Don't Let Go

by Andrew Grey

  Robert nodded. “I see. If you aren’t interested, it’s okay. It wasn’t like last night came with a marriage proposal,” he whispered without heat or recrimination, and sat back in the booth. “I just thought….”

  “You thought right,” Zeke said, the urge not to disappoint Robert rising like water in a spring with a force he was unable to stop. “I got a call that an old friend is in the hospital and I need to spend some time with him.” He glanced at his watch. He had a bit of time before picking up Charlene, but he hoped the server brought the food soon. He still had to walk back to the hotel and get his truck.

  “Oh.” The smile tinged with relief that Robert flashed lit the room, and for a second, Zeke wondered where he’d seen that look before. He tried to place it, familiarity pinging in the back of his mind, but the connection just wouldn’t form. Robert lowered his gaze, and Zeke shook his head. “I hope your friend is okay.”

  “Just a lot on my mind right now.” Zeke wasn’t sure what to talk about. He didn’t want to ask Robert what he did because then he’d have to talk about his own job. The most obvious thing was the rodeo today. They had both been there, but he didn’t want questions about that either. “What are your plans after you leave Cheyenne?”

  “I’m not sure.” Robert’s shoulders relaxed a little and his smile returned. “I had thought to go up to Yellowstone or over to the Tetons. The last time I was here, I didn’t get a chance to do touristy stuff, and I wanted to see them. Do you have any recommendations?”

  “My family has a ranch outside Jackson. It’s beautiful there. The valley is extraordinary this time of year, and the mountains surrounding it are breathtaking.” Zeke realized just how much he was looking forward to returning there. Maybe what he needed was some time at home with his family to sort things out in his head. The town itself wasn’t that big, but it was friendly and accepting for the most part.

  The server brought their food, and both of them tucked in.

  To Zeke, it didn’t seem like either of them had anything in common. He’d had a few one-night stands over the course of his riding career. Relationships were hard to come by. Carson and Charlene were the exception as far as he was concerned. It seemed he and Robert didn’t have all that much to talk about now that they weren’t in bed. “What was it like growing up out east?”

  “Oh, I grew up outside Oklahoma City. At least that’s where I spent most of my childhood. I ended up in Chicago and Nashville as an adult.” Robert shrugged. “What kind of ranch do you have? What does your family raise?”

  “Cattle, mostly. Dad has about five hundred Hereford in the main herd, and he’s also got about a hundred head of Gelbvieh in a secondary one. They’re a newer breed, and Dad has been working with the association to help strengthen the lines. There aren’t a lot of that type of cattle in the US, so people are curious, and he’s getting a premium price because our land seems perfect for them.”

  “That’s cool. I grew up in Texas, around longhorns mostly,” Robert said. “The family had a string of bad luck, and about ten, twelve years ago, Dad had to sell up. He really loved ranching, but I don’t think he ever understood that it was a business, so he never kept his eye on the bottom line. After that, we moved to Oklahoma. Dad decided he wanted to get a fresh start. That really didn’t work out, and now he works in the oil fields. He never gave up, no matter what, and he always put food on the table.” Robert seemed proud of him.

  “What does your mother do?” Zeke took a bite of his burger and ate slowly, the food hitting his stomach like a bomb. He needed to eat, but his worries about Carson weren’t making it easy.

  “Mom was a schoolteacher,” Robert said softly. “After Dad moved us to Oklahoma, he started drinking too much because he wasn’t able to find work at first. Mom couldn’t take it any longer and left for a while. I think that shocked my dad, and he sobered up and went out and got the oil field job. He and Mom had a real rough patch there.” Robert sighed.

  “Are they still together?” Zeke asked.

  Robert smiled and set his sandwich down on the plate. “He romanced and dated her like when they’d first met. At least that’s what he’d said he was doing. Mom moved back home and things were different, and yeah, I think they’re happy. At least they seem to appreciate each other.”

  “That’s really cool. You hear stories about people giving up. Your dad sounds like a strong man.” Zeke could respect that.

