McKillip, Patricia A - Winter Rose

by Winter Rose(Lit)

  We had gone everywhere and nowhere; we had rid­den from Lynn Hall to Lynn Hall. But in this unfamiliar country, the house was as I had only seen it in a dream. The buttermilk mare, following a single hooded rider on a horse as black as nothing, brought us back to the door we had left. Other riders flowed away from us, making little more noise than leaves; they went elsewhere, into the wood, maybe, or back into the wind. The hooded rider dismounted at the door; so did Corbet, slipping sud­denly out of my hands. I felt something tear at my heart then, as if it had broken from the cold.

  "Corbet," I whispered, as he turned toward the stranger. "Where are we?"

  He looked up at me, his eyes empty of all expression; he seemed as far from me as he could go without leaving me. "This is the place where I was born."

  The hooded rider loosed his cloak, shrugged it away from him like some winter skin, and I saw his face. Stunned, I felt his name in my throat, though I had only seen him in a dream, or in other people's memories. His face had shed its childhood by a dozen years, grown leaner, harder. But I recognized that long dark hair, those eyes as grey as fieldstone that changed like water changes with every shift of cloud. He must have worn that face when he fled out of time after he killed Nial Lynn; it had been honed to an inhuman beauty and trapped there. I heard Corbet draw breath slowly, as if to still a fear, or gather calm against a storm.

  "Welcome home," his father said, and went up the steps into the house. Corbet turned away from me, left me his shadow to follow.

  Doors were flung wide in this house; nothing was barred, nothing nailed shut. Rooms wandered into other rooms; light spilled through silk and linen, gilding marble floors. The summer breeze scattered the scents of roses, grasses, wildflowers everywhere. I heard voices in the garden, laughing, speaking lightly; I could not hear the words; perhaps I couldn't understand them. Inside the house, I heard steps, a call, a door opening, closing. I saw no one.

  Corbet stood in front of a familiar hearth. I went to him, wanting fire, or at least a little human warmth. But the grate was cold and gleaming, and the barest recog­nition was all I got from him. Roses the color of new blood lay carelessly on the mantel behind him. Above us hung a tapestry of silver and gold and palest green that in my world had faded into white: a great oak so entwined with ivy it had died, its bare branches pushing through the leaves like bone. I stared at the roses, wanting to hold my hands to such red, but like the light, they burned cold.

  Air above the empty, polished grate ignited suddenly; I stepped back, startled, and turned to see Tearle Lynn close his hand and let it fall.

  "She is trembling," he said to Corbet. "In her world, it is still winter."

  "She should have left cold behind her." "It isn't easy," Corbet said. "I tried."

  His father made a soft noise, part laughter, part con­tempt; his eyes grew nearly black with bitterness. "You could have gone anywhere. Why did you waste time in the past?"

  "I couldn't find my way out of it." He spoke steadily, evenly, but his face was colorless as bone. He watched his father carefully, as if Tearle might vanish and reappear out of Corbet's shadow; as if he might lift a careless hand across the room and crack the stone at Corbet's back. "You never did."

  Tearle shifted restively, a young man's protest against a meaningless argument. "The human world is a cold and bitter place; nothing lasts in it. You must know that by now. You were nearly trapped there in its dead­liest season. What did you imagine you were doing in those two rooms? Trying to turn yourself human?" "Yes," Corbet said, so simply that for a breath he rendered his father incapable of moving. Then Tearle brushed away the noise his son had made, and paced a step or two.

  "You have learned better, I hope. In that place things begin to wear away even as they are built; the living die a little more each day. The sun is too far away; light slides endlessly into night; fire and love consume themselves; the heart tries to warm itself with ashes. I brought you up in a world of changeless beauty. I could understand more easily if you had lingered for human love in a place that made some feeble attempt to reflect this. But instead you found the rotting bones of Nial's house and crawled into his heart. Why? You knew we would come for you when you stayed too long. Why did you force me to find you there? What did you think you would find among my memories? "

  Corbet's hands clenched suddenly on nothing. He whispered, "Hope."

