Penny blanched.
“What, you thought I was too dumb, too much of a bimbo, to notice?” I straightened in my seat. “It’s written all over your face. You’re not really here to ‘protect’ John. Honestly, I’m insulted on his behalf. John is a smart, mature man who can take care of himself and to think that he’d fall for an idiot spoiled kid who just wanted in his pants is as much of an insult to him as it is to me. You’re here because you want him for yourself and you’re scared that I was able to get to him when you weren’t.”
“I’ve known John for my entire life. I knew Laura, too. She was a wonderful woman. I’m not surprised that he hasn’t been with anyone since her. But I’ve wanted him for years now and I would never treat him like that. I would never give him anything other than the permanent, serious, loving relationship he deserves. I’m serious about him, and I don’t know if he’s serious about me or not but that’s up to him to decide, not you.”
Penny was white with rage. “Oh, so I suppose you’ve told your family, then? Your parents? Your father? I’m sure he’d be pleased to hear that his daughter wants to date a man twice her age—his own best friend, no less.”
“What happens between me and my father is none of your business. Frankly, what happens between John and me isn’t your business either but that ship’s already sailed I suppose.” I stood up and pulled my wallet out of my purse. “This is up to John to decide, not you or anyone else. If he wants me, I’m his. If he doesn’t, then I’ll step aside. But I won’t do anything unless I hear it from him, not from the jealous woman who had twelve years to make a move and just sat on her ass and did nothing.”
I pulled out some cash and put it on the table. “As a woman, I can tell you I’ve had a lot of guys act like my friend just so that they could get into my pants. Like they were waiting until they’d scored enough friendship points with me for me to fuck them. And it fucking sucked. If you really cared about John you would’ve been honest with him about your feelings years ago, or you’d suck it up and stay on the sidelines instead of jealously meddling like this. You might be older than I am, but you’re half as mature.”
My lunch paid for, I turned around and left.
God, I felt absolutely nauseous. I couldn’t believe that woman would think those things of me, or would treat John that way. I was more furious on his behalf than I was on mine.
By the time I got back to the office, I seriously felt like I was going to throw up. I’d never been so upset or angry before. Who did this woman think she is? How dare she call herself John’s friend when she was treating him like this? How dare she…
Oh. Oh I was really going to throw up.
I managed to walk calmly to the bathroom, and got there just in time to puke my breakfast up in the toilet. Good thing I hadn’t eaten anything with Penny, that would’ve been far from pleasant.
Crap, I had been angry before but—not to this extent. And there was my late period, and the weird cravings and my mood swings—I was going to have to consider the possibility that there was a consequence for John and I not using condoms.
I decided to check out of work early. Everything was handled here anyway, and I didn’t want to run into John right now.
On my way home, though, I stopped by the drugstore and got a pregnancy test. My heart was in my throat the entire time. I wanted to throw up all over again, but I didn’t have anything left in my stomach.
I took two because I was paranoid, but I couldn’t deny the answer they gave me: positive.
I was pregnant.
23
John
After everything with Izzi, I wasn’t really in the mood to put up with Angelica’s surly behavior. Being honest and open with Izzi had worked, so why not try it with my daughter? See if maybe that could get through to her.
I got home from work—Izzi had been oddly absent, and I figured she was trying to avoid me just as I was trying to avoid her—and sat Angelica down.
“You’re not in trouble,” I told her immediately as she eyed me warily. “I just wanted to talk. You’ve been really mopey the last few months and it hurts me to see you upset. I know that… I’m older, and a guy, so y’know, you don’t always want to talk to your old man about things. I know I might not understand. But I still want to know what it is. Even if all I can do is hug you and get you ice cream.”
Angelica gave me a small smile, then looked down and fiddled with a hole in her jeans. “It just feels like so much is going on. And I don’t know who to talk to about it. Like, my friends are great, but I don’t mean them, I mean like an adult. And like no offense Dad ‘cause I love you but um. I don’t want to talk to a guy about it.”
