Lust & Trust

by Amanda Cain

  “When Char finds out I’ve been withholding information, especially something like this, she’s going to banish me to the couch for months. Don’t hurt her, Ryan. Em’s a great girl.”

  “Em being terrific is the one thing I am sure of,” I said sincerely. “I’m enjoying our time together, but I don’t want to hurt her. We’ve been avoiding conversations about family, work and …”

  “And real last names,” Bob interjected.

  I inhaled, taking a deep breath, “I know, I lied to her.”

  “Smith?” Bob shook his head but then smiled.

  “Yeah, good thing I don’t need to be creative in my work.” I joked. “This is going to sound crazy, but Em gave me a pass on my first few lies and doesn’t want to know about them. I can’t imagine why she is letting me off the hook, but I’m glad she is.”

  “Yeah, I heard about that. I get an earful every day from Char on how irresponsible she thinks Em is acting.”

  “Ouch. Damn, Bob. I’m sorry. I’ll figure this out soon.”

  “It’s not that I owe you, although I do. If I had been on time instead of five minutes late, I would have been right there with you twelve years ago.”

  “Ancient history, dude. No sense in both of us being fucked.”

  “Not to mention hiring my firm helped me make partner,” he added.

  “I didn’t hire you because we were friends. It was business. You and your firm do a great job.”

  “Thanks, I appreciate that. I haven’t said anything to Char because I think you and Em need to figure it out. When I met Char, it was an instant connection. I knew within the first week I wasn’t going anywhere.”

  “I appreciate you not saying anything to Char and Em. I know I’m asking a lot, but can you give me a little more time?”

  Bob nodded his head and smiled. “I guess a little more time isn’t going to change how pissed off Char is going to be when she finds out.”

  The topic moved to other less personal things. Bob and I bullshitted about fishing and the important questions of life, like who was hotter: Maryann or Ginger?

  As we stood up to interrupt the girl’s chat fest, Bob brought the conversation back to Emma. “Maybe you should give some thought as to why Em gave you a free pass on your lying. Be careful, Ryan. Something is developing between you two.”

  I worried that he was right.

  Watching them together, it dawned on me how close Charlotte and Em were, which also made me appreciate how difficult it must be for Bob not to say anything.

  Chapter 17

  Ryan

  Monday came around too soon. It sucked. I didn’t want to leave. I wished I were able to ask her to come with me, to introduce her to my daughter. To have a normal relationship. Instead, I was about to put more space between us.

  “It might be a little longer before I can come back to Denver this time,” I apologized.

  I saw the uncertainty in her eyes and her face reflected all the things she wanted to ask. “How long?”

  “Not sure. Probably two weeks. There are some things I need to take care of.”

  I took the coward’s way out and waited until Em had to leave for work before telling her. I’d promised Melissa she could stay with me for a week again. After my conversation with Bob on the boat, I made the decision to meet with my attorney. Was I starting to care too much? Probably. The longer this went on, the harder it would be, and the further away from the truth things would get. I’d talk to my attorney and then go from there.

  Hugging Em goodbye at the door, I kissed her. After she had left for work, I packed up my things and said bye to Sierra. “I hope I see you again, girl.” She stood on her hind legs and planted a big kiss on me. What a great dog.

  I placed a package on the table for Emma and locked the door behind me.

  On the flight home, my mind drifted over the last few days and how much I enjoyed being with Em. I cared about her, but how much? I hadn’t allowed myself to fall for any woman in fourteen years. Until now, I didn’t think myself capable.

  I needed time to come to grip with what we had. Was it just sex or something real? If it was real, what do I do? Unless my attorney had some great news for me, the best thing for Emma would be for me to cut her loose.

  I picked up Melissa Tuesday morning. Instead of a week, we were only going to get a few days together. Lindsey had made plans to go shopping with her and wanted her back Thursday morning. I had an afternoon appointment with my attorney set for Thursday. I enjoyed my time with Melissa as always and having my daughter with me at least helped take away some of the sting of not being with Em.

