Love and other Nightmares

by Gadziala, Jessica

  "I... I don't bel..." I started, trailing off when things started to fall into place. And then I had to. Believe. Because it was the only thing that made sense. All the men he had around, always looking over their shoulders, making sure they barely ever said a few words around me. All the cars they took apart. Cars that didn't seem to have anything wrong with them, now that I thought about it.

  Of course he was chopping cars.

  Maybe I misunderstood that old phrase about love being blind. Maybe what it actually meant was that love could make you blind to even the most obvious of things about your partner if they didn't fit the idealized version of them that you had created in your mind.

  "That's why you broke up with me?" I asked, hearing a hint of tears in my voice. "Did you think I was going to tell on you or something if I found out?"

  Even if I had known, even though I had always been a law-abiding person from a law-abiding family, I knew down to my bones that I never would have betrayed him.

  Back then, he had been my entire world.

  "No. God, no, Junie. I know better. No. I was actually getting close to having that uncomfortable conversation about it with you. I had a ring weighing down my pocket, and I knew I couldn't give it to you if I didn't come clean about my lifestyle."

  Wait, what?

  He had been ready to propose?

  That couldn't have been true.

  Only, of course it was.

  What he'd said earlier was true. He'd treated me like gold, like something precious, like something he always wanted to hold onto.

  And we'd been dating for years.

  We'd been serious as serious could get.

  Of course he was planning to propose at some point.

  "Why then? Why did you break up with me instead?"

  "Because I got word that the cops were closing in. As in, within the next five minutes. There was no way the crew and I could clear out the shop, and get gone in time. We were going down for it. I didn't even try to hide any of that shit. I took that time to send you a text."

  "But why?"

  "For a lot of reasons. Because I didn't want you to find out like that. Because I didn't want you to find out, and then stand by me when I went off to jail for a few years. That wasn't the future I wanted for you. I wanted to let you go, so you could find some happiness. Even if it was without me."

  My mind felt like it had been thrown in a blender, like all my thoughts were swirling, too shaken up to make any sense.

  He'd broken up with me so that when he went to jail, I wasn't the woman at home waiting on him, losing precious years to a man behind bars?

  It sounded crazy until I let it sink in. And then it only sounded far too true. Watts was exactly that selfless. He'd rather I hated him until my dying breath than lose some of my life because of him.

  "I never did." The words came out before I could know they had even formed in my head.

  "You never did what?"

  "Find some happiness," I admitted, feeling the truth of it down to my marrow. "I spent a few months trying to drown it all in tears, then alcohol, then whatever form of self-loathing I could slather on myself through stupid actions. But I never did find happy again."

  "Fuck, don't say that," he demanded, voice raw.

  "How could I have?" I countered, head shaking. "You were what happy was to me." That sounded so sappy, but it was true. "I would have been happier waiting for you, Watts. You should have given me the choice."

  "I see that now," he agreed, hand moving out, finding mine in the dark, giving it a squeeze. "You know, I have to wonder," he started, letting the sentence hang.

  "About what?"

  "About why you and I are the only two left here. Of all people. Us."

  Now that I knew the full story, it did start to seem like there was some grander plan in work, like the universe wanted us to find each other again.

  I had all but given up anything close to faith when the world ended, but I could feel the stirrings of it again in my blood.

  Billions of people in the world.

  Millions in our state.

  Tens of thousands in our town.

  But we were all that was left.

  It sure seemed a hell of a lot like fate to me.

  Like a second chance.

  "June?"

  "Yeah?"

  "You were always my version of happy too. That was how I got through prison. Thinking about you, out in the world, living your life, finding things to laugh and smile about. I wanted that for you. I'm sorry you didn't get it."

  "There were times," I conceded. "I wasn't always miserable. I mean, the end of the world kind of put a crimp in it all, but even now there have been some good moments."

  "Like throwing a Molotov Cocktail on some monsters."

  "A girl has to find her fun where she can these days," I said, feeling my lips curve up when he chuckled.

  "I'm sorry, June," he said, voice soft.

  "It's okay," I decided, feeling the years of anger and resentment and uncertainty and sadness slowly start to drift away.

  "It's not okay," he insisted. "But I did it because I loved you. Always did. Always have. Always will."

  God, my heart felt like it was warming in my chest, re-inflating after being crushed for so long.

