Death, Deceit & Some Smooth Jazz

by Claudia Mair Burney

  “Pardon me?”

  Kalaya snorted.

  “Tell her again, Jazz,” Mason said patiently.

  “I said, if you werelistening, dear…” That “dear” had a definite edge to it. “With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow.”

  “What do you mean, ‘with my body I thee worship’?”

  “You couldn’t focus on the ‘with all my worldly goods I thee endow’ part, could you, Bell? I offer you all my stuff——”

  “With my body I theeworship ? I’ve been daydreaming about my wedding vows since I was eight. I’ve never heard that. I would have remembered body worship.”

  Kalaya whispered in my ear, “It’s what you’ve been dying for, girlfriend. Take it and run!”

  I waved her off.

  “Can we talk about this later?” Jazz asked.

  “But you made a vow. You told God you were going to worship me with your body. I want to know what you plan on doing.”

  “I’llshow you when we get home. Can we get on with this?”

  “Look, I think we need to ease into this slowly, and body worship doesn’t sound like a slow process.” I thought about that. “Well, maybe it does. But I…maybe I’m just not ready for all of this.” I looked at Dr. McLogan. “I mean, all that obeying and serving is bad enough, but now…”

  He smiled at me. “Just go with it, dear.”

  I turned to look at Mason.

  “I think you’ll enjoy whatever he has in mind, pumpkin.”

  I said to no one in particular, “I’m not sure I’m cut out for matrimony now that we’re getting down to the business of obeying and serving and body worship.”

  “Are you nuts?” Kalaya asked. “You’ve got one of the finest men in Detroit whoadores you and is willing toworship you with his body! Don’t question it. Take it!”

  “Thanks,” Jazz muttered, still looking at me in astonishment.

  “The vows are a little outdated, aren’t they? Maybe we should bring them up to the current century.”

  Jazz sighed heavily. “Did I just vow to protect her?”

  Mason answered, “You did, Jazzy.”

  “I said I’d love her, too, didn’t I?”

  “I’m afraid you did.”

  “And it’s too late to take it back, isn’t it?”

  “You’ve made vows, son. Let’s go on.”

  Jazz thrust his hand into his pocket and pulled out a plain gold band. He handed it to Mason, who handed it to me. Mason took a deep breath and looked at me with raised eyebrows. “Ready, pumpkin? We really should move forward, or it will be too late to have your baby.”

  “Okay,” I said. “What’s next?”

  “You say to him, ‘With this ring I thee wed.’”

  I took Jazz’s hand. Slipped the inferior band on his ring finger. “With this ring I thee wed…”

  A smile crept across his face.

  “What?” I asked.

  “There’s more. You remember that ‘with my body I thee worship’ part, don’t you?”

  My eyebrows reached for the sky. “I’m supposed to say that, too?”

  Jazz gave me a wicked grin. “Lay it on me, baby.”

  “I’m not saying that.”

  “Say it. You promised to obey me.”

  My mouth flew open. “That is so not fair.”

  He waited.

  “It sounds a little blasphemous.”

  “Say it.”

  “You’re going to want to do nasty things with me.”

  “I wouldn’t use the word ‘nasty.’ The marriage bed is undefiled, baby.”

  “But I’m not Anglican. I’m a little uncomfortable with the whole concept of——”

  Everyone present yelled, “Say it!”

  “With my body I thee worship. Are you all happy now?”

  “I sure am,” Jazz said. “Now what about all those worldly goods?”

  “And all my worldly goods I thee endow.” I stuck my tongue out at him.

  “Watch it. I may have plans for that tongue.”

  I looked to my godfather for help. “Mason!”

  “You just promised to worship him with your body.”

  “Kalaya? Help me.”

  She wagged her head. “I’m on their side.”

  I couldn’t win.

  “Let us pray,” Mason proclaimed. And in his “booming angel’s” voice, my spiritual papa asked God’s blessing upon us. He asked that we live faithfully together and that we love each other. Then he clasped our ringed hands together. I didn’t feel electricity, just love——warm and binding——flowing between us.

