His Contract: Legally Bound, Book 1

by Rebecca Grace Allen

  Jack held her even more tightly. “You should’ve told me all this. I never would’ve punished you that way if I’d known.”

  She knew that, but she’d never really reconciled the emotional abuse in her own mind. Not enough to put two and two together and see how being ignored was just as much a trigger as the physical stuff. The clamps, the blindfold, the wheel—they had been easier to talk about because those were things she could explain. Besides, it wasn’t as if “please don’t leave me alone” had been an item on the checklist.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “No, it’s me who’s sorry. And you should know I wasn’t ignoring you in the playroom. I was watching you very carefully the entire time. I could see how upset you were, but I didn’t know why.”

  She turned her face into his chest, another round of tears threatening. “I should’ve told you.”

  Jack rocked her gently. “Shhh. No more crying. I know now and that’s all that matters. And I promise never to do that again. But I hope you see there’s a difference between what Damien did and what happened today. Cutting you off completely is not the same as my request that we keep this discrete. That’s why I gave you that rule about names in the playroom. To help you, not hurt you.”

  Lilly did see, but it dug down deep regardless. “If I hadn’t said your name, you wouldn’t have had to punish me in the first place.”

  She could’ve kicked herself for saying it. She hadn’t meant to do it. It just happened.

  She’d been so angry at Patrick’s party, being near Jack but not able to touch him, worried about every glance that came their way. And then having him cast her aside, sending her home so she wouldn’t cause a scene. She’d only wanted to be with him, to be by his side in that sea of people. It wasn’t what they’d agreed to, but Lilly had come to realize she wanted to be more than Jack’s submissive. She wanted to be his, for him to mean it all the time when he called her mine. That was what made her slip in the playroom today. The sex had been torturous, an allegory for whatever this was between them—how he was almost in her life but not really, a weekend tease of what she couldn’t really have. When he’d finally given her what she needed, allowing her to climax, the feelings she’d tried to hold back crashed into yet another colossal mistake.

  It felt like making mistakes was all she ever did.

  “I’m such a screw up,” she said.

  Jack kissed her forehead. “Stop. It’s over now.”

  “Not in the playroom. I mean…my whole life.”

  “Why on earth would you think that?”

  Lilly burrowed closer to him, his body protection against the words she didn’t want to say. “I used to feel so confident. The athlete, the star student, but I couldn’t even figure out I was in a relationship with someone who didn’t love me. Who used me, and I did nothing to stop it. And now…”

  Jack stroked her arm. “And now?”

  “Now everything’s a mess. I can’t get anywhere with work. I’m letting my boss down. I’m buried under the lies I told about the bar, pretending I don’t want the only career I’ve ever dreamed of. And today, with you, I couldn’t follow one single instruction. I feel like a failure at everything.”

  “Hey.” Jack angled her body so he could look at her. “You have to stop being so hard on yourself. You’re going to be a brilliant lawyer, because you know what it’s like to have been taken advantage of.” He took her hand in his and placed it over his heart. “And you’ve never failed me. Not once.”

  The cloud she’d lived under for so long cleared as she looked into Jack’s eyes. She did know what it was like to have been duped. And she still wanted to devote herself to defending other people’s rights, even if at one point, she’d made the wrong decision and given her own away. Finally, Lilly saw her past as something that would help propel her into her future.

  A future she wanted to share with him.

  She searched for the right words to thank him, to tell him how much she’d changed since she met him, but then Jack folded his arms around her again, his cheek against her forehead.

  “Still, I understand the feeling. I’ve felt like a failure too, especially when—”

  No, it was too soon for him to clam up. He needed to let his guard down. To let her in.

  “Especially when?” she prompted.

  “When Eve got sick.”

  Her hand over his heart, Lilly drew tentative circles on his skin. “Tell me?”

  A few moments passed before he replied. “Nothing we tried worked. Chemo, radiation, experimental treatments—it was all useless. I felt so helpless, like I was letting her down.”

  “I’m sure you did all you could,” she said, but Jack made a noise, a low sound of disbelief.

  “It’s easy to say that when you’re not watching the person you love the most in the world waste away.”

  Lilly winced. It hurt to hear him say he loved her. She didn’t want it to, but it did.

  “After she died, I fell apart. I didn’t know how to function. And since—” His voice cracked. She’d never seen him so vulnerable.

  “And since?”

  Jack took an unsteady breath. “I haven’t been to her grave since the day I buried her.”

  “Never?”

  “Not once.”

  “Don’t you think you should?” she asked. “It might help, you know.”

  “I can’t bear it.”

  It dawned on her then: Jack’s love for Eve wasn’t in the past—he loved her just as much today. With his heart still belonging to his wife, how could Lilly hope there’d be any room for her in it at all?

  He laughed then, but it was a bitter sound.

  “You think you’re a failure? Listen to me. I’m the one who’s supposed to be strong, the one who gives orders and doles out punishment, but you have twice the strength I do. You’re getting over abuse and blowing through your boundaries, while I don’t even have the courage to—”

  He broke off again, and this time his entire body tensed. Lilly lifted her head, hoping to be able to read him, but Jack’s eyes were closed, his lips folded into a thin, hard line.