  “He is, I guess.” Robert returned to eating his dinner, and Zeke did the same. The server refilled their drinks and left again. “But he wasn’t the same after all the changes.”

  “Good or bad?” Zeke asked.

  “A little of both. He was nicer and gentler, less stressed all the time, but he wasn’t as driven.” Robert paused. “My dad used to be bigger than life. He did things his way and built the ranch up from almost nothing. He was really proud of that.”

  Zeke understood what Robert meant now. “Afterward, he’d lost some of that fire?”

  Robert nodded.

  “I’ve seen it. Living off the land isn’t for the faint of heart, and it can break even a strong man quickly.” There had been times when Zeke had thought it was going to break him, working on the ranch, riding the bulls, all of it just to get by. He’d been about to give up when success finally came his way… and for his dad too.

  “What about your folks in Jackson?” Robert asked. “What kind of guy is your dad?”

  “Tough,” Zeke answered. “He’s been a rancher all his life and doesn’t want to give up anything for any reason. So he fights for everything.” Zeke ate the last of his burger and drank his glass of water. He needed to hydrate in the dry air. “He’s getting older and can’t do what he used to, but he won’t ask for help and guts it out every damn day.” He worried about his dad sometimes.

  “What about your mom?” Robert asked as he motioned for the check and handed the server some cash. Zeke opened his mouth to argue, but Robert shook his head as he put his wallet away.

  “Let’s just say that my mom and dad didn’t have the happy ending yours did. Dad loves one thing, and that’s the ranch. After Mom died, he put his heart and soul into it, and I don’t think there was ever much room for anything else after that.” Zeke didn’t know why he was telling Robert things like this. He didn’t talk to his friends about his family details. Maybe it was because Robert was largely a stranger and it was unlikely that Zeke was ever going to see him again. “I don’t have many memories of her now. Dad does, though, and sometimes he talks about her when he’s feeling nostalgic. That isn’t very often anymore. I think he still hurts for her.” Zeke checked his watch. “I really need to go. I walked here from my hotel, and I need to get back so I can get to the airport on time.”

  “I can drive you back,” Robert offered. He slid out of the booth, and they thanked their server as they passed.

  Zeke followed Robert to his truck and climbed in. “I appreciate this.” His worry for Carson resurfaced as Robert started the engine. Zeke gave him directions to the Holiday Inn, and Robert drove in silence, then pulled into the parking lot. “Thank you for dinner and the ride and….” He reached for the door, and Robert touched his chin. Zeke paused at the surge of heat that flowed through him from the simple touch. He turned, and Robert leaned over and kissed him gently. The energy in that touch nearly short-circuited his mind. Zeke blinked as Robert pulled back.

  “You’re welcome… for everything.” Robert cleared his throat. “Take care of yourself and your friend.” He sat back up, and Zeke hesitated a few seconds. He didn’t want to leave, even though he knew he had to. People didn’t look at him the way Robert was right now. Sure, women and some men sent lustful gazes his way, but that was because he was a bull rider. Robert didn’t know, and he looked at Zeke like he was the whipped cream on a piece of pie. Reluctantly, he got out of the truck and closed the door. Stepping back, he watched Robert go with a pang of regret before climbing into Carson’s truck and heading out to collect Charlene.<
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  “I’M HERE to see my husband,” Charlene said as she charged into the hospital emergency area. She gave her name, and when the nurse tried to tell her that Zeke couldn’t go in as well, she frowned with a glare that would have frozen her to a pillar of ice if that were possible. She took a deep breath before she calmly said, “He’s family.”

  They found Carson in a small room, lying on his back.

  “How did you get here so fast?” Carson whispered, his eyes filled with tears, something Zeke had never seen from his friend before.

  “Hy got a friend to fly me over.” She sat down next to him. “What have they told you?”

  “That I injured my back and that part of it is swollen. They’re giving me something to bring the swelling down, and they’re hoping that I’ll be able to move again once that happens.” Carson slowly rolled his head to face Zeke. “You need to get some sleep and be ready for tomorrow.”

