Forgiven

by Gina Detwiler

I have no answer for her. Perhaps because I know where this will end, and I can’t face it myself.

  ***

  We return to the house to find Shannon sitting at the island, a bowl of steaming paella in front of her. She wears a pale pink, loose-fitting sundress, her hair pulled back into a ponytail that accentuates her sunken cheeks and the shadows under her eyes. Her once legendary beauty has withered to a haunted shell.

  The Dark Ones around her are quiet but watchful, fearful of our presence. Lilith is well hidden. She would not give herself away unnecessarily.

  Carla sits beside Shannon, trying to get her to eat. Ralph watches from the table.

  “There you are,” Ralph says.

  I go to stand by Silas, near the stove, out of Shannon’s view. He gives me a wan smile.

  Grace takes a stool beside her mother. She speaks cheerfully as if to override the gloom in the room.

  “Hi, Mom. You should try the paella. It’s great. Carla is an awesome cook.”

  I’m surprised to hear her call Shannon “mom.”

  Her mother doesn’t seem to hear. “Melanie, get me my cigarettes.” She speaks calmly, formally.

  “Perhaps later,” Ralph waves Melanie off. He stands, moves to the counter and leans toward Shannon on his elbows. “Do you mind if we chat a bit? Get caught up?”

  “Caught up on what?”

  “On your life. The campaign. Has it been a difficult time for you?”

  “It’s been fun.” She glances around at all the faces staring at her. “Why are you all here? I don’t know any of you.”

  “You know your daughter Grace.”

  “Yes. I remember her. Where’s my stepdaughter? Where’s Sally?” Shannon’s head twitches in an odd manner as she looks around the room.

  “She’s away,” Melanie says. “Remember, I told you. She went to Harry’s parents for a visit.”

  “Sally hates me.” Shannon’s tone changes, becomes more sly. “Harry does too. He wants to put me in a looney bin.”

  “Why do you think that?” asks Ralph.

  “He tells me so. I tell him he’ll have to catch me first.” She laughs. “After he begged me to let him run for governor. He knew I would be useful to him for that. But now, he doesn’t need me anymore.” Her fingers tap on the counter, insistent, desperate for a cigarette.

  “It’s not true,” Grace says. “I just talked to him. He’s very worried about you. He wants you to get well.”

  “Oh, does he? That’s hilarious.” Her leg bounces under the counter. Her agitation puts me on guard. “He thinks I’m a danger to Sally. But I’d never hurt her, despite what she did to me.”

  “Did to you?” Grace says.

  “She put those texts on my phone and made it look like I had something to do with those drug people. It was all Sally’s doing.”

  “No, it wasn’t!” Grace is appalled. “How could you accuse a nine-year-old girl of—”

  “Oh, you don’t know Sally like I know her. She’s a little devil like her father.”

  I almost laugh. Nothing like the pot calling the kettle black.

  Ralph straightens and clears his throat. “Perhaps we should move on to—”

  “It’s really your fault, Grace.” Shannon jerks her head to look squarely at her daughter. “It’s because you left me. You abandoned me after all I did for you.”

  “You mean like conspiring to have me killed?”

  “Why would I want to kill you? I loved you, Grace! But you could never love me back, could you?”

  13: Spiritual War

  Grace

  I don’t know how to respond. I admired her once. I even wanted to be like her, to please her. But had I ever loved her?

  Besides, I know Shannon’s claim that she loves me is a lie.

  “Excuse us for a moment.” Ralph rises and summons Jared, Silas, and me. “We’ll be right back.”

  Leaving Carla and Melanie with Shannon, we go into the butler’s pantry to talk.

  “We’ve seen what we need to see,” Ralph says. “The signs are all there. Nightmares, self-harming, deflection, delusion. But I suspect the main demon—Lilith—is hiding very deep. It will take some time to draw it out.”

  “How much time?” I ask.

  “Hours. Days perhaps.”

  “Days?” I make a face.