  “Don’t have the courage to what?”

  “Nothing. Just something Eve asked me to do before she died.”

  His walls were back up again. Why wouldn’t he let her be there for him? Couldn’t he see how badly she wanted to help heal his wounds, the way he’d mended hers?

  “You’re not a failure,” she whispered. “Not with me. You’ve changed my life.”

  Jack opened his eyes and gazed at her.

  “Thank you. You can’t imagine what that means to me.”

  The feelings came at her, a shower of emotions she could hardly keep to herself. She wanted to tell him what he meant to her, that she never knew what true submission was before him. That—

  That I love him.

  “Will you sleep here?” he asked. “With me?”

  She searched his eyes, willing him to open up again. He didn’t, but he’d given her more of himself tonight than he ever had before. Part of him remained bound to Eve, but the heart could find ways to let go of the past.

  Hers had.

  “Okay.”

  He drew her close and tucked her head beneath his chin. She fell asleep that way, her limbs intertwined with his.

  A few short hours later, when the first rays of sunlight danced through the room, Lilly awoke to a change in the pattern of Jack’s breathing, his fingers trailing down her back. She opened her eyes, glancing down his body. The blanket was tented with the evidence of his desire.

  She sat up. “Should I wait for you in the playroom, Sir?”

  “Be my little girl in here,” he demanded hoarsely, lips arching hungrily toward hers.

  Her heart managed to plummet and fly all at once. Did he realize how much he was blurring the lines? She wante
d so much more than their contract offered, and yet, as she looked around the room he’d shared with Eve, she wanted to be Jack’s salvation, the anchor in his storm. He was suffering, and this was the only way she could ease his pain.

  Lilly answered his question with a kiss, and Jack kicked off the blanket. He let go of her long enough to draw off both their clothes and pull her above him.

  “I want you here,” he said as he pushed inside her. “Like this.”

  It was quiet and slow as he rolled beneath her, grinding up in shallow thrusts. He stroked up her back and eased her head down by the back of her neck until their foreheads touched. Her hair fell in a canopy around their faces, and Lilly watched his eyes cloud over with pleasure. They said no names or titles, no words were spoken at all, but when his hands moved to her hips, guiding her faster, he seemed to be saying so much with his body alone.

  She took what he gave, urging him closer to climax. When he came, his order for her to give him what was his sent her over the edge as well. As she shivered through her release, she tried to tell him I’m yours, but she couldn’t. She was his in so many ways now, not just as his little girl, but as Lilly too, and she couldn’t tell one from the other anymore.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  One afternoon midway through the next week, Gabe stopped by Lilly’s desk and handed her an envelope.

  “What’s this?” she asked.

  “My ticket to tonight’s Red Sox game.” He yawned dramatically and rubbed his eyes. “I was supposed to go with Nick, Brady and Sam, but I just want to go home and pass out.”

  “But it’s one of the first games of the season. Won’t Nick be disappointed?”

  “Disappointed he has to spend time with his awesome sister who I get to see more than he does? I doubt it. Besides, I think you could use a night out, Miss Overachiever.”

  He walked away before she could protest, and Lilly studied the ticket. She had more work to do, but then again, she always had work to do. She’d been feeling guilty over a lot of things when it came to Nick lately, and going to a Sox game was a rite of passage for becoming a New Englander.

  She left work with just enough time to feed Rumbles and change. Emerging from the T, Lilly found herself surrounded by the glut of people headed for Fenway. She weaved through the crowd, missing Jack when she passed Barrel ’n’ Flask, but since last weekend, her connection to him felt stronger than ever.

  They’d spent Sunday morning in lazy ease, cuddling on the couch and watching a movie as a soft spring rain tapped at the windows. When he took her down to the playroom, he had her kneel above him on the bed, coaxing her thighs apart until she straddled his face. She’d trembled as he kissed and licked, never wanting what they had to end. Before the pleasure rushed through her and her eyes clamped shut, she saw something in his gaze—the silent pledge of what she’d always thought was an impossible future.

  She was sure he was feeling it too, even if he couldn’t say it out loud yet.

  She’d left his house that evening feeling contented and calm, and that had stayed with her into the week. The only thing that pricked at her was the way he’d clammed up on Saturday night, holding back on whatever it was Eve had asked of him before she died.

  Eventually he’d confide in her, and she would help him through it, just like he’d helped her. Lilly smiled and looked up at the sky. It was painted in a rainbow of blues, pinks and purples, the air almost warm enough to be called balmy. It felt like a promise of things to come.

  “So Gabe sent you instead?”

  Lilly searched the crowd until she found Nick, waiting on the corner.

  She crossed to meet him. “Yeah. He thought it was time I had a little fun, Bah-stan style.”

  She grinned, the accent rolling off her tongue a little more easily.

  It felt like home.

  Inside the stadium, the atmosphere was buzzing, the energy palpable.

  “Gabe did have a good excuse, if you’re interested,” she said. “It’s been pretty much the worst week ever.”