  Those whom God hath joined together let no man put asunder.

  Then Mason said words that would change our lives forever. “Forasmuch as Jazz and Amanda have consented together in holy wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God and this company, and thereto have given and pledged their troth either to other, and have declared the same by giving and receiving of a ring, and by joining of hands; I pronounce that they be man and wife together. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.”

  It was done. I was my beloved’s, and he was mine. Before I could process it, he’d gathered me in his arms for his salute.

  I almost protested. This felt so right and so wrong all in the same moment. But his face came near mine and captivated me. He wore cologne, something sweet, sexy, and manly. And when his lips touched mine, I opened my mouth to kiss him as fully and deeply as I could.

  I surprised him, but he poured himself into me in his kiss. My heart pounded, and I could feel his own heartbeat thump through his suit. I put my arms around his neck.

  Try to enjoy it, girl. He’s going to figure out pretty soon you’re no Kate, and it’s all going to be over.

  We kissed and kissed, all sweetness and passion, and for a moment I was happy. I was Mrs. Jazz Brown. I had the finest man I’d ever known, and I didn’t even have to change my stationery.

  How blessed was I?

  For a moment.

  chapter twenty-two

  AFTER THE CEREMONY,Mason’s secretary, Joan, had a little wedding cake and some refreshments for us. I managed to make it through the festivities, taking the required post-wedding photos. Somehow. In the photo with Kalaya, she held my hand and squeezed it reassuringly. She beamed a little too much at me and sometimes gave me knowing nudges. I frowned and nudged her back.

  I was able to paste a smile over my fears. My mind didn’t splinter off into the different Bells who had emerged in Dr. McLogan’s office the day before, but all of their voices buzzed about my brain like mosquitoes at my ear.

  I survived my “reception,” the well wishes and blessings, and the kisses from the few people who supported me. And now I had to walk away with my husband. Thank God I hadn’t arrived with him. That meant I didn’t actually have to leave with him. He walked me to the Love Bug, holding my hand. It felt sweet, wonderful, and scary. I didn’t want to be alone with him. What I wanted was for Kalaya to help me sort through the chaos in my head.

  Jazz hesitated as if he suddenly felt shy around me. “I didn’t sleep at all last night, you know. And even after your phone call today, saying a sort of yes, I didn’t think you’d show up.”

  “I didn’t know if I would, either,” I said in a brief moment of total honesty.

  “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

  I wasn’t sure. I was a little terrified. I didn’t want to be a thorn bird dying for a love song. I wanted to be safe in my little world with a mother who would need nitroglycerin after I told her what I’d done and a sister who loved me despite our “stuff.” I wanted friends who fussed because I didn’t spend enough time with them, and to solve crimes I watched on TiVo or DVDs. Being a wife terrified me.

  All I said to him was “I married you, didn’t I?”

  He gazed at me, a sober expression on his face. “Not quite the answer I was looking for. I love you, Bell.”

/>   And I love you, too——maybe too much.

  “You’re not going to go all mushy on me, are you?” I asked.

  “We haven’t gotten a chance to talk today, but I know you’re unsure about this. I can see the ‘come to me, go away’ in every part of your body language. I’m going to honor that. I hesitate to say this because I don’t want to push you before you’re ready. But part of the reason we marriedtoday was because of the time line. Weare trying to have a baby.”

  “Jazz, I know what we’re trying to do.”

  “So why don’t you just focus on that and not worry about anything else?” He leaned against the Love Bug. “Do you want to be together right now?”

  “Jazz!”

  “No, I don’t mean like that. I mean, do you want to just be around each other? We could have a nice dinner or go to a movie. We could talk. We could play Scrabble. We——”

  “Scrabble? First of all, I would beat you horribly in Scrabble. Second, do you believe we’d end up playing board games with a license to worship each other’s bodies?”

  “Isn’t that why we did this now?”

  He did have a point.

  “Look, Bell. I don’t want you to be alone. This was a huge step you took today.”

