Bunnygirls 2

by Simon Archer

  “Bam!” I slammed my hand on the table. “That’s the ticket! I’m willing to bet that all the champions have something like that, too.” I turned to my boys behind me. “Dane, tell Terrier and the boys thawing Wildheart to look for a bright copper piece of metal in it.” With that command out of the way, I returned to the conversation. “That doesn’t tell me a whole lot, but it does tell me that taking down their big generator is going to be both very rewarding and incredibly exhausting. It’ll be the biggest monkey wrench that ever wrenched or monkeyed anything. Do any of you know about that, the Mana Crusher, I mean?”

  “Only that it’s a fortress second only to the Citadel in armed forces,” Huey explained, “The entire place is surrounded with elite guardsmen and every sort of defensive weaponry the Regent could put in it. Bunkers, rifles, guard towers, explosives, basic charms, everything that the Regent could afford to give. No one’s to go within a mile without the Regent’s express permission, or they’ll be killed on sight. No exceptions.”

  “I’ll take that bet.” I stood up. “Though that’s not a comforting sign. We’ll have to get creative to crack that nut. Tell me what you know about this Regent Silverfang.”

  “He cares a lot about his looks,” Duey said, “Always making sure that everything was properly in place on his head.”

  “I can work with a neat freak.” I stroked my beard. Did it help me think? Maybe. I’d have had to have thought about it. “He’ll be particular, and if I can be chaotic, he’ll be pulling his hair out, trying to keep me out of his perfect things. Anger makes you stupid. Rage can lead to focus, but blind savagery will get you killed every time. Anything else?”

  “We never saw him much, besides when he visited Wildheart in the Citadel.” Louie finished up. “We were just servants to the champion.”

  “Perfect!” I stretched out my arms. “That’s just about the end of everything I can question and proves we don’t have any concerns that need addressing right at this moment. I’ve got to get back to bed. With all of that out of the way, I can spend my baron-less day doing whatever I want.”

  “Is that why you had us gather in the middle of the night, boss?” Lassie asked me.

  “All of my girls are sleeping right now,” I explained, “This is the only window I had to make sure I didn’t have anything pressing I was overlooking on my day off. With all of the immediate business taken care of, I can make the most out of the day. We’ll be making preparations to head out to that town, Jackalope, and specifically the generator, the very next day, so you all get your rest before then, too.”

  “What if there’s a problem, boss?” Foxhound, also among the boys I brought, finally spoke, “Are we supposed to come to find you?”

  “If there’s actually a problem,” I rubbed my eyes, realizing how little sleep I actually got, “and only one of similar cataclysmic proportions to a full-scale invasion, you can most likely find me in the baron’s chambers at such a time. Nothing less crucial. I don’t care if things are on fire. If my life isn’t in immediate danger, or if Bugs absolutely needs me and tells someone to get me, you need to handle the situations until tomorrow is officially over. And until that time, you all report to Bugs. All of you, spread the word. Unless Bugs has something important that he wants you all to do, you can take it slow tomorrow, too.” The boys I brought filed out of the door. “You six, report to the Captain of the Guard at the guard tower in the morning. He’ll assign you positions for the time being until I decide where best to put you.”

  As the last of them filed out, I yawned for what felt like a solid minute. The day after tomorrow was going to be a train wreck of sores, aches, and sleeping. But that was a problem for future Hank. Present Hank only had to worry about getting back to the girls before they woke up so they wouldn’t notice anything happened.

  Time to go relieve some stress.

  9

  “Watch his head!” I heard Bugs’ voice pierce through the fog of consciousness I was rising from, my temple suddenly pulsing with pain. “He’s a noble lord, not a sack of potatoes!”

  “Sorry, Other Baron,” Foxhound, one of my boys who usually guarded the learning center, answered Bugs’ concerns, “He’s a big guy for a Rabbit, and there’s only so much room.”

  I felt two sets of hands on my back, my head, and my legs, cradling me as I was carried in the air. There were no shapes or real colors, but everything was incredibly bright. The light hurt my eyes for a moment, then quickly returned to a shade of darkness, with only a glimmer of light to one side.