  "There?" his father demanded incredulously. His voice had risen only slightly, but something - anger or fear-snapped through the air around him. "The only hope I found in that house was death."

  "How like mortals," Corbet breathed, "to confuse the two." Then his rigid face broke open, freeing expressions I had never seen; words, shaken loose by his father's storm, came out of him in a sudden, desperate cry. "I hoped for something true! Something from my hands, from my heart, not Nial's, not yours. I wanted to rebuild this house in the human world, with time, with earth, with new wood - "

  "Why? When you have this house already, and in this world?"

  "It's not mine, it's not yours; it's Nial Lynn's cold, cruel, loveless house -you brought everything he gave you with you when you ran."

  "I brought nothing with me from that world!" "Yes! You brought nothing! That was all he gave you!" Tearle opened his mouth to answer; nothing came out. He looked astonished, as if Corbet himself had spun the soft summer air into lightning. "This is still Nial's house. You don't feel the cold here because that's all you ever knew. You learned no human warmth from him, you only glimpsed it in others' faces, beside other fires that warmed more than the air they touched. In the end you ran to what you knew best, instead of into the human world, where no one would have blamed you - "

  "No one helped me when he was alive," Tearle said. "And when he died, I no longer needed help." His eyes were very wide, a silvery sheen flashing across the grey, like ice or tears. There were warnings in his tense mus­cles, in his brittle words. "I left that world, and all I could of memory, behind me. Here I dreamed the house that Nial hated, opened the doors and rooms he nailed shut, and found a human who had fled her world to live with me-"

  "Did she truly escape what she ran from when she ran here to you? Or is that why she died so young here, because, like you, she found her only hope in death?"

  His father did not answer in words; he barely moved. Corbet flung back his head abruptly, a sound breaking out of him; the imprint of a hand left a thorn of blood beside his mouth.

  "Your mother came to me freely," Tearle said fiercely. "She stayed here freely-"

  "No one does." Corbet's voice shook. "Look at the price you paid to come here. You took your father's life, now you have his house and all his power. My mother died of winter in this summer world, and so will any mor­tal maid die who follows me here expecting human love. That's why I tried to stay in the human world, why I tried to love there. But-"

  "Is that all I gave you?" Tearle took a step toward Corbet, looking unexpectedly lost, as if he had finally stumbled onto the twisted path his son travelled. "Is that all I gave your mother?"

  Corbet drew breath to answer. Then he closed his eyes and drew breath again. "Why do you think I left this place?" he whispered. "Why do you think I left? You gave us all you could. You gave me a glimpse of all you really wanted, and where I might go to find it. I tried to find that place, I tried to build a house, love a woman in the world where things are always dying, and there is never enough time. But all I did was rebuild Nial Lynn's house, and open his door, and find you waiting to take me back. "

  Without moving, Tearle stepped into human time; I saw the young boy's eyes, filled with terrible, hopeless longing for what he saw but never had. Then he opened a hand, slapped the memory away with the power that had replaced hope. Corbet stood motionless, holding his father's gaze, while all around us and above us doors and windows closed, echoing one another through the house like a long roll of thunder. Wind roiled through the ivy in the tapestry; I heard leaves chatter.

  "I know that world too well," Tea
rle said succinctly. "And you have learned too much."

  "You knew - " Corbet stopped, started again, hope­lessly. "You knew a piece of it."

  "All anyone ever knows, in that timebound place. You will stay here." His eyes flicked to me. "She will stay with you. Whatever she is. She has followed you this far out of her world. But she hasn't followed you blindly. She has our eyes. Perhaps," he added grimly, "being more than mortal, she will not confuse death with hope."

  I felt the ice again, beneath my skin, at the core of my thoughts. I tried to shape words; they eluded me. There were too many, or too few, to answer what I thought I had heard. Corbet, gripping stone, seemed to have the same trouble untangling words.

  "No," he said breathlessly. "She cannot stay." "Why not? She's here. She has eyes that see beyond the human world; she must have inherited them from someone. As I did. And you. She didn't stray here out of innocence. She was looking for this place."

