Just an Illusion - The B Side

by D. Kelly

  “Me?” I’m surprised and more than a little curious.

  With a sad smile, she continues, “You’re my sister, Mel, and a part of you died when you lost your mom. It took a while to get you over that hump of pain and sadness, but then you picked yourself up and went back on tour with Eli. Then, when your dad died, it was worse, and it took a lot longer to get you to recover, but you eventually did.”

  “Okay …” I’m not quite following her, but maybe it’s because of the meds.

  “I admired you for that, for picking yourself back up and moving on. I know you had a lot to deal with, but you made the best of it. It’s just … I also saw those dark days you lived before you moved on and the only thing I wanted for you was happiness. I promised myself, no matter what it took, I was going to try and keep your dark days to a minimum. So that’s when I adopted my motto.”

  “Was I really that bad?” I whisper, leaning my head against hers.

  “No, babe, you were that brave. I just wanted you to know that instead of dwelling on what you can’t change, you have to live for now. You did that tonight, Mel. When you told Noah how you felt, you were living for the moment. And if things had gone differently, you’d be so glad he knew how you felt before either of you were gone.”

  “Thanks, Belle, I needed to hear that.”

  “Anytime,” she says, snuggling in closer. “So how did Noah react to the news?”

  A smile creeps onto my lips as I recall how happy he was. “He was thrilled.”

  “That’s not a big surprise. He already gave you the stars, but if he could, I’m sure he’d give you the moon, too.”

  “Ms. Greyson, how are you feeling?” A tall doctor with salt-and-pepper hair walks in, and Belle scrambles out of the bed and into the chair.

  “Okay, a bit loopy. Mostly, I’m concerned about Noah.”

  He smiles as he finishes putting on his gloves and walks to my bedside. He shines a light into my eyes and checks my monitors. “Do you remember me from earlier?” he asks, taking a seat on a rolling stool.

  “No, I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be, you’ve had a rough night. I’m Doctor Martin, head of the emergency department. Mr. Weston and I are old friends.”

  “You sent the cactus.” I state matter-of-factly, and he chuckles.

  “Yes, I did. Now, let me fill you in on what’s been going on while you were napping. Noah has been asking for you. He’s as concerned for you, as you are him. But Noah is going to be fine, you both are. As a precaution, and as a favor, we’re keeping you both overnight for observation. The two of you were extremely lucky tonight.”

  Noah is going to be fine; the doctor wouldn’t lie to me. Finally, I feel like I can breathe.

  “I’ve had Noah taken directly upstairs to a private room. Your nurse will be in shortly to move you up there as well. People are already trying to sneak into the hospital for updates, so the sooner you’re out of the emergency department the better. Your vitals are stable and your gunshot wound is superficial. Once your medication wears off you’ll be a bit achy, but a few days of pain medicine and antibiotics should fix you right up.”

  “And what about Noah?”

  His eyes soften as they meet mine. “Noah received some stitches, staples, and has a pretty severe concussion. Fortunately, we found no brain swelling or bleeding on his scans, but he will need to take a month off from touring. Concussions are serious. Movement and light could aggravate his pain, he may be forgetful, irritable, emotional, anxious, have trouble sleeping, or sleep a lot. He may also become dizzy, especially during the first week or two. Plan on spending a lot of time with him and giving him more patience than normal. He’ll likely be frustrated because there’s nothing you can do to promote healing a concussion except taking it easy.”

  “Noah’s going to hate that, but at least you two will get some one-on-one time,” Belle says optimistically.

  “He can hate it all he wants. He’s alive and that’s all that matters. I’ll tie him to the bed if I have to.” My face flushes as I realize what I just said, but Dr. Martin only chuckles.

  “You’re not the first woman to threaten that. Tomorrow, one of the hospital psychologists will be coming up to speak with the two of you. After a traumatic incident all of our patients go through an exit exam. It’s only precautionary. You’ll be given signs and symptoms to watch for, as well as treatment referrals and options if you feel you may need them.”

  Great. Nothing like trying to figure out if I feel traumatized before what happened has sunk in. But Noah … he might be, so I need to keep an open mind.