“That’s fair. Is there anyone you know of that you’d like to talk to?”
“I liked talking to Izzi. She was really great. I feel like an adult with her. Even though I know I’m not.”
“That’s good.” Okay, it sounded like Angelica really wanted a female influence.
Angelica bit her lip and looked up at me. “I know that I don’t need a mom, really. Like I know you love me, and I don’t feel like—I don’t want you to think—you’re not doing a bad job, Dad.”
“Well, that’s good to hear.” I smiled at her.
Angelica smiled back, just a little. “I just want to talk to a girl sometimes.”
“And that’s valid. I totally understand. And I want you to talk to someone about how you’re feeling so it’s not bottled up inside. Just let me know if you’ve got a lot on your plate or if you’re sad, so I can support you, okay? Even if you don’t want to give me details.”
Angelica nodded. “I thought you’d be mad.”
“Of course not, baby girl. I just want you to communicate with me. I want to be there for you, that’s all, however you want that to look.”
I even got a hug from her at the end. Now that was some progress.
Of course, I couldn’t call Izzi and have her come over. As frustrating as that was for me. I wanted Angelica to get to talk to a woman and have that positive influence like she so clearly wanted, but I couldn’t have Izzi in such close proximity to me. Maybe after we’d both had more time to cool down whatever… attraction still remained between us.
While I was unsure about her still, given our last interaction… Penny was the only other person I could trust with something like this. I wasn’t close enough with any other woman to ask them over, and Angelica wasn’t close enough to anyone else either. I would just have to invite Penny over and hope for the best.
Penny accepted my invitation to dinner. I didn’t get any words of apology from her, but she also didn’t seem upset, so I supposed I’d take that as a win. After everything with Izzi, I really didn’t have the energy or time to deal with any problems with Penny. Hopefully she had rethought her behavior and we could move on in our friendship as we had before.
Angelica seemed okay with having Penny over, and I was glad that I wasn’t going to deal with her putting up a fuss since it was Penny and not Izzi. Maybe I could arrange for Angelica to spend time with Izzi away from me, like taking her out to lunch or something?
Dinner was fine. Penny was all smiles and seemed to be making an effort to engage with Angelica, but Angelica seemed only lukewarm in response. She was polite—I would’ve had to have words with her if she was rude or surly—but it was clear to me that she and Penny didn’t have the connection that she and Izzi did.
When I’d walked in after Izzi had helped Angelica with her period, the two girls had been giggling together. They’d been relaxed, and Angelica had seemed really happy and open. Now there was a guardedness to her, like she was fully aware of what an ‘adult’ Penny was and that she had to be on her best behavior around her. There was no air of relaxation, no casualness, no sense of intimacy.
I had to admit, I was disappointed.
Penny seemed determined to ignore the fact that she and Angelica weren’t really clicking, but Angelica had no problem shooting me deadpan looks whenever Penny’s a
ttention was somewhere else. I could practically hear my daughter’s chastisement in my head, and I felt bad for trying to force the two together. I’d hoped that Penny and Angelica could click, but clearly there just wasn’t that connection there like with Izzi.
I bundled Angelica off to bed after dinner and let her read some books there—I figured it was better to have her do that and get that treat after the disappointment of Penny, than to try and have Angelica stay up with us and have it be awkward.
Penny helpfully cleaned up dinner while I took care of that. “Thank you,” I said, coming back down the stairs. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“Of course, I did.” Penny smiled at me. “Is there something on your mind? You seem preoccupied.”
“Oh, nothing much, just Angelica. Kids getting older, you know. In just a few years she’ll be driving.”
“Mmm.”
We went out onto the patio to sit down and chat. It was a lovely evening, the moon shining bright overhead. A perfect night for making love, I thought, Izzi springing into my mind. I wondered what she’d look like if we were out on the grass in my backyard here, nothing to filter the moonlight spilling onto her. I could remember it well from the conference and my bedroom, and I wanted more…
Penny startled me out of my reverie and I realized she’d been talking for a few minutes. “…and I’m sure Angelica knows that.”