  "I don't think I ever stopped loving you either," I admitted. If I had, I wouldn't have had such strong feelings toward him after so long. "That was why I was always so angry."

  "Hey, if the anger was part of what helped keep you alive, I am okay with that," he said, his fingers leaving my fingers to softly stroke up my forearm. "I missed you," he admitted. "And I was miserable thinking one of them had gotten to you. Even though I knew it was likely what happened."

  "I feel a little bad now how many times I pictured one of them getting you," I admitted, smiling when he chuckled again.

  "I deserved it," he said, his hand moving higher still, fingers sifting into my hair. "God, I forgot how soft this is," he said, his fingertips teasing over my neck as he stroked my hair, making a shiver move through me. And this time, he felt it. "I haven't touched a woman in years," he admitted, his fingers deliberately sliding down my neck this time, over my collarbone.

  The desire came on suddenly and strongly, as it always had with him. Sometimes, all he had to do was look in my direction, and I'd get wet.

  Now, after so long being untouched, after so many years wanting him in my heart, while my brain reminded me why I could never have him again, when it started, it felt like it pinged off every nerve ending until I felt raw with need, until it was an oppressive weight on my chest and lower stomach, until it was an aching need between my thighs.

  "June?" he said as his body shifted, as his face hovered near my neck, his breath warm on my skin.

  I knew what he was doing.

  He was asking permission.

  "Yes," I said, my arms going out, curling around him, pulling his body over mine.

  It would always be yes to him.

  "Do you still..." he started to ask, lips a whisper from mine.

  I knew what he was asking. Because way back when, I'd had a little procedure that said I would be child-free for as long as the little metal contraption stayed inside my body. He wanted to make sure I'd never gotten it taken out, that we weren't about to take any risks.

  "Yes," I said, hands going to the back of his neck, making him close the distance, his lips landing on mine—hard, hungry.

  There was no use pretending either of us wanted slow and soft and sweet. There would be time for that later.

  Now, our bodies were flames, threatening to burn if we didn't give them what they wanted.

  Each other.

  My legs wrapped around his lower back as his tongue moved inside to claim mine, my hips shifting until I felt the hard length of him press against the juncture of my thighs, making a ragged moan escape me, muffled by his lips.

  "Fuck," he hissed, lips ripping from mine, moving down my neck as his hands bunched up my shi
rt, his lips sealing around my nipple, sucking it into a hardened point, then moving across my chest to continue the delicious torment.

  His hands were hungry, roaming down my belly, slipping under the waistband of my pants and panties, stroking up my slick cleft to find my clit, teasing over it the way he knew I liked best—in slow strokes at first, building to fast circles as my whimpers became moans, as my nails scraped down his back.

  A low growl escaped me when the orgasm tore through my system, stealing my breath, leaving me gasping for air when I came back down from the waves.

  But Watts wasn't giving me any time to recover, moving back onto his heels, grabbing the waistbands to my pants and panties, yanking them down my thighs, working them off of my ankles, tossing them to the side, then dropping down, his tongue sliding up my cleft to work my sensitive clit as two fingers thrust inside me, finger-fucking me for a long couple of minutes before turning, twisting, stroking over my top wall, driving me up hard and fast once again.

  This time, though, he wouldn't let me fly over the edge.

  His lips left my clit.

  His fingers pulled out of me.

  But there was only the lingering disappointment for a moment before his body weight was on me again, and his cock was slamming deep inside me.

  His curse mingled with my moan as my walls tightened around him, adjusted to the familiar, but long-missed fullness.

  Watts's forehead pressed to mine for a second as he took a few deep breaths, tried to find some control, as the need grew too strong to ignore, making my hips move around in little circles, needing more of that deep friction, that promise of fulfillment.

  Soon, he too was too far gone to try to drag it out, make it last.

  He shifted up, yanking my legs around his hips, and slamming inside me over and over, his thrusts hard and fast, taking every inch of me each time, hips jerking up as he was deep, creating a delicious little pinch I had always been so addicted to.

  My hips continued their circles, getting more of that friction, letting it drive me up.

  Watts's body weight shifted onto one arm, his other hand going between my thighs, working my clit, forcing me toward that edge, then shoving me over, leaving me crashing down into my orgasm, crying out his name as the waves crashed through me, my walls contracting around his cock, milking his orgasm from him as well. He cursed out my name as he continued to drive into me, until we both became weak and boneless.