  “MaybeI need to be alone right now.”

  I hated the words falling with ease from my traitor mouth. I wanted to be with him every moment, but I was scared to death he didn’t really want to be with me. How could somebody like him truly love me? There had to be a catch. I knew I was missing something. But what? I had to protect my heart until I knew what that something was.

  “When did you get so stoic? It used to be you who couldn’t keep your hands off,” he said.

  “I couldn’t help it. You’re too fine for words.”

  We don’t go together. You’re the handsome prince, but I’m an ugly stepsister. And if I let go of my control now——

  “You don’t think I’m fine anymore?”

  “Jazzy…”

  He shrugged. Stepped back a bit from me. “How could you think I’m fine when I’m out of jail on bond? Nobody facing the possibility of life in prison is fine.”

  “Let’s not go there.”

  “You don’t even want me to tell my parents we’re married?”

  “But you did, didn’t you? How else did you get that ring?”

  “I didn’t tell them. I got the ring weeks ago. I planned to ask you to marry me long before I did at Dr. McLogan’s. That’s why it was no surprise to Mason. The whole thing with the candles? I was planning on bringing you to my home. I hoped that would beour bed. My great-uncle made that bed. It’s been in my family for generations. I thought you’d love it.”

  Now he tells me.“Oh, Jazz. Why didn’t you tell me before all of this?” I felt like a deflated balloon. This whole thing had exhausted me. I needed to get him cleared. I needed to sort out my insanity. I wanted us to get on with our lives——together. But how?

  “Let’s do something tonight, Bell. Anything.”

  “I have some things to work on.”

  “Okay. I admit it. It’sme who doesn’t want to be alone right now.”

  “I have some things to attend to. They’re really important, Jazz.”

  “What are you so busy with? We just got married. Letme be important!”

  He had no idea. Itwas him I was busy with. And he’d be livid if he knew exactly all I’d be up to.

  “It’s just stuff,” I said.

  “Tell me. You’re supposed to obey me.”

  “Shut up, Jazz. I have to go.” I put my hand on the door handle of the Love Bug.

  He grabbed my wrist. “Don’t leave yet.”

  I pulled away from him. “Stop it. I’ll see you later. I promise. I just have things I need to do.”

  “Why are you acting this way?”

  Because Kate had perfect double D’s. Because you’re prettier than me. Because men like you would never even look at me, much less marry me. Because a freakin’ thorn has pierced my heart, and I’m not sure about anything except that it feels like this once-in-a-lifetime love song is killing me. Because you didn’t do it. Did you?

  “I have to go.”

  I left him standing there and practically slammed the door to the Love Bug in his face.

  Shut up, Jazz?

  Stop it?

  I’ll see you later?

  Could I have been any meaner to him? All the way home, I wondered why I’d acted like a jerk. Was it too much for him to ask to spend some time together? If it had been me clamoring forhis attention, wild animals wouldn’t have kept him from me. I could hear Mason’s voice in my head:Wilt thou love her, comfort her…? And Jazz’s answer:I will.

  So where was my comfort for him?

  Okay, I didn’t actually agree to comfort him. I said I’d obey and serve him.

  Of course, the Holy Spirit didn’t let me get away with that thought.

  Are you serving him?

  “Lord, give me a break, huh?”

  You said you would love, honor, and keep him, in sickness and in health.

  “I can’t handle this, God. I need him to be free and clear of this murder rap, and then we’ll be okay. I can play the happy housewife then. Okay?”

  God went silent on me.

  I went into my bathroom and stepped out of the satin gown. My breath caught.

  I married him today.

  The thought made my knees wobble, and I sat down at the edge of the bathtub, holding the dress to my heart. I shook my head, grazed my hand over my braids, and sighed.

  Buck up, girl. Today is your wedding day.

  No comfort there.

  I stood to look in my bathroom mirror. My tired face, still a bit puffy from crying, stared back at me. “You’re okay, aren’t you? I mean, not a raving beauty, but not bad. So what if you don’t have double D’s.”

