by Golden Angel
"And he's a dominant, always has been," Olivia said, continuing the psycho-analysis, which Lexie was grateful for. She'd never really spoken about her theories out loud, but it was nice to know that Olivia agreed with her. "Some submissives have to have control over their lives, but find release from being out of control during sex. Patrick was already a control freak, and having to take care of himself all the time just added to that. He gets his release from being able to control someone else and actually having them listen and focus completely on him, the way his parents never did. Although, honestly, I think he'd probably be pretty much the same even if his parents had paid attention to him."
"Truth." Lexie raised her chocolate dipped potato chip in the air before biting off the chocolate coated part with relish.
Later that night, Lexie and Leigh ended up in the guest bedroom together. Olivia had gone home, Rick had come to get Maria, and Jessica and Hilary had passed out on the couch together. Angel, of course, was in her own bed with Adam, who had finally come home and immediately hid in their bedroom. Not that anyone would call it hiding to his face, other than maybe Olivia.
Lexie knew that she'd had enough to drink to be pretty drunk, but not wasted. It was a pretty good place to be. Leigh hadn't drunk enough to be wasted either, fortunately. Olivia had made sure to keep feeding her and giving her water in between the booze, otherwise she probably would have been a hot mess.
"Lex?" Leigh's voice was a mere whisper in the darkness, and Lexie answered in the same way.
"Yeah?"
"What will you do if he doesn't want you?" There was just a bit of tearfulness in Leigh's voice, but not enough to make Lexie think she was actually crying. Even though she'd heard it before, even though she asked it of herself all the time, coming from Leigh, right now, it deserved a better answer than she usually gave. Normally, it was easy to brush off. She'd get to that when it happened. Things would be fine, they'd work out. For Leigh, right now, those platitudes would be weak and kind of insulting. Even though Lexie and Patrick hadn't been in a romantic relationship for years, Lexie had definitely had feelings for him for a really, really long time. Unrequited feelings, so far.
"I'll cry," Lexie said quietly, allowing herself to really think about it for the first time. The emotion that lodged in her chest made her heart ache, a phantom pain slicing through her like a jagged knife. "I'll cry and curse him and probably hate him for a little bit. But I'll put a smile on, and I won't let anyone know, because I won't want them to blame him either. I'll keep going to Stronghold and hope that in some way, it hurts him as much as it hurts me. But I'll really be going because I can't stop now. I need the scene. If I know that he cares and he's hurting too, that will just make me feel better, but either way I'm not going to go back to being vanilla. I can't. And one day... one day I'll find someone else, who does want me, and it'll stop hurting, and hopefully, I won't even be able to remember what I felt for him."
The silence in the room was deafening. Lexie wasn't sure if her words had helped or hurt, but they were the truth. She wasn't going to pine years of her life away over Patrick like some kind of Harlequin romance heroine. That was bullshit. She was more than her interest in a guy, and she could live without him and find someone else, fall in love and live happily ever after with them instead. In some ways, this was his last chance, she'd decided. She'd already spent years pining after him, but she hadn't been old enough, she hadn't understood enough before. Now she did, and she wasn't going to waste any more time. If he hadn't taken on training her, she would have kept coming to Stronghold, and she would have already started trying out the Doms. There were plenty who were attractive to her. But he had taken her on, and she could sense that he wanted her, even though he didn't want to admit it.
So this was it, do or die time. Because that's what it would be, the death of her hopes. She would mourn them, be sad over them, but she'd recover eventually. That's what people did when their hearts were broken, they picked up the pieces and they moved on, or they didn't. Lexie wasn't going to be one of the ones who didn't, and spend the rest of her life miserable.
She turned her head in the darkness, trying to see Leigh.
"Leigh?" Lexie moved her hand over to poke at the lump that she was pretty sure was her friend. A soft snore was her only reply, and Lexie giggled. Turning over, she hugged the pillow, trying to push away the pit in her stomach and wondering if Leigh would even remember the heartfelt confession. Lexie kind of hoped that she didn't.
