The Guide to Great Sex
Page 6
In the case of two people with penises, both people position themselves in order to rub their penises together. Sometimes called frot or frottage.
Benefits-
Risk of unwanted pregnancy dramatically decreases.
Provides pleasure and intimacy for those who are uncomfortable with penetrative sexual activity.
#2 Mutual Masturbation
Description-
Both partners lie next to each other in a way that provides easy manual stimulation of each other’s genitals.
Can lie on their backs, on their sides facing each other, both partners facing the same way, or with one partner on their back and the other on their side facing their partner.
Benefits-
Risk of unwanted pregnancy dramatically decreases.
Provides pleasure and intimacy for those who are uncomfortable with penetrative sexual activity.
Powerful Oral Sex Positions
#1 68-ing (variation of 69)
Description-
Similar to the popular “69” position, where one partner lies on their back and the other straddles their genitals over their partner’s face, facing the opposite direction and allowing oral access to both partner’s genitals (can also be done side-by-side).
One partner provides oral stimulation to the partner that is lying down, while they orient their body to give their partner manual access to stimulate their genitals.
Benefits-
Good for foreplay and warming up both partners.
#2 Fellatio Variations
Description-
The giving partner (the one performing the oral sex) lies on their back with their head hanging off the bed. The receiving partner (the one receiving the oral sex) enters their mouth while standing off the bed, allowing for thrusting. Receiving partner can also reach over and stimulate their partner’s genitals at the same time. Can also be done with the giving partner lying on their stomach.
The receiving partner (receiving oral sex) lies on their back with their legs hanging off the edge of the bed. The giving partner kneels off the bed and provides oral.
#3 Cunnilingus Variations
Description-
The receiving partner lies on their back with a pillow (or multiple) under their butt in order to lift up their pelvis. The giving partner positions their head in between the thighs of the receiving partner.
The receiving partner lies on their back with their legs hanging off the edge of the bed. The giving partner kneels off the bed and provides oral. The giving partner can also place the receiving partner’s legs over their own shoulders.
Michael’s Powerful Position
#1 Gravity
Description-
I have never seen this position anywhere else, so as far as I’m concerned, I invented it. It’s a penetrative position.
The receiving partner is off the bed and places their shoulder blades on the ground (they are going to be practically upside down) with their back resting against the side of the bed. You may want to place a pillow underneath their head and shoulder blades.
The receiving partner’s legs are spread apart and in the air reaching towards the ceiling.
The penetrating partner extends their legs on the bed, with their upper body hanging off the bed being supported in a horizontal manner by their hands and arms. They are now in position to enter.
The penetrating partner uses gravity to thrust every time they move their hips up towards the ceiling and back down.
Benefits-
It’s awesome.
Note that any of these positions can be adapted to use sex toys as well. And when attempting a new position, make sure you’re taking the necessary safety precautions not to injure yourself or your partner. Some positions are acrobatic endeavors.
When you first start learning new positions, I suggest taking them one by one instead of trying to go through all of them in a single session. It can be a little stressful trying to remember ten new positions you learned that day. Focus on one at a time and you will memorize each as they become a part of your sexual arsenal.
And don’t forget to have fun. Trying new positions is a great activity to share with your partner or partners. Talk about them, play around with what works and what doesn’t, and find the top rotation of positions you can stick to that provide the most fun and pleasure.
(In the chapter on transitioning, we will break down these positions further. You will also learn a simple way to remember them and incorporate them into your sex life. So don’t worry if this chapter was a little overwhelming.)
Can you guess what’s next?
Toys!
And no, not the Legos you used to play with. Although, I’m sure you could make something useful out of them for the bedroom.
Chapter 8
HOW SEX TOYS CAN IMPROVE YOUR SEX LIFE
The first sex toy I ever used was a dildo. After that, a trip to the sex shop for Valentine’s Day started a couple month long foray into the incorporation of toys into my sex life. It’s one of the best decisions I ever made.
They are not only a quick and efficient way to take your sex life to the next level, but they’re super fun to mess around with. They can do things we simply can’t do, or at least not as skillfully (like vibrate).
However, it’s important not to think of them as replacements, but rather enhancements of you, your partner(s), and the sex life you already have together.
The name of the game is pleasure, connection, fun, and intimacy. Sex toys help with all of that. By themselves, they can only accomplish a mere fraction of it.
So for people who are hesitant to venture into the world of these devices because of an insecurity you have about them (like I had), trust me when I say it’s completely unfounded and you are truly missing out on an exciting aspect of sexuality, not to mention you may be leaving your partner hanging.