  “Okay, can I see Noah now? Please?” I’m not above begging at this point.

  “Young love, I remember those days. You two take care of each other and tell Noah I’ll see him tomorrow before he’s discharged.” Dr. Martin opens the curtain, and a nurse enters pushing a wheelchair.

  Jumping from the bed, I get a little dizzy and have to grab on to the bedrail for support.

  “Mel, let us help you!” Belle chastises.

  “Sorry, I didn’t realize I wouldn’t be okay.”

  With their assistance, I get settled into the chair.

  “I’ll be okay, Belle. Go tell everyone I’m fine and they’re moving me up to Noah’s room.”

  “They already know.” Sawyer appears in the doorway looking even more ruggedly handsome, if it’s possible. And tired; he looks so freaking tired. “Darren is waiting for you in the lobby, Belle. Go home and get some rest.”

  Belle hesitates but finally agrees with him. She leans down and hugs me gently. “I’ll see you tomorrow, get some sleep.”

  “You, too, Belle. Thanks for being here.”

  With a sad smile, she replies, “Thanks for not dying on me. That would have sucked.”

  After the nurse tucks my IV bag in my lap, we start our journey to Noah’s room, with Sawyer walking alongside us. I’m used to his quietness, but it feels like Sawyer has a lot he’d like to say right now.

  We take an elevator up several floors, when the doors finally open and we’re let out into a dim hallway. This floor looks like a hotel, not a hospital. The nurse pauses at a door at the end of the hall.

  “Let me go inside and get rid of the visitors. They’ve been here longer than hospital policy allows.” When she steps inside, Sawyer releases a deep sigh.

  “Sawyer, are you okay? You can talk to me, you know … about anything.”

  “I’m not ready to talk but when I am, I promise I’ll talk to you. I’m so fucking grateful we got to you two in time. I don’t want to even think about what would have happened if we hadn’t.”

  Reaching over, I pull his hand into mine and squeeze. “Me, either. You saved me tonight, Sawyer. You saved us … and I’ll never forget that.”

  Sawyer’s parents come out of the room, and Karen immediately bends down and gives me a hug. “Amelia, sweetheart, I’m so glad you’re okay.” A fresh round of tears begins to trickle down her already tear-streaked face.

  Owen pulls Sawyer into a hug and from the way Sawyer’s shoulders slump, it must be the first time he’s let his guard down all night. The overwhelming sadness pulling at my heart strings while watching them is surprising. This family has become everything to me in such a short period of time.

  “Okay, time to get Amelia settled for the night.”

  Karen releases me with the nurse’s words. “We’ll see you both tomorrow.”

  Sawyer bends down and kisses the top of my head. “Night, Princess.”

  “Goodnight, Sawyer,” I whisper softly, finding it hard to vocalize the words. All I want to do right now is see Noah, but part of me wishes I could stay with Sawyer to comfort him, too.

  The nurse pushes me into the dim room and closes the door behind us. Only the soft glow from a nightlight and light seeping out from the cracked bathroom door illuminate our way.

  “Amelia?” Noah’s voice is barely a whisper, but my body floods with reli
ef.

  “Yes, Noah, it’s me. Can I spend some time with him please?”

  “Of course, but not too long, you both need your rest. I’m going to go get your medicine and we’ll get you settled when I come back.” She pushes my chair next to his bed, and I reach for his hand, immediately bringing it to my lips. My tears are falling freely now that it’s just the two of us. I almost lost him tonight, and there’s no world where that would be okay. He’s my lifeline.

  “Don’t cry, baby. I’m okay, but are you?”

  “I’m fine, Noah, I was just so worried about you.”

  Fuck the nurse. With one hand, I hold my IV bag and with the other, I hold on to the bedrail and climb into bed with Noah. I’m careful to squeeze in between him and the rail so I don’t move him, but right now I have to feel him against me.

  After tucking myself in next to him, I lay my head over his heart. Even after everything, it sounds the same—strong and steady. It’s all I can do to choke down a sob; the last thing I want to do is upset him, but I’m so relieved.

  “Mel … what happened to us tonight?” His words are soft and unsure. Maybe it’s for the best he doesn’t remember.