  “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We should fast and pray the rest of the day and get plenty of sleep so we can start fresh in the morning. We already suspect the spirit we are dealing with, but we must prepare for more than one. Jared will discern the spirits. Grace, can you provide music?” I nod. “And Silas, I will need you as an intercessor. Can you do that? I know there is history between you and Shannon…”

  “Yes,” Silas says. “I can pray for her. I’ve never stopped praying for her.”

  Jared and I spend the rest of the day singing in the sunroom. I play the gorgeous white piano left in the house by the previous owner, some rock musician. What happened to him—was he a victim of the spirits in this house as well? Playing takes my mind off demons for a while. And food, since Ralph said we should fast.

  We go to bed early. Melanie and I sleep in the same room that night—neither of us wants to be alone. I lie in the bed, listening to the sounds of the house and Melanie’s gentle snores. It takes a long time to fall asleep.

  A thump on the wall jerks me awake, my heart pounding. Melanie continues to snore. I hear shuffling in the hallway and slip from bed. My legs shake as I creep to the door and open it a crack. The hall is dark and silent. I let out a breath. My imagination is getting away from me.

  A muffled scream breaks the silence.

  I throw the door open and run onto the landing. Jared trudges up the steps, Shannon in his arms. She is limp, her eyes closed.

  “What happened?”

  “Melanie said she wanders at night, so I stayed downstairs in case she tried to escape. I heard a noise on the landing and came into the foyer…and there she was, standing on the top of the railing.”

  “Standing on top?” I gasp.

  “I got there just as she fell.” He carries her to her room.

  “She tried to kill herself?” I trail behind him as I try to imagine my mother standing on a railing about to throw herself to a marble floor. What if Jared hadn’t been there?

  “I don’t know. But Lilith knows what’s going to happen tomorrow. She can’t be too happy about it.” He places my mother on the bed. We both draw the covers over her. She seems to be asleep, although her lips move slightly.

  “Maybe I should stay with her.”

  “I’ll stay. I can’t sleep in this house anyway.” Jared doesn’t sleep much at all. The spiritual activity in this house must make it even harder.

  “How am I supposed to sleep?”

  “Try. It’ll be a long day tomorrow.”

  He smiles at me. Jared doesn’t smile often, but when he does, it’s like a burst of sunlight on a cloudy day. I slip my arms around his waist. He leans down and kisses me but pulls away quickly, like always. He knows his limits and refuses to cross them. I understand. But I still want more of him.

  I go back to my room. Melanie is still snoring. Must be nice... I slide beneath the covers and pull them up to my chin, then stare into the darkness and sing the AngelSong—softly. I don’t want to wake Melanie. From somewhere in my heart and soul, Ariel’s voice joins in, singing with me.

  Go to sleep Grace.

  ***

  “Grace. Wake up.”

  I open my eyes to Jared shaking me gently. Had I actually slept after all? My mouth is dry and sticky and my head hurts. “What time is it?”

  “Almost seven.”

  “Why do we have to start so early?” I roll over. Melanie is gone, her bed made. She probably thinks I’m a slug.

  “We have to prepare. There’s coffee in the kitchen.”

  “Thank God.”

  “I’ll meet you downstairs.”

  I wait till he’s gone before I get up, shower, a
nd put on a sweatshirt and jeans. Is this appropriate dress for an exorcism? Doesn’t really matter—it’s the best I can do right now. I brush my teeth and hair and put some makeup on to hide the under-eye circles. My reflection in the bathroom mirror stares back at me, bleary-eyed, freckly, ghostly pale. Ready for a long day of demon battles? Not exactly.

  Down in the kitchen, I grab the biggest cup I can find and fill it with coffee followed by huge amounts of cream and sugar. Fully armed, I head to the sunroom where the others are gathered. I hope coffee is permissible at exorcisms.

  Ralph, Silas, and Jared are gathered together. Ralph is praying. I join them and let the prayers wash over me. Then, Silas reads from Ephesians 6:

  “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.

  Put on the full armor of God

  so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes

  for our struggle is not against flesh and blood…”

  Ralph reminds us that this is a battle. “Remember, Shannon Snow is not the real enemy. Remember also that Christ’s authority is higher than any demon that can come against us. Never, ever believe otherwise. Demons usually gain the upper hand through intimidation and confusion. Be prepared.”

