. She couldn’t go back to her comfortable, safe, boring life in New York. God, she wanted her mom back. She wanted a life where she had freedom, a choice and wasn’t bandied about like a pawn on a chessboard.
Jillian feigned sleep and felt Mac’s gaze on her. She knew he was furious with her and it went both ways. She hadn’t asked him to sacrifice his life. The wolf in her liked having pack mates and she felt comforted, something she’d only experienced with her mom. She felt… content? How could that be? She was appalled. Did the pack bond create fake feelings? Jillian inhaled their distinct scents. Flora smelled like cotton candy, Olivia of clovers, Lan of leather and Brant of leaves he rolled in earlier in the day. Remy smelled like some woman he slept with two days ago, Paul smelled of lemons and Mac smelled of blood. Her stomach dipped when she thought of Rex and anger curdled in her stomach. She knew the members of the Rex Pack were scarred by their time with Rex as alpha. She shook her head and nearly patted Brant’s leg, but he might howl in shock, so she kept her hands to herself. They were all better with Mac as their alpha.
She knew Mac, or thought she had. He lied about their relationship and she wasn’t sure why. She knew one thing though, Mac wasn’t like Rex, Bobby or Percy. She thought back to the way he came at her in New York. His eyes were hidden by sunglasses and he kissed her when he trapped her in the alley. Why? Why track her to New York and bring her back to his cabin when he rejected her before? The first night in his cabin he seduced her with that tongue of his and she didn’t have a chance. He didn’t want a mate or pack. Why come after her twice? She tried to give him an out and he kept coming after her “damaged” ass. Was it because he felt sorry for her? Well, she wasn’t anyone’s adopted dog. She could take care of herself.
Chapter Fourteen
When they reached Mac’s land, everyone piled out of the SUV and sniffed the air like little kids around a popcorn stand. There was an air of cautious excitement that fizzled through the bond. Jillian resented the relief she felt being back here. Mac opened the door of his house and stood in the doorway for several seconds without moving. They all watched him from the yard and Jillian felt a pang of guilt. Mac guarded his privacy and independence for two decades and now he was forced to share his sanctuary. He was responsible for providing and protecting each one of them for the rest of his life. Mac sighed and moved to the side to let them pass.
Jillian didn’t look at Mac as she led Olivia and Flora to her bedroom. The two women looked through her clothes and Flora let out a disappointed hum. To keep herself busy, Jillian dumped out Olivia and Flora’s clothes and realized she had no idea how to organize their clothes into her wardrobe. All of Olivia’s clothes were worn, baggy and torn. Flora’s clothes were more like costumes and a mismatch of outrageous pieces that didn’t go together. If there was a high tea with the Queen or a costume party for any Disney princess, Flora had them covered. While Jillian tried to figure out a system that would work with their wardrobe, they chattered behind her like teenagers. Jillian went rigid when Olivia and Flora pulled her into a group hug.
“Thank you.”
Jillian tried to push them away, but they were tenacious and she didn’t want to hurt them so she endured their touch, all the while drowning in uncertainty. She was responsible for joining the Rex Pack with his and from what little his brothers said, it seemed she was to blame for that as well.
“Everything’s in place now,” Flora said, petting Jillian who growled. “The Cormac Pack is going to be legend.”
Olivia finally released Jillian, fist pumped Flora and tossed her hair as if she was at a rock concert.
Jillian clenched fists at her sides. “Mac never wanted a pack.”
“We know,” they said.
“You know?” Jillian demanded. “How?”
“Mac left the Mercer Pack when he was sixteen. He’s been alone ever since. It’s no secret he’s a lone wolf. Lots of women tried to seduce him into claiming the position as his mate. Everyone knows Mac’s meant to be an alpha. He’s rebuffed everyone until you.”
Jillian’s stomach churned. While Olivia and Flora talked about how romantic this was, Jillian escaped to the room across the hall. Lan looked less grim than he usually did, which was a huge improvement. Brant stared around at the simple room and he had tears in his eyes.
“Nice house,” Lan grunted.
“Paul and Remy said they’ll take the living room. They’re gonna be on guard tonight. We’ll take turns,” Brant said with a smile.
Jillian nodded and the scent of cooking meat drifted through the air. Lan and Brant bolted past her, quickly followed by Olivia and Flora. Jillian sank onto the bed with her head in her hands. She fucked all this up. She had no idea what she was doing here or how she ended up bonded to Mac. She was so angry at him, yet weak with relief that he accepted the Rex Pack. She wasn’t sure what happened next. She examined the pack bond and felt as if their blood now ran in her veins. They were all one, yet she felt so alone. The hope that one day she could go back to her old life was gone. This was her life. She was bound to Mac and she had no idea how he felt about her.
“Jillian?”
She stiffened and kept her head bowed because her eyes burned with tears she didn’t want him to see. “What?”
“We need to talk.”
“No.”
“Yes. Now.”
