by Golden Angel
Baby steps, she reminded herself. Sometimes it sucked being patient, but it was better than ruining everything by pushing. Especially with something like starting a relationship between the two of them, she knew that Patrick was going to feel the need to be in control more than ever. If she couldn't give up that control, then she wasn't the right woman for him anyway.
"I'm glad you came over tonight," Patrick said, coming back into the room. He sat back down at his previous seat, his dark eyes studying her.
Lexie smiled. "Me too. Thanks for inviting me."
He inclined his head, still looking at her as if trying to puzzle something out. She just waited, knowing it was better to let him figure out exactly what he wanted to say. Trying to hurry him just made him grouchy.
"What did you think about the way we ate dinner tonight?" His tone was questioning and not at all sexual. The way he might ask someone if they preferred salty or sweet. Still trying to keep their relationship in 'training' mode, she supposed.
She hesitated on answering, because she didn't want to disappoint him, but she also thought she should tell the truth. In the long run, they'd both be a lot more disappointed if she lied. One of the things her friends had hammered into her about the scene was being honest. Brutally honest, if need be, because anything else was just asking for trouble. Besides, she and Patrick had been tip-toeing around each other for so long, and she didn't want to play games.
"I'm not sure it was my thing," she said, watching his expression just as carefully as he watched hers. If this was a deal breaker, she wanted a heads up. "I wouldn't mind eating that way some of the time, but not all of the time. I liked that it felt intimate and I felt very cherished and cared for while you fed me, and I liked being the center of your focus, but I think I'd get annoyed if I had to eat like that every night." The expression on his face didn't change. She hesitated again and then added, "I suppose I could try and see if I got used to it, if it was something that was important... um, to my dominant."
Yeah, that got a little flicker of something that looked a lot like jealousy when she said 'my dominant.' Patrick didn't want to think about someone else being her dominant. It was the little moments like that which gave her hope for them.
To her relief, he relaxed and smiled at her. "Thank you for being honest."
Okay, seriously? That's all he was going to say about that? What about him?
"Is that something you would want? Every night?" she asked. Yeah, maybe she shouldn't be pushing, but she needed to know dammit. Had she just ruined her chances with him? Even though she knew that his past girlfriends hadn't been able to meet his needs, that some of them had called him a control freak before they went running, she never knew the specific incidents that set them off. Patrick never talked about them, as far as she knew. She'd always taken it for granted that she knew Patrick, but right now, she was realizing that there were some facets to him that she didn't know at all.
While she had an idea in her head about what it meant to him to be totally in charge of the relationship, to have a full-time submissive, maybe she was wrong about that. Maybe he wanted to feed his submissive every night, or even every meal. There were a lot of ways to live the lifestyle, and just because she thought she knew him and could guess at his preferences, that didn't mean she would guess right.
The silence between them stretched, and she wondered if he was even going to answer, when he finally gave a little nod.
"Probably not every night. I do like to provide for... my submissive." This time it was Lexie's turn to feel a little flash of jealousy, and by the gleam in his eye, she knew she hadn't entirely hidden it. "Which, sometimes, to me means cooking her a meal and feeding it to her. It's something which I would enjoy on a regular basis, but not necessarily every night."
"How often is a regular basis?" That was Maria's advice. Be specific. Don't assume anything. Good advice from Maria, considering some of the things she'd assumed about Rick when she first met him. Mostly that he was a womanizer and that he'd never be into her, and then she'd assumed a lot about BDSM. Although, it was also partly Rick's fault for not talking to her about a lot of stuff, and she hadn't asked because she hadn't known the right questions. Lexie knew the right questions.
"A couple times a week."
She could live with that. It was hard to keep her mouth shut and remind herself that she and Patrick weren't negotiating a contract or a relationship. They were just talking. But she also knew that he would be taking note of everything she said, of every small reaction she had, and analyzing it. The big guy practically seemed psychic sometimes with how well he could read facial cues and body language. Lexie could sometimes hide things from him, but right now she wasn't trying. This was too important for hiding.