There are a number of directions I could have gone with this chapter, but I decided to focus it purely on using sex toys while having sex itself. I also decided to focus on how to use them to optimize the pleasure of both partners.
There are TONS to choose from. It can be quite daunting the moment you step into the sex shop or the online store loads on your computer screen.
Dildos, vibrators, BDSM devices, masturbators, anal stimulators, dolls, edible underpants – the list goes on and on. And within each type of toy are different sub-categories meant for different pleasure goals. So how am I going to narrow this down?
I’m only going to go over the main ones. Why? Because once you understand how they work and have experienced them, that’s when you gain a strong enough background knowledge to choose the ones that are REALLY going to enhance your experience.
You will also feel much more comfortable starting out with these than some of the more intricate ones. I’ve also included links to examples of each to give you a better idea of what I’m talking about.
Diddling Around with Dildos
Dildos are typically made out of a silicone, silicone-type material, or glass and have a phallic shape (the general shape of a penis).
It’s a good beginner’s toy because it’s not complicated to figure out how to use it. If you have a penis, you already know how. Use it like you would your penis.
The following suggestions can be practiced as a part of foreplay, as a break from intercourse in the middle of a session, or whenever it tickles your fancy.
If you’re using a dildo on your partner and they haven’t been penetrated yet, enter them slowly and be attentive to how they react. Using a good amount of lube is also recommended.
Angle the toy towards the G-Spot and/or prostate for maximum pleasure. It can also be used to stimulate the clitoris and/or outer part of the anus or perineum as well.
In the case of penetrative sex for those who have a vagina, dildos can be used for double penetration (stimulating the vagina with the penis, and the anus with the dildo) or the other way around.
Strap-on dildos also fall under
this category and can be used in any of the above ways.
You can also find double-penetration dildos, which can be used to stimulate one partner or to be shared between two partners (be aware of hygiene concerns).
Dildos can also have a vibrating component. The most common are “rabbit” vibrating dildos which have a protrusion from one side, meant to stimulate either the clitoris or the anus.
There are also dildos meant for anal stimulation. The most common are referred to as “butt plugs,” and have a splayed bottom so the toy doesn’t get lodged inside the rectum.
Example dildos to check out:
Glass Dildo with Ribbed Sides
“Rabbit” Dildo with Vibration
Vibrators – Bite-sized Pleasure That Packs a Punch
Vibrators are usually made of plastic and generally come in smaller sizes. But these little Energizer Bunny sex toys pack a powerful punch.
For many, and those who have vaginas especially, the use of a vibrator is one of the only ways they can orgasm during intercourse. For some, this includes masturbation as well.
Either way, using vibrators is one of the best ways to enhance your sex.
A torpedo vibrator comes in the shape of a miniature torpedo. They’re about 2-4 inches in length and are one of the most common vibrators.
Typically, vibrators have a different settings that allow you to adjust the speed and intensity of the vibration.
For those who have a vagina, focus most of your efforts on and around the clitoris. Pay attention to how your partner is reacting. When using a vibrator, the clitoris can become overstimulated rather quickly. Stimulation above, to the side, and on the sensitive tissue below the clitoris might be more pleasurable for your partner.
For those with a penis, using a vibrator on the head and/or testicles can be pleasurable as well.
For anal play, focus vibration where the highest density of nerve endings are – the outer tissue, inner two-thirds, and the prostate or area close to the G-Spot.
Vibrators truly stand out during sexual intercourse. As long as you are in a position where either you or your partner can reach a hand to a part of the other partner’s genitals, vibrators can be used. For G-Spot or prostate stimulation, I have found that the best position is either missionary or the first position we described, “Missionary With Legs in the Air.” During these positions, penetration is providing intense stimulation on the inner part of the genitals, so you can intensify the experience by using a vibrator to stimulate the outer part of the genitals.
Example vibrators to check out:
Typical Torpedo Vibrator
A Popular Type of Massage Vibrator
Dual-Stimulation Vibrator
Vibrating Rings
Commonly called “penis rings,” vibrating rings are just as their name describes – rings that vibrate. Don’t worry, they’re elastic and usually the part that vibrates is protruding outward.
For penetrative sex, wearing the ring over the object that is penetrating can add pleasure for both partners.
For the receiving partner, make sure the ring is positioned so it can make contact with your genitals as your partner thrusts. It should also make the entire penetrating object vibrate as well.
As the penetrating partner, it’s your job to control the stimulation. Rather than constant continuous thrusting, try slow and careful movements. Pause when you are all the way in and the ring has made contact with your partner. Allow the feeling to soak in. Then pull out suddenly, and move in extremely slowly again, teasing your partner. They’ll be dying for you to go all the way in. Make them crave it before giving it to them. Don’t forget our old motto of give and take.
