His Highland Pledge (The Clan Sinclair Book 4)

by Celeste Barclay

  St. Michael and all the angels guide me. Help me see what God has planned for me. I want to walk on the path He has in store for me, but I dinna ken if that includes Magnus. If it doesnae, I will forsake Ye, Lord, before I do him. Will I burn in Hell or will Ye lock me eternally in Purgatory? God, forgive me the heresy, but I just canna face going on without him. I love him. Why did Ye bring him into ma life just to take him away? Will Ye do it again? Nay! I ken it wasna Ye. Ye granted man free will, and it was the will of ma parents that did it. Please, God! Help me. What am I to do?

  Deirdre looked at the cross that hung over the altar as she implored God for intercession. She had not even realized that she made her prayers directly to God until she finished. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and bowed her head once more.

  “I ask this in Yer name, in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.” She crossed herself and looked up as she heard the whisper of the door open and close.

  The last thing she wanted was company. She tried to slouch into the pew hoping whoever entered would either not see her or ignore her. She listened as the light footsteps approached, and she shut her eyes as they stopped alongside her.

  “Deir?”

  Deirdre’s eyes flew open as she looked up at Magnus. He slid into the pew and clasped her hand against the seat before moving his plaid to cover them. Anyone who walked past would not see them touching, but they both sighed as the contact soothed them both.

  “Deir, why are ye crying? What happened,” Magnus whispered. He looked around to be sure they were alone.

  “Naught really. I found maself in here, and I took the time to pray. I dinna ken what brought me, but I was looking at that window,” she pointed to the one that pictured Saint Michael, “and it made me think of ye slaying our dragons. I wondered just which ones ye would have to lay asunder.”

  “Are ye worried that I will have to kill yer father?” Deirdre could barely hear Magnus’s raspy question.

  “Nay. At least nae much. I ken ye dinna want to do aught like that, but I also ken I willna let anyone stand between us again. I pray it doesnae come to that.”

  “Ken that that will always be the vera last resort. I dinna want to do that, but I told ye before that I willna let anyone take ye from me again. I will do aught I must.”

  Deirdre laid her head on Magnus’s shoulder no longer caring if anyone saw them. He released her hand and encircled her shoulders with his arm. He drew her to his side and kissed the crown of her head. He breathed in her scent before kissing her once again.

  “Let us worry aboot this only if we must. There is nay point in buying trouble where there is none.”

  He felt her head nod as her silky curls tickled his chin. She turned to look up at him, and he wiped the last of her tears from her spiky lashes.

  “I want to show ye something, Magnus.”

  An idea occurred to her, and she stood from the pew. She held out her hand for him, and he clasped it. She led him to a door he believed led to the sacristy. He looked around, fearful they would be discovered entering the hallowed place meant only for the priests. Instead, the door led into the chapel’s scriptorium. Magnus had not known the church within the castle had a monastic library. He looked around the spacious chamber lined with windows on both sides. Next, he looked at Deirdre and saw her comfort within the space. He realized she must have spent quite a lot of time here to know her way from within the chapel.

  “Is this where ye work?”

  “Nae as often as I would like. I used to slip into here for hours when I first arrived. It was the only thing that made court tolerable. The priests were skeptical at first aboot allowing me within these hallowed walls, but once they saw the vellums I’d transcribed, and I proved ma translation skills, they welcomed me any time I wanted. I could come daily until the previous bishop passed away. The current bishop isnae so keen on the notion of women reading and scribing. He has seen ma work but refuses to believe I did it on ma own. He insists that I must have had a mon instruct me. I dinna feel vera welcome here anymore even though the other priests are still kind. It’s actually been many months since I was last here.”

  Deirdre walked along the bookshelves that lined the walls. She trailed her fingers over many of the books, and she craned her neck to look at the top shelves that came close to touching the ceiling. She looked over at Magnus who was intent upon watching her.

  “Do ye remember how ye carried ma vellums back to the keep that day we met?”

