After the Lights Go Out

by Lili Wilkinson

  ‘There’s no disease, Dad,’ I tell him. ‘The power is already back on in some areas in the cities. People are rebuilding.’

  ‘Prudence Palmer, I thought I raised you smarter than that. You hear a voice on the radio, and you immediately believe it’s true.’ He shakes his head. ‘Disappointing.’

  I don’t say anything else. I think about what Grace said earlier, in the kitchen.

  I want everything to be okay.

  She’s right. We’re going to have to learn to get along if we’re to be a family again.

  ‘Better get an early night,’ says Dad. ‘We’ve got a lot of work to do tomorrow.’

  Grace and I stand up and head inside.

  We don’t discuss it, but I move into the room she used to share with Blythe. We’ve gotten used to sleeping close to one another, and neither of us wants to be alone. Panda jumps up onto Blythe’s bed, and I climb in next to her, lying on my side so she curls up in the crook behind my knees.

  ‘Do you think it’s weird he won’t tell us where he’s been this whole time?’ I ask Grace softly.

  ‘I think…’ Grace pauses. ‘I think we don’t know what he’s been through. I think wherever he’s been, it must have been bad, or else he would have come back sooner. I think he’s been fighting to get back to us this whole time.’

  I think about the soup tins, and the cairn of stones I left at Hansbach. I wish I had Grace’s unwavering faith in him.

  Grace’s breathing grows heavy with sleep, and Panda starts to snore, her paws twitching every now and then with doggy dreams.

  But I can’t sleep. I can’t turn off my brain. I toss and turn for what feels like hours, trying to relax and drive all the questions from my mind. The pillow smells like Blythe, and I wonder what she would say to Dad. Would she have questions too?

  Eventually I get up for a glass of water. There’s a glow outside the kitchen window, and I can see Dad is still out there by the fire, the orange light flickering on the deep lines of his face.

  18

  I don’t know if Dad sleeps at all, because he’s still out there by the fire the next morning. He’s washed a bit, although his face is still weathered from sun and wind, his eyes standing out bright blue against his dark skin. He’s changed into a clean shirt and jeans and combed his hair, but he still looks more like an action hero than a dad.

  He announces to Grace and me that we’re going back into town, and without arguing we bundle into the back of the Bluebird, with Panda squeezing in between us.

  ‘Are we going to get supplies?’ I ask.

  Dad eyeballs me through the remaining fragment of rear-view mirror. ‘I’m going to salvage something out of the disaster you’ve engineered,’ he says, and starts the engine.

  After another juddering journey, we arrive in Jubilee in a cloud of orange dust. This time, nobody comes out to meet us.

  We clamber out onto the street, and Dad tells us to wait, before striding off to Violet’s place.

  I look up to the first floor of the hotel, and see Mateo standing at the window. He lifts his hand in a wave.

  ‘I’ll be back in a second,’ I tell Grace and Panda, and duck inside and up the stairs.

  He opens the door to let me in and I fall into his arms, breathing in his scent and blinking tears back.

  ‘Are you okay?’

  I nod. ‘Have you checked the phones? Any news?’

  Mateo sits down on the bed and I sit beside him, his hand caught in mine.

  ‘Some,’ he says. ‘Another radio station has started up again. There’s power now in some parts of Melbourne and Sydney, and they hope to have central Brisbane back within the next few weeks. There’s a big emergency headquarters set up in Sydney.’

  ‘And…’ I can’t believe I’m saying this. ‘It was definitely a solar flare that caused the EMP?’

  Mateo frowns. ‘What else would it have been?’

  ‘Not an attack?’

  ‘No. There’s been no mention of that at all. Why do you ask?’

  I shake my head. ‘Something my dad said. Don’t worry.’

  ‘How’s that going?’ he asks. ‘With your dad?’

  ‘He’s pretty upset about Blythe,’ I say. ‘I think he blames me.’

  ‘For letting her get shot?’

  I nod. ‘And for not keeping the Paddock a secret.’

  Mateo shifts uncomfortably. ‘I guess he’s not a big fan of me, then.’

  ‘Grace told him that it was Keller who spilled the beans.’

