Emily Out of Focus

by Miriam Spitzer Franklin

  3) Lying to Katherine—I told her Plan B instead of Plan A, so this is only half a lie, right? Also, after I take the pictures I wouldn’t actually enter the contest without telling her first, so that makes it only a quarter of a lie or even less.

  I put my pen down, reading over what I’d written. Here’s the thing: when Katherine first asked me, maybe the first reason I said “I’m in!” was because I knew it could be a winning entry.

  But it wasn’t like that anymore.

  Now I’d help her even if there wasn’t a contest. Because helping Katherine find her birthmom was something that could change her life, and I wasn’t about to let her down.

  I picked up my pen and finished my diary entry.

  As far as secrets go, it’s the sneakiest thing I’ve ever done. I’ll be going out into a foreign city, not just hanging around the hotel, and we’re not telling my parents or Katherine’s. So that makes it even worse.

  But I know that helping Katherine is the right thing to do. Her parents don’t want her to try to contact her birthmom even though she needs to. If I’d been adopted, no matter how much I loved my parents, I’d still want to know where I came from.

  Okay, so I’ve spilled. The hardest part about secrets is keeping them to yourself. Plus, the sneaking around is making me feel funny inside.

  All I can hope for is that it works out the way I want it to in the end. Then it will be worth it, even if I have to tell some lies along the way.

  Love,

  Emily

  (who feels a little better now that she’s written down all her secrets)

  “I’ve decided we should take a cab,” Katherine told me Sunday afternoon as we stood in the game room that overlooked the pool.

  “After we get back from the Embassy tomorrow?”

  Katherine nodded. “I’ll tell my parents I’m going swimming with you, and you can tell your parents you’ll be with me. We can go to the pool when we get back so bring your swim bag. That way, even if we get caught we can just say we wanted to go to the pool by ourselves. We wouldn’t get in too much trouble for that.”

  “So, what happens if my parents call your parents to talk to me?”

  “Can you borrow your mom’s phone? Then they can call and talk to you directly instead of phoning my parents.”

  “I can try,” I told her. “But they might call your parents anyway. You never know.”

  “Well,” Katherine said, putting a Chinese coin in the pinball machine, “it’s too bad you didn’t bring your cell phone like I did.”

  “My parents said I can’t have a phone until I’m thirteen,” I said. “So, there’s nothing I can do about that. But Katherine, even if we pull this taxi thing off, what if your birthmom contacts you? You’ll have to tell your parents the truth then.”

  Katherine hit the flippers. I watched the ball shoot off in different directions, pinging this way and that. Finally, it slid out of range and she turned to me. “I won’t have to tell my parents anything until after I meet my birthmom. Then they’ll finally understand they should have listened to me. They’ll feel bad that I had to figure things out on my own because they wouldn’t help, so I don’t think they’ll get mad that I broke a few rules, do you?”

  I shrugged. I wasn’t feeling as confident as Katherine. As much as I wanted to use the photos for the contest, I knew things could go wrong in so many ways.

  Katherine snapped her fingers. “I’ve got it! If my parents ask me how I got in touch with my birthmom, I’ll say I paid someone to put the sign up in my finding spot. I can speak Mandarin, so it’s something I could have done.”

  “Maybe you should,” I said, looking down at my feet. “Pay someone to put the sign up, I mean.”

  “No way.” Katherine grabbed my arm. “I can’t take the chance. Emily, I only have a few days to make this work! I can’t trust a complete stranger to post my letter for me. I have to do this myself.”

  “I know. It’s just—I could get in a lot of trouble if my parents find out.”

  “They won’t. I promise,” Katherine said. “If your parents call mine and find out you’re not where you said you’d be, they’ll call me. And I’ll just say there was something I wanted to buy at one of the shops and we wanted to go by ourselves. Shamian Island’s a pretty safe place. I mean, they might get angry about it, but we don’t have to tell them we took a cab into the city. And when I find my birthmom, I won’t mention that you helped me. It’s our secret, okay?”