"Do you ever expect your submissives to cook for you?" She asked the question, even though she was pretty sure she knew what the answer was. It was why she'd been practicing cooking with Justin for the past few months.
"Sometimes." Patrick's teeth flashed in his dark face, gleaming white in a predator's smile. "Preferably wearing nothing but an apron."
His face suddenly changed, going blank, and Lexie had to stop herself from crowing with delight. Yeah, he definitely hadn't meant to say that. This time, the silence was fraught with tension, both sexual and not, as they stared at each other across the table. Were both of them picturing her, in nothing but an apron, cooking for him? She hoped so. She really, really did.
Patrick broke their staring contest first, glancing down at his watch. "It's getting late, you should probably head home."
She could see the clock in his kitchen from where she was sitting. They'd been sitting, eating and talking for almost two hours. If she wanted time to wind down at home before getting into bed, then he was right. He knew that she liked to go to bed early on the nights she wasn't manning the front desk of Stronghold. It made up for the late nights the rest of the week.
Part of her wanted to say she was fine, that she should stay, but she decided a tactical retreat was better at this point. Let Patrick keep stewing. It seemed to be working.
******
Cleaning up his kitchen, Patrick's mind wandered, as it always did when he was doing mundane chores. He liked cooking for his subs, and having them cook for him, but he would have been happy to give up doing dishes any day. Maybe he should have mentioned that to Lexie and see if she would have stayed to do them.
Smirking, he rinsed the soap off of the pot he was currently washing and put it on the drying rack.
He'd ended tonight feeling reassured about her. Lexie was a submissive, and she had a crush on him, but she wasn't a pushover either. When he'd first asked her how he felt about the dinner, he already knew. He'd been paying attention to every nuance of her reactions throughout the evening. What he'd wanted to know was if she would tell the truth about it. Because even though he made it his business to be able to read people, he wasn't infallible. Also, he wanted to know how far she'd be willing to go.
That she wasn't willing to lie made him feel better. She'd spoken honestly and sincerely and had been up front about her needs. A relationship with him couldn't work any other way. As much as he needed his sub to be... well, submissive, he also needed to know that he was fulfilling her as well, and that she wasn't feeling resentful or smothered, but that she appreciated him and his dominance over her.
Although he could tell that Lexie hadn't loved the way they'd eaten dinner tonight, she could enjoy it to some extent, and she'd be willing to do it more often than her preference as long as it wasn't all the time. No couple was perfect, the key was finding compromises so that they could both be happy. Feeding her was something he was willing to compromise on as well. The important thing was knowing that they could communicate honestly about it.
He really had enjoyed feeding her though. Tormenting himself as he'd placed each bite of food between her lips. Trying to keep his gaze from falling to the silver gleam of her nipple piercings too often. Having her under his contro
l, with her acceptance and encouragement. He wasn't like Liam, who rarely engaged in anything other than honor bondage, but Patrick did like to see a woman who was willing to hold herself the way he wanted her to without restraints or ropes. Doing it for his pleasure and nothing else.
Having Lexie under his command was a rush like nothing he'd felt before. At the same time, it had also felt settled. Domestic. Comforting. Everything he'd always wanted his home life to be.
Fuck he was getting in deep.
Rinsing off the last pot, Patrick decided to go take a shower. Maybe it was pathetic to be jerking off to nothing more than the memory of her eating from his hand, but that's exactly what he was going to be doing in five minutes.
******
Cradling her phone between her ear and her shoulder, Lexie poured her cooked noodles from the pot into the colander to drain away the water. It wasn't the most comfortable position, but she didn't want to put Leigh on speakerphone either, it was too hard to hear that way. The other woman had called to chat. Lexie got the feeling that Leigh had a bunch of free time that she didn't quite know what to do with, and that she was feeling lonely in her apartment now that Michael had moved most of his things out.