She could feel his will pressing on her and it snapped the tenuous thread of control. She got to her feet, walked around him and headed down the hallway. She saw everyone gathered in the kitchen, chatting easily, untroubled by the bond or their new surroundings. Jillian’s frustration bubbled over. How could they just accept all of this? It pissed her off because she wasn’t built to go with the flow. She couldn’t. Everyone went quiet as she approached. She veered to the front door, walked outside and took deep breaths to calm herself.
“Jillian.”
She whirled around and found Mac right behind her, face expressionless. His eyes revealed nothing of what he was thinking or feeling and she knew this was it. She wasn’t sure what they had to discuss, but the wolf within her backed up step by step as she felt the walls close in around her.
“What do you want?” Her voice was husky with strain.
“You’re angry with me.”
She swallowed and didn’t say anything. “I need a little space right now.” She needed to run and let the land and silence soothe her.
“Is there something you want to tell me?”
“Like what?”
“Why you went with Bobby rather than claim me.”
She turned away from him. “It doesn’t matter. I claimed you now.”
“Are you angry because I yelled at you about Carol?”
It was so off the mark, she almost laughed. She shook her head and began to run. She couldn’t talk about that night. It was better to forget what happened between them- the rejection and then his heavy handed way of getting in her pants when she came back. She was bonded to him and she had to learn to live in his pack without infecting everyone else with her feelings towards him. If he would just leave her alone, she could regroup and erase their relationship from her mind. She was disturbed that the further she headed from the cabin, the more uneasy she felt. Her wolf wanted to be around the pack, but the human in her needed time alone. Woul
d she and her wolf ever be in sync? She ran over an hour and through the bond with Mac, knew the exact parameters of his property. She stopped at the top of a hill and watched the wash of beautiful colors against the sky as the sun began to set. She closed her eyes and wished her mom was here. If she could just talk to her one more time, Jillian could go on with this life in peace.
“You remember the night I pushed you away.”
Jillian went rigid. Hurt and fury blasted through her and she remembered how easily Bobby restrained her. One word from Mac as her new alpha and he could make her graze like a cow. She kept her mouth shut as he walked up beside her.
“I’m sorry.”
She started to walk away, but he grabbed her arm and swung her around.
“I regret what I said that night.”
She kept her eyes down because they were filled with tears. “Let me go.”
“No.”
Reining in the urge to claw his face was killing her, but she’d learn to control her impulses if it killed her. “What do you want to talk about?”
“Will you admit you remember?”
“Fine. I remember everything.”
“It’s not what you think.”
She let out a harsh laugh. “I don’t think there’s a way to misinterpret that. It was pretty clear.”
She jerked away because she couldn’t take him touching her. She wanted to walk away, but she knew he wouldn’t stop. He wanted to “talk it out” or some shit. Whatever. They might as well get it over with. It was better to discuss it out here rather than in front of the rest of the pack. The shame of that made her meet his eyes.
“That’s why you didn’t claim me?” he asked.
She shrugged and didn’t answer.
“You don’t want to be bonded to me?”
“You like to be alone, so why would I want to be bonded to you for the rest of my life?”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “You want to know why I lied when I tracked you down in New York.”
She shook her head. “No, I don’t want to know. Are we done here?”
He crowded her. She jutted her chin out and stared into hot mercury.
“What? I know, okay, Mac? I know I’m damaged and I may never be completely sane. I know you didn’t want to get involved with me and I don’t know why you bothered to come for me in New York. I’m grateful that you brought me here to recover both times. I’m sorry you have a pack when you never wanted one, but there’s nothing we can do about it now. Let’s just forget everything and focus on the pack.”
“You want to forget what happened between us?”
“Yes, fine. Glad that’s settled.”
Mac’s hands framed her face and shock kept her still as he leaned down and kissed her. His mouth was firm, warm and so comforting, she ached. She leaned into him before she caught herself and shoved him away.
“What did I just say?” she shouted.
“I can’t do that.”
“Can’t do what?”
He sighed. “I was an ass before. I pushed you away because I knew you would change everything. When I came back to the cabin and found you gone, I went crazy. When I found out you lost your memory, I used it to my advantage and I won’t apologize for that.”
Jillian didn’t say anything.
“Having you within reach again, I couldn’t stop myself from having you and I would do it again if I had to. My wolf,” he stopped and swallowed. “He claimed you the moment he saw you in the apartment, rocking your mom. I didn’t agree with him until you disappeared.”
“Well, look what your wolf’s done!” she said hoarsely.
His eyes glowed. “If you claimed me when Bobby came around, I wouldn’t have a fucking pack.”
“I said no so you wouldn’t have a fucking pack!” she retorted. “I would’ve handled Rex. I’m not a charity case! If you want to be alone, you shouldn’t have gone to New York, brought me here and screwed me. If you left me alone NONE of this would’ve happened!”
He shook his head. “You don’t understand.”
“I don’t understand you!” she said, poking him in the chest. “You don’t want me, but you track me down and bring me back. What do you want, Mac?”