  I nodded. “Okay.”

  “Oh, you are such a great friend,” Katherine said, throwing her arms around me. “Everything’s going to work out just fine. I’m sure of it.”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Guangzhou, China, Day 8, 4/10/14

  Dear Diary,

  This morning we are going to the American consulate to finalize the adoption. And this afternoon we are going on the grand adventure of my life.

  My stomach is a pile of squirming eels.

  Love,

  Emily

  The noisy room at the consulate was full of people and their adopted babies, and it was another morning full of waiting. All I could think about was what was going to happen that afternoon, which made the waiting even worse.

  Finally, Katherine and I made our getaway to the bathroom, so we could talk. After we reviewed the plans for the umpteenth time, I washed my hands and glanced in the mirror. Mom had made me wear a skort and nice shirt for the occasion. “It’s not every day your sister becomes a U.S. citizen,” she’d said.

  Even Dad was wearing khakis and a shirt with a collar instead of his usual shorts and T-shirt. The rest of the people in our travel group looked more dressed up, too, so I guess Mom knew what she was talking about.

  “I’ll fix your hair,” Katherine offered as we headed back out. “It’ll give us something to do while we wait.”

  “Can you fix it like yours?” I asked. Katherine had French braids on the sides, but the rest of her hair hung loose down her back.

  “Sure,” Katherine said with a smile, but when we got to the waiting room there weren’t any empty seats. Mom was pushing Mei Lin around in the stroller, trying to keep her busy, and another group must have arrived because the place was overflowing.

  “I better go,” Katherine said when Mrs. Bresner called Katherine over to help with Madison, who was crying. She linked pinkies with mine before saying, “See you after lunch!”

  I nodded, my stomach twisting as I realized that in just a few hours, Katherine and I would be out on our own in China, and our parents would have no idea where we were. My mind reeled with all the scary things that could happen to us and all the ways the plan could fall to pieces.

  Finally, our names were called with about fifty others and we moved to another room where everyone had to recite something and then sign some more papers. And then it was done.

  Mei Lin was an official United States citizen.

  We piled back in the van, heading to the hotel for lunch. There was no more time for private conversations, but Katherine and I managed a wave as we got off the van and headed to our rooms. I could barely swallow down my usual lunch of peanut butter crackers. While Mom and Dad chattered on about our morning, I checked to see if I had everything I needed in my backpack. Pens and paper. My journal. Nana’s camera. Important phone numbers like the cab, bus station, and the police. Some extra Chinese money I’d slipped out of Dad’s wallet when he wasn’t looking.

  You could never be too prepared.

  Then I threw in my swimsuit and towel, zipped up my backpack, and waited until Mom got busy cleaning up Mei Lin. I tried to pick just the right time, when Mom was focused on getting Mei Lin ready for a nap, before I said, “I’m taking your cell phone, so you can call me if you need to, okay?”

  “Okay.” I watched Mom as she tried to change Mei Lin, who was wiggling all over the place.

  “I’ll be back in a little while,” I said, picking up my backpack.

  “Be back by three,” Mom said withou
t looking up. “There’s all kinds of nice shops we can walk to around here after Mei Lin’s nap. “

  “Okay.” I hesitated, my hand on the doorknob. I looked over at my mom, her reddish curls pulled back in a ponytail like mine. I thought about how both of us loved to play Scrabble, our favorite dessert was a Chipwich—two big chocolate chip cookies with little chocolate chips all around the ice cream filling—and neither of us liked scary movies or riding on big rollercoasters. I remembered the story she’d told me about being on bed rest when she was pregnant, the way both of my parents cried when I was born.

  I felt bad about the lies and sneaking out, but as I watched my mom getting Mei Lin ready for a nap, I knew without a doubt that I was doing the right thing.

  “Love you!” I called out, then pushed open the door and stepped out into the hallway, ready for the biggest adventure of my life.

