Who We Could Be

by Chelsea M. Cameron

“Don’t do that, Ford. I might have punched you.”

  She handed me the coffee with a raised eyebrow. “So you’re telling me that you would punch a customer who tapped you on the shoulder?”

  I sucked on the icy drink. “Probably not.”

  “Is there one of those for me?” Ron said, coming over to us.

  “Sorry, next time,” Monty said, giving him a quick hug. He and Bill adored her and were always saying that she should take over the shop when they retired.

  “Where’s Bill?” Monty asked. You almost never saw Ron, who wasn’t much taller than me, without his hulking husband Bill, who had never met a flannel shirt he didn’t like. Bill always looked like he should be out in a remote cabin wrestling bears and chopping wood, not carefully arranging antique books under glass with white gloves like he did every week. He had a degree in archival science and had worked for several museums before meeting Ron and moving to Maine and starting the shop. He didn’t say much, but whatever he did say was always worth listening to.

  “Out hunting treasures,” Ron said with a fond smile. Bill traveled all around, searching for rare and hard-to-find books, and rescuing some from people who weren’t sure how to care of them. He and Ron often taught bookbinding classes in the evenings as well.

  “He has my list?” Monty said, and Ron patted her arm.

  “He has your list.”

  Monty had a list of rare books that she would give one of her arms to have, and Bill always made sure to see if he could find them for her. They had a cute relationship and were both in charge of the local book club that met at the library once a month.

  “How are you doing?” Ron asked, concern in his eyes. I felt a bolt of frustration for Monty, because even though the question was well-meaning, it just brought all that pain to the surface.

  “I’m doing well,” she said, which was her patented response. “Thank you for asking.” Monty plastered a serene smile on her face and made eye contact with me.

  “Can we talk for a second?”

  “Yeah, absolutely. You can have all my seconds.”

  Ron rolled his eyes. “Just don’t take too many and ignore the customers looking for ‘that blue book.’” That made all of us laugh because we’d all experienced a customer who was looking for a book, but the only detail they knew about it was the color of the cover and no other identifying details.

  Monty and I ducked over to a more-deserted part of the store and I leaned against a shelf.

  “What’s up?”

  “I’m going back to my apartment tonight. I think it’s time. You and your parents have been seriously the best, but I need to start getting back to something that’s like normal. I need to figure out how to live my life on my own again.”

  Everything in me knew she was right, knew this was right. Of course she couldn’t just crash in the guest room forever. That didn’t stop me from wanting to fucking breakdown right next to a cookbook full of kale recipes.

  “You should get a cat,” I said, when I trusted myself to be able to speak and not start crying and begging her to stay.

  “From the cat sanctuary? Maybe I will after we get back from our trip.”

  “Our bestfriendimoon,” I corrected.

  She huffed out something that might be a laugh. “You know I’m not calling it that.”

  “You’ll come around to my way of thinking. You always do.”

  “We’ll see,” she said. “I’ve got to get back to work.”

  “Thanks for the coffee,” I said, sucking the last of the watery remnants from the bottom of the cup.

  “You’re welcome. I won’t see you tonight, I guess. But I’ll see you tomorrow?”

  I chewed on the straw. “Sure, sounds good.”

  She left and I collapsed against the shelf, fighting the urge to cry as if I was never going to see her again. Being a best friend made me really dramatic, apparently.

  I needed to get my shit together.

  Six

  Monty

  It was strange being back at my place. Tessa was right, I did need something else to be here with me. In the few weeks I’d been staying with her family, I’d gotten out of the habit of being alone. The silence didn’t give me solace. It chafed against my skin like sandpaper, making me feel itchy and uncomfortable. I kept wandering around, rearranging things, including my furniture. Since my place was so small, there weren’t a whole lot of configurations that would work with what I had, so I started thinking about getting some new things. I’d been planning on doing that anyway, so why not? At least this time I could pick everything out myself.