You can also find tongue vibrating rings which are meant for cunnilingus. In my experience, they flat out suck, so I wouldn’t spend too much money if you plan on buying one. It’s an awesome concept, but the execution is awful. Using it is almost like performing cunnilingus while your tongue is numb, because you can’t feel what you’re touching. I wouldn’t recommend it, but hey, maybe you will be more skilled than me.
Example vibrating rings to check out:
Trojan Brand Vibrating Ring
Classic Vibrating Ring
Vibrating Tongue Ring
Kinky and Restrictive Devices
Constraint is a turn on for many people. It helps define and play out the sexual roles of domination and submission. However, a common complaint is one partner wanting to kink up their sex life while the other doesn’t feel comfortable with it.
There are numerous psychological reasons behind this. But the bottom line is that you two should progress slowly, carefully, and supportively. Both partners need to have a high level of trust and must know when to stop before things go too far.
That being said, there are some fun introductory items to use that aren’t too crazy and will still add an entirely new dynamic to your sex life.
Blindfolds. Putting a blindfold on one partner can be extremely sexy. The partner that’s blindfolded is suddenly engorged in a world of mystery, while the other is given the perfect opportunity to be creative. Their partner won’t know what’s about to happen to them until it happens. The partner without the blindfold should take this opportunity to tease them like crazy. Run your fingers up their body. Barely graze over their private parts. Make them crave knowing what’s going to happen next. Then make it happen. Again, the level of trust must be high, but this is a great place to start.
Rope Ties. As far as constraint goes, rope ties should be your first stop. You can tie up any appendages and restrict their range of motion. By doing this, you give your partner something to flex against while they’re being stimulated, which can help them orgasm. There is also a lot of cognitive pleasure involved, as one partner submits control to the other. It’s a fun way to play out certain fantasies. However, proceed with caution. Tying people up certain ways can cause injury.
Handcuffs. These provide similar pleasure to rope ties, but the cognitive pleasure of being handcuffed is different from being tied up. Handcuffs are usually made of metal as well, which can be painful. Try to find a pair that has a cushiony or protective covering.
Example kinky and restrictive devices to check out:
Padded Leather Blindfold
Rope Tie and Vibrating Dildo
Cushioned Handcuffs
Those are the main introductory toys that I decided to include. Of course, there are loads more. A quick Google search is evidence of that.
If you would like to check out more of what’s out there, here are a few online stores:
Adam and Eve
Spencer’s
Pure Romance
Amazon – Sex Toys Department
Look at sex toys as a way to introduce a kinkier side to your sex life. Challenge yourself to see just how high you can increase the pleasure of you and your partner. It’s an interesting endeavor, and worthwhile once you take the plunge.
This next chapter discusses something that literally changed my sex life in one night.
Enough said.
Chapter 9
GETTING VOCAL IN THE BEDROOM - A SIMPLE ACT THAT CAN TAKE YOUR SEX LIFE TO THE NEXT LEVEL
One of my biggest sex life regrets is not becoming vocal in the bedroom sooner. The night I started talking during sex is the night my sex life changed forever.
This stuff is HUGE, and it can make a big improvement in your sex life in a short amount of time.
Talking during sex, or dirty talk, can feel weird for some people. Some people absolutely hate it, and some love it. The people who love it think that sex is lacking without it.
When it comes down to it, it doesn’t matter what other people think.
What matters is whether you like it and whether your partner likes it. You also want to know how to introduce dirty talk to your sex life, because it can feel strange in the beginning. My goal for this section is to help you discover both.
How I Started Talking During Sex
Before
that fateful night, I had no desire whatsoever to speak up in the bedroom.
I had no clue what to say. I figured that whatever I said would come out wrong or lame. And I thought that sex talk mostly happened in porn, not in real life.
I wasn’t completely silent. I made grunts and moaned if something felt really good. But I definitely wasn’t saying the type of stuff I say now, which will be discussed in a minute.
I decided to try dirty talk after reading about it in The Men’s and Women’s Health Big Book of Sex. It discussed how big of a turn on it can be. To be honest, they downplayed the possibilities.
I decided why not? Let’s give it a go and see what happens. My first sentence went something like:
“I love your pussy.”
Not exactly monumental stuff on paper, but in the heat of the moment it was awesome. My partner loved it and started talking back to me, and the hotness level skyrocketed (we also happened to be having sex between some bushes on our way home from the bars, so that could have helped a bit).