Emily Out of Focus

by Miriam Spitzer Franklin

  “Okay.” I could still hear Mei Lin wailing inside the room. “Can I go to the playroom and wait for Katherine?”

  Dad hesitated. I never expected to beg for time with Katherine, but I was curious about her plans even if I wasn’t sure I wanted to help. Besides, whatever she had to say would be way more interesting than sitting in a small hotel room listening to Mei Lin cry.

  “Hey, what’s with the cap?” Dad asked, pulling it off my head.

  The cap! I’d forgotten to take it off when I walked back into the room. “Just felt like wearing it, that’s all,” I said, trying to sound casual about it. He examined me as I raked my fingers through my curls. My dad wasn’t that observant, was he? Surely he wouldn’t put it all together, that I’d put my hair up so no one would take photos of me while I was out exploring the hotel? Before he could think about it too much, I repeated my question. “So, is it all right if I go to the playroom to meet Katherine?”

  Dad hesitated a few more seconds while I held my breath. Then, he handed me the cell phone. I couldn’t believe it! Dad was trusting me in China to go somewhere on my own? “We’ll be there in a few minutes. If you need to get in touch with us, call Mom’s cell. And don’t go anywhere besides the playroom, understand?”

  “Got it,” I said, trying not to grin too big as I reached for the cell. Even if he was only letting me go down the hall, it was a first step worth celebrating.

  ***

  The playroom was full of toys and had a cushioned bench beneath windows that covered the entire wall. Katherine wasn’t there yet so I pulled out Nana’s camera and snapped some photos of Changsha’s skyline.

  Mei Lin had calmed down by the time my parents wheeled her down the hall in her new stroller. As soon as Mei Lin was lifted out of her stroller, she crawled right over to a walker. It looked like a big yellow tire on wheels. She put her hand on the walker and let out a happy shout.

  “I think she wants to try it out,” Mom said.

  Dad picked her up and put her in the seat in the middle. She began paddling her feet. “Wow, look at her go!” Dad said.

  I took off after her. Mei Lin paddled out the doorway, with me close behind. Mom and Dad stood in the doorway to the playroom and watched as she stopped in front of the elevators. I turned her around to push her back to the playroom.

  “Emily!” Katherine called to me as she walked up the hall with her family. They were the last from our group to arrive. “How did Mei Lin get all the way over here?”

  “She walked. Come on, Mei Lin. Let’s go play with Madison in the playroom.”

  But Mei Lin didn’t want to go back in the playroom. All she wanted to do was walk on the carpet outside the elevators. Katherine’s parents stood at the playroom door with Mom and Dad as Mei Lin paddled the walker back and forth, Madison running along beside her.

  “Hey, I bet she had a walker like that at the orphanage,” Katherine said. “Mom said they tie it to the wall with a rope so they can’t go far.”

  “I guess that’s a good idea.” I imagined a whole group taking off in walkers, the orphanage ladies running after them.

  “So, what did you do this afternoon?” Katherine asked as we followed the babies down the hall. Before I had a chance to answer she said, “We spent the afternoon at the Provincial Museum, since we didn’t see all of it yesterday.” She let out a big sigh.

  I looked over at her. “I thought you said it was a great museum.”

  “It was. But there’s lots to see in China. I don’t have to read every single plaque about China’s history, the way Mom wants me to. And besides, Madison was cranky, and let me tell you, visiting a museum with a fussy baby is no fun at all. We should have come back so she could take a nap, and then I could have at least gone swimming or something.”

  “Oh. Well, that’s what we did. I mean, I didn’t get to go swimming, but Mei Lin took a long nap while Mom and Dad were doing paperwork . . .” I hesitated, wondering if I should tell her about sneaking off on my own. I was dying to tell someone, so the words popped right out. “Then Mom and Dad took a nap, and I went bowling.”

  “By yourself?”

  I nodded. “I rolled a strike, too.”

  “Really? My parents won’t let me wander around the hotel by myself. They’ve been sticking to me like glue this whole trip so far.”

  “Yeah, well, my parents didn’t let me either,” I said. “But once they were asleep, I went anyway.”