  We sat at my kitchen island, chatting leisurely over breakfast before I had to take her back to her mom’s.

  “Dad, the end of summer vacation is still a month away. Can we go to Colorado?”

  I hated the thought of being that close to Emma and not being able to be with her. I already missed her.

  “I’m not sure, sweetheart. Let me look over my schedule. I’ll try to figure something out.”

  “If you’re concerned about Mom, I don’t think she would mind. She might even be happy. If I’m away, she can go out with her friends more.”

  “There are some things I need to work around, but if I can, we will.”

  Melissa’s eyes lit up.

  “Has your mom been going out while you’re at home by yourself?”

  She didn’t look me in the eyes, but she shook her head. I knew from experience that pushing my daughter on this subject would not yield a different answer. She was protecting her mother, and I guess I had to respect that.

  “Alright then. Go grab your stuff. Your mom hates it when I’m late.”

  Melissa and I were both a little depressed on the ride to drop her off. I hated not being able to be with my daughter every day. Going back and forth between her mother and me couldn’t have been easy for her either. Not wanting to deal with Lindsey, I didn’t go in when I dropped Melissa off.

  Back at my apartment, I was alone with my thoughts, which, of course, drifted to Emma. I hadn’t called her since I left. I was a little surprised she hadn’t called me, but I assumed she was trying to give me some space. I knew I shouldn’t have waited this long. In truth, I had thought about calling her every day.

  Any hope I had that these feelings would go away after I spent some time with her didn’t pan out. My feelings for her were becoming evident; what wasn’t clear was what to do about them.

  I fought the urge to call her, even went to dial her number but put the phone down. Maybe I should work off some anxiety first.

  My building had an extensive exercise facility, but I wanted some fresh air, so I walked to the gym a few blocks away. I had just finished my routine when I saw a familiar face, Jenna, Stacy’s mom, heading my way. Jenna was hard not to notice, though Em had her beat hands down. I was still a guy, and Jenna could definitely turn a few heads.

  “Hi. Remember me?”

  “Sure. You’re Melissa’s friend’s mom.” I went to shake her hand then pulled back. “Sorry,” I said, wiping my hands on my shorts. “I’m a little sweaty.”

  “No problem.” She smiled. “Are you a member here? I’m sure I would have noticed you.” Her eyes flirtatiously drifted over my body.

  “I am, but I usually work out at the gym in my apartment building.”

  “Well, I’m glad I ran into you. I’m on the school committee for the summer camp program. I thought maybe Melissa and Stacy could go together. Would you like to grab a cup of coffee to discuss the camp when you’re done?” she asked.

  “I am a little pressed for time. Perhaps I can call you and …”

  Before finishing my statement, Jenna grabbed my phone, which was lying on the bench, and typed in her name and number. “In case you lost my number, now you can’t lose it. Call me anytime,” she said as she turned and walked away.

  I watched her as she exited the building. She was in terrific shape. Not as curvy or luscious as Emma, but Stacy’s mom w
as hot.

  I went home and started to dial Emma. Realizing I still had no clue what I was going to say, I decided to wait. It was almost time to meet with the attorney. I showered and left for his office.

  “Hey, Ryan, great to see you again,” Jack, my attorney, held out his hand.

  “Good to see you too, Jack. Hopefully you have some good news for me?”

  The smile disappeared off of Jack’s face. “I’m afraid not.” He shook his head. “The firm did an extensive background check on Lindsey, and at least on paper, she looks like a saint. No DUIs, criminal records, neighbor complaints. Nothing that would put her on the radar.”

  “So what does this mean?” I asked.

  “Unless you are willing to bring Melissa into this, and she can testify in front of the Judge that her mom is negligent, there isn’t much I can do.”

  “I can’t do that to Melissa. I’m not even sure she would be willing. What about joint custody? If I divorce Lindsey, can I at least get joint custody?” I asked.

  “Well, that depends. Yes, if Lindsey doesn’t fight it. If she does, we could be in trouble.”