  “We had an accident, Noah, but we’re both okay. What’s the last thing you remember?”

  “Leaving the club, I think. I remember saying bye to Sawyer and J, but it’s all blank after that.”

  That’s good, he hasn’t lost much time. Maybe it will come back to him, or maybe not.

  A painful hiss falls from his lips, and I try to get up, but his words stop me. “Don’t, Mel, please stay. You’re the only thing taking my mind off the pain.”

  It’s not fair; after all he’s been through, he can’t even have medicine to numb the pain. His hand lies loosely on top of mine, but his breathing has slowed and I know he’s already sleeping again. I’m glad; he needs his rest, and I’m more than content listening to his heartbeat until the sun rises.

  A few minutes later, someone sighs behind me; this nurse isn’t going to let me stay here any longer. “Come on, Ms. Greyson, I promise you won’t even miss him once your medication kicks in. Tomorrow you can go home and recuperate together.”

  Her hand wraps around mine as she helps me out of the bed and into my own. At least we’re together in the same room. “You’ll be getting sleepy pretty quickly. If you need anything, just hit the call button here,” she says, showing me where it is before turning and leaving the room. She wasn’t joking; one minute I’m waiting for her to leave so I can crawl back into Noah’s bed and the next my lids are so heavy I can’t even keep my eyes open.

  “Stop!”

  “Shh, Princess, it’s okay.” Warm hands close over mine, and my eyes flutter open as my heart continues to race.

  “Sawyer?” The room is barely lit, but my eyes slowly adjust to the lighting. “What are you doing here?” My mouth is dry, my voice scratchy. He releases my hands and hands me a cup of water from the bedside table. The water is cold and feels amazing going down my throat.

  “I’m not going anywhere. I didn’t convince them to admit you both for observation to leave you alone. I left you once tonight and look where it got us.”

  “This isn’t your fault, Sawyer.”

  “No, it’s not,” Noah croaks out from behind him. “Are you okay, Mel?” he asks softly, and Sawyer turns around and lifts a cup of water to his lips. Noah sips it slowly, and Sawyer remains at his side, helping him until he’s had his fill. Then they both turn to me expectantly.

  “I’m fine. Just tired, I guess. I don’t know what woke me up.”

  “You were screaming in your sleep,” Sawyer whispers as Noah’s eyes close again.

  Poor Noah.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t remember, but I didn’t mean to scare you, or wake Noah. I feel awful.”

  “Don’t,” Sawyer says firmly as he sits next to me again. “He’s been awake off and on all night. His pain is keeping him up, not you. And even if you were keeping him awake, it’s how he’d want it. But he can’t be there for you in all the ways he’d like to be, so I’m the next best thing.”

  In the shadows, I see the outline of a small smirk creeping up on the corner of his mouth.

  “Always so pompous and yet somehow still a gentleman.”

  He replies with a snicker, “I’m no gentleman.”

  “Keep telling yourself that, Sawyer, but I’m starting to see the light,” I answer with a yawn. “What time is it?”

  He reaches to the bedside table and clicks on his phone. “A little after four. Go back to sleep. It will almost be time to go home when you wake up.” He continues to look down at his phone, and I study his profile in the shadow of the light. He’s got the outlines of stubble growing in, and I bet he’d look even more handsome with a close beard. But it would cover that striking jaw line of his; that would be a damn shame. I may be in love with his brother, but Sawyer is still one of the best-looking men I’ve ever laid eyes on.

  His eyes slowly meet mine and he looks at me expectantly. “Well?” he prompts, and I sit up a bit in bed.

  “Does he know yet?” I whisper, hoping Noah can’t hear me.

  With a slight shake of his head, he answers, “I don’t think so. He hasn’t said much. He’s mostly been moaning. It blows they don’t want to give him anything for pain for a few days other than acetaminophen.”

  “How do we tell him that? And what about the police? They’re going to want to talk to him.”

  “Shh, Princess, we’ll handle it. Tony is already handling the police. They won’t get near either of you until he says it’s okay. When Noah is ready, we’ll tell him … together. Okay?”

