West (A Darkness Series Novel)

by Stacey Marie Brown

  She inhaled sharply through her nose. “You think attacking me is going to get me to run?” She let out a derisive laugh. “Give it your best shot, sweetheart. I will go toe to toe with you. You think I don’t have ghosts that haunt me? You only know the basics of the things I’ve done in my past.”

  “That’s the family channel compared to mine.”

  “You think you know it all?” She puffed up, getting right back into my face. “Because I told you a tiny portion of my life at the club? You have no idea what I let be done to me. The amount of lives I took when I needed a new high. But I don’t let it destroy me anymore. I faced them.”

  “You think we’re alike?” I snorted, cruelty in each word. “Being a fucking whore to get high doesn’t even come close.”

  At that she slapped me. Blood thrummed in my cheek and temple. “Fuck you. At least I had the strength to talk about it. To not be afraid of my past anymore.” Her lids fluttered; tears pressed behind them. “Not you or anyone else will shame me. I own it. It’s made me who I am.”

  Sorrow and guilt tumbled over me like an avalanche. What did I do? Did I cause her pain only to ease mine? To stop her from poking at the wound? I covered my face with my palms, my legs gave out, and I slid down the wall. Jesus, I was a piece of work.

  The suffering I kept sealed away for so long rose to the surface. I wanted to smash things, to get my pain out through my fists, but instead it ransacked my chest, roaring out of my throat in a guttural wail.

  Rez dropped to her knees and put her arms around me. I hated feeling weak, vulnerable, like I needed someone. But I didn’t have the energy to push her away. Nor did I really want to. I liked feeling her arms around me, the way she brought my head to her chest, holding me.

  The dam broke and the words flowed out, uncensored. Most fae knew of Aneira’s cruelty, but only her guards and the ones she took to her “special” chamber realized how sick and twisted she was. I didn’t know if she was always like that or losing her sister pushed her over, but with no one to tell her no, nothing checked her hunger for power from turning perverse and cruel.

  “She brutalized me for weeks.” I let the memories flood over me. “Name it…she did it. She moved between her sick games of horrendous punishment, then granted me pleasure, warping me into something I didn’t recognize. I tried to hold on, fight her. But one day I snapped.”

  Rez’s hand stroked over my temple, staying silent. I pulled away, needing distance to get through the rest. “I gave in to it.” I swallowed back the lump in my throat, my voice a whisper. “I enjoyed it...wanted it.” My vision blurred with the admittance. Saying it out loud held a power I wasn’t ready for. Emotion choked me. “I despise her to the core of my being. What she did to my family… And I didn’t only let her break me. If I had become a shell, let her do what she needed to, and just shut down…” I pulled my knees to my chest. “I could have forgiven myself. That I could live with.”

  Something wet slid down my cheek. Fuck. A tear? I rubbed my face on my arm and wiped it away.

  “You didn’t simply enjoy it?” Rez asked, her voice even.

  “No.” I shook my head. “I relished in it. I went to her bed eagerly…I fucked her...over and over. And she loved it. We took turns punishing each other.”

  Out of the corner of my eye I saw Rez gulp, her lungs sad with my truth. My lids squeezed together, another tear escaping.

  “And?” Rez’s voice wavered, seeming to know there was more.

  “She brought me to her when Torin was caught helping Ember. At the time I didn’t know that, nor did I really think about the man she had chained in her chamber. He was fay. A fairy. And the delight of him being tortured…” I broke off, liquid fell, and I stopped trying to wipe it away.

  “You liked it.”

  I let my lids drift closed again, taking in fact, not letting myself run from it.

  “After he went unconscious, I screwed her against the wall next to him, his blood over both of us. Another piece of me died there…” I licked my lips, opening my eyes. “Ember came to my cell that night. Telling me not to give up. That she would be back for me.” I rubbed harshly at my face. “Seeing her brought the tiniest part of myself back. That little piece wrapped around her words and held on for dear life. After that, I refused Aneira. I was punished more for it, but I took the beatings with a different kind of pleasure. I became a shell. I no longer enjoyed feeling only hate and disgust. I crawled out of the pit that night and never looked back. Ember rescued my soul, but part of me wished she hadn’t saved my life.”