  ‘I see.’ I can tell there’s something he isn’t saying.

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘My mom and I are taking one of Georgie’s cars. We’re going to try to make it to Melbourne.’

  I feel like something has hollowed out part of my belly and filled it with cold air. ‘That’s great,’ I say. ‘When do you go?’

  ‘Soon. A few days, maybe?’

  Mateo is leaving. Of course he is. He needs to find his mum, and Clarita needs to find her wife. I self-consciously try to pull my hand away, but Mateo clamps down, reaching across with his other hand to hold me in place.

  ‘Come with us,’ he says, his voice low and urgent. ‘You can find your mom there, maybe. Or come with us back to the US. I don’t know. We’ll figure it out.’

  Family always comes first.

  ‘I can’t,’ I say. ‘I can’t leave Dad and Grace.’

  ‘They can come too. The car has five seats.’

  Dad won’t leave here. And Grace won’t leave Dad.

  ‘But Panda…’ I babble. ‘Our dog. We found her again, and I can’t leave her behind.’

  Mateo frowns. ‘We can bring the dog too,’ he says, like it should be obvious. ‘Or you could be honest and tell me that you don’t want to come.’

  ‘It’s not that…’

  ‘That’s what it sounds like.’

  I tug at my hand and pull it away from Mateo’s. I can see the hurt in his eyes.

  Be a good girl.

  ‘I just got my family back,’ I say, keeping my voice low so I won’t cry. ‘I can’t walk away now.’

  Mateo’s expression softens. I lean in and rest my head against his shoulder.

  A metallic clanging sounds from outside. I go over to the window and see Dad standing on the steps of the Heart, banging the butt of his Glock against a saucepan.

  Dad’s sitting on the stage, waiting, as everyone files in and takes their seats. I head down to the front row with the other council members.

  ‘What’s going on?’ I hear Clarita ask Violet.

  ‘Dunno,’ Violet replies. ‘He came to my place and started banging on about how he had to talk to the whole town.’

  Dad’s chair is positioned in exactly the point where Grace was standing that day, with the gun. I wonder if he knows. His denim-clad legs are spread wide, his arms folded across his chest. He regards each person as they enter, observing who is still here, and who is not.

  Finally everyone is seated, and Dad uncrosses his arms and leans forward as he begins to speak.

  ‘I understand that my daughters have been manipulated by certain individuals into giving up our family secrets.’ His gaze flickers to me, cold as flint. ‘I thought it’d be best if we all put our cards down on the table and figured out the best way to proceed.’

  This statement is met by confused silence from the Jubilee crowd.

  ‘Rick,’ says Violet eventually, ‘I reckon we’d all quite like to know what you been up to for the last four months.’

  Dad nods, chewing his bottom lip. ‘Fair enough,’ he says, and pauses to collect his thoughts. ‘I was headed into the mine when the blast happened. Thrown about thirty metres and knocked unconscious, partially buried under a pile of rubble. I don’t know how long I was out, but when I came to, Hansbach was totally abandoned.’

  ‘Excuse me.’ Clarita has raised her hand.

  Dad squints at her, frowning.

  ‘I was at Hansbach for five days after the explosion, along with a
dozen survivors,’ she says. ‘Are you saying you were unconscious, under rubble, for five days, and then you just…got up and wandered off?’

  ‘Seems that way, doesn’t it?’

  ‘No memory loss? Ruptured eardrums? Damage to your lungs or bowel? No secondary blast injuries?’

  Dad massages his jaw. ‘You’re that American safety officer, aren’t you? The one giving the seminar?’

  Clarita nods.

  ‘Bit of a coincidence that you organise a program that places all our workers on the site at once, at exactly the same time an EMP hits, causing a devastating explosion. Don’t you think?’

  ‘Are you…suggesting that I orchestrated a solar flare?’

  ‘You tell me.’

  Clarita stares at him in disbelief. ‘Mr Palmer, I worked forty-eight hours straight without a break after the explosion, trying to save the lives of your colleagues. I’ve spent the last four months living in this community as the sole medical practitioner, ensuring the health and safety of your neighbours. Including your own daughter who nearly died from an infection.’