Chapter 8
Arriving home late Sunday morning, Lexie found a plastic bag hanging from the front door of her apartment with Gatorade and a bunch of bananas. She smiled as she recognized the hangover food. There was no note, but she knew who it had to be.
That night she went over to her parents for dinner and sat through the usual grilling about whether or not she'd thought about finding a different job; followed by questions about how Patrick was doing, since they hadn't seen him in a while. For once, the second set of questions was harder than the first. Granted, she never shared as much with her parents as she had with Jake, but part of her did feel like she should tell them that she was hoping to soon be dating a man that they thought of as a son. But, like with Jake, she didn't want to jump the gun and end up having anyone upset at Patrick if things didn't work out.
After Leigh's questioning on Saturday night, the thought of not ending up with Patrick had been looming over Lexie's head. So was Leigh's situation, but the other woman was doing well. Michael had apparently moved out of their apartment on Saturday and Sunday, removing all of his things and going to stay with friends. He'd told Leigh that she deserved the apartment. Fortunately it was within her price range to keep on her own, even though it was a bit of a stretch. They'd been talking about possibly looking into getting a house rather than moving into a bigger apartment. Leigh's voice was bitter as she recounted that; the anger that Olivia had encouraged seemed to be growing now, although she also had a tendency to burst into tears at any given moment. Lexie made sure to check in with her every day, whether it was by text or phone.
Monday dragged by. There was nothing unusual about it, but because she was on pins and needles waiting for the weekend, it felt longer than usual. She was so tempted to get in touch with Patrick, but she resisted. Heck, if he could do it, so could she. Tuesday was just as bad, until, surprisingly, Patrick texted her.
Are you free tonight?
Yes.
Come over for dinner. 6:30. Don't be late.
Yes, Sir.
Her heart felt like it was in her throat when she responded to the second text. It wasn't the first time she'd been over to Patrick's house for dinner, but it was the first time like this. He'd never demanded her presence like that before or admonished her not to be late. Not that she was usually late, but all she could think about right now was that being late would mean being punished this time.
Part of her was immediately tempted, but that would be counterproductive. Lexie didn't want to top from the bottom. That wouldn't satisfy her. Besides, she didn't doubt that Patrick would immediately know if she tried something like that, and she knew he wouldn't have a good reaction to that. If she just wanted a scene, that would be one thing, but she wanted more. So she had to prove to him that she wouldn't disappoint him just to get a spanking.
Scrap that idea.
More importantly, what was she going to wear?
******
Taking the candles off the table for the third time, Patrick put them back in the cabinet. This time he was going to leave them there. Definitely. This wasn't a romantic dinner, after all. He just wanted to see Lexie. Since he'd missed out on Saturday night. Not that they'd have done a scene then, but he'd been thinking about having her in his office again. Just to see how she did a second night in a row.
After all, if he was going to talk to Jake, once he returned from deployment, then Patrick needed to know that Lexie could handle his needs. Not just the ones in a scene, but the ones outside of a sc
ene too. There was no way to discover if she could be a full-time submissive without testing her. Better to find out now rather than after talking to Jake.
He'd made a nice dinner, using recipes that he'd gotten from Justin and Angel, both of whom did a lot of cooking. Pecan-crusted pork loin, Brussel sprouts with pears and apples that had been simmered in apple cider, and baked polenta rounds with melted cheese on top. Not his usual kind of meal, he was more of a steak-and-potatoes guy, but definitely within his capabilities. Still, he knew he'd gone a little overboard with trying to make it an impressive meal.
Which was why the damned candles were staying in the damned cabinet. This wasn't a date. Something that he needed to remind himself of. Lexie too. He really didn't want to hurt her by getting her hopes up.