  “West…”

  “When I returned, all I could do was lock it away. Believe it never happened. No one could ever know. Not the real truth. So I became the carefree guy they knew me as. It was the only way to survive. But then when the beast started struggling to come out, the nightmares of Aneira and Cammie began. Dark Dwellers are used to the dark, being reprehensible, but this went far beyond that. I hadn’t only slept with the enemy, I gave myself to her.”

  “Not all of you.” Rez touched my arm lightly.

  “Don’t.” I flinched away. I couldn’t have her touch me, not anymore.

  “Do you think what you told me makes me feel different about you?”

  “It should.” I rubbed at the dried salt trailing my face, feeling the anger rise. “You should get as far from me as you can.”

  “You say we aren’t alike, but we are.” Rez only moved closer and tilted my face to look at her. “I gave myself over, gladly. You have no idea who I let between my legs to keep from ever having to climb out of the darkness.”

  A growl rumbled in my chest at the thought of any other person inside her.

  “I understand your self-loathing, your disgust, more than you know. I lived it. I also let the vileness take me, twist my brain. Break me.” She cupped my cheeks firmer. “Ember gave you the power to pull out, but you did it. You had the strength. And that is why, no matter what you confess to me, I am in awe of you. I didn’t have the strength at first. Lars forced me out. And I fought him every step. I didn’t want to come out. I never wanted to look at myself in the mirror again.”

  “But you did.”

  “And you will, too.” She leaned forward, her gaze filled with something I couldn’t quite decipher. “You have finally let her out. Aneira can no longer flourish in the darkness. She will not hold you captive again. I refuse to let your guilt, demons, and self-hatred take you down. You need to forgive yourself.”

  I tried to turn my face, but she gripped tighter, and her gaze drilled into me.

  “Gods, West. What you’ve been through. No one could have gone through that without succumbing. It doesn’t make you weak because she got in your head and twisted you. But she didn’t break you. A broken man wouldn’t have held on to hope and pulled himself out. He would have stayed there. But you didn’t. You fought back after all she did.” She rubbed a thumb gently over my cheeks. “You don’t even see how unbelievably amazing you are.”

  I huffed. Amazing…right.

  “They will not have you anymore because I want you here with me. So whatever you have to do, you fucking fight. You forgive yourself. You got it? Fight…fight for yourself, your family. For Cammie.” She glanced down. “For me.”

  Emotion twisted in my chest and obstructed my throat. I traced her jaw and ran my fingers through her hair, cupping her head. I needed to taste her lips, to feel her mouth, breathe her words to life. I brought her to me. The kiss was hungry, demanding, consuming. I knew a struggle was before me, but she gave me strength to face it without hiding.

  She broke away, stood up, and tugged me with her. Walking backward she led me back to the bed. She brought me down on top, her body open for me. I felt lighter, like confessing did release the burden I’d been holding in me. I would probably never tell my family, but that was okay. My tormentors had been freed: Cammie, Aneira, myself…

  It would always haunt me, what I did, what I was capable of. But this was the first time I ever fe
lt there might be a chance to absolve some of my horrors and be able to breathe again.

  Rez gasped as I slid into her and rocked our bodies together, slow and deep.

  Every thrust breathed life back into my lungs.

  The howling gusts drummed at the broken window and poked at the fissures, prodding me awake. I blinked, staring out into the evening sky. Hints of the impending night sank over the land. My stomach was telling me it should have been fed hours ago, but after the night and afternoon we had, our bodies needed the rest, taking the full day to recover.

  What a fucking night full of highs and lows. It had been a roller coaster of death, terror, bliss, secrets, and confessions.

  I told her the vilest part of myself, and she wrapped it in her arms and took it. Bore it with me and shared hers. I don’t think I could express how she soothed my soul, quieted the horrors which had haunted me. It was the first time I slept without being terrorized. As if her saying they could no longer have me came true.

