Reclaiming Love

by Vicki McElfresh

  He stopped reading at that point, even though there were several more pages. He closed the file and sat panting, hand on his hard cock, unable to get the vivid image of a naked and bound Kevin out of his head. He wanted to read more. He wanted to know what happened next, but he would wait until later.

  Right now, he wanted to be naked, and he remedied that problem easily enough, leaving his clothes in a pile on the floor. He settled in the chair next to the window and spread his legs. He ran his hands over his chest, tweaking his nipples, before sliding them down his hard stomach, imagining Kevin's hands following the same pattern.

  He fondled his balls with one hand, squeezing gently, and with his other, he fingered his slit, drawing a bead of moisture from the head. He slicked the shaft with it and began to stroke, sliding his other hand up to tweak a nipple. He moaned, imagining Kevin's teeth nipping him. His strokes came a little faster, and he sucked two fingers into his mouth, licking and laving them, before he slid them inside his tight hole deep enough to massage his prostate. He drew his knees up a little as he fucked himself with his fingers, thinking of Kevin's fingers there, and he kept up the punishing rhythm on his cock.

  He came with Kevin's name on his lips, and afterwards, lay panting, reeling from the force of the orgasm that had sucked him dry. His chest and stomach were covered with sticky trails of semen. Little aftershocks washed over him, and he was tempted to finish reading. Instead, he took a cool shower, washing away all traces of desire.

  He'd just gotten himself put back in order and banished the scent of sex from his living room when someone knocked hesitantly on the door. “You'll have to be good,” he told Thumper, who was snoozing on top of his monitor. “No hiding.” Not that Thumper hid from strangers, but he wanted to be sure Kevin saw the cat. He opened the door.

  Kevin had his hands shoved inside a knee-length wool coat. He had on a nice pair of black slacks and a light green button-down shirt. His tie had Snoopy on it, but it matched the shirt well. He looked gorgeous, and Connor swallowed hard, his earlier desire surging back with a rush.

  "Come in.” He stepped aside. “Sorry about the mess. I just haven't gotten around to—” He never got to finish. Kevin pushed him against the wall for another one of those knee-knocking kisses. Those ever-changing eyes were deep blue when he pulled away, and Kevin's smile left Connor so weak-kneed that he leaned against the wall for support.

  "I've been thinking about doing that all morning,” Kevin said and rested his forehead against Connor's chest. His teasing lips brushed over Connor's again. “Did you and Nicki have fun talking about me this morning?"

  Connor couldn't help it. He laughed. “Did she call you? She said she wouldn't call you until tonight.” Kevin's arms circled Connor's waist, and he tucked his head under Connor's chin. Connor brought his arms up to embrace him, struck by how well they seemed to fit together.

  "Other way around. She called last night, but I was asleep, so I called her after church this morning. She told me you went for coffee."

  Kevin's heart pounded hard, and Connor buried his face in the sweet smelling hair, hoping Kevin understood that he was still there, no matter what he'd heard.

  "She told you about Josh?” Kevin had gone a little stiff, and Connor massaged his back and kissed the top of his head.

  "I'm not like that.” He touched the soft waves of Kevin's hair. “I'm not into those games. I won't force you. I genuinely like you and want to get to know you."

  Kevin's eyes had gone gray when he looked up, not quite meeting Connor's gaze. “I know.” He smiled. “You haven't asked me to go to bed with you, and even though you're hard enough to bust a wall right now, you aren't making a move.” Kevin took a deep breath. “Would you be patient with me?"

  Connor cradled Kevin's face and kissed him very softly. “Of course. I like you. I want to be with you, and nothing Nicki told me changed that."

  The gray eyes slowly turned deep blue, and an impish grin spread across Kevin's face. “So how much of the story did you read before you had to jack off? I know you did."

  "And how do you know that?"

  The dark eyes sparkled, and the impishness had not left Kevin's expression. “Because I did while writing it. Several times, in fact. Confess. How far?"

  Connor tried to decide if Kevin was teasing, but he hadn't moved, only shifted slightly to press against Connor's raging erection. “Tied to the bed with the feather. I had to stop then."