It was a fine line he was walking, and it was driving him a little batty, trying to maintain his balance. Which, in turn, was making his need for control over every aspect of his life even greater, including making him want to control Lexie. He hadn't just been pleased when she'd agreed to come over tonight, he'd been relieved. He needed an outlet for his growing frustration, his need, and he knew he'd be able to get that tonight.
Not sexually, but in a more intimate manner.
The doorbell rang, and he had to restrain himself from running to answer it. Get it together, asshole. She was exactly on time.
Lexie looked gorgeous, as usual. She was wearing jeans that clung to the line of her body, a thin, dark red blouse, and a vest that kept her top from being immodest. Without the vest, he would have been able to see right through her shirt. It wasn't how she normally dressed, and he felt a small surge of pleasure that she had obviously picked out something special for dinner with him.
Then he tamped the pleasure down, reminding himself that he wasn't supposed to be getting his hopes up while she was just training with him.
"Hi," she said cheerfully, wrapping her arms around him for a greeting hug, the way they always did. Patrick returned the hug, trying not to remember what it felt like to have her naked skin under his hands.
"Hey Pixie, come on in," he said, stepping back so that she could move past him into the house.
"Oh my god, something smells amazing," she said, over her shoulder as she headed for the kitchen. "Did you actually cook?"
"Of course I cooked, I invited you over for dinner, didn't I?" he teased her. Having Lexie over at his house always both relaxed him and put him on edge, simultaneously, if such a thing was possible. He liked having her in his space, but it was also hard to keep his attraction to her under control all the time. Tonight was going to be the first time that he was going to be able to indulge in some of his desires.
Lexie raised her eyebrows when she saw his dining room table. He'd set it up with two place settings, one at the head of the table and one right next to it on the left, but only the one at the head had any silverware. "Am I going to be eating with my fingers?"
"No," he said simply. "Sit down and I'll get the food."
Rather than talking back, like he'd half-expected, Lexie went to the seat on the left and watching him. Her expression was more curious than anything else. Smug satisfaction at seeing her follow his direction filled his chest as he went to get their dinner, serving both of them. Confusion chased away her curiosity as he filled their plates and then poured them both a glass of wine.
"Shouldn't I be serving you?" she asked, sounding a bit amused. "By the way, this smells even better up close."
"Glad to hear it," he said with a smile as he sat down. Her place setting was much closer to his than it would normally be, well within reach of his arms. That was something he'd already checked when he'd set the table up. "But no, you should be doing what I want you to do."
"I just figured you'd want your submissive serving you, not the other way around."
Patrick smiled at the honest curiosity in her voice. It was obvious, to him, that she was trying to figure out what pleased him. Little did she know that just wanting to know how to serve him was what pleased him. He was good enough at reading expressions and body language to know that she was sincere. Sometimes, with Lexie, he had more trouble than with others, because they'd known each other for so long, and she'd had practice at hiding her emotions, but right now she was completely open to him.
"I want my submissive to do what I tell her to," he said, picking up his fork and knife and reaching over to cut her pork loin into bite size pieces. Lexie watched him, a wrinkle forming over her brow, although she kept her hands in her lap. He could see her fingers moving restlessly, as though she wanted to snatch the silverware from him and take over, but she didn't. "Sometimes that will mean serving me. Sometimes that will mean sitting still while I serve her." He flashed a grin at her as her hands immediately stilled.
"Okay. Um... is this like a Daddy Dom thing?"
He couldn't help but laugh. "No, just a Service Dom thing. I get satisfaction out of providing and caring for my submissive, not out of babying her."
Doing this with Lexie had a completely different dynamic than with any of his past girlfriends. He realized that he was being more playful with Lexie, more teasing, even though he meant every word. With his past submissives, he'd laid down the law, and they'd either listened or gotten out. With Lexie, it was impossible to hold back his affection for her or completely change the way he normally spoke with her; which might not be a bad thing, considering that none of his past submissives had worked out either. Maybe he'd been too harsh on them. Or maybe they just hadn't been right. Something to consider later.
"Take off your vest."