  Good to know.

  Melanie appears, accompanied by a slim, stylish, middle-aged woman with auburn hair pulled neatly into a bun and oval glasses that make her look both pretty and smart. She holds a notebook tucked in one arm, the other stiff at her side.

  “This is Dr. Muriel Lewis,” Melanie says. “Shannon’s therapist. She’s here to observe.”

  “Pleased to meet you all.” The doctor smiles stiffly and we all shake hands in that uncomfortable way you do when meeting someone who isn’t that thrilled about meeting you.

  “Are you a believer, Doctor?” Ralph asks her. No beating around the bush with Ralph. He comes right out with it.

  “I think of myself as a secular Jew. But I will try to keep an open mind.”

  “An open mind is all we ask.” Ralph clasps his hands together. “Melanie, if you’d like to bring in Shannon now, we’re ready for her. But only if she comes willingly. Don’t force her.”

  “Okay.” She heaves a big breath and leaves the room.

  I sit at the piano. Jared picks his guitar up and pulls the strap over his head. We start to play softly.

  Jared’s eyes are fixed on his strings. I know it helps him shut out everything around him and prepare himself for battle. He’s better at it than I am, although he still doesn’t trust himself. He knows there’s a corner of his soul he can’t control. I’ve seen him lose that battle before. I hope I’ll never see it again.

  I start to sing, and he joins in.

  When peace like a river abandons my way

  And sorrows like sea billows roll

  Whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say

  It is well, it is well with my soul.

  The music works its way into my bloodstream and slows my racing heart so I can breathe easier. I sense Jared relaxing as well, the glow in his eyes softening to a radiant warmth. I picture us clearing the room of demons as we sing, preparing the way for victory.

  We continue until Shannon appears, Melanie behind her. She stops in the doorway and stares at us, her eyes widening, clearly off-guard. Then she smiles broadly, and a familiar mask fall over her face—the Shannon Snow movie star mask, the face she presents to the world. Luminous, gently mocking, oblivious to pain.

  “A party? For me? You shouldn’t have.”

  “Shannon.” Dr. Lewis approaches. “How are you feeling today?”

  “Do I know you?”

  Dr. Lewis reddens. “Shannon, you know who—”

  “Who’s that?” She turns from the doctor and focuses on Silas, who rises and smiles.

  “Hi…Lily. It’s me. Charles.”

  Lily. The name Silas knew her by long ago. The name of the girl he loved.

  “Charles?” Her voice sounds different, young and gentle. Her face morphs again, the mockery and cynicism gone. This is neither Lilith nor Shannon. It’s someone else.

  Shannon moves toward him as if in a trance. She studies his face for a moment, her mouth softening, forming an O. She reaches up to slide his hat from his head. “Charles—what happened to your hair?” She frowns. “You had such beautiful hair.” It’s like she’s gone back in time, to the day she first met Charles Silas on the movie set.

  “I lost it.”

  She frowns and drops her arm. “You look—old.”

  “I am old. I’m forty-five.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  “’Fraid so. But you’re still as pretty as I remember.” He indicates the chaise lounge in the corner. “Do you want to sit? So we can talk awhile?”

  I expect Ralph to interrupt this reunion, but he stays quiet and simply watches the two of them. Silas takes Shannon’s hand and leads her to her seat. Silas, Ralph, and Dr. Lewis sit around her. Melanie stays in the doorway as if she might bolt at any minute.

  I start to play again, although my fingers fumble over the keys. My father gazes at Shannon, his eyes lighting up in a way I don’t like one bit.

  “Has it been so long?” Shannon is focused on Silas if no one else in the room exists anymore.

  “Yes, it’s been a long time,” Silas says. “Do you remember when we met? I was the security guard who saved you from zombies.”

  “I remember.” She laughs, a sound of pure delight. “You were just a painter, weren’t you? But the actor didn’t show up and so you got the part. You were so much better.”

  “Do you remember what happened before that?”