  “My day as baron has passed.” Bugs breathed out, though now sounding farther out. “Please just call me Bugs before Lord Dragonoak throws me in the brig for mutiny.”

  “Whatever you say, Bugs,” Bernard, who usually worked construction on the housing facility, spoke up as the second set of hands.

  I felt soft cushions on my back and butt as I was placed, with my head resting on something just as fluffy. My eyes refused to open at my command, but I was a lord now, and they were to obey, so I eventually coerced them to unseal as color flooded back into view.

  “I wouldn’t have ever guessed I’d be taking orders from Rabbits,” Foxhound small-talked with Bernard, “The nobles and pack leaders always said that Rabbits were the worst at all of the things, and being slaves was good for them, but here we are. All the nobles and pack leaders are dead or working for Lord Dragonoak, and now I know how to spell my name because a Rabbit taught me how. When was the last time you learned anything?”

  “Definitely more than a year ago,” Bernard sighed, a little melancholy, “Do you think that Lord Dragonoak can find a way to reverse the Forgetting for us grunts?”

  The individual fibers of my muscles all filed their complaints upon my return to the waking world, shouting at me for spending the past couple of days without resting. As I opened my eyes fully, I registered exactly where I was.

  Inside a carriage. Wildheart’s carriage. Far outside of the master chambers that I was just spending my day off in.

  “If there’s a way, he’d find it,” Foxhound answered, “Maybe you should ask him when he wakes up.”

  Oh, shut up, muscles. I had important stuff to do, all of it immediately urgent. And yesterday was a lot of fun. Although, the last thing I remembered was being in my bed with my girls. They had all kept wanting to extend my day off from being the baron by just a little bit more, and I was up all that night, just like the night before that. It didn’t help that they had noticed that I left for the meeting and were waiting for me when I got back. The day started at damn near three in the morning and ended at five in the morning the following day. When the last bunny finally fell asleep, I just rested my eyes for a moment. Buck naked, if I remembered correctly.

  Now, I was fully clothed in my lord’s coat and overalls. The chainmail inlining was there, but the clothes smelled fresh. Did Tinker and Hopper change all of my clothes like this? I didn’t put any of that on. I didn’t stink like twenty-six hours of hard work and good fun. No, I smelled more like lavender, and I also had all of my guns in the seat next to me. I didn’t order any of this. What happened? What was happening now? How did I miss all of it?

  “Oh, your grace!” Bugs noticed my rousing, coming up to the carriage door to peek in. “We were trying our hardest not to awaken you. Seems you don’t take a day off even when you take a day off, I suppose. I hope you don’t mind some of the liberties we’ve taken while you weren’t available.”

  “Which one of you dressed me?” I rubbed the growing bruise on my head.

  “That was your bunnies, your grace,” Bugs informed me, “I surmised that you wanted to take the generator as soon as you had defeated the champion challenger. If you hadn’t lost that bet to me, you would have already organized an assault force and be a day down the road by now. I thought I would expedite certain items that didn’t require your direct attention, and your girls begrudgingly peeled themselves off you to assist in getting you ready for the day and the journey.”

/>   “Could it not have waited until breakfast?” I sat up in the carriage seat. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful for the initiative. I would have liked to stay in bed with my girls a bit longer, is all. At least until noon, what with the late night, would have been nice. It’s more than a little disorienting to move a dozen yards or so from the master bedroom to the courtyard so early in the day.”

  “Your Grace, we’re outside the front gate.” Bugs laughed nervously. “And it’s almost evening.”

  “Jesus, really?” I peeked my head out of the carriage.

  Bugs wasn’t screwing around. The city’s outer wall was right here, and the carriage was not a hundred feet away from the front gate. Behind the carriage, four carts followed up, two full with sixteen fully armed and armored Wolves apiece pulled by two striders and two covered wagons filled with ammunition and supplies pulled by one strider each. Same went with the front, two Wolf carts and two supply carts. I let out a pained grunt, and one of my boys ducked under my shoulder to help me as I stepped down from the carriage.