  "Because it was bad?"

  Connor wasn't certain if the question was serious or if Kevin was fishing. His eyes still sparkled, and he pressed a little closer, barely brushing his lips across Connor's.

  "I won't be offended if you didn't like it."

  Connor swallowed hard, trying to get some moisture in his mouth. “Oh no, because it was so very good, and deliciously erotic.” He kissed him, a little more heated this time. Their mouths parted, and their tongues touched. A moan escaped Connor's lips. “And if you don't let me go, I'm going to come in my pants."

  Kevin laughed and rested his head against Connor's shoulder. “You could come from a kiss?"

  Connor took a deep breath and fought the sudden urge to carry Kevin into the bedroom. “It's not the kiss. It's the image of you tied up and begging to be fucked that won't leave my head. I should have listened to your friend and waited to read until later.” He expected Kevin to pull away, but he only looked up, amusement dancing in those blue eyes.

  "Would you do that? Tie me up and make me beg?” The question lingered in Kevin's eyes. The amusement was still there, but fear was there as well. A test, Connor realized.

  "Only if you wanted me to."

  Kevin beamed and backed away, then sat down at the computer desk to pet Thumper.

  Connor let out a relieved sigh and pointed to the cat. “See, I do have a cat. There was some doubt, evidently.” He walked toward the bedroom, trying to forget the state of his nether regions and the intoxicating man sitting at his desk. He had to be patient, he reminded himself. He couldn't push, not even when he wanted to throw caution to the wind and take Kevin Stohler to bed. “If you are going out looking that gorgeous, I'm going to have to change."

  Kevin picked the cat up and cradled him in his arms. Connor could hear him purring from across the room. “I'm not. But your apartment was on my way home. I decided it was only fair if you knew where I lived. I'll change when we get there. It's cold out, and I want a warm sweater and jeans, not to mention this pair of shoes hurts my feet. I only wear them to church."

  Connor got his own shoes and coat from the bedroom. He stared around the barren apartment for a minute, suddenly embarrassed by the lack of furnishings and comforts. “Are you taking more of Nicki's advice this time?"

  Kevin shook his head and smiled. “My own, this time.” He continued scratching Thumper, who looked as though he'd just gone to kitty heaven. Kevin's expression grew thoughtful and reflective. “I used to have two cats and a little dog. I used to volunteer with a youth outreach group. Josh made me give up my pets and my volunteer work. I can't have any pets right now, and I just haven't felt like doing the volunteer work.” Thumper stretched in Kevin's arms so more of his belly could get scratched. “You can meet Dave."

  "Dave?"

  "My roommate. We went to college together.” Kevin looked so content scratching Thumper. Not quite happy, just relaxed. Fury rose up inside Connor, and he wished he had Josh in his grasp so he could beat him bloody for what he'd done to the man in front of him. Kevin returned Thumper to the monitor, not even noticing the white cat hairs on his black coat. “Are you ready?” He laughed, evidently just now noticing the lack of furnishings. “I love what you've done with the place."

  "I haven't done much."

  Kevin studied the pale green walls. “It has potential though. This could be cute."

  "Cute?” Connor could only stare at Kevin. Of all the things Kevin could have said, that one shocked him.

  Kevin nodded. “Don't look at me that way. It could be.
"

  "But...” He hadn't quite pictured Kevin as much of a decorator, but he'd been wrong before, and apparently he was now.

  "You need some furniture, and some pictures on the walls. Maybe some rugs.” He pointed to the milk crates. “Those have to go."

  "I stole those."

  "I can tell."

  They left then, and Connor settled in the passenger seat of Kevin's Toyota. “Church?"

  "My family was Baptist. Church every Sunday. Fire and brimstone.” He shrugged. “I hated it, really hated it. Sitting there and hearing how I was going to hell. Josh nearly killed me, and when I survived, I wanted to find my faith again. I looked around for a good place, tried a few that I didn't like. I like this one though. The pastor's fun. The music's good. The people are nice."