  “I’m listening.” Nick led them to a concession stand selling hot dogs and popcorn. He threw Lilly a conspiratorial smile. “Don’t tell?”

  She raised an eyebrow. “Only if you’re buying.”

  “Deal. So? His excuse?”

  “We refused a settlement agreement on Monday.”

  “For that big case you’re working on?”

  “Yup.” They were going to turn Mahoney down and take their chances in court, hoping the Giordanos’ reputation would help sway the judge in their favor.

  She was pretty sure they didn’t have a shot in hell.

  “Forrester’s been an ass about it,” she continued. “I think Gabe needed some down time.”

  Nick pulled out his wallet and grinned. “I know. He called and told me everything before you got here.”

  She punched his shoulder and he ducked away from her. “Why did you make me go on like that, then?”

  He rubbed his shoulder, feigning a massive injury. “Just to rile you up. Hey, you’re coming to the pub on Friday, right?”

  “I’m not sure.” She’d hoped to skip it and get to Jack’s earlier than usual, since they’d lost so much time last weekend. “Why?”

  If they were in a cartoon, a halo would probably have popped up above Nick’s head.

  “Just make sure you’re there.” They received their food and carried it out to the field box where their seats were. Nick waved toward the third base line. “Brady and Jack are already here.”

  Her stomach flip-flopped. “Jack? I thought Samantha was coming.”

  “They couldn’t get a sitter so Sam gave Jack her ticket instead.” Nick threw her a quizzical look. “Is that okay?”

  “Yeah. Of course.” She nodded, probably a little too quickly. “It’s fine.”

  It was fine. She could do this. She wouldn’t make the same mistake again.

  As they neared their seats, Brady called out, “I knew we’d make a Sox fan out of you yet, Lilly!” He threw a handful of popcorn in the air, making an unsuccessful attempt to catch it with his mouth.

  Jack grinned from the seat next to him, sexy as hell in a light sweater, jeans and a baseball cap. God, it wasn’t fair how good that man looked.

  “I don’t know,” she said. “I’ve always found baseball a little dull.”

  Brady stopped mid-throw. Kernels showered down over him. “That’s sacrilege.”

  They laughed and sat down, Lilly on one end, Jack on the other, Nick and Brady between them. She glanced over at Jack and caught his careful gaze. He lifted an eyebrow and lowered his chin, the movements silently asking if she was okay. It was so much like the quiet moment they’d shared the first night they met.

  She gave Jack a slight nod. A smile flickered across his face, and she mirrored it back at him, sitting back in her seat before their brothers noticed.

  The game started, and Lilly let herself fall into the experience, listening to the crowd holler out fouls and strikes, yell fruitlessly at the umpire, and the deafening cheers whenever the Sox scored. At the top of the sixth, Brady stepped away to field a call from work. He didn’t return until after the seventh inning stretch.

  “Freaking clients,” he said as he shimmied back to his seat. “They can’t read the dates on their purchase orders, and somehow I’m to blame.”

  “That’s what you get for being the boss,” Nick teased.

  “Yeah, yeah. All of the grunt work, none of the glory,” he grumbled. “My programmers are idiots.”

  “What happened?” Lilly asked.

  “The dates on one of my clients’ billing reports are showing up as Unix timestamps.”

  Nick snorted. “What the hell is a eunuch timestamp?”

  “Not eunuch, dumbass. Unix. It’s a way of storing dates in a database, but they don’t look like dates. It’s
a quick fix, but man, what am I paying these guys for? Do I have to do everything?”

  A way of storing dates in a database. Lilly blinked and turned to Brady. “Tell me more about these numbers.”

  “They could be anything. There’s no pattern. They come out looking like a bunch of random numbers.”

  “How many numbers?”

  “It depends on how old the records are, but if it’s current, probably around ten.”

  “And any field in a database could have information set that way?”

  He shrugged. “Sure. Date created, ordered, modified. Any of them could—”

  “Modified?”

  “To show when an entry has been changed.”

  Modified date. MOD_dt.

  Oh my God.

  Her mind raced. Could she have been looking at modified dates for the Giordano logs all along?

  “Brady, can you show me what Unix numbers look like?”

  “There’s a site that converts them. Hold on, let me find it.” He thumbed over his phone, then tilted it so she could see the screen. “See? They look like they don’t mean anything, but they’re actually the number of seconds that have passed since January 1, 1970, when Unix was created.”

  “You’re such a dork,” Nick said.

  “Dork or not, I can whoop your ass.”

  “That’s what he said.”

  “Oh, don’t go there—”

  “Brady,” Lilly interrupted. “If someone modified an entry in a database log, would you be able to tell when it happened by converting the timestamp?”

  Jack’s eyes met hers.

  “Definitely,” Brady answered. “If there’s a column that recorded it.”

  Holy shit.

  She had to get back to the office as soon as possible. Lilly bolted to her feet. “I’ve gotta go. I might have figured something out.”

  “Can’t it wait until the game is over?” Nick asked. “I don’t like the idea of you walking back to the T by yourself in the dark.”