"I just don't know what to do with myself sometimes," Leigh admitted, sounding forlorn. "It's easier on the weekends when I can hang out with people, but on the weeknights not everyone's available. I can only hang out with Angel so much."
"Adam's not giving you any trouble, is he?" Lexie asked, surprised. Adam's protective side usually encompassed every one he cared about, and she'd always thought he liked Leigh. Picking up the colander, she poured the spaghetti noodles back into the pan so that she could mix in some sauce.
Leigh laughed, reassuring her. "No, he's been awesome. I think he'd be totally fine if I was over there every night, but you know. It's hard. I feel like I'm imposing and taking away the time that they're supposed to have together. Plus, I don't want them to feel like they have to tone down their affection for each other in front of me or anything. But it does hurt sometimes to watch them. It makes me remember the way Michael used to be. And then it makes me remember how he stopped being that way."
"Yeah, I can get that," Lexie said sympathetically. She knew the 'third-wheel' feeling all too well. Fortunately, Patrick's presence usually meant that she wasn't totally out on her own, but it wasn't like they were together. Watching the other Stronghold couples made her yearn. They didn't even realize how stinking cute they all were together. Even Andrew, the most die-hard bachelor of the group, was starting to look a little envious sometimes. "Kind of sickening aren't they?"
She and Leigh both giggled, because it was the truth. But there wasn't any bitterness to their envy, both of them were happy for their friends. It was just hard not to wish for happiness of their own. Yeah. Lexie totally got that.
"So, how was dinner at Patrick's last night?"
Lexie had gotten used to Leigh's abrupt changes in subject. She would veer off topic and then come back to it later, depending on how her emotions were doing.
"Good. Weird." She told Leigh about Patrick feeding her. To her surprise, Leigh actually sounded intrigued by the idea. "You know, maybe you should come spend some nights at the club. I'll be there tomorrow night for more training, and then Friday and Saturday I'll be working there, but I always hang out at the bar afterwards."
"I don't know..." Leigh's voice lowered, and Lexie knew that she was about to hear something that Leigh hadn't told very many other people, if anyone else at all. "Part of me is still waiting to see if Michael changes his mind. He called me today."
"He did?" Lexie tried not to sound too shocked.
"He said he misses me." The yearning in Leigh's voice was impossible to mistake. "Don't tell Angel though, okay? She'd have a cow."
"Yeah, okay." Yikes. Talk about a bad situation. "So... did you guys talk about getting back together?"
"No. We just talked. He asked how I've been doing. I asked how he's been doing. We both talked about how hard it's been and how weird it is not to see each other every night." Leigh's voice was tense. Stressed. Yet, at the same time, Lexie thought she detected just a hint of relief. As if Leigh had been building up to this confession the entire conversation. "Actually, it was the nicest and longest conversation we've had in a while."
Angel had once told Lexie that she thought Michael took Leigh for granted. That he kept her around because the couple of times that they'd taken breaks and he'd tried to date other people, he'd always failed miserably. But she also thought that Michael cared for her a lot too. When he treated Leigh well, he was romantic and sweet and wonderful. She just didn't think he did it often enough, and that the only times he did it was so that he could make himself feel like a great boyfriend so that he didn't have to put in the effort the rest of the time. Lexie couldn't help but wonder if Michael was already feeling the effects of not having a loving girlfriend hanging on his every word and being available for ready sex. Although, that seemed kind of cynical. Because Leigh was an amazing girl. She supposed it was possible that every time they went on a break he would realize just how freaking great she was. Except, why did he need to keep going on breaks?
Besides that, how could he tell her that he wasn't in love with her anymore and then keep calling her? Although... okay. To be fair, even if she and Patrick didn't work out, she couldn't imagine not having him in her life either. He was practically a permanent fixture, someone that had been there so long, she kind of took his presence for granted too. Michael and Leigh had been together for almost seven years. That was a really fucking long time.