  “Before what?”

  “Before you got to Hollywood. You never told me about your family. Your mom and dad.”

  “Mom and dad?” Shannon’s mouth flattens. “They’re dead. I want a cigarette.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Ralph says.

  “I need a cigarette.” Her voice sharpens. “Now. I’m not talking until I get one.”

  Ralph sighs. “All right, but only one.”

  Melanie leaves and returns a minute later with a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. She gives them to Silas, who taps a cigarette out and puts it to Shannon’s lips. He lights it for her. She inhales deeply. I want to protest that Silas has lung cancer and shouldn’t be around the smoke. Not to mention the rest of us. But he doesn’t move away, and she visibly relaxes.

  “Thanks,” she says. “That’s better.”

  “What was your mother like?” He strokes her knuckles with one finger. “You never mentioned her before.”

  “My mother…she cried a lot.”

  “Why did she cry?”

  “She wanted to go home.”

  “Where was home?”

  “Russia.”

  “Your mother was from Russia?”

  “Yes.”

  “Was your father Russian too?”

  “No.”

  “So how did they meet?”

  “My father bought her…I mean he brought her…to Philadelphia.”

  Bought her? I stop playing and glance at Jared. His eyes begin to pulse. He puts a hand on my shoulder to steady me.

  Ralph takes over the conversation. Silas continues to stroke Shannon’s hand.

  “What did your father do for a living?”

  Shannon puffs on the cigarette and blows the smoke out her nose. Her manner shifts again, becomes guarded as she turns her attention to Ralph. “He was a doctor. A pediatrician. The best in the city. Everyone loved my father.”

  “Did you love your father?”

  “Of course I loved him. He was very good to me.” She draws another deep puff.

  “Good to you how?”

  “He gave me gifts. He bought me expensive clothes. Anything I wanted. He always told me how beautiful I was. How proud of me he was. Especially after.”

  “After what?”

  Shannon’s mouth pinches closed. Ralph leans in, his brows knitted.

>   “What did your father think of your movie career?”

  She rolls her eyes. “He hated Vinny.”

  “Vinny?” Ralph looks at Silas for an explanation.

  “Vince Valero—her director.”

  “Ah!” says Ralph. “So your father didn’t like ‘Vinny’ because he took you away from home?”

  “He made me a star,” Shannon says. “My father didn’t like that.”

  “He didn’t like that you were famous?”

  “He thought Vinny had bad intentions. But he didn’t. He just wanted to make money. He didn’t love me. No one loved me.”

  “I loved you,” Silas says. My heart nearly stops beating.

  “You?” Shannon searches his face as if trying to remember. “You saved me. From those awful zombies.”

  He laughs. “That was only a movie. But we had something real. Don’t you remember?”

  “I remember…walking on the beach with you, holding hands. Did we do that?”

  “Yes, we did.”

  “You made me go to the beach. I never liked it there. But I felt safe with you, didn’t I?”

  “I hope so.”

  This is not Shannon and Silas—this is Lily and Charles. Her head drops toward him, her eyes soft and liquid. I can’t play anymore. Tears stream down my cheeks.

  But when I look at Jared, his eyes are fire-white, his whole body rigid. He can see something I can’t.

  “What is it?” I whisper to him. He doesn’t answer.

  “I had always hoped we would get married,” Silas says. “Have kids.”

  Shannon stiffens, pulls away from him. Her voice changes again, crystallizes. “Children would ruin my body and my life.”

  “Does the thought of having children make you angry, Lilith?” asks Ralph.

  And then everything blows up.

  14: Demon in Profile

  Jared

  The mask falls from Shannon’s face. Her skin becomes shiny and smooth as plastic, her eyes dilated until the green dissolves into black. Her mouth twists into a grotesque caricature of a smile.

  “Excuse me while I throw up.” Lily is gone. Shannon sits straight, imperious and commanding, and gives Silas a withering look.

  “You were so weak,” she says. “You would never amount to anything. A painter! A drug addict! Did you think I would actually spend my life with you? Give up my freedom, my body, my career—for you?”