  “Yeah, okay.”

  “You know, Belle was right tonight,” he says suddenly.

  “About what?”

  “About how bad it would have sucked if you would have died. Don’t ever do that, Princess, okay?”

  “I’ll try my best.”

  I’m tired, but as strange as it sounds, I’m also enjoying this special time with Sawyer. I’m sure it makes me a horrible person, but I love his vulnerable side. When he gets like this, all I want to do is bottle our time together and make it last forever. Someday, I hope he lets someone in enough to see this side of him all the time. She’ll be one lucky girl.

  “Sawyer,” Noah calls out softly. Sawyer swivels his chair around and faces Noah, giving him all the attention he needs.

  “Hey, Noah, what do you need?”

  “Do we have security set up outside?”

  “No one is getting in here, Noah. The hospital is locked up tight. We’re good. I’m not letting anything else happen to you. I promise.” Sawyer reaches over and clutches Noah’s hand. I can’t see his face, but the way Sawyer’s shoulders slump defeatedly tells me all I need to know. He blames himself for what happened tonight, but it’s not his fault.

  “You saved us, Sawyer. Stop thinking anything other than that because it’s the absolute truth. If you guys hadn’t come back, there would’ve been a completely different ending. One that would have sucked,” I joke lightly. He nods but keeps all his attention focused on Noah.

  “Is everyone okay?” Noah asks, sounding a little more clearheaded than before.

  “Yeah, man, everyone is good. You two will be discharged in a few hours, and then we can focus on the two of you getting better.”

  I close my eyes and listen to the two of them talk about random things. The sounds of their voices comfort me as I fall back asleep.

  “Sawyer, it’s okay.”

  “I wouldn’t do that to you, Noah. You have to know that.” Sawyers words are desperate, and I wonder what they’re talking about. I’ve got a feeling it has something to do with me, so I keep my eyes closed a bit longer.

  “I do,” Noah replies softly. “Aside from Mel, you are the most important person in my life, Sawyer. Don’t ever forget that.” His words aren’t cautionary; they’re pleading with Sawyer to realize how much he m
eans to Noah.

  “I know, and no matter what you might think, I’m glad you found her. The two of you are sickeningly perfect together.”

  “What I think, Sawyer, is you put up a brave front, but deep down inside you’re ready to settle down, too.”

  Before Sawyer has a chance to reply, I yawn. I’m not sure why I feel the need to save him from answering Noah. When I finally open my eyes, the room is bright from the sun peeking through the blinds.

  “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty,” Noah says with a small smile.

  “Morning,” I answer, looking between him and Sawyer. Neither of them look great. “How do you feel today?” I ask, turning my gaze to Noah. He’s got a big bruise on the side of his face I didn’t see last night in the dark. It looks beyond painful, but I try not to focus on it because I’m sure he hasn’t seen it yet.

  “My head hurts but I can’t sleep. I just want to go home and get into my own bed.”

  “Did you get any sleep at all?” I ask, turning my attention to Sawyer.

  “Sleep is for pussies. I’ll sleep when you two are home safe and sound.”

  “Did someone mention pussy?” Wyatt asks with a forced smile as he peeks his head inside the door.

  “What are you doing here so early?” Noah asks him. It’s only then I realize they’re still talking in low tones. Noah’s head must hurt worse than he’s letting on.

  Wyatt shrugs and puts his hands in his pockets, propping himself at the foot of my bed. “I didn’t get to see any of you guys last night, and I didn’t sleep for shit. My best friend and his girlfriend were almost killed. Can’t blame a guy for wanting to see for himself they’re okay.”

  Noah releases a frustrated sigh. “What aren’t you guys telling me?”

  “Nothing, Noah. There’s nothing you need to know right now that you shouldn’t try to let come back to you organically.”

  “Mel, I love you, but you’re a bullshit liar.”

  Sawyer and Wyatt chuckle at his words and then Sawyer shrugs, deferring to me. “It’s your call.”

  Great. Put it all on me. “Fine. But first, you two go out for a few minutes. Let me pee and make sure I’m not going to flash you all my ass. Then we’ll talk.”