  I turned to the shower rod and spotted a hanger. Hung up my wedding dress carefully before going back to the mirror. I stared at my image a long time. “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest…”

  He is.

  Kate was.

  Truer words had never been spoken. I didn’t care how many vows we exchanged, Jazz belonged to the beautiful people, and I did not. He easily could have chosen a modeling or acting career instead of law enforcement. He could have had any woman he wanted. Even the Beyoncés of the world would line up for him. Mere mortals like me would always pale in the bright, shiny light of people like him.

  The thought depressed me. I imagined the years passing by. In my mind’s eye, I saw Jazz and me at a restaurant. He’s sixty but has the rakish good looks of his father, only more so. Women still stare at him, giggling, trying to make eyes at him from across the room. Younger women. Beautiful women. Women whom he, even in his sixties, could get pregnant. While I, with my withered womb, look like a hag beside him.

  There were scores of tiny lines at the corners of my eyes. I had frown lines deeper than I wanted them to be. New wrinkles showed up with regularity. My black braid extensions had a few twists of gray hair within them.

  This was worse than being with Rocky, when I’d obsessed with “When he’s forty, I’ll be forty-seven. When he’s fifty, I’ll be…” But not once had I ever believed that Rocky loved me for anything other than just plain old me. Rocky didn’t go out with fashion models. He’d rather have a woman he could worship God with. He wouldn’t mind that I had Chihuahuas instead of fawns for breasts.

  I closed my eyes. Opened them again to brave my reflection. “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, why would he want me at all?”

  My conscience answered:Because you’re there,silly.

  I nodded. That explained it.

  Jazz had guarded his heart for three years, and by surprise, I had knocked that wall down with a kiss when he’d least expected it. He’d told me even then that he was unavailable. When I’d told him to leave me alone, he had. He hadn’t heroically come after me. He hadn’t stalked me. Phoned me incessantly. He ma
y never have come back to me, but Monday his pregnant ex came to his loft to talk. A woman he’d once gotten pregnant. Who knew what they’d discussed or what kind of impossible do-over they’d both longed for.

  Now Kate was dead, Jazz could be on his way to prison, and I had married him in a last-ditch effort for both of us to have a child.

  What was worse? I loved him. I turned on the water spigot and splashed water onto my face before I looked at myself. “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the biggest fool of all?”

  It was kind enough not to answer me.

  If I’d carried a day planner, my day would have been noted as follows:Friday, December 20, marry the man of my dreams. Talk to Bobby Maguire about keeping him out of prison.

  I actually didn’t want to talk about that, but keeping Jazz out of prison had been my goal as sure as my name is Amanda Bell Brown, now with a “Mrs.” preceding it. That afternoon I trudged my way over to Detective Maguire’s desk at the Detroit police department and found him leaning over a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts, pondering his choices.

  Honestly, the man’s cholesterol had to ascend to the heavens. By distracting him, I thought I’d do a little intervention and buy him some time on the heart attack he was courting. “Hi, Bobby.”

  He didn’t look at me at first. In fact, he flat-out ignored me.

  “Chocolate-covered or glazed? How to choose? Heaven help you.”

  He sighed. Turned away from the box of temptations. “Girl Columbo. What brings you to my house today?”

  “I thought I’d treat you to a healthy, guilt-free lunch.”

  “I don’t feel guilty about my lunch.”

  “I’m sorry to hear it. You know why I’m here, Bobby.”

  He sighed again. “Doughnut, Amanda?”

  “No, thank you, Bobby. Any more suspects?”

  He went over to his fake-leather chair. Flopped down like he suffered from chronic fatigue. “I made an arrest, Amanda.”

  He didn’t offer me a seat, but I took one anyway. “Yes, but when will you arrest theright person?”

  “Have you talked to your mother about this?”

  “Yes.”

  “So have I, and she thinks I have the right man.”

  “She’s not a law enforcement officer. How about you actually do somepolice work. Investigate. Interview people. Interview more people. And then perhaps interview more people.”