  ***

  “Oooh, I can’t believe we are really doing this!” Katherine squealed with excitement as we walked out of the White Swan Hotel and down the sidewalk, which was filled with tourists and business people. Shamian Island was totally different from Changsha, where no one spoke English and no one had hair like mine.

  “Lots of people from all over the world stay on Shamian Island because of the US Embassy,” Dad had explained when we first arrived. Last night we ate burgers and fries at a restaurant that had checked tablecloths and a jukebox that reminded me of a place at home called The Hop.

  “Did you get your Mom’s cell phone?” Katherine asked, and I held it up.

  Katherine checked her back pocket for her pink phone, then said, “Okay, we’re all set. I called a cab, and we’re supposed to meet it in approximately ten minutes at Shamian 4th and North.”

  I nodded, not sure I could get any words out. I race-walked alongside Katherine, and sure enough, as we turned the corner I spotted the green cab waiting for us just as planned. “Let’s go!” she said, grabbing my hand as we sped down the sidewalk.

  “Guangzhou Park,” Katherine stated clearly, giving the address as we settled into the backseat.

  “What are you two girls doing, off on your own in big city like this?” A Chinese man looked back at us in the rearview mirror and grinned. I immediately felt better knowing he spoke English, but Katherine looked annoyed.

  “Our parents trust us,” she said sharply. “And we have cell phones and all the appropriate numbers, including the police.”

  The man laughed and Katherine rolled her eyes at me. “Where are you ladies from?” Taxi Man asked us.

  “I’m from New Jersey and she’s—”

  “We’re visiting relatives on the island,” Katherine interrupted then looked at me and put her fingers to her lips. I wasn’t sure why she was being so secretive. “So how much longer do you think it will take?”

  “It’s only a ten-minute ride once we get over the bridge.”

  Once we’d crossed the river, the scenery completely changed. We’d gone from a small tourist town with streets lined with shops and restaurants to a bustling city with highways that looped underneath themselves. “Wow,” I exhaled.

  “Guangzhou has population of eight and a half million,” Taxi Man said.

  “That’s bigger than New York!” I said.

  Katherine shot me a warning look, as if I’d just given away an important detail.

  “You never answered. What are you girls doing in the big city?” Taxi Man asked for the second time.

  “We want to visit the park,” I answered, and when Katherine didn’t stop me, I added, “We heard it was a nice one.”

  “You are right about that. And here we are!” We pulled up to the entrance and stopped. Taxi Man announced the fare and Katherine counted out the money.

  “Can you come back in thirty minutes?” Katherine asked him.

  “Normally, I say you call another cab. But for two nice girls like you, I will be back in thirty minutes, at the entrance.”

  “Thank you,” we both said, scrambling out of the car. It was a park shaded with huge trees, the path lined with miniature twisted trees in pots and plenty of bronze statues. Crowds of people made their way on a path surrounding a large lake.

  The cab made a U-turn and drove off, leaving us standing at the park entrance, alone in a city of 8.5 million. I took a deep breath, then reached for Mom’s phone. It had been seventeen minutes since I’d walked out of our hotel room.

  Before I could even reach for my camera, Katherine said, “We need to find the message board,” and took off at high speed.

  “Message board? Hey, wait up!” I ran to catch up with her. “How do you know there’s a message board?”

  “Most parks have them. Besides, that’s where my finding spot is—by the first shelter, which should be somewhere close by.”

  “There’s shelters up ahead,” I said, pointing to some picnic areas off to the side of the path.

  We stopped at the first one where a group of old men sat at tables playing a game with tiles, but we didn’t see a message board or a sign saying the number of the shelter. “What are they doing?” I asked as I remembered I was supposed to be taking pictures.

  “Mah-Jongg,” Katherine said. She was so busy looking around she didn’t notice when I turned the camera on her.

  “We should put up your note here even if it doesn’t say Shelter #1,” I suggested. “You could tack it to the post.”

  Katherine paused, then shook her head. “No, it has to be the right place.”