  Kevin's building was a renovated high rise that had a Deco look to the architecture. He stopped long enough to pick up his mail from the front. “I forgot the mail yesterday.” He flipped through it and scowled at a plain, white envelope. His hands trembled a little, and Connor heard him whisper, “I don't have to accept his letters.” He said it a couple of times, but he continued on to the elevator, quiet now, turning the envelope around in his hands.

  "Lousy timing,” he heard Kevin mutter.

  Connor debated if he should ask Kevin about the envelope, but he didn't. The elevator opened on the fifth floor, and Kevin opened the door to the apartment at the far end of the hall. He locked the door as soon as they were both inside.

  Connor stared at the place. It wasn't immaculate, and the furniture looked a little shabby, secondhand perhaps, but it was nice. Tasteful. The wood floors had rugs on them, all in neutral earth tones. The pictures on the walls were mostly landscapes. The little kitchen had dishes in the sink, and clear jars full of prepackaged snacks sat on the counter. The living room furniture consisted of a couch and two chairs, also in neutral tones. An entertainment center sat against the wall in front of the couch. The space behind the couch was supposed to be for a dining table, but it was bare and there were no rugs there, though there were shelves between the two windows which were full of books. Kevin took off his coat and hung it in a little closet near the door. A hallway led off of the living room to the bedrooms.

  Connor blinked, a little surprised. “This is nice."

  Kevin smiled. “I like it. I'll be back in a minute. Help yourself to whatever's in the fridge.” He tossed the mail on the scarred coffee table, including the envelope that had disturbed him. He said nothing about it, just pretended it wasn't there, even when Connor glanced at it. “I'll change and be back. Then we can go."

  Connor sat down on the couch and picked up the envelope. Its label had been printed, not handwritten, and there was nothing that indicated where or who it was from. He heard a soft knock, heard water running, and then there was silence.

  He didn't know why he opened the letter, other than Kevin had seemed so distressed by it, and he had a hunch. The envelope contained a short note and a picture of him and Kevin in the club, laughing and holding hands. Connor unfolded the note.

  Kevin.

  You belong to me, or had you forgotten? Just because you've found yourself a new fuck doesn't mean that my claim on you has expired. You swore forever, and it will be forever. I'm watching you.

  Josh

  Connor folded the letter and swallowed bile. Nicki hadn't warned him about this. He closed his eyes. Maybe she didn't know.

  Kevin came back, dressed in a pair of jeans and a dark blue sweater. He was smiling, but that smile quickly faded. “What is it?"

  Kevin's eyes had gone from blue to gray when he drew close. Connor had a bad feeling, one of those feelings his grandmother had always been telling him about. “He stalks you?” He held up the letter. “I didn't mean to open it, but I—"

  Kevin sat down beside him and folded his hands in his lap, biting his lip. He'd gone very pale. He was trying to be calm, but Connor saw his hands tremble. “He sends me letters sometimes.” He seemed to deflate, all of his good humor disappearing behind those walls again. He took a deep breath. “He calls...” He stared at the floor and closed his eyes. “I never answer the phone. My friends call my cell phone. I unplug the phone when I'm home alone."

  "Kevin, that's harassment, and this is stalking."

  Kevin flinched at the harsh tone of his voice, and he hated himself for making Kevin hurt. He couldn't help it though. Surely someone could do something, and he didn't understand why Kevin didn't go to the police. He held up the letter, and Kevin snatched it out of his hand. His face paled when he read the note, and the letter fell to the floor.

  "Kevin?"

  Kevin left the couch long enough to splash cold water on his face from the faucet in the kitchen then leaned against the counter, breathing deeply, fighting to control his emotions.

  Connor reacted on instinct. He moved to the kitchen and guided Kevin into his arms. Kevin didn't resist, and a moment later he started crying. Connor made soothing noises, swaying a little. That bad feeling hadn't left. A part of him wished he could walk away, but he couldn't, not now, not knowing that Kevin hurt like this. He didn't speak. He wouldn't know what to say, but the comfort he offered seemed to be enough. Kevin started to relax.