Shit. He hadn't meant to say that. It was a thought that had been running through his head. What he wanted. Not what he'd been planning to actually get. But now that it was out, he sure as hell wasn't taking it back. This was going to be his reward. Reward and torment, all wrapped up in one neat little bundle.
Lexie's eyes got big, her lips parting slightly, but she just lifted her hands and started undoing her buttons. Obviously she hadn't been expecting that either. Good to know he wasn't the only one off balance. Patrick forced his face to stay blank as she did what he said, shrugging off the garment.
No bra.
Silver gleamed through the thin fabric of her shirt, which did absolutely nothing to hide her erect nipples from him. He could even see the outline of her areola, despite the fact that the shirt was red and should have hidden that from him. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
This might be more torture than reward.
"Put your hands behind your back." That's what he'd meant to say originally, before his mouth got out of control.
She bent her elbows, which thrust her breasts out as she gripped her forearms, holding herself in the position that he'd told her he liked. Which was fucking hot. Patrick had to fight the urge to reach down and adjust his cock, mostly because he didn't want her realizing just how affected he was. They were already toeing the fucking line as it was.
It occurred to Patrick that his inner monologue was saying 'fuck' a lot. Great. His fucking subconscious was probably trying to take over.
He dragged in a breath, focusing himself, and gathering the tattered ends of his self-control and pulling them back in line. "So, how was your day?"
******
The situation was utterly surreal, and yet strangely... right.
Patrick had her sitting at his dinner table, with her breasts on display (even if they weren't totally uncovered), while he fed her, and they had a completely normal dinner conversation. For a few moments, she'd fantasized that he'd say fuck dinner and bend her over the table right here and now, but then he'd ruined that by asking how her day was. Her day had been torturous, waiting for tonight. But that's not what she said.
He fed her bites of food, unless she asked for a sip of wine or water, which he also provided for her, while she told him about some of the problem patients that had come through the office that day. There was doctor-patient confidentiality, of course, but she could still tell him about the woman who
had been thirty minutes late to her appointment and then thrown a fit that she'd had to wait another hour because the doctor had moved on. Then there was the slightly funnier story about the dad who'd had his kid with him, and apparently the kid had just learned the word 'penis.' He shouted it at the top of his lungs, over and over again, every couple of minutes while his dad had tried to hush him. Some of the patients in the waiting room had been disapproving, but Lexie and the other patients had found it hysterical. Patrick chuckled too, his eyes warm as he fed her another bite of pork.
They talked about Stronghold and his time during the day, which was spent on marketing and also on reviewing applications. He was too much of a control freak not to personally go over every single visitor and member application that came in. Lexie thought it was endearing.
It could have been a totally normal dinner between them, except for the fact that he could see her nipples, and she wasn't feeding herself. Which was what made it so freaking surreal. On the other hand, she was kind of enjoying it too. At first she'd hated that Patrick was cutting up her meat for her, it made her feel like a child, but he didn't talk to her like she was one. And he sure didn't look at her like she was one. The man could barely glance at her without his gaze dropping to her breasts for at least a moment. There was something nice about being fed, about the care he took to make sure she could sip her wine without spilling. He was just so focused on her, it was impossible not to enjoy it to some extent.
Once they were finished eating, Patrick picked up their plates. "You may put your vest back on and return your arms to normal."
Disappointment zinged through her, but she stifled it. Especially when she caught a glimpse of his face and knew that he'd seen it. Plus it felt good to move her arms again. She rolled her shoulders, stretching them out a little bit, and enjoying the way his attention went straight to her breasts before he turned away. Ha, take that.
Sighing internally, she put her vest back on. The fabric pressed against her nipples, making her want to moan a little bit. She was turned on. Not so much from being fed as just from being in Patrick's presence, knowing that he was looking at her as a woman and a submissive. Even though he tried to hide it, she'd seen the occasional heat in his eyes when he'd looked at her. She was getting to him.