Ah, crap, I hadn’t paid attention to a word she’d said. Some friend I was. “Thanks.”
Penny smiled at me again, and we sat there in silence for a moment. It was comfortable, or at least I thought it was, two friends just relaxing together—and then Penny got up and sat in my lap.
“What the fuck?” I blurted out as Penny leaned in to kiss me, her hands sliding over my shoulders.
I pushed her away, off my lap so that she was forced to stand up. I stood as well. “What the hell, Penny?”
Penny’s face was bright red. “I—it was a perfectly romantic setting, I thought—”
“Penny. I appreciate you and care about you deeply, but as a friend. I don’t see you that way and I never have, and I never will.” I hated to hurt her, but I needed to be firm. “I suspected you were dropping hints now and again, but I thought that I’d made my behavior perfectly clear.”
“I can’t believe this. I can’t believe you would throw me away for some spoiled rich brat.”
Now I was getting angry. “You are never allowed to talk about Izzi like that. Ever. And she’s not the reason I don’t want you, Penny. I just fucking don’t. And honestly you knew me with Laura. You were friends with her. Did you want to be with me that whole time? Huh? I couldn’t ever be in a relationship with someone who knew us then.”
“Izzi knew you then!”
“Izzi the child. She’s an adult now, a completely different person, and there is no Izzi, all right? I made a mistake, I told you that, but I’m not making it again. I would say this whether or not Izzi was in the picture, Penny, when are you going to get it? I’m fucking insulted you’d think this would all hinge on Izzi. I didn’t want you before she came into the picture, and I’m not going to want you after she’s gone.”
Penny glared at me, and I honestly wondered if she was going to catch on fire out of pure fury. I was feeling pretty damn furious myself. I felt used and betrayed, wanted only for my goddamn dick and not for just my friendship. I wasn’t being mind controlled by Izzi, here! I had felt this way my entire relationship with Penny! How fucking stupid did she think I was?
“Well,” Penny snapped. “If that’s how you really feel.”
She stormed back into the house, grabbed her things, and then stormed out the front door. I winced and hoped that Angelica hadn’t overheard any of that.
What a fucking mess.
The next day I was golfing with Garrett, and I had to get it off my chest. I felt wildly conflicted. Seeing how much Angelica needed a woman to bond with and how Penny wasn’t working for her, but Izzi was, coupled with my own unending desire for Izzi… I was starting to fantasize about possibly being a family together. About being more than just each other’s guilty one night stand.
Of course, there was no way that Garrett would be okay with this. Was there?
“Okay,” Garrett said, putting his golf club into his bag. “What’s going on with you today? Your head couldn’t be less in the game if it was literally detached from your body.”
“Sorry, sorry, I’ll pay more attention.”
Garrett shook his head. “I don’t care about the game—okay, wait, yes I do, but I’m winning so it’s fine—I care about you. What’s going on? Your head’s in the clouds.”
I sighed. “I’m just distracted. I had a rough night last night. Penny’s been pressuring me for a romantic relationship.”
Garrett winced. “I know my wife’s dropped hints…”
“Yeah, well, she’s mistaken. I don’t want anything like that with Penny and I haven’t ever. I thought I’d made it clear to her as I ignored the hints—but I wasn’t even sure if they were hints, y’know—and I didn’t want to fuck anything up if I was just imagining it—and now here we are. And she’s pissed at me and I feel like… I’m just angry.” I shrugged. “I’m angry, Garrett. I feel like she treated me like some kind of video game where if she racked up enough points, she’d get the prize. It makes me not feel valued just for who I am.”
“Try to see it from her perspective,” Garrett suggested. “We can’t control who we love. I’m not saying what she’s doing is okay. I’m on your side here. You can’t force feelings where there aren’t any. But you also can’t just turn feelings off. She’s probably feeling pretty wounded right now so she’s just lashing out. But if Penny’s someone worth knowing, and I think she is, she’ll see what she’s done, and she’ll come around.”