  “Of course, lass.”

  “Do ye ken I watched ye the next day while ye and yer brothers trained in the lists? I didna get vera far in ma work that next day because I couldnae concentrate.”

  Magnus approached her but did not touch her.

  “Do ye ken I took the flat of a blade across ma ribs that day because I couldnae focus either?”

  “We made quite the pair even then.”

  “Did ye ken I searched for ye at the next hunt for two days before I found out ye didna come? I thought mayhap ye hadnae wanted to come after all. I thought mayhap ye didna want to see me like ye said ye would.”

  “Ye thought I rejected ye?”

  “I ken now that made nay sense, but at only six and ten, I doubted maself and whether I imagined our connection.”

  “Och Magnus, ye have felt the sting of rejection so many times, and yet, never once did I reject ye.”

  “I ken that now. I even understood it when ye explained yer mother’s illness when we spoke in the Graham’s solar, but before that, I thought ye didna want me.”

  “Is that why ye tried to forget me? Why ye tried to replace me?” Deirdre murmured.

  Magnus lowered his gaze and shook his head. When he looked up, Deirdre’s heart seized at the guilt that filled his eyes. She feared what she was about to hear. Was there a part of his past he still kept from her, that he lied about? Had he truly not been faithful after all?

  “Deir, I wish I could take back the women from before I met ye and from that year apart. I wish I could have come to ye a virgin just as ye came to me. I wish it had only ever been ye.”

  Deirdre felt the air rush from her lungs. That confession was not what she expected. As the air filled her chest again, she wrapped Magnus in her arms. He bent and lowered his head to her shoulders. It was awkward, but she stroked his back as he clung to her.

  “Have ye felt guilty aboot that all this time?”

  “Aye. I felt like I betrayed ye by being with the other women even though we had only met once. We didna have any kind of understanding, but I used those women. I didna want any of them like I did ye. I used them as a distraction and a replacement. I felt wretched aboot that, but I felt even more wretched that I coveted a child. Ye were barely three and ten when we met. I had already coupled with more than one woman before we met. I was closer to a mon than a boy, but I longed to touch ye as I kenned a mon touches a woman.”

  Deirdre stepped back from Magnus and held his shoulders.

  “Have ye carried this guilt all this time? Ye never shared this before. I mean ye told me aboot the women,” she grimaced, “but ye never told me that ye felt guilty aboot yer feelings for me. I was so enamored with ye, and the fact that ye were older just made ye seem like a greater forbidden temptation. I rather loved kenning that ye were older, but I didna think ye would remember me after a year.”

  “I could never forget ye,” Magnus choked out. “I never did. That is why I could never move on. I dinna think I would have moved on even if we never found one another again.”

  “Why are ye telling me all of this now?” Deirdre asked.

  Magnus looked around the room before looking at her again.

  “If ma family hadnae needed me, and if I wasna so close to ma brothers and sister, I would have done as most youngest sons do. I would have taken vows and entered a monastery. I didna have any desire for any other life if it was without ye. I thought a life of service might absolve me of ma sins, of coveting ye when ye were far too young and for taki
ng yer innocence without being properly wed to ye.”

  “Magnus, ye make it sound as if I was barely out of swaddling clothes.” She smiled up at him. “Ye ken, as well as I, I wouldnae have been the first lass to be married at three and ten if ye had claimed me then. I was practically on the shelf by the time we did handfast. I honestly amnae sure how I’ve gotten to a score and three without ma parents forcing a marriage before now. But Magnus, I told ye before, I would go to a convent before marrying someone else. I petitioned the king and queen when I first arrived here, but they told ma parents. Two years later, I petitioned the queen to let me remove to a convent, but once again, they informed ma parents. If ye hadnae shown up when ye did, I would probably have snuck away the moment ma parents set the date for the betrothal.”

  “We are a right pair,” Magnus kissed her forehead and then pulled her in for a kiss that inevitably escalated.