  The initial shock of everything had worn off and I realized one harsh truth: I didn’t miss TJ. Sure, I thought about him, but the more days that passed, the less I thought about him, and the less I even remembered about him. When was the last time we had kissed? What color were his eyes, exactly? Was he funny? I didn’t know, and that was disturbing.

  In the middle of the night, when I couldn’t sleep, one question ran through my mind, as if it was on repeat: why were you with him?

  Why, indeed? To answer that question, I went back to the beginning. He’d asked me out, I’d said yes and then...that was it. He was my boyfriend and then my fiancé. He was the guy. That was how it worked. You graduated, you got a job, you got a guy, you got married, you had kids. That was the plan, that was the dream, that was everything I’d ever wanted.

  Right?

  But was he really what I wanted? I didn’t have an answer for that.

  If it wasn’t TJ, who was it? Honestly, the idea of meeting someone new and trying to date made me sick to my stomach. I’d even scanned online dating sites, because who was I going to meet here that I didn’t already know? None of the guys around here was even remotely appealing.

  So I went back to thinking about getting a cat until I was exhausted enough to fall asleep.

  “HI, I’M HOPING YOU can help me,” someone said, as I was dusting off the computers while monitoring a few kids who were looking things up online and giggling. The library had lots of internet filters, but kids could pretty much hack through anything these days.

  I turned around and found a girl so beautiful I couldn’t speak for a second. One hand gripped the edge of the table for balance.

  “Sure,” I said, even though I had no idea what she’d just said. I’d been stunned by her blonde halo of curls and the kinds of cheekbones that could cut glass. If you would have told me she was a Viking princess that had the powers of time-travel, I wouldn’t have questioned it.

  “Sorry, I’m just visiting, but I was wondering if you could tell me where a good place to get some lobster might be? I was driving by and thought someone here would know.”

  I nodded, even though it took me a few moments to process all of the words she’d said. People came in here all the time asking for directions, for recommendations, and sometimes for really random things. The library was kind of a catch-all around here for people looking for answers. To be honest, I kind of loved being a keeper of information. It made me feel powerful in an unpredictable world.

  “Oh, yeah, you should definitely go to Lenny’s Lobster Shack. It’s actually a food truck that’s parked near the beach, but those are the best around. If you’re looking for more of a restaurant, sit-down place, go to Christine’s. They also have amazing sangria.” I clamped my mouth shut so I didn’t ramble on. There was something about beautiful women that made it hard for me to speak normally. They were just so intimidating.

  “Oh, the sangria sounds dangerous. I’ll have to be careful and not have too many.” I blinked at her and then belatedly laughed. She had to be a model or something. The way she carried herself on those heels was so natural, I felt like a peasant in comparison. As we said in Maine, she definitely wasn’t from around here.

  “Yeah, it’s great,” I said to fill the silence. “Uh, how long are you in town?”

  “Just a few days. I’m visiting a friend. Are you from here?” Oh, we were having a conversatio
n now and I was sweating, even in the air conditioning.

  “Yeah, born and raised. I left for college, but I moved back. I can’t imagine living anywhere else.” The teenagers were giggling over something that probably had to do with butts and I needed to go intervene, but I couldn’t pull myself away from this beautiful creature.

  “I can see why, it’s so lovely here.” Her phone made a noise and she looked down at an incoming message. “That’s my friend, I’m supposed to go meet her. Thanks so much for your help...” she trailed off, waiting for me to say my name.

  “Monty,” I said, suddenly self-conscious about my name. Why, oh why, had my parents named me Montgomery? Did they have to use that family name?

  “Monty? That’s cute. I’m Isadora.” Even her name was impossibly gorgeous and out of my league. “So nice to meet you, Monty. I hope we run into each other again.”

  Against my will, my face went completely and totally red and I mumbled some sort of goodbye before she left and then I had to get myself together and go and see what the teens were up to.