  Katherine’s eyes widened. “I knew it! I knew you’d be good at sneaking around. That’s why you’ll be perfect for helping me with my plan. Promise you won’t tell?”

  I avoided her eyes, afraid to make a promise I might not be able to keep. “If it were me, I’d tell my parents. It seems like a big thing to try to do on your own.”

  Katherine crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Mom and Dad don’t want me to look for my birthmom.”

  “Why not?”

  “Mom said it could lead to disappointment. That we might not be able to find her, or that she might not want to see me. But, even if I don’t find my birthmom, I could find my dad, or my sister. Mom wants me to wait until I’m older, but I’m here in China right now, and it might be harder to find her if I wait. So . . .” She grabbed me by the wrist and locked eyes with mine. “Are you in, or not?”

  I bit my lip, but I could see the hope in her eyes and I could hear it in her voice. That’s when I remembered the photojournalist contest, the one I was determined to win. I’d memorized the directions, which I recited in my head: Tell a story with photos and words. Your goal is to effectively combine photography and writing to make a powerful statement about your topic.

  If I wanted to tell a powerful story, the perfect one had just dropped in my lap.

  I looked over at Katherine and nodded. “Okay,” I said. “I’ll help. And I promise not to tell.”

  CHAPTER NINE

  We reached the end of the hall. Mei Lin banged her walker right into someone’s hotel room door. “Come on, Mei Lin.” I turned her around before she could bang the door again. “Let’s go back to the playroom to see Mommy and Daddy.”

  Mei Lin moved her feet, paddling that walker right back down the hall.

  Katherine squeezed my hand, then let go. “Thanks.”

  “Anytime,” I said. I was so excited I’d figured out how to win the contest that I could hardly keep from jumping up and down. “So, how are you going to find her?”

  “I’m going to put up a letter at my finding spot, and I’ll leave my cell phone number.” She held up a little pink phone.

  “Your finding spot?”

  Katherine nodded. As we came around the corner, Madison ran into the playroom, right past the Bresners, who were standing with my parents waiting for us in the doorway.

  “Hey, wait for me!” Katherine called after her. “You know what? Madison is really smart,” she said to me. “She can count to ten in Mandarin. Come here, Madison!”

  Katherine tried to pick up Madison, but she stomped her squeaky feet and shook her head.

  “Come on, Madison. Can you say your numbers for Emily?”

  Madison stomped her squeaky feet again and yelled, “NO!” Which I guess is the same in any language. Then she grabbed a toy off the shelf and started pushing the buttons.

  “I guess she’d rather play than count,” I said.

  Katherine rolled her eyes. “I told you she’s been grouchy today.”

  “So, what did you mean by finding spot?” I asked, but before she could answer, my parents burst in.

  “There you are, Mei Lin!” Mom cooed. “We were wondering where you disappeared to.”

  “Did you see her go?” I said. “She took off down the hall and we could hardly keep up with her.”

  “Mei Lin, you must be exhausted.” Mom lifted her out of the walker.

  Mei Lin let out a shriek. And it wasn’t a happy one. So, Mom decided to let her stay in the walker a little bit longer.

  ***

  I didn’t
have a chance to speak with Katherine alone again for the rest of the evening. There were always adults hovering around, and the babies sure made a racket. I was dying to hear more details of Katherine’s plan and find out exactly how she expected me to help, but I figured it would have to wait until the next day.

  Pizza Hut pizza in China was the best ever. The crust had just the right amount of crunch and the cheese stretched in a yummy way every time I took a bite. Best of all, we got to eat with our hands instead of chopsticks. After we ate, we wandered in and out of the shops until they closed, just like Dad promised.

  When we walked into the store with the glass balls, the man looked right at me and gave me a big smile. “You’re back!” he said.

  Mom wasn’t paying attention because she was busy with Mei Lin, but Dad raised his eyebrows at me. “What does he mean, you’re back?”

  “Nothing.” I shook my head quickly. “He’s mixed up, that’s all.” And then I pretended like I’d never seen the little glass balls before. “This is so cool!”