  Standing back, I saw what had become of Wildheart’s carriage, having been repainted a grassy green. The symbol of my household, three different hands holding three different tools, replaced the old insignia right on the door. And it looked like they trimmed all of the extra wood decorations down, too, so it wasn’t so gaudy. At the driver’s seat, a very bouncy, brown, and young Rabbit, Peter, sat with the reins, creating waves down to the straps to the big strider I’d used in the fight with the Gut Jelly.

  “Good afternoon, m’lord!” Peter kept bouncing up and down in his seat. “Awaiting your orders to take off for the battle!”

  “Hello, Peter,” I grunted out from the pain, “Do you understand what a battle is? There’s going to be a lot of chaos. A lot of blood. Very many people who want to kill you, or would step right on you to get an edge in the war, sometimes in a very literal sense. No one’s going to be protecting you. I can’t afford to be worrying about your safety, and I won’t be. You’ll be expected to carry your own weight just like any Wolf. Are you okay with that?”

  “Of course, sir!” His bounces were subdued by my warning, but not stopped. “A few of us wanted to help, and Hopper let us be your battle couriers, carrying supplies and messages between your soldiers. I think she made up the name, but I’m glad I can help out on the battlefront! You’ve already got another four of your fastest Rabbits in the other carts with the same job.”

  Looking over, Rabbits bounced out of each of the carts of Wolves on each side, waving to me as I painfully waved back.

  “You miss one morning, and all of the important decisions get made without you,” I chuckled, “Alright, then. If she thinks you’ll do well, I won’t second guess her. Where is she and the girls, anyway? I haven’t said goodbye yet. And I swear, if you did that for me, too, Bugs--”

  “Oh, they’ll be happy to hear that, your grace.” Bugs rubbed the bridge of his nose, ignoring my sarcastic quip. “Instead of doing the jobs I came up for them to replace Hopper and Tinker while they’re gone, they’re all trying to break down that front door as we speak. I’m surprised they didn’t wake you up with the racket.”

  “Did you already choose who among my bunnies was going with me, too?” I looked at him, possibly a little bit irritated at the overstep. “That’s something I would have liked to have been conscious for.”

  “Oh, no, I wouldn’t dream of it, your grace!” Bugs put his hands up in his defense. “They were the ones who debated the issue for quite some time after getting you ready. However, your grace, I must admit to the crime of having influenced the final decision in a bit.”

  “Did you rig it in anyone’s favor?” I asked.

  “Possibly, your grace?” he confessed hesitantly. “I swear on my life, it was an innocent suggestion. They were leveraging some sorts of deals they had made with each other earlier, and thousands of different points were brought up. Many of them didn’t want you to go at all and were coming up with suggestions for people to take your place as the field commander. The only thing that I wanted to be considered was who would be the most likely to keep you alive on a battlefield, should you have to go as the most capable warrior here. Without much further deliberation, Hopper and Tinker were chosen shortly after that.”

  “I’d take them all if I could.” I limped around to the front of the carriage. “That’s the smarter decision, though, and probably who I’d have chosen if I was around to make it. You can let them out here so I can say my goodbyes. Where are Hopper and Tinker, then, if the rest are at the gate?”

  “They said they had something to take care of.” Bugs raised a rabbity brow. “Rather cryptically and suspiciously, if I say so myself.”

  “I’m sure we’ll survive with most of our limbs.”

  “One more thing, your grace.” Bugs stopped before he made it very far, hopping back to me. “You’ll also need to decide upon the interim baron for the time while you’re away. If you wish, I’ve prepared a list of candidates amongst your Wolves for you to choose from. Toby, your first Wolf pack member, and Balto, your Captain of the Guard, seem the prospective candidates--”

  “Take care of my city, Bugs.” I started limping over towards the big strider. “I’ve grown to like the place. It’s got a future, and will always hold a place in my heart. I’ll be back to check on you later, but I don’t know exactly when.”