  “HEY, GUS AND I ARE at the beach. You should come over and get some ice cream with us,” Tessa said when she called me after work. That sounded kind of perfect, so I packed up my stuff, said bye to everyone, and drove the short distance to the beach.

  I waved my pass at the bored dude sitting at the ticket booth and shaded my eyes to find Tessa and Gus. The place wasn’t as crowded as it would have been at the height of the day, so it wasn’t hard to slip off my shoes and walk toward where they’d crashed on the blanket Tessa kept in the trunk of her car for times exactly like this.

  “Hey,” I said. Tessa beamed at me and I sat down next to her as Gus said hello. The three of us had been hanging out together for so long that I often forgot they were actually engaged and getting married. Unlike me.

  My engagement ring had always thrown me off, but now that it was gone from my finger, I almost missed it. Almost.

  “You doing good?” Gus asked, pulling a can out of a cooler and passing it to me. The beach didn’t technically allow alcohol, but it wasn’t like anyone was going to arrest us for violating the rules. Plus, Tessa had worked here a few summers in high school and knew everyone who worked here so she could talk her way out of being in trouble.

  “I guess,” I said, popping the can and taking a sip. I wasn’t a beer person, but when in Rome.

  “I know I’ve said it before, but I’m really sorry, Monty.”

  “Thanks, Gus.” He gave me a hug and I sighed. Gus was a great guy, honestly. He was so steady and solid and Tessa needed someone like that in her life.

  “So, we were talking about something and I need your input, Ford,” Tessa said, leaning back on her elbows and turning her face up.

  “What’s that?” I sipped my beer and then pushed it into the sand so it didn’t tip over.

  “Milk vs. no milk in cereal. Discuss.”

  “Well, on the one hand, you have milk, which makes the cereal less dry, and you get cereal milk as a treat at the end. Downside is that, depending on the cereal, it can get soggy and there’s no coming back from that. Upside of no milk is no dilution or sogginess, but given the right cereal, you might end up with your mouth bleeding.”

  Tessa grinned at Gus in triumph. “See?”

  “Why, what did you say?” I asked him.

  “I don’t like my cereal wet. That’s disgusting.”

  “Yeah, and who is the one who bitches about your mouth being sore?” Tessa shot back and I closed my eyes and lay back on the blanket, listening to them bicker. It was never about anything serious, and I was so used to it, I would have been thrown off if they weren’t sniping at each other over something as inconsequential as cereal.

  The next thing I knew, Tessa was rousing me and the sun had dipped lower in the sky, setting us up for what looked to be a brilliant sunset. Most of the people had left, and there were just a few people walking their dogs or sitting in the sand.

  “What did I miss?” I asked, rubbing my eyes.

  “Nothing. Gus is just mad that he’s not coming on the trip with us.” Gus made a sputtering sound.

  “That’s not true. I think it’s great that you’re going together. Why would I be mad?”

  Tessa bumped his shoulder with hers and grinned. “You know I’m just giving you a hard time.”

  Did Gus want to come? I mean, I guess that would be fine, but it would be a little weird. Sure, we’d gone on trips together, but this was a whole week, and I’d already started looking at places in Savannah that Tessa would want to go. She didn’t know that she’d be coming with me on several historical tours, but we’d cross that bridge when we got there.

  “I’m starving,” Tessa said. “Dinner?” She looked at Gus.

  “Yeah, you want to stop and grab a pizza?”

  I looked out at the ocean as they argued about what kind of pizza to get. That argument always ended the same: half pepperoni and olive, half green pepper and mushroom. No idea why they fought to begin with, since that’s what they always ordered.

  There was a chicken defrosting on my counter at home. The plan was to bake it in the oven, but with the impromptu nap I’d taken, I didn’t have the energy anymore.

  “You want to come over? We’ll get you your own spinach and artichoke,” Tessa said.

  “No, that’s fine. I have something in the crockpot,” I lied.

  “Okay,” she said, and let Gus help her to her feet. I also got up and helped them pack up the blanket and everything else.