It didn't make him any less of an ass, but maybe she could empathize a little bit with the happiness that she heard in Leigh's voice.
"I guess it's good to have someone to talk to who understands..." she said slowly, trying to think of a diplomatic way to phrase her reply. "I'm not sure it makes up for everything though."
"It doesn't," Leigh said quietly. "But... I can't help but feel like I got a little bit of the old Michael back. Just for a little bit. Even if he's not in love with me anymore, I'm still in love with him, and I love him. That's not something I can just get over."
From the way she said it, Lexie got the idea that quite a few people were encouraging Leigh to move forward and get over Michael. Easier said than done. Otherwise Lexie would have done the same about Patrick years ago.
"Of course it's not," Lexie said, trying to sound both sympathetic and encouraging. "But you deserve more than what he was giving you, too. Are you sure talking to him now is the best thing for you?"
"Are you sure that getting involved with Patrick for training and nothing more is the best thing for you?" Leigh countered. There was no anger in her voice, just compassion.
"Nope. It could definitely blow up in my face and start the drama parade of the century," Lexie said, grinning. Hell, it was true, but it hadn't happened yet. Might as well joke about it. Especially because it made Leigh laugh.
"Woo, drama parade. Break out the flags and vuvuzelas."
"Pretty much. So, you know, don't tell any of the Sentinels that I'm planning on breaking the glass case around Patrick's dick. They'll start building a float."
Leigh choked and busted up laughing so hard that she actually dropped her phone, and Lexie had to pull her own phone away from her ear as the sound of plastic clattering on the floor assaulted her.
"A glass case around his dick?!"
"You know, because he friend zoned me?" Lexie asked, but Leigh just kept laughing, making a negatory noise to indicate she hadn't heard that before. "Friend zone is putting the guy's dick in a glass case? Break in case of emergency?"
"Oh my god..." Leigh snorted she was laughing so hard. "I love being friends with you."
"I don't understand how you haven't heard this before."
"Obviously you're way too young and hip for me," Leigh teased, in between her giggles which were slowly coming under control. "I'm too old to be one of the cool kids. I definitel
y did not know that was a thing. I'm not sure that works for you anyway though, since Patrick put his dick in there himself."
"Truth. Why do you think my ringtone for him is 'Can't Touch This'?"
Both of them started laughing again. Lexie was glad that she could end the phone call on a good note with Leigh sounding much more like her old self. She even said she might come to the club sometime soon. Lexie hoped so. She was pretty sure that Leigh had some submissive tendencies. Maybe seeing more of the people at the club would tempt her to try new things, new men, and help her move away from her relationship with Michael. It sure as heck couldn't hurt.
Chapter 9
Tonight, Patrick was going to give Lexie a little taste of the Dungeon. Just, not the public part like Michael had. He'd been planning the scene all day, after reserving the Doctor's Office for them to play in. The Jail would have been his preference, but he'd waited too long to actually book the room while he tried to decide exactly what he wanted to do with her.
While Patrick wasn't as into role-play, it was a fun occasional indulgence. Plus, he did like the medical table. Lots of different possibilities for bondage.
He'd sent her a text message earlier in the day, telling her to bring the glass plug that he'd given her at the end of their last scene and to wear something that could be taken off easily. The plug was definitely going to get some use tonight. Today he'd also gone on a little shopping trip and bought new clamps, which he was looking forward to torturing her nipples with. She had gorgeous nipples for torturing.
While he was waiting for her to arrive, he did a walkthrough of the club, just checking in on the few scenes that were going on this early in the evening. Will was the one who'd reserved the Jail, for himself and Gina, a submissive that he'd taken to playing with regularly lately. They'd been scening together over the summer too, but Patrick couldn't remember if he'd seen either of them with someone else in the past couple of weeks. Which bothered him, because normally he liked to pay attention to things like that. This business with Lexie had him distracted.