  “Oh, she will fight it,” I said. “Lindsey doesn’t want a divorce. Why I don’t fucking know. Sorry, Jack, I am just so frustrated.”

  “I understand. Unfortunately for us, in cases of child custody, the courts are usually more sympathetic with the mother, unless gross negligence can be proven. Without Melissa testifying, I don’t think we can prove negligence. You can afford the best attorneys, but so can she. Honestly, despite it being years ago, your record combined with your alleged reputation, including everything that can be found online, puts Lindsey in a better position. Are you sure you can’t persuade Lindsey to agree to joint custody?” Jack asked.

  “Pretty sure,” I said, defeated.

  “The only other thing we can try is to put surveillance on her. Maybe something will turn up,” Jack offered.

  “You mean like a private detective?”

  “That’s about all we have left. But from the looks of things, it may be a dead end.”

  I stood up. “Thanks, Jack. I appreciate you trying. I’ll give the detective idea some thought.”

  “Sorry, Ryan, I know this is tough to hear. Worst case scenario, Melissa turns eighteen in four years.”

  *

  Fuck, now what? There wasn’t any chance that Lindsey would be reasonable. Should I tell Emma the truth? I didn’t want to lose her. The thought of never being able to be with her again sucked, but the possibility of hurting her more than I may have already made my chest tighten. I wasn’t ready to call her.

  I called my sister in Colorado Springs instead.

  Myla and I were close except that first year with Lindsey, my senior year. Myla disliked Lindsey and had warned me about her. But when you were seventeen and horny, and the hottest chick in the school wanted you, you didn’t pay much attention to what your kid sister thought.

  “Hey, Sis.”

  “Who is this?” She laughed. “Who is this person pretending to be my brother and calling me sis? My brother disappeared several weeks ago on his way to visit me and hasn’t called me since!”

  “Yeah, sorry about that. I got a little distracted.”

  “I would ask her name, but I’m talking to Mr. Never Date a Woman More Than Twice, so it can’t be a woman that distracted you,” she said, the sarcasm playfully oozing from her voice.

  “Emma. Her name’s Emma.”

  For once my sister was quiet. Dead silence on the other end of the phone for at least thirty seconds.

  “For reals? Talk to me. Tell me everything about her. What about Lindsey?” she asked, without stopping to take a breath.

  “That’s why I’m calling, I need some advice.”

  I told her about Emma, the lies I told, everything.

  “Wow, you are an idiot,” she said.

  “Thanks, I can always count on you.” I chuckled.

  “Dickhead! By not calling her, you’re making things worse! You need to tell her the truth. Either she will accept your situation or she won’t, but lying isn’t going to improve your chances. Ryan, it was twelve years ago!”

  “There is the whole thing with Lindsey and Melissa,” I said. “I met with Jack today. Custody isn’t likely to happen. Not even shared custody unless Lindsey agreed to it. Looks like I remain a married man.”

  “That woman is such a bitch! How long is she going to ruin your life?”

  “Well, our vows said till death do us part,” I tried to joke. “But more likely for the next four years until Melissa turns eighteen.”

  “I don’t know how you deal with her. I will be so happy for you when you don’t have to anymore.”

  “You and me both.”

  “You still need to come clean with Emma. Tell her the truth.”

  “And you think she is going to agree to sneak around?” I said, sarcastically.

  “Just tell her. If it’s meant to be, something will work out. But she needs the whole truth.”

  “Something will work out? Like what, a bus falling on top of Lindsey.”

  Myla laughed. “You don’t know how many times I wished for that when we lived together. Trust me, Bro, tell Em.”

  Myla and I hung up, and I dialed Emma.

  Chapter 18

  Ryan

  I made the decision to tell Em everything—but in person. Whether she decided to end us or not, at least she’d know I cared enough to be honest. I made arrangements to fly to Denver tomorrow.

  “Hi, Emma,” I said, eager to hear her voice.

  “No,” a man replied.

  Shocked by the male voice on the other end of the line, I checked to make sure I punched in the right speed dial.