  “Come again?” Bugs’ nose twitched in his surprise. The color drained from his skin, even underneath all of his brown and grey fur, as the full weight of what I was implying fell upon him. “You can’t possibly think that I could be given such a mantle and that you’ll be anything less than absolutely successful in your mission to destroy the generator. If you have any doubts about your victory in the coming battle, your grace, perhaps you should take some time to come up with a plan--”

  “This is the plan.” I turned to look him straight in the eye. “When I take the generator back, the household’s going to grow at an exponential rate. I’ll have several cities to watch over, and I can’t be watching over every city directly at once. I’ll need people I can trust to watch over them for me, to continue what I’ve started in every place so that everyone can prosper. They’ll need to be people who know each place and what it needs. When I leave here today, you’re the governor of Thumperton Port.”

  “The governor?” Bugs puzzled, “What does that job entail, exactly?”

  “It means you’ll be running the city as my representative,” I explained, “You will speak with my authority in this city, so long as I’m pleased with what you’re doing. Honestly, with how much you’re running around giving out my orders and arranging things for me before, I don’t think anyone will even notice. You’re going to do great.”

  “I don’t know what to say, your grace.” The sappy new governor had tears in his eyes. “I’ve never done anything so good in my life to deserve such an honor.”

  “If you don’t think so, then we’ll just say that your loyalty did it for you, then.” I smiled, then raised my hand to call the attention of the carts behind the carriage. “Battle couriers!”

  Two little heads popped up, one from each cart, beckoned by my call.

  “Go tell everyone in the city the good news!” I shouted at them. “Bugs is now the governor of the Thumperton Port. Any command that he gives to someone in this city is to be treated as a command directly from me, and he’s to be the highest authority. If you can really be an asset to the war effort, show me how fast you run!”

  All of them, even the ones behind me, blurred across the field from their carts, dipping inside the city gates as soon as they opened up for them. However, I also distinctly noticed a lack of bunnies coming out of the city, like Bugs had said they were attempting to. My common sense instincts were telling me this had something to do with what Hopper and Tinker were ‘taking care of.’

  “I’ll be back as soon as I can, Governor,” I addressed my new official by his proper title, “Don’t g
o slacking off on your duties just because I’m not here.” I gave him a sly wink

  “Of course not!” The governor’s posture sprung to steadfast, regardless of the tears he was failing to keep in his eyes. “This city will be a jewel in your crown, your grace! You’ll always be able to look upon it and its people with pride for as long as you deem it within my care!”

  “I’ve come to expect no less from you, Bugs.” I saluted him, and he returned the gesture, “Go make me proud.” The little hare bounced off as he attempted to quell his sobs, and I returned to heading towards the big strider.

  Up the hill just outside the city, I saw the construction of the expanded ranch still underway, with Wolves lifting wooden beams salvaged from the other ‘ranch-spa-resort-station combos’ I used to own. I had set up enough stuff that I wouldn’t need to come back here for a while. From what Wildheart was saying, this place was pretty far out from the rest of the civilization, and I’d left enough Wolves to protect it from anything they’d have been able to throw at us. This place could grow and prosper on its own, and we’d have been able to expand with our own resources if we had the time. The damn Blood Moon was putting everything in a rush. Well, I wouldn’t have had to worry about it for another couple hundred years, which meant the next one was someone else’s problem. After a little bit of hobbling and a lot of patience, I made it to the larger strider at the front of the cart.

  “Did this guy get the proper attention I asked for?” I gave the scaly hide a scratch on its shoulder.

  “Of course, m’lord.” Peter was still bouncing as he answered. “He was very easy to deal with. Didn’t give any trouble to the Wolves tasked with his care. Well, actually, at first, he barely ate any of his meat bits. We kept giving him more, but he wouldn’t take more than a bite, he would just look at them and at us. Eventually, we just left him alone with it, and then when we came back, it was all gone. From then on, he was pigging out, making all of these clicking noises like he was popping his neck or something, but it was out of his mouth.”