  I don’t think Aneira or Cammie would ever disappear completely, but I needed to learn to accept them. They were parts of me I would have to live with. Rez gave me strength to let in happiness again.

  The sex after my confession had been different from anything I had ever experienced. Intimate. The shared secrets fused us further together. Not even with Cammie had I ever given over so much of myself. The passion was consuming, and I let myself go. Rez and I surrendered, not thinking of what it meant or that it could crush us in the end.

  We finally got some sleep, my body still humming from the contact with her. I was also aware we now had the spear close but was too relaxed to think much of it.

  I still couldn’t believe we killed Balor and took the spear, which let my beast free again. Now I had to hand it over to the King...along with Rez. I didn’t know how I was going to let her go. But neither of us had a choice.

  Right?

  A voice inside told me different, knew what it had to do.

  Don’t think about it. Just enjoy right now.

  I glanced over at the woman lying next to me on her side. Her back rising and lowering slowly, her hot skin brushing me. Mine.

  The beast pawed, and I could feel him wanting to come out, to be released again, but not in the way it had at the beach. No, he wanted release in another way.

  I had taken her every way possible. Hard and wild, slow and tortuously good. And she took it, gave it back, and wanted more. The woman almost depleted me. Almost. I rolled over, pinning her tightly against me. My hand curved over her hip, her ass taunting my dick.

  Air hitched in her throat as my hands moved down, exploring her. She panted harder the more my fingers greeted her. She reached back, palming me. Both of us flourished under the other’s control. Breathing grew tense, and she began to mutter. I opened her more, dragging her leg back over my hip. I leaned over, kissing her neck and behind her ear.

  “Tell me,” I whispered. “What do you want?”

  “I want you.” She squeezed her lids together.

  “No. Tell me. How do you want me to fuck you?”

  She wiggled back, tilting her ass into me, her words low but commanding me to take her.

  The beast came alive, wanting to take her the way he preferred.

  I grabbed her by the waist, pulling her up on her knees as I kneeled behind her. She curved her back, wiggling her gorgeous ass at me.

  “Oh, you are so going to pay for that, darlin’.”

  “Then teach me a lesson.” She grinned over her shoulder.

  Hell. I was already neck deep. With her smile, I went all the way under.

  Every time I took her, I knew it was wrong. The beast marked her more and more. But this looming threat didn’t stop me. I took her harder than ever, matching the headboard to the broken footboard. I was going to have to fork out a lot of money to help Cara rebuild the place. But it was worth it.

  Sweat dripped off both of us and she let go, screaming and begging for more. I willingly gave it, bending her farther over, allowing me to go deeper. She cried my name, her body clenching as she climaxed. I continued to pound into her, roaring as I released into her. We both collapsed face-first into the pillows, my chest landing on her back.

  “Okay. Wow.” She sighed, then rolled her cheek over the pillow to look at me with a grin. “Exceptional work, Mr. Moseley.”

  “Thank you.” I kissed her shoulder blade, her skin tasting of a mix of sex, my sweat, and salt. “I’m a stickler for making sure I do things well.”

  “You call that well? I’d like to experience your idea of outstanding. Think you underestimate your talents.”

  “I don’t like to brag.” I winked, twisting to lay on my side, one leg still over her. She snorted cutely, knowing how little modesty I had. “I am starving.” I continued to kiss her body. “I say we get into the shower, then go for a huge Irish breakfast.”

  “It’s dinner time.”

  “So? You can have breakfast for dinner.” I brushed back her hair, letting my hand run along her neck to her back. “Another rule I’m going to make you break.”

  “I’m not sure I can move.”

  “I have little doubt I could get you moving again and shrieking like a banshee and screaming out the most dirty words.”

  “Don’t you sound so sure of yourself?” she challenged, but we both knew I was right.

  “You know how fast I could put your words to shame?” I raised an eyebrow, leaning my head against my palm.

  “Gods, you are full of yourself.” She rolled over onto her back, staring up at me.