  Deirdre tugged his leine as she backed up to a large table covered in scrolls. Magnus pushed them aside and lifted her onto the table. His hands slid under her skirts and pushed them back, as she lifted his plaid.

  “Do ye ken that this has always been one of ma fantasies?”

  “To make love in a scriptorium?”

  “Nay, Deir, to push all of yer work aside and take ye on the vera table ye leaned over.”

  “Is this how ye imagined it?”

  Magnus paused before shaking his head.

  “Nae exactly.”

  She cocked an eyebrow.

  “I pictured bending ye over the table and taking ye from behind.”

  Magnus did not blink until she slid from the table. She turned to face it and braced her hands wide. She looked at him and pressed her hips back. He growled as he pushed her skirts up and then lifted his plaid. He slid his fingers between her thighs and felt her dew drench them. He thrust into her and grunted as she moaned. Deirdre used one hand to hold her up as she reached back to grasp his thigh.

  “Quickly, Magnus. I dinna ken how long we have before someone comes.”

  “I’m going to come,” he growled close to her ear. He clenched a handful of her hair and pulled her head. She turned to look at him, accepting his savage kiss. This joining was quick and intense, as they both searched and received absolution from one another. Their consciences released guilt held needlessly for years.

  “Magnus, I’m close too,” she panted. “Now. I’m coming apart now.”

  Magnus felt his seed spurt from him as it hit her inner walls that contracted around him.

  “Me too.”

  He collapsed over her, and they leaned heavily against the table. Magnus reluctantly pulled away and straightened her gown and his plaid. He was just in time as the door from the chapel swung open. The two priests who entered looked between them, shocked to find anyone, let alone a couple, in their sanctuary.

  Deirdre curtseyed before taking Magnus by the hand and leading him through the door to the courtyard. Once outside, they exchanged a look and burst into laughter.

  “Do ye think they would have absolved me if I wrinkled their parchment as I took ye over their table?”

  “Sshh!” Deirdre giggled as they dashed across the courtyard holding hands. They were oblivious to anyone else until they heard several gasps coming from the gate into the queen’s private gardens.

  “Bluidy hell,” Magnus whispered.

  “Shite,” Deirdre breathed.

  Magnus looked down at her, but she only shrugged.

  “Well, so much for being discreet or keeping this a secret.”

  They both held their breath as Mary Kerr once again led her group of followers towards them. Deirdre tried not to turn her nose up, but she was not sure how successful she was when Ceit Comyn gave her head a slight shake.

  “What have we here, ladies? It seems we have interrupted a tryst.” She pursed her thin lips and smirked.

  She doesnae ken the half of it. Magnus and Deirdre exchanged a look, and they knew they thought the same thing.

  “Lady Mary, are ye well, lass? Ye’re looking a mite peaked.”

  Magnus leaned towards Mary who leaned back. Her chin pulled back into her neck, and her eyes widened. Her arms went wide to keep her balance. He placed his hand lightly below her arm and steadied her. She pulled her arm away and nearly knocked herself over. The other ladies giggled into their hands.

  “I ken there are hard feelings between our clans, but I do wish ye the best, lass. Ye ken, for such a bonnie lass, it escapes me why ye arenae wed yet.” Magnus looked at her innocently, but his eyes were trained on her like a hawk. He saw her nostrils flare before her eyes narrowed and her lips thinned.

  “Get your paws off of me, you beastly man. How dare you touch me?” She tried to step away, but her skirts caught under her feet. She stumbled several steps before righting herself.

  “Have ye been sneaking a tipple of whisky here and there?” Magnus winked at her as she spun around and flounced away.

  This time the other ladies were not as quick to follow. Many looked between Mary’s retreating back and the couple that stood before them. Ceit Comyn stepped forward.

  “In for a penny, in for a pound, I suppose. You know you are making a dangerous enemy. She may seem like just an angry young woman, but you must remember that she’s a very well-connected one. She has not been at court long, but she has made influential friends who give favors just as they take them.”