  “You’re in no position to give orders to anyone,” Charlene scolded. “I’m going to stay here with you and make sure everything is being done for you.” Charlene was a home health-care nurse and knew her stuff.

  “He needs to ride tomorrow,” Carson said. “I’m done…. No matter what happens, I’m coming home. I need to figure out what I’m going to do with the rest of my life, but I’m done riding.”

  “That’s what Hy told me, and I’m thrilled. There’s a lot you can do, and we’ll figure all of that out when we can get you out of here and back on your feet.” She held his hand and leaned over the bed so the two of them could share a kiss. “Now lie quietly and rest. I’ll find out when they plan to move you to a regular room.” She left, and Zeke followed her out.

  “Do you want me to stay with you?” Zeke asked.

  “Go on and take the truck back to the hotel. I’ll stay here with him. They’ll have to move him to a room soon, and most places now have sofas or reclining chairs for family. I’ll be fine.” Charlene hugged him tightly. “Thank you for everything you’ve done.”

  Zeke closed his eyes and hugged her back. “I’d do anything for both of you. You know that.”

  “Then win tomorrow. Ride like the fucking wind. It’s what he wants more than anything. If he can’t do it, then he’s going to live through you.” She knew her husband well.

  “I’ll do my best.” He stepped back into the room while Charlene went to get some answers. Zeke sat next to the bed and spent a few minutes talking to Carson, then said good night and that he’d see him in the morning.

  “You kill it for both of us. Okay?” Carson nodded but was otherwise still.

  “I will.” Zeke squeezed Carson’s hand, hoping he could feel it, and when Charlene returned, Zeke said a final goodbye and left, heading out to the truck, and drove back to the hotel.

  THE ARENA the following day was hopping for the finals, and the headliner event was the bull riding. The other events and awards were held in the morning and afternoon, so Saturday night was the main event.

  Zeke had called the hospital twice, but there was no change in Carson’s condition. He’d been sleeping a lot and had talked some when he woke up, but his lack of mobility was the same.

  Zeke got into his gear and stepped out onto the arena floor when he was introduced. Since he was the leader, he got to pick his bull first and he rode last. He drew Thunderbolt, a good bull that would give him a good ride. He wasn’t the money bull, but he was ranked and a challenge. Once the others had their bulls, Zeke took his place off to the side to wait his turn in the chutes.

  “How is Carson?” a fellow rider asked. Word had evidently gotten around that he was in the hospital.

  “I don’t know, Steve. He can’t move anything below the head. They’re hoping it’s just swelling, but the longer it goes on, the less hope there is that he’ll be able to move again.” Zeke checked his phone for a message, but there were no new ones.

  The other riders took their turns. It was definitely a night for the bulls. There were plenty of buckoffs, and it came down to the fact that Zeke just needed to stay on his bull to win. The score wasn’t really going to matter, other than for his national standings. His main competition had been thrown.

  “This is for Carson,” he told himself as he carried his equipment down to the chutes. He’d been trying to center himself for this ride, but it wasn’t working at all. There was no calm or clarity of mind for him today. His head was too filled with worry and concern for Carson.

  The announcer went into his crowd-hyping spiel, and the audience roared its approval, anticipation building everywhere around him. “Hy Whitely is going for the buckle!” The audience roared again as Zeke waited to climb into the chute.

  He got the signal and climbed up, glancing around the crowd. He spotted a familiar face way up in the stands. How he was able to pick out Robert from that distance he didn’t have a clue, but he knew it was him. A calm settled over him as the crowd and the constant roar of ten thousand conversations eased into the background. Zeke turned to the monitors to see what Robert was watching. They were showing video of his last ride. Then his picture flashed on the screen, and for a second, he worried Robert would recognize him, but they’d used his PBR picture, which was a few years old, so maybe not. At the time that had been taken, he’d been sporting a couple days’ beard and a mustache, which were gone now. Robert hadn’t seemed to have recognized him at dinner, and those were probably the same pictures he’d seen before.