  “Maybe there’s more than one entrance,” I said. “We might be on the wrong side of the park.”

  “Good point! Let’s go ask someone,” Katherine said. She plunged herself into the middle of the crowd and began stopping strangers to ask them about the shelter.

  For the next few minutes, Katherine spoke in rapid Mandarin to everyone we passed while I took some great shots of crowds of people walking around the lake. I had to be on the lookout for unexpected beauty, because even though we’d started off on our adventure, there was no way of knowing how it was going to end up. Plan B could come in handy.

  Finally, a woman pushing a baby in a stroller nodded and pointed off to the left. Katherine turned to me and yelled, “Come on, let’s go!”

  So, I followed her as she pushed her way past the groups of people gathered on the path around the lake. As we neared the edge of the park by a clump of trees, I saw a post with the number one on it. “This is it!” Katherine exclaimed as she bent down and pulled a flier and a plastic container full of thumbtacks out of her bag.

  “Good thinking,” I said as she tacked multiple fliers onto the posts of the shelter.

  Katherine didn’t respond. She stood up and looked around, then hiked the bag up on her shoulder and took off again. “Hold up!” I yelled. “Don’t you think we should post a few more”—”

  My voice trailed off as I noticed where she’d stopped. In front of a small building up ahead, maybe the park offices, stood a large message board. Katherine just stood there staring at it, without reaching for her fliers.

  “You found it!” I said. “What are you waiting for? Let’s cover the board with fliers!”

  When Katherine didn’t make a move, I took a better look at her. She wasn’t looking at the message board. She was staring at the grass below it. “Katherine?”

  She sunk to the ground, running her hand over the grass. “This is where she left me,” she said quietly.

  I just stood there, not knowing what to say. I reached for Nana’s camera, but I froze as I looked at Katherine through the lens, the way she was staring down at the grass, a look in her eyes I’d never seen before. Despair. Overwhelming sadness. Loss. Her eyes were filled with a kind of pain I would never know, the kind that comes from realizing your mother—the person who was supposed to love you and keep you safe—had abandoned you in the exact spot where you were now standing.

  I put my camera down. I knew that photographers had to be tough, that they had to take photos of things they didn’t want t
o see. My grandmother had told me about the time she took pictures of animals who had been hunted in big game contests: lions, leopards, elephants, giraffes. How difficult it had been to stare into the eyes of a majestic animal whose life had been cut short by someone for sport.

  “But a photographer’s job is to show the truth,” Nana had said. “Because people need to know about the bad . . . and the good in the world.”

  Watching my friend as she sat on the grass, I knew I was facing a truth I’d never known before our trip to China. But it was Katherine’s truth and I knew in my heart that I didn’t have the right to share it.

  I’m not sure how long I waited in silence, but finally Katherine got to her feet.

  That’s when I reached for my phone to check the time. “The cab’s going to be back in ten minutes,” I told her. “We need to hurry.”

  Katherine nodded. For the first time since I’d met her, she seemed like she was in a daze. So, I reached for her bag and began tacking the fliers all over the message board.

  “What does it say?” I asked her.

  Katherine shrugged. “Nothing much. Just that I’m doing okay, and I want to meet her.”

  I looked at the photos. One of them was a picture of twelve-year-old Katherine and the other was a small black and white photo of a tiny baby. “Is that your finding ad?” I asked.

  Katherine nodded. “That’s how I looked the last time she saw me.”

  We stared at the fliers a little longer, then I touched her on the arm. “We really need to go, Katherine,” I said.

  “Okay,” she said. We raced to other side of the park to find a green cab waiting for us.

  “You want me to put up a few more fliers at this end of the park, just in case?” I asked as we neared the taxi.

  Katherine shook her head. “It’s in the right spot. She’ll see it,” she said. “I’m sure of it.”

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Taxi Man dropped us back off at the same street on Shamian Island, as promised. I checked Mom’s cell phone one last time to see if there were any missed calls then dropped it back in my bag.