  “Emma is in the shower. Can I take a message?”

  “No.” I hit the disconnect button.

  What the hell? Had Emma been playing me all along? Monogamous fucking came to my mind. Yeah right. I leave for a few days and she is with some other guy! If she was ready to move on, why didn’t she say something before I left? No wonder she hadn’t called. At least I don’t have to worry about what to do or hurting her! She took care of that problem. She can move on, and I’ll leave her alone.

  My cell lit up. Emma’s number popped up on the screen. I put the phone on do not disturb. I didn’t want to listen to her tell me how it wasn’t fun anymore and she was moving on. I met with my attorney and went through all this emotional shit. For what? I thought we might have had something. I guess she didn’t. Fuck, I really misread her. Then again, she did go on a date less than a week after we first hooked up, admitted to seeing Michael probably around the same time, and didn’t care that I had lied to her. The fucking signs were there, I just wasn’t reading them!

  I slammed my fist on the table, grabbed my wallet, and got in the car. Next thing I knew, I was parked in front of Stacy’s mom’s house. Before I had a chance to drive away, Jenna knocked on my window, dressed in short shorts and a low-cut top.

  “Ryan, why are you sitting out here in your car? Come on in. I’ll fix you a drink. My daughter is at her friend’s for the night,” she added.

  I followed her into the house. She poured us a drink and handed me a shot. I seldom drank whisky, but the burn felt good. Jenna poured me another.

  Jenna was taller and less curvy than Em. I knew I shouldn’t compare them. I was looking at Jenna but seeing Emma. “Fuck!” I said, a little too loud.

  “My, you are intense.” Jenna’s brows furrowed as she curled her lips into a nervous smile.

  She isn’t Emma, but maybe she is just what I need to erase Em from my mind. Putting my arms around her, I kissed her and massaged her ass with one hand, letting the other hand squeeze her breast. Jenna cried out in pleasure.

  I couldn’t do it. “Jenna, I’m sorry. You’re fantastic, but I can’t. I kissed her forehead and left. When I kissed Jenna’s forehead, I thought of Emma and how much she hated it. Fuck, I was pissed, and I was hurt.

  I slammed th
e door of the Escalade. “Fuck!” I pounded on the steering wheel.

  I went straight to Lindsey’s. I decided to see if she would allow Melissa to spend a week with me in Evergreen. Melissa had been asking to go. With Emma out of the picture, the timing would be perfect.

  “What are you doing here?” Lindsey snapped.

  “I’d like to ask a favor. Is Melissa here?” I sat down at the kitchen table.

  “No, she is out with friends. What do you want?”

  “I thought you might need a break, and Melissa hasn’t been to Colorado with me in a long time.”

  Lindsey squinted her eyes at me. “You’re not offering because I need a break, so don’t pretend it is.”

  She made everything so difficult! Trying to be civil to her was exhausting.

  “Fine. I want some quality time with my daughter and was hoping you would allow her to spend some time in Evergreen with me.”

  “Only you and Melissa?”

  “Of course.”

  “No women? I don’t want you bringing her around any of your whores.”

  “Jesus, Lindsey, give it a rest. It will only be Melissa and me.”

  “Well, I wouldn’t mind some ‘me’ time,” she said. “For how long?”

  “You tell me. For whatever amount of time you are willing.”

  “One week. When did you want to leave?”

  “Tomorrow, the next day … whenever works for you.”

  “Tomorrow is good. Come get her in the morning. I will have her packed.”

  “Didn’t you have plans with Melissa tomorrow?”

  “We did, but Melissa and I can go shopping when you get back.”

  I was shocked but grateful she was allowing me to take Melissa.

  “Lindsey, don’t you think it is time you and I talked?”

  “About what?”

  “About us, our marriage, and whatever it is that’s really going on between us.”

  “You mean you want to talk about divorce?” She was fidgeting and starting to get upset.

  “I want to understand why you don’t want a divorce. It’s not about money. You know I’m a good father.”