I nodded. “I suppose.”
“If she really cares about you, she wouldn’t want to make you feel this way. Right now, all she can see is her perspective. But give it a little time and I’m sure she’ll understand how she wasn’t the only injured party here.” Garrett paused. “Honestly if she wanted something with you, she should’ve been upfront about it years ago. Partially because Angelica was younger, young kids adjust faster than we give them credit for, but also—well. I just feel like it would’ve been more respectful of you if she’d done that. I can sympathize with her but you’re my best friend and you’re the person I care about. And I think if she’d asked you out years ago, she could’ve spared herself a lot of hurt instead of waiting around for something that’s never going to happen.”
That helped me feel better. “Thanks. I just feel like an idiot. Like I should’ve done something to shut it down sooner.”
“You couldn’t read her mind.”
“True.”
“I would like to see you with someone again,” Garrett admitted. “I never want to pressure you, you know that. But I think you’d be happier if you had a partner to share your life with.”
“Angelica’s opened up to me a bit. She said that she wants to have a woman she can talk to about stuff, even though she loves me.”
“That’s understandable. Izzi and her mom had a period where they were closer than Izzi and I were, and it could be frustrating for me sometimes, feeling left out. But you’ll get close again, she just needs to adjust.”
“Yeah, it was a good talk that we had. I was glad for it. I just, uh, you know, never found someone.” I took a deep breath. I was never going to get a better opening than this. I was never going to get a better chance to say what I was feeling about Izzi.
“But lately I’ve been seeing myself with someone. I’ve started to realize I have… feelings for this person. I tried to fight it because—I mean logically it’s a terrible idea—but I can’t stop thinking about them. About not just—about having them in my life as a part of my family.”
Garrett smiled. “That’s really great, John, seriously. I’m glad to hear it. And I’m proud of you for moving on.”
&
nbsp; “I’m not sure I’d call it moving on just yet. Honestly I told the person that we couldn’t ever be anything together.”
“Well, why not? Are they in jail or live in Europe or something?”
Oh, if only. “Ah, no. It’s. The person is Izzi.”
Garrett dropped his golf bag in shock.
Yeah, I couldn’t blame him. “I hadn’t seen her since she left for college and when she was hired, sparks flew. I’ve been trying to keep my distance, but I can’t help it. I’m impressed with her and I’m drawn to her. And I could keep hiding it but—I want to be honest with you. You’re my best friend and I respect you, I can’t hide this from you anymore.”
“What the goddamn fuck.” I had never heard or seen Garrett so angry. “Is this some kind of sick joke?”
“Why would I joke about something like this?”
“Because the alternative is you actually wanting to be with my daughter. My daughter. She’s half your goddamn age, you fucking pervert!”
I’d always known that Garrett probably wouldn’t take this well, but this was definitely worse than I’d hoped for.
“Clearly this whole time you should’ve been looking in a different age bracket,” Garrett scoffed. He grabbed his golf bag. “I can’t believe you’d do that to a young woman. She’s twenty-one, John. And she’s your employee! Where the fuck is your sense of decency?”
“You think I don’t know that?” I asked, keeping my tone pleading and as calm as I could. Getting angry back at Garrett wasn’t going to help matters. “You think I haven’t been wrestling with myself over this? She gets along so well with Angelica, she’s supportive, she’s smart, and no, I don’t have a thing for young woman, don’t you know me better than that?”
“Right now, I feel like I don’t know you at all.”
That hit me like a slap in the face, but I couldn’t say that I didn’t deserve it. “Okay. I understand that you’re upset—”
“No.” Garrett shook his head. “Don’t pull that on me, John. I’m not two of your employees having a tiff. I’m your friend and I’m livid. And I’ve got every fucking right to be. If you’d been sleeping with an employee that would be bad enough, but you tell me you want the employee that’s half your age, and my daughter? You’re not the man I thought you were.”
Daddy's Best Friend (Forbidden Temptations) Page 15