  I could feel Dad’s eyes on me long enough to tell me he was suspicious. But as soon as he noticed the man writing inside the balls, he became amazed instead.

  We ended up buying one with a whale on it for me and a giant panda for Mei Lin, and the artist printed our names in Chinese characters and our birthdays on each, which was really cool.

  Dad stopped me as we walked away. “Emily . . . are you sure there’s not something you need to tell us? Did you come down here this afternoon instead of going straight to the playroom?”

  I shook my head again, but I couldn’t look him in the eye.

  Luckily, Mom came to my rescue. “Dan, she asked us to trust her, and that’s what we should do.”

  Dad paused a minute. Then he said, “I guess you’re right. Sorry about that, Em.” He brushed the top of my head with his hand.

  I let out a slow, quiet breath. Good thing Mom and Dad didn’t know how completely out of it they were when they napped.

  The rest of the evening was great. Even though I’d been to some of the stores on my own, it was fun exploring with my parents, and everyone was in a good mood, even Mei Lin. While I hadn’t seen Mei Lin break out in a smile or laughter, Katherine’s sister seemed way grouchier, especially the way she always had a frown on her face. When we headed back to the hotel room, Mei Lin fell right asleep.

  Mom and Dad fell asleep right away, too, but I tossed and turned all night, imagining all the fantastic photos I was going to take so I could wow the judges in the contest.

  CHAPTER TEN

  China, DAY 3, 4/5/14

  Dear Diary,

  I am officially a Big Sister! Mei Lin seems like a pretty good baby so far. All the others in the group were wailing away while we wasted half the day in some boring government building waiting to sign paperwork. I couldn’t really blame them. Mei Lin seemed okay about it though.

  Today she woke up at FIVE in the morning, ready to start her day! So that meant the rest of us had to get up before dawn too! The only good thing about that was we were first in line for the breakfast buffet.

  Mom asked for steamed egg for Mei Lin, which looked like a bowl of vanilla pudding. She gobbled it right up, then grabbed my banana bread. So Mom gave her some of that, and some toast and melon, too. For a little thing, she sure can eat!

  We are on our way back to the government building today, to make the adoption official, according to Dad. It seems like anyone who goes to all the trouble of filling out tons of paperwork and having a social worker visit the house and planning a trip to China would already have their mind made up. But maybe some people take one look at their child and decide they don’t want to be parents after all.

  That definitely isn’t what happened in my family. Mom and Dad took one look at Mei Lin and their hearts melted.

  I’m a photographer, so it’s something I noticed. And you know what?

  Even though I’m not crazy about babies, the first time I saw Mei Lin, my heart melted just a teeny bit, too.

  Love,

  Emily

  (hopefully off on a better adventure than to Walmart)

  The van was waiting for us at nine o’clock. Katherine waved as we sat down behind them. “Madison cried all night,” she said in a droopy kind of voice. Today her hair hung straight down her back without any fancy braids, but I noticed she wasn’t too tired to pick out a short skirt with a matching top.

  “Mei Lin woke us up at 4:47 a.m.”

  “Madison fell asleep at midnight. And woke up at three.” Katherine yawned and pulled a granola bar out of her bag. “Then she went back to sleep. And she slept so late that we missed breakfast.”

  “We went to breakfast.” I yawned too. “Because we were all awake before the restaurant opened.”

  It turned out to be another morning that stretched on and on. A lady showed us to the same large room where we’d waited for Mei Lin the day before. I almost curled up on the bench and went back to sleep.

  “What’s wrong with her?” I asked when Mei Lin started crying for the fourth time. “Yesterday she hardly cried at all.”

  “Looks like she’s getting a cold.” Mom wiped Mei Lin’s nose. “I don’t think she feels too well.”

  “Maybe she ate too much,” I said. “You shouldn’t have fed her so much if she’d never had solid food before.”

  Mom shook her head. “No, I don’t think that’s the problem,” she said but I took a few steps away, just to be safe. I definitely did not want baby puke all over me. Mom rocked Mei Lin to get her to stop crying. I tried to get Mei Lin to smile. I tried my funniest silly faces, and I used my best voices to put on a show with her toys, but she just pushed me away.