  His weight crushed into me after, but I welcomed the weight, wrapping him up with arms and legs, holding on tight to someone I never thought I would get to hold again, and now that I could, I never wanted to let go.

  "I still have it," he said, pulling me out of my post-orgasm stupor.

  "Still have what?" I asked.

  "The ring," he said, pressing his lips to mine. "When I got out, I went to get it. I carry it with me. To be close to you in a small way, I guess. I still have it. And I still want you to wear it. I know it can't be real and official anymore."

  "It's real," I countered. "And it is official if we say it is. No one would ever know. No one else exists. We make the rules now."

  "I like that," he decided, sealing his lips to mine. "You have any other rules for me to follow?"

  "Oh, only that I want orgasms like that at least twice a day from now until eternity."

  "Well," he said, rolling off to my side, pulling me with him. "I can manage that. Anything else?"

  "Oh, not much," I said, smiling, heart more full than it had been in years, than it had been since the last time I was in his arms. "Just a happily ever after."

  "Well, we can work on that," he told me, sealing his lips to mine.

  After some sleep, Watts got right onto the promise for more orgasms.

  And then we both got to work on that happily ever after.

  It was nothing like the one we'd planned on in our old life. But it was no less wonderful.

  We stocked and we nested and we raised stray kittens and a random raven we'd found injured.

  We hunted zombies until they seemed to leave town completely, though we barely noticed, staying wrapped up in our comfortable little nest, working on solar, and gardening, and reading, and loving.

  Until, one day, like magic, we heard it.

  A voice on the other end of the radio.

  An announcement that the zombie plague was over, that there were other survivors, that life could slowly but surely start coming back together.

  Then, so it did.

  But one thing that never changed through all of the ups and downs that followed, was our love, was our promise, were the rules we set out in that bedroom that first night.

  Orgasms.

  And a happily ever after.

  XX

  Also by Jessica Gadziala

  If you liked this short story, check out these HOLIDAY NOVELLAS:

  Stuffed (A Thanksgiving Romance)

  Unwrapped (A Christmas Romance)

  There Better Be Pie (A Thanksgiving Romance)

  Peace, Love, & Macarons (Valentine's Day Romance)

  N.Y.E. (New Years Eve Romance)

  Series:

  The Henchmen MC

  Reign

  Cash

  Wolf

  Repo

  Duke

  Renny

  Lazarus

  Pagan

  Cyrus

  Edison

  Reeve

  Sugar

  The Fall of V

  Adler

  Roderick

  Virgin

  Roan

  Camden

  West

  Colson

  The Savages

  Monster

  Killer

  Savior

  Mallick Brothers

  For A Good Time, Call

  Shane

  Ryan

  Mark

  Eli

  Charlie & Helen: Back to the Beginning

  Investigators

  367 Days

  14 Weeks

  4 Months

  Dark

  Dark Mysteries

  Dark Secrets

  Dark Horse

  Professionals

  The Fixer

  The Ghost

  The Messenger

  The General

  The Babysitter

  The Negotiator

  The Client

  Rivers Brothers

  Lift You Up

  Lock You Down

  Pull You In

  STANDALONES WITHIN NAVESINK BANK:

  Vigilante

  Grudge Match

  The Rise of Ferryn

  Counterfeit Love

  OTHER SERIES AND STANDALONES:

  Stars Landing

  What The Heart Needs

  What The Heart Wants

  What The Heart Finds

  What The Heart Knows

  The Stars Landing Deviant

  What The Heart Learns

  Surrogate

  The Sex Surrogate

  Dr. Chase Hudson

  The Green Series

  Into the Green

  Escape from the Green

  DEBT

  Dissent

  A Navesink Bank Christmas

  Don't Come

  Fix It Up

  faire l'amour

  The Woman at the Docks

  The Woman in the Trunk

  The Sacrifice

  About the author

  Jessica Gadziala is a full-time writer, parrot enthusiast, and coffee drinker who enjoys short rides to the bookstore, sad songs, and cold weather, and who had developed an unhealthy obsession with acquiring houseplants. She lives in New Jersey with a bunch dogs, seven parrots, and a whole flock of chickens.

  She is a strong believer in snark, strong secondary characters, and badass women.

  Connect with Jessica:

  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JessicaGadziala/

  Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/314540025563403/

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