“I want you.”
He already pushed her away once and the memory of it made pain bloom in her chest. “I think we’re better off forgetting about it. I don’t belong here.”
“You think you can go back to the way you were? A robot with no feelings?”
A tear escaped down her cheek. She hated that even while her head told her to back away from him, her wolf was comforted by his nearness. “What a mess.”
“No, it’s not. Everything’s fine.”
She choked on a laugh. “You have six people in your house.”
“Don’t remind me.”
“I couldn’t leave them behind,” she whispered.
“We’ll work it out. I have enough land for them to have their own houses.”
The independent part of her that needed options asked, “So, if you release me from the pack, Bobby would be my alpha again?”
Mac cupped her face with one big hand. “Jillian, you’re not going anywhere.”
“I’m just asking-”
“Don’t ask.” He tilted her face up to his. “I’m claiming you as my mate.”
Jillian’s mouth dropped open. “But you don’t want a mate!”
His thumb smoothed over her lips. “I didn’t want a mate before. I’ve been trying to ease you into it.”
“But you don’t- I mean, you-” she stammered.
He cocked his head to the side. “I don’t what?”
“Do you feel guilty or something? You don’t have to do this mate stuff,” she said, voice high with panic. “I don’t think I’m ready for-”
“Commitment? Jesus, you’re stuck with me anyway. If any other man touches you, they’re dead,” he murmured into her ear. “You think I’d take on a pack for anyone but you?”
“You’re making this complicated,” she moaned. “You think I’m crazy.”
“I think you can be crazy, but I don’t care. You made me take on a pack, so you give me what I want.”
“Which is?”
“You. Whenever I want.”
She twisted her hands in his shirt. “That’s what you want? Honestly?”
His hands delved into her hair and gripped, tugging her head back to expose her throat. His incisors lightly plucked her skin and she gasped.
“I’ll do whatever is required of me as alpha and you’re going to stand beside me as my mate. You got that?”
She nodded and he nibbled his way from her neck up to her lips and consumed her. She managed to stop Mac from ripping her jeans to shreds when he pushed her on the grass. His big body surrounded her and she stared at his face as he thrust into her. He claimed her as the sun dipped beneath the horizon. He covered Rex’s bite with his own and even as the stars winked down at them, Mac held her in a possessive grip that told her she wasn’t going anywhere.
“Are you mad at me about the pack?” she asked, running her hands over his brawny arm.
“No. Alphas are meant to have packs, but I didn’t want the responsibility. I missed the pack link and feeling it again, I know this is the way it’s supposed to be.”
Even as far away from the house as they were, she could feel faint echoes tingle down the pack bond from the others. “It’s weird.”
He chuckled and nuzzled her neck. “Its like being in love. It’s an invisible rope from your heart to that person that you can’t break.”
She hesitated. “You’ve been in love?”
He looked down at her. “Of course.”
She tapped her fingers restlessly on her tummy and said nothing. He grabbed her chin and jerked it towards him.
“You love me,” he snapped.
She slapped his hand away. “Yeah, so?”
“And I love you.”
She sat up so fast, their foreheads smacked together.
“What?”
“Damn it, woman! What the hell do you think I’ve been telling you?”
“I don’t know!” She got to her feet and glared down at him. “You never said it! All I know is you reject me, have sex with me and bond me to you. How am I supposed to know what that means?”
“Everyone knows how I feel about you, even Richard! Why do you think he attacked you in the first place? He knew I wouldn’t have you in my house unless I cared about you. He knew before I did that I was in love with you and he felt threatened. He tried to kill you to stop me from starting a pack.”
Her mouth formed an O as Mac got to his feet and caged her against the nearest tree trunk.
“That night you came to my room, I wanted you so bad, I nearly claimed you then. It killed me to let you go and when you disappeared, nothing mattered except getting you back. I can’t be near you without tasting you, without having you. I wanted you to fall in love with me before your memory came back.”
Mac hefted her so he could thrust into her. His mouth ground down on hers and she smiled and moved her hips. His hand gripped her ass. She clenched inner muscles, milking him hard and he jerked. She opened the bond between them and the storm of emotions rushing through Mac punched through her with enough force to take her breath away.
“You’ll fight beside me to the bitter end,” he groaned. “I told you, you’re a mate I’d die for.”
He thrust hard and fast and she clawed his back. She could feel his determination to make her believe. There were strains of anger, relief and love pumping through him.
“You’re mine, Jillian.”
She smiled even as she felt herself go over the edge. She leaned forward and bit his chest and heard a grunt of approval before Mac climaxed with her. Mac’s head fell onto her shoulder and they tumbled back to the grass. When the haze cleared from her mind, she curled into him and told him about the Rex Pack. He rubbed her back when her throat closed up.
“Rex is dead,” he stated, the wolf in his voice. “I’ll be good to them.”
She felt tears sting her eyes. “I know you will.”