  Mei Lin was grouchy, and she wasn’t the only one. The room was full of other crying babies who were tired of waiting.

  I was starting to feel a little grouchy, too. I shook out my arms and legs to try to wake up. I glanced over to the other side of the room where Katherine’s family seemed to be going through the same thing. This seemed like the perfect time to find out more about finding spots and how Katherine planned to get in touch with her birthmom. “Can I push Mei Lin around in the stroller?”

  “I think I better hold her for a while. Can you hand me the pink blanket in the baby bag?”

  I searched through the bag and in the zipper pockets along the side. I didn’t see a pink blanket. “I think you forgot to pack it.”

  Mom sighed. “Emily, I asked you to pack it. Remember, I said that I’d put the blanket in Mei Lin’s crib?”

  I shook my head. I didn’t remember Mom saying anything about a blanket. “Why do you need the blanket? I thought you wanted to hold her.”

  “It might make her feel better. I think she needs a nap. She went to sleep so easily with the soft blanket last night.”

  Big sigh, from me this time. It wasn’t my fault Mei Lin had been crying so loud I didn’t even hear Mom ask me to pack the blanket.

  “When are they going to call us to go in the other room?” I asked a few minutes later.

  “Hush, hush,” Mom said to Mei Lin, who was still crying.

  “And what are we going to do in there?” I asked. “Didn’t you already fill out all the paperwork?”

  “One thing you can count on around here,” Dad said, “is there’s always more paperwork.”

  “But why?” I asked. “If you already signed the papers, why do you have to keep signing them?”

  “Shhh shhh shhh,” Mom was saying to Mei Lin.

  “Remember when we told you today’s the day we have to make it official?” Dad said.

  I nodded. “But still. Couldn’t we just sign the papers at the hotel? Lisa could bring the papers here and we wouldn’t have to waste our time. Then we could take Mei Lin back to the hotel for her nap, and she would stop crying. Did you ask Lisa if she could have brought the papers for us”—”

  “Emily.” Mom stopped hushing for a minute. Her voice was firm and sharp, like pins and needles. “Of cours
e we had to come here today. If we want to bring Mei Lin home, we have to follow all of the rules. Now can you please stop asking so many questions? I am trying to get Mei Lin to quiet down.”

  Well! I sunk down onto a chair. All I was trying to do was help. I pulled out a fantasy book I’d brought with me and moved over to the bench along the wall. Taking care of a new baby was for the birds. I tried to concentrate on my book, but my mind was racing. I tried to recapture my excited feelings about the contest from the night before but all I could think about was the way Mom had snapped at me.

  Finally, after a hundred hours, Mei Lin stopped crying. When I looked over at her, she was sound asleep on Mom’s shoulder.

  Mom sat down next to me. She smiled and patted my hand. She leaned back on the bench and closed her eyes. I put my book down and closed my eyes, too. I almost dozed off, right in my chair.

  A little while later, a lady called us back into an office. Mei Lin stayed asleep while Mom and Dad signed papers. Then they had to answer a lot of questions. Mei Lin snoozed away. Next, they dipped her feet into red ink to make a footprint for her birth certificate. Mei Lin slept right through it.

  When we went to another room for the photo, Mei Lin opened her eyes. She yawned and looked around, but she didn’t cry.

  “Now we need one picture of the Saunders family for adoption record,” the lady told us.

  I ran my fingers through my hair. My ponytail was coming loose. Mom didn’t like it when hair covered my face, so I tucked a few strands behind my ears and hoped that I looked neat enough for a family photo. Then I followed my parents to the front of the room.

  The lady taking the picture shook her head. “No, no, we only need three in adoption photo. You,” she said to me, “come over here and wait until I take picture.”

  I couldn’t believe it. I felt like a moldy zucchini from the back of our refrigerator. I looked over at my parents. Didn’t the lady know that I was part of the family, too? I waited for Mom and Dad to correct the photographer.

  Dad gave my ponytail a tug. “It’s okay, Emily. It’s just another of those regulations. It’ll only take a minute.”