  "I wasn't-" I began, but I heard the lie before I finished. I had searched for it, behind the tapestry, within the reflection in the razor's edge. I had known ... My hands lifted, reaching for Corbet, for mortal flesh and bone. But his hand slid from the mantel; he moved away from the hearth and my fingers closed on air before I touched him. He went to Tearle, each step on the gleam­ing marble sounding longer than the last, until it seemed he had crossed some vast wasteland to reach his father. "This place is very beautiful," he said softly. "And you did give me something of great value. You gave me a dream to take with me into the human world. You gave me far more than your father ever gave you. But I can't stay here. You fought for your freedom and won a dif­ferent kind of prison. I will fight for mine - "

  "You can't fight me," Tearle reminded him harshly. "I know." In the placid light, his face looked chilled and very weary. "But I can die."

  There was silence within the hall and without. No voices called lightly across distances; no birds sang. Everything listened, it seemed, even stone and air. Tearle held words locked in his hands, in his tight mouth, in his eyes, as he stared at his son. Corbet did not move or speak; he simply waited for his father to find a word to free them both.

  She came out of nowhere, shaping herself out of air and light and the barren midnight I saw in her eyes. Win­ter followed her; I felt the icy glide of air along my skin; I smelled it. Her long dark hair, tossed by the winds of a deadly season, tangled wildly around her. Winds tugged at her skirt and trailing sleeves, revealing winter faces: a dark eye, a clawed and bloody paw, a white wing. She looked at me and smiled. Her teeth were pointed like an animal's, and her sapphire eyes flared like stars. I wanted to melt into the stones behind me, crawl among the shad­ows in the chimney. Even the fire had frozen in her smile. She turned away from me and showed a different face to

  Corbet, a different season, one I had no name for; the brief, sweet seasons in my small world could only hint at it.

  "Clouds have formed above the meadow," she said. "And all the birds in the garden are gone." She touched Corbet lightly; her long fingers closed around his wrist. "You lingered in the human world too long; you are be­having like a human."

  He did not look at her; he held his father's eyes. He said to both of them, "I will not stay."

  "And I will not let you leave me." Her tranquil voice carried a warning to them both. She answered Corbet, but turned her dark, unblinking gaze on Tearle until she had his attention and his eyes. "Tell him so. Tell him that he will never leave us."

  "I will not stay."

  "Tell him that I can keep him past death: His ghost will wander forever through my seasons. Death leads no­where but to me. Tell him."

  Expression emptied out of Tearle's eyes, left an opaque mist. Corbet trembled suddenly, as if he too felt the gnawing winds. Then I could no longer see his face; it blurred under my tears. Her attention seized me, swift and predatory, sensing any mortal warmth.

  "Who is this, weeping at my hearth? I remember you. You saw me once or twice before. I thought you were some farmer's lovesick child. Look at me. Let me see your eyes.

  I would rather have stared down a raging blizzard until it blinded me. But I seemed helpless under the force of her regard; her eyes seemed everywhere, even behind my closed eyes. I opened them finally, and fell into some vast, blank shadow, the dark side of the moon.

  "Rois."

  The shock of my name in this strange world brought me back to it: a lovesick farmer's daughter who had wan­dered out of the world to hear her name spoken by the queen of summer and winter and the harvest of the dead. Her eyes had narrowed at what she saw. I felt the rattling icicle fingers of the wind again, and I wondered if, like the winter here, I had turned white to match her cold.

  She said softly, "You see too much. Who gave you your eyes?" I couldn't speak; I could only stay frozen and mute under her hawk's stare, hoping that if I did not move she would think me something not worth the effort. She loosed me abruptly and turned, but I was no longer safe. "I will keep you here. You belong with me."

  "No," Corbet said quickly. "Rois doesn't belong here; she is mortal - "

  "Then why did you bring her? If you don't want her?" He found himself wordless; she smiled a fine, sweet smile. "You brought her because you think she sees what you cannot. You are wrong. There is no way out of my heart for either of you."

  He moved, pulling so fiercely against her hold that he startled her: the seasons in her changed again, reveal­ing the wildness beneath the summer light. Her fingers turned to thick tree roots; she shook him to his knees. She spread her other hand across his face and left a mask of ice; his mouth opened, froze into a silent scream.