  “Thanks for this. I needed a break from everything,” I said.

  “Anytime. What are friends for?” Gus said, and gave me a hug. The three of us hadn’t hung out as a trio in a long time, and I probably needed to work on that. I guess when they’d gotten engaged I’d pulled back on being with them because I thought they wanted privacy, but they’d never asked for that. Maybe I needed to reconnect with them now that I wasn’t going to be spending time with TJ. The future stretched out in front of me and I just wanted to close my eyes and sleep through it.

  “Call me later?” Tessa said, brushing her hand on my shoulder to get rid of some sand.

  “Yeah, I will.”

  She looked like she was going to say something else, but instead wrapped her arms around me. I melted into her and sighed.

  “Thanks for being my best friend,” she said, and I had to choke down some tears. I wasn’t going to cry. I was so fucking sick of crying.

  “There’s nothing to thank me for.” She gave me one last squeeze and let go. The three of us walked to our vehicles and I waved goodbye as Tessa got in Gus’s Jeep.

  Alone again.

  “YOU’D BETTER BE PACKING,” I said a few days later, the night before we were due to fly to Savannah.

  “Uhhhh, yeah. I’m packing,” Tessa said.

  “So you’re telling me if I suddenly gained the ability to teleport that I would find you putting clothes and other items into a suitcase right now?”

  There was a rustling sound.

  “Yes, definitely.”

  “Tessa.”

  “I’m waiting for the dryer to finish! I’m doing it! You’re worse than my mom, Jesus.” More rustling and some cursing.

  “Please, just get your stuff packed sooner rather than later. I am not doing that thing where we have to rush through security and run to the gate.”

  Tessa snorted. “Ford, it takes like two seconds to run from one end of the airport to the other. This is Portland, Maine, not LaGuardia.”

  That was true, but I still didn’t want to add any extra stress on the trip. I almost wished we were driving instead of flying, because there was so much that could go wrong when planes were involved.

  “Please, Cin. This isn’t easy for me, can you not?”

  She sighed. “Shit. I’m sorry. I’m being a jerk. Yeah, I’m going to pack right now, as soon as my stuff comes out of the dryer. I’ll even send you a picture as proof. You know we don’t have to go.”


  I looked at my already packed suitcase. “No, I want to do this. I need to do this.” My need to get away from this town, away from the memories and gossip it brought had grown by the day and I was just done. It was time for something new, someplace new, even if it was just for a week. I needed to breathe new air and see new people.

  “I’m good, I promise.”

  “Okay. I’ll get my shit together and see you tomorrow at the asscrack of dawn.”

  “Cute, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  She signed off with a grumbling noise and I did get a picture of a suitcase a few hours later as I was trying to trick myself into going to sleep early so I wasn’t dragging tomorrow. It took an hour and a half to get to the airport, and we needed time to go through security, so leaving early enough to make our flight was crucial.

  Almost time for bestfriendimoon.

  Seven

  Tessa

  “See? I told you we were going to be fine,” I said through a yawn as we waited in the uncomfortable airport chairs. I’d propped my feet up on my luggage, and my foot kept falling asleep. There were only a few other people at our gate, and our flight wasn’t for another hour. I was so fucking tired already and I needed to catch some sleep on the plane so I’d be ready for fun when we got to Savannah.

  Monty had been on her phone nearly the whole time and I kept trying to engage her in conversation, but I could tell she wanted to be left alone, so I tried to amuse myself by just staring at everyone else. I couldn’t lie, I would hang out in this airport all day watching everyone else. What a fascinating place.

  Most of the time I was too broke for much travel, so this was something special and I was going to make the most of it, at least, after I’d had a nap.

  “Mmmm,” Monty said, scrolling mindlessly through her phone. Giving up, I put on my headphones and listened to podcasts until it was finally, finally time to board the flight.

  By some miracle, Monty and I had managed to get seats together on the tiny plane. I didn’t know what I would have done if we hadn’t been next to each other.