  Dad looks unimpressed. ‘You want a medal or something?’

  ‘I want to know what you were doing, while I was saving your daughter’s life.’

  ‘Well, why don’t you shut up while I tell you.’

  I shift uneasily in my seat.

  Clarita doesn’t say anything, but crosses her arms.

  Dad stares flintily at her for another moment, and then addresses the crowd again. ‘There were no working vehicles at Hansbach, of course, so I started to head back to Jubilee on foot. But I must’ve still been woozy from the blast, because I didn’t watch where I was going and trod on a snake. A king brown.’ He shakes his head. ‘Things go a bit hazy after that. I hallucinated, drifted in and out of consciousness. Figure myself pretty lucky to be alive at all. To cut a long story short, I got totally lost in the desert. No food, no water, nothing. Ate flies and bush tucker. Purified and drank my own urine. But I was still pretty crook from the snakebite.’

  My frown deepens. Pretty crook? Dad never talks like that. His voice sounds deeper and broader than usual, like he’s playacting as one of the square-jawed survival heroes from his favourite movies.

  ‘I probably would’ve died out there, except I was discovered by a gang of bandits.’

  ‘Bandits?’ asks David Bratton, and I can tell from his tone that he doesn’t believe Dad.

  Dad nods. ‘They had a fleet of rusted-out old cars that they’d rigged up to work. Tearing all around the place raiding people’s houses. A bunch of really bad guys. They tied me up in a shed for a few days, trying to figure out what to do with me. In the end, they ran out of ideas and agreed to kill me. But I escaped. Rigged up a trap in the shed they had me in, knocked out two of them there, and fought a bunch more with my bare hands.’

  Here, Dad holds up his hands for emphasis.

  ‘Stole one of their old cars,’ he continues. ‘Drove off-course for a few days to throw them off the scent, then headed here. Didn’t want to bring them with me. And here I am.’

  The end of his story is met with stunned silence. I glance around, trying to figure out if everyone else is as confused as I am. Desert survival? Snakebites? Fighting gangs of bandits?

  Dad’s story isn’t true. I’m absolutely sure of that. So why is he lying? Where has he really been?

  ‘So,’ Dad says, ‘I know you’ve dismantled my bunker and stolen my property. I get that. Extraordinary circumstances. I’m sure I’d have done the same if I’d been in your situation.’

  His tone makes it clear that he never would have ended up in their situation. He’s far too prepared for that.

  ‘I’ve thought it over, and figured out the best solution. I’m not going to take my supplies back.’

  He pauses, almost like he’s expecting applause. When none eventuates, he continues. ‘You can continue to use the solar panels and the other stuff. But it’s pretty obvious to me that this town needs some leadership. Committees are all very well for cake-baking competitions, but if this town is going to survive, we need structure and discipline. I am by far the most experienced person here when it comes to events such as the one we find ourselves in right now. It makes sense for me to take over.’

  I look over at Violet, who seems decidedly unimpressed. ‘You want to be chair of the council?’

  Dad lets out a snort of humourless laughter. ‘No council. Only me.’

  ‘That’s not gonna happen, Rick.’

  ‘Well, why don’t we take a vote, Violet?’

  There’s a sarcastic lilt to his voice that makes it very clear he’s confident he’s going to win. Violet shrugs and hikes up her skirt to climb onto the stage.

  ‘All those in favour of making Rick Palmer the sole leader of the Jubilee community, stick up your hands,’ she says, her tone flat.

  I hesitate. I’m a member of the Jubilee Council. If I vote for Dad, I’m voting against myself. Which is better? Dad’s right – he does know a lot about surviving a disaster. But he stood up there and lied to everyone about where he’s been, and I don’t know why. I turn around. Only Grace has her hand raised. I look back at Dad.

  He’s my father, and I should trust him.

  He’s staring at me with the coldest expression I’ve ever seen.

  I’m terrified of him.

  I raise my hand.

  Good girl.

  Violet’s eyes flick to me. ‘And who reckons we keep the Jubilee Council as it is?’

  I hear a rustle behind me and turn to see the entire town with their hands raised. Only Grace keeps still, both hands clutching Panda’s collar.