  Our eyes locked and we watched each other. In the quiet I felt a strange aura in the air, secure, but with none of my usual walls. An emotion stirred inside, far beyond lust. Far beyond anything I had let myself feel in a long, long time. And if I was being completely honest with myself, if ever.

  Her hand met my cheek, and I leaned over, capturing her mouth with mine. This time she kissed me like she was marking her territory. And I welcomed each stamp, wanting her to possess me.

  Only a few weeks ago, I barely slept with a woman more than once. The idea of being with only one terrified me after Cammie. The beast was restless and demanded to run. Now the idea of not being with Rez—forever—rendered him frantic and irate.

  Shit. Shit. Shit.

  When did this happen? When did I fall in love with her? How did I let it? But with each kiss, I realized I didn’t care. I was more than okay with it.

  “Breakfast can wait a little longer,” I mumbled against her lips, making her laugh. My hand caressed her body.

  “Oh no, Mr. Moseley,” she said formally. “If you want me screaming like a banshee, you need to feed me.”

  “I can fill you up.” I winked.

  “With actual food.”

  Food sounded like heaven, but we had nothing left here. We’d have to leave the bed and get dressed to eat, which wasn’t something I wanted to do.

  “Fine.” I rolled off her onto my back. “But we get it to go…bring it back here and eat…both food and each other.”

  Rez groaned with amusement. She was getting used to my constant dirty mouth. She said it turned her on, which she’d never have admitted a few weeks ago. Hell, a couple times the night before and even just a moment ago, her mouth rivaled mine, at least in bed, which I loved even more, where it was only for me. I loved she showed me the private side no one else knew. I felt this was the true Rez, the unguarded woman who no longer let her past dictate and control her.

  She leaned over and kissed me, her smile turning serious.

  “What?”

  She shook her head, and I felt my stomach clench. I could sense her thoughts brush against my mind, conveying her words through her eyes.

  Lars. We were gonna have to deal with him soon. We found the spear and should have already contacted him. We should’ve been on a plane back to the States by now. Our little world was coming to an end, reality dragging us out.

  “Yeah. I know.” I cupped her face,
bringing her back to my mouth. The thought of this ending, of her no longer being mine to kiss, spread desperation through me. My lips became frantic and incinerating, wanting to taste her. Consume her.

  Bang. The door to the cottage whipped open and crashed against the wall. Cool, wet air swept into the room with a blistering gush.

  I leaped from the bed with a growl, the Dark Dweller startled and on defense. My body instinctively curled forward, shoulders rigid. I had to fight not to shift since fear incited our protective mode.

  Rez moved swiftly, jumping to her feet on the other side of the bed.

  Two large intruders entered the cottage. Their familiar faces iced my lungs like the Arctic.

  I froze, swallowing the panic edging along my body. I was beyond screwed. If I hoped by a slight chance we could have stayed a secret, fate came up and slapped me across the face. Hard.

  Goran stepped into the room, his gaze roving from my naked body to Rez’s. Goran was Lars’s lead henchman. If Lars asked him to bend over, he would do it without a thought. I didn’t know why, but Goran was so loyal to him he’d clean his boots with his tongue.

  The new guard, Travil, moved in, sliding away from the door. He could not hide his shock or his disgust.

  But they were not my focus or my worry. They never went anywhere without their leader.

  Thumping energy crackled at the already broken window, sending more fractures trailing out. My heart slammed against my ribs, and I heard Rez gasp, grabbing for a bedsheet to cover herself.

  Then he entered the room. His yellow-green eyes rolled over us, taking in what was before him. His face was stone, but with one inhale, blackness filled his eyes, and his shoulders strained his dark gray suit.

  Dead. I was going to die right here, I knew it. It had been inevitable since the moment Rez stepped in the plane with me…possibly before that. No part of me regretted her. I was only afraid she would.

  Lars inhaled sharply, his pupils vacant with emotion, his body motionless. But I could feel the fury rolling underneath, pumping magic in the room with dense waves, bending my legs.