  Zeke checked the location of his rope one more time, waving to the crowd while he zeroed his gaze on one person. The calm descended once again, and he climbed into the chute, settled on the bull, and nodded to go.

  ZEKE STOOD in the center of the arena, holding the belt and buckle so everyone could see it, turning in a circle. He’d stuck the ride, through some miracle. Actually, he knew the reason was Robert, even though Robert, sitting up in the stands, would probably never know what the time they’d spent together had meant to Zeke. Seeing Robert had calmed his mind just enough for him to win.

  After a final wave to the crowd, he strode across the arena floor to check with Steve, who had his phone. There was a message from Charlene. His heart beat faster.

  “Steve, tell the judges that I have an emergency and have to go.” Zeke grabbed the bag with his gear and strode to the changing area, stuffing his clothes in the bag. He raced out into the evening heat and climbed into the truck. It wasn’t until he was inside and had the engine running that he pulled off his riding jacket and tossed it on top of the buckle. Zeke raced to the hospital and grabbed the belt and buckle before hurrying up to Carson’s room.

  Inside, Charlene sat quietly next to the bed.

  “What happened?” he asked as she stood and silently came over to him.

  “The swelling got worse, and it cut off everything.” Tears swam in her eyes, and he turned to Carson, who lay completely still in the bed. It took Zeke a few seconds to realize that Carson was gone.

  Zeke swallowed hard and placed the belt and buckle on the edge of the bed before going to Charlene. Tears were running in tracks down her cheeks. He gathered her into his arms, holding her tightly as he fought the urge to cry. She had lost her husband, and Zeke had lost a friend he’d known since he was twelve years old. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

  Charlene shook her head. “He listened to the broadcast on the damned computer. He wanted to know if you won. I swear once the announcer said that you’d taken the title, he closed his eyes and that was it. He held on until they announced your score.” She sniffed and wiped her cheeks. “I knew when I married him that riding those damned bulls was all he ever wanted to do. I loved him, so I let him do what he loved because… I was always second to that.” The tears started again. “I had won. He finally realized what he had and that he could have a life outside the riding arena. I had him for a day.” She turned away, smacking Carson’s unmoving leg. “You stubborn, pigheaded, stupid son of a bitch.” The tears came harder, and Zeke held her again, letting her cry out the loss that s
eemed to grow like a sinkhole beneath them both.

  Zeke had seen many men get injured in the sport. That was part of the game. They all knew it. He’d even known a few who had been hurt badly enough that they weren’t the same. But this was the first time, at least for him, where someone close had died because of the sport he and Carson loved.

  Home…. Zeke needed to go home. It was time to make things right back there and figure out his future.

  Zeke turned to Carson, now peaceful and quiet. He didn’t know what to make of what had just happened, but all he wanted was to go home and figure out a way to move forward without his best friend. He’d help Charlene make all the needed arrangements and get their gear together. Then he’d drive her across the state. He had to make some calls himself to let his dad know what happened and that he was on his way to stay for a while.

  Maybe this was a sign that the path he’d been on needed to change. Zeke wasn’t particularly looking forward to going back to the ranch. He hadn’t lied to Robert, but he hadn’t exactly told him the truth. Things between him and his dad were no bed of roses. Well, maybe they were, because roses had thorns, and lord knew that things between them were pricklier than any cactus Zeke had ever run across in his life.

  “Let’s get him home. Then we can figure out the rest,” Charlene whispered, hitting the nail on the head.

  Chapter 3

  THE RODEO was amazing and had been a great time for Robert. Not being able to see Zeke again was a disappointment, but he understood. After all, he and Zeke had had one night together. Granted, it had been mind-blowing and left Robert’s other experiences far in the rearview mirror, but it had only been a single night… and one he would remember for a very long time.

  “Hey, Dad,” he called from the truck, thankful it had a Bluetooth connection. “How are you and Mom?”

  “Doing fine. How was the tour? Glad it’s over?” he asked happily.