  ‘Sorry, Rick,’ says Violet. ‘Guess we’re keeping things as they are for a while.’

  I see Dad’s jaw clench. ‘You’re using my equipment. Consuming my supplies. Growing your crops on my land.’ He stands up. ‘Girls.’

  He nods curtly at us as he strides down the aisle and out the door. I hear Grace’s chair scrape behind me, and I stand up, looking over at Violet and the other members of the council.

  ‘I—’ I have no idea what to say to them.

  Violet blows air from her cheeks. ‘Got yourself a strange father there, girl.’

  Grace scurries to the door, looking back at me over the shoulder and beckoning urgently. Panda stands beside her, tail wagging, totally oblivious to the awful vibe in the room.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I say to Violet. ‘I have to go.’

  She nods. ‘Watch out for him. Come to us if you need anything.’

  As I pass Mateo, he gives me a what the hell just happened look. I shake my head in response. I have no idea.

  Dad doesn’t speak as we bundle back into the Bluebird. The ragged remains of the tyres squeal against the dusty bitumen of Main Street.

  The car slows at the turnoff to Lake Lincoln. Dad peers out the empty space where the driver’s-side window used to be, up at Jubilee’s water tower. He mutters something to himself and wrenches the steering wheel, swinging the car around to head towards the lake.

  Dad gets out of the car and walks over to the nearest row of vegetables. He leans over and grabs a handful of sweet potato vines, yanking them free from the soil. He examines the baby tubers, then scowls and tosses the lot to the ground.

  Panda gallops down to the shore, leaping into the lake with a bark and a thundering splash. Grace laughs and runs after her.

  ‘Dad?’ I ask, hesitantly.

  He doesn’t look at me.

  I try again. ‘Dad? What Clarita said, about what happened at Hansbach…’

  ‘There’s something about that woman,’ he says. ‘Something suspicious. She was definitely involved somehow. Probably an agent.’

  I don’t even know where to begin with this. ‘But she was right, wasn’t she? You weren’t really trapped unconscious for five days. If you were, then you’d have seen my cairn when you woke up.’

  Dad turns his gaze on me, his eyes as blue as the sky overhead. He considers me for a mom
ent. ‘You’re smart, Prudence Palmer,’ he says at last.

  ‘So what really happened?’

  Dad looks out over the lake. ‘I was in my office when the power went out,’ he says. ‘I didn’t have enough intel to make a solid call on what had happened – EMP or a more targeted attack. I knew that the secondary generator would fail, and that there was a danger of explosion. I’m not an idiot. So I ran. Figured I had about an hour to put as much distance between myself and the site as I could before it blew.’

  I can hear Panda and Grace splashing around at the edge of the lake, laughter and barks echoing out over the water.

  I stare at Dad. ‘An hour?’

  He nods. ‘The oxygen build-up takes a while after the fans shut down.’

  ‘You could have warned them,’ I say. ‘They could have got out.’

  ‘Have you been listening to anything I’ve said? It was an attack. If I’d warned them, I’d have blown my cover. Put a target on my back.’

  ‘Dad, over a hundred people died. They died.’

  He shrugs. ‘Everybody made their choices. I chose to survive.’

  Panda comes racing over, a muddy stick clenched between her jaws. She skids to a halt in front of Dad and drops her stick, then tosses her head and shakes. Water sprays off her in all directions, splattering the front of Dad’s jeans.

  ‘Stupid dog,’ growls Dad, and aims a kick at her.

  Panda dodges his boot, and then gets down on her belly and grovels back to him, her tail wagging submissively.

  Dad kicks her again and Panda yips, scurrying away back to the lake. I look over at Grace, who has been watching the whole exchange. She reaches down and scratches Panda behind the ears, then turns her back on me and Dad.

  ‘I don’t understand why you didn’t warn anyone,’ I say. ‘There must have been a way.’

  ‘I told you why. I had to get out of the blast zone.’ Dad shakes his head. ‘Honestly, Prudence. You need to get over this sooky girl stuff. No wonder you’ve made such a mess of things. No wonder…’ He breaks off.