  Tearle moved. That's all I saw, before winter raged through the house. Winds shrieked like ravens; the frozen fire broke into pieces on the grate. Ghosts spun out of blown snow snatched at my eyes, my breath. I thought I heard voices, but they kept weaving into wind. The winds grew owls' feathers, owls' claws, and streaked across my eyes. I felt my bones change into air, into stone, into ice, until I heard my own voice crying one word that turned me human again,

  "Corbet! "

  I heard a single winter Rois among the deadly voices of the winds.

  I stumbled to my feet, fought toward him through her winter, reaching out to him at every step, though her winds sealed my eyes shut and I had only my heart to see with. I could not find him, though I ran beyond winter into silence; my hands held only longing. Finally even my heart's eye closed in the bitter dark; I fell into the embrace of stone.

  Sixteen

  I woke to the sound of Salish's voice.

  What Salish was doing in my bedroom I could not imagine. Then I felt the hard, cold bed I lay on, and I lifted my head, stared at white marble. I dropped my head again, groaning, making sense of nothing.

  "Rois," Salish pleaded. He dropped something over me; I smelled damp wool, fur. "Rois. Please wake up." I did, so suddenly I startled him. Memory came back, not piecemeal like a dream, but whole and stark. I had been in Lynn Hall; I was still in Lynn Hall. I had lost Corbet in the wrong hall. I tried to get up; my bones had turned to marble against the stone, too awkward and heavy to lift.

  "Are you hurt?" Salish asked. His voice wavered oddly. He was wavering, too; I blinked him into focus.

  His face, a younger, more stolid version of Crispin's, was patchy with fear; he looked close to tears.

  "No. Just frozen."

  "Well, what are you doing here in Lynn Hall freez­ing next to a dead body?"

  I felt my heart flare painfully, breaking or coming back to life. I pushed myself up, and blood pricked through me again. I could not find my voice.

  Corbet's father lay beside me on the hearthstones. He looked like something frozen in time, encased in a sheen of frost. Even the blood that had flowed from his head glittered icily on the white marble. His eyes were open; they held a faint glaze of horror, as if he had glimpsed these two rooms as he died. His elegant clothes belonged in a different season; his fine, eerie beauty be­longed anywhere but in our sma
ll world.

  She had killed him; she had flung him here like a dead animal, a message, a warning. I put my hands to my mouth, beginning to shake, feeling her eyes everywhere.

  I had found my way out of her world when she had said there was no way out. I know your world, her message said. I know your tales. I am in your winter.

  "Rois." Salish touched my shoulder. "Who is he?" I moved my hands, folded them tightly, trying to think. "I just came to see Corbet. I built a fire. I must have fallen asleep beside it, waiting."

  "He never came?" No.

  "Well, where is he? And who is this dead on his hearth, dressed for spring? How did you get here? I didn't see your horse."

  "I walked."

  His voice rose. "Through that storm?"

  Pinwheels of fire sparked behind my eyes. "Don't shout - "

  "He's not likely to wake up, is he? He must have walked as well; he didn't leave a horse in the stable. The door's wide open; there's nothing in there but snow. You didn't see this one come in?"

  I shook my head, burrowing deeper into Salish's cloak. Beneath the fur, I could reach out, touch a mo­tionless shoulder. He had fought her for Corbet's sake and died. He must not have yielded easily; she had left him where she had found him, in the place he hated most. "You didn't hear the fight?"

  I stared at Salish. Then I saw, beyond him, the shards of crystal scattered on the floor, candles knocked out of their sconces, a lamp on its side in a pool of oil.

  "Someone left the door open," I said uncertainly. "The winds got in."

  "This one left it open when he came in? Dressed like he is? Or Corbet left it open when he came and went?" "I don't know." I rubbed my eyes, feeling tangled in my own lies; I had said what I thought was easiest to believe, but even I wasn't finding it easy. "What are you doing here?" I asked wearily. If Salish had not come, I could have just gone home, leaving the mystery behind me for someone else to find.