  "Kev?” Another man, nicely built and obviously Latino, ran into the room dressed in nothing but a pair of shabby sweat pants—obviously the roommate, Dave. “Are you okay, chico?” He stared at Connor for a minute, evidently trying to decide if he was part of the problem. Kevin clung to him now, oblivious to his surroundings. Connor pointed to the letter and photo lying in the floor.

  Dave picked it up and read it several times, his jaw tightening, and his eyes narrowed. “Let me go over there and kick his scrawny ass."

  "No.” Kevin pulled away and wiped his eyes on his sweater. “It's all a game, Dave. That's it. Everything's a game to him. I just want him to leave me alone."

  "At least go to the cops.” Dave shook the letter. “This is a threat."

  Kevin shook his head and returned to the couch. “They don't care. They didn't care the last time."

  Connor sat down beside him, and Kevin put his head on Connor's shoulder. “What does it take to make them care?” he asked softly.

  "Somebody dying,” Kevin said. Connor gasped, but Kevin shrugged, brushing the thing off. “Right now it's just a squabble between a couple of fags. I deserve to be treated like that. That's what they told me the last time I went to them. I tried to get a restraining order and got laughed out of the police station."

  "Try again,” Dave said. He put the letter and photo back in the envelope. “Take that to them and try again."

  "And they'd look at the photo and tell me that he's jealous and to work it out on my own. I've been through it all, Dave. I just want to move on. I want to forget all of that.” He grabbed the envelope and stuffed it in a basket on the counter. Connor saw other envelopes just like it.

  Kevin turned around and forced a smile. “I'm not going to let him spoil my day.” He took Connor's hand. “We had plans, and I'm not changing them."

  "Kevin...” Dave began.

  Kevin shook his head and pulled Connor to his feet. He got his casual coat out of the closet. “I'm going out.” He tried to look happy again, but his eyes stayed dark. “I forgot to introduce you. Connor McCann, this is my roommate, Dave Gonzalez.” He walked over to Dave and whispered something Connor couldn't hear, but Dave smiled. “He's already been warned by both Nicki and Mark, so you've been spared."

  Dave laughed at that, but he still gave Connor a wary stare. “Be careful. He has a thing for Hugh. He might forget you're with him."

  Kevin blushed and led Connor from his apartment, back to the garage downstairs. Connor managed to forget about the letter during the movie. They split the cost. Kevin bought the tickets, and Connor bought popcorn and soda. He found himself laughing more at his companion than at the film. Kevin did have a crush on Hugh Grant. He paid rapt attention when he was on the screen. Halfway through the movi
e, Connor reached for Kevin's hand, and shivered a little when Kevin laced their fingers together. The theater was dark and mostly empty, and Kevin surprised him by laying his head on his shoulder. Connor had been unable to resist planting a kiss on the silken hair. They sat that way for the rest of the movie, and afterwards, Kevin drove them to a pizza joint where they had a vegetarian deep dish, with plenty of mushrooms and olives. Bellies full, they left the pizza parlor.

  "It's too early to go home,” Kevin said once they were in the car. “It's only seven-thirty.” A soft buzzing made him laugh. He pulled his cell phone from his pocket. “Nicki's checkup call.” He handed the phone to Connor. “You talk to her. Ask her for suggestions."

  Connor answered the phone while Kevin backed the car out and pulled onto the street. “Hello, Nicki."

  "Why are you answering Kevin's phone?"

  Connor laughed. “Because he told me to. He's driving."

  "Where are you?"

  Connor glanced around him, but the area was totally foreign. “I haven't the faintest idea. We just left a pizza place."

  "I want to talk to Kevin.” Her voice was sharp, almost rude.

  Connor handed Kevin the phone. “She wants to talk to you."

  Kevin laughed. “Hello Nic.” He was silent for a minute. “Did Dave call you? He did, didn't he?” More silence. “It's nothing. He's just fucking with me. I'm not going to the police. The last time I felt like I'd been strip searched and...” Kevin sighed. “I know. I know. No, don't let Scott go beat him up."

  Connor actually laughed at that.

  "Hold on. I'll ask.” Kevin took the phone away from his ear. “Do you object to ice cream, Trivial Pursuit, and Nicki?"