  Ceit stepped back and turned towards her friends before they moved away from Magnus and Deirdre and in the opposite direction from which Mary walked.

  “Lord Fraser, I think you should know what your daughter has been up to.” Mary Kerr barged into the chamber where the Fraser poured over documents with his scribe and several other members of the king’s Privy Council. “Begging your pardon, my lords. I should have knocked before entering when you are clearly all busy at work.”

  Mary’s cagey words evaded the truth that she knew who occupied the room with Laird Fraser and that she had every intention of interrupting. Fraser looked up from the documents he was examining and hurried to the young woman hoping to reach her before she could say more. He was not quite quick enough.

  “The other ladies and I just stumbled upon that heathen Sinclair leaving the chapel with Lady Deirdre. I cannot imagine what unholy things they did in such a sacred place. Really, someone should teach Lady Deirdre how to do her own hair, so she can repair it before appearing in public. Quite disgraceful.”

  Laird Fraser gripped her arm above the elbow none too gently and steered her from the chamber.

  “I don’t know what game you think you are playing, lass, but you are dangerously close to holding enough rope to hang yourself. You may think humiliating my daughter will ingratiate yourself and support your claim against the Sinclairs, but you are too late. The king signed the writs this very afternoon. The decisions have been made, and not in your clan’s favor. You may insult the Sinclairs to your heart’s content, but continue to drag my daughter’s name into it, and you may find your lover is not so enamored of you when you are through. After all, your lover is to be my daughter’s husband. I’m sure he does not want to have the harpy he’s bedding disparaging his own wife in public.” Laird Fraser gave her a shake when she stared at him aghast. “Did you think your secret was any better kept than my daughter’s? Do you think I would not know every little secret of the man who will marry into my family? Oh yes, I already know you promised him a romp between your thighs any time he wants if he helps you cause the Sinclairs’ downfall. I also know you made that offer within days of arriving at court. It did not take you long to survey the scene, find your prey, and set your bait. I don’t really care how many times the man tups you as long as you do not impede their marriage. Cross me, lass, and you will find yourself on a slow boat to Iona.”

  Mary stood staring, mouth agape, as Donald Fraser strode back into the chamber from which they exited together only moments earlier. Once she regained her composure, she set her jaw and pushed her shoulders bac
k. She looked once more at the door through which Laird Fraser passed before she set off for the royal apartments.

  Chapter Thirteen

  The next morning, Magnus left Deirdre near the passageway leading to the queen’s chambers. She had excused herself the evening before claiming a headache. She could only imagine what was in store for her once she entered.

  “Are ye sure that ye must go in there? Canna ye claim another megrim? Ye could retire to yer chamber and nae have to deal with those lasses. They all talk out of both sides of their mouth.”

  “Would that I could. I must admit to being surprised the Lady Ceit has been so outspoken. She says vera little from what I can tell. Many other ladies dinna think her too sharp. It seems to me that she is vera well aware of all that goes on around her.”

  “Still waters run deep.”

  “That would seem to be the right of it. Nay, I must go in there. I canna run from ma duties. That isnae fair to the queen, and it will only antagonize ma parents more. I am sure they have heard by now the other lasses spotted us leaving the chapel together.”

  Magnus gazed intently at her before finally nodding his head.

  “I dinna like kenning ye are in there with those women without me.”

  “What would ye do? Glare at them? Mayhap growl? Och aye, stand there just like that.” Deirdre giggled at Magnus as he unconsciously moved into what she now called his Odin stance, with his feet hip-width apart and arms crossed, because it made her think he guarded the entrance to Valhalla. He looked down and dropped his arms.

  “Magnus, I dinna need ye to defend me from a group of gossiping magpies. They may be a bunch of clipmalabors, but that is all they have to do with their days. They sit and tell tales about others. I have heard it all before.”

  “But this is the first time someone is directing it at ye. It’s one thing to ken the person being gossiped aboot and quite another to be that person.”