Back-Up

by A. m Madden

  “You know it wouldn’t matter if I fired them, they would keep showing up anyway.” Jack responds tightly, while watching me. Jennifer takes the chair next to Jack and scoots closer to him.

  Dylan turns to place a hand on my arm. “Hungry?”

  I pull my eyes from Jack to look at Dylan. “Yes, everything looks delicious.”

  He hands me a plate and says, “No need to wait. This is my party. Dig in.”

  The way Jack and Jennifer silently watching our exchange, makes me feel uncomfortable. The rest of the band finally making it to the conference room lightens the mood. Hunter is the first one in. With a look at the catered trays, he smacks Dylan on the back and asks, “Who the hell ordered sissy wraps?”

  “Just trying to please the ladies.” Dylan nods in my direction.

  “I like wraps.” Scott touts as he grabs one without a plate and waves at me with his free hand.

  “Of course you do.” Hunter responds dryly.

  After a quick hello, Hunter and Trey also dive right into the platter of wraps, even though it’s sissy cuisine. Dylan spars with them like they have all been buddies for years. He knows how to handle them, and even goads Trey during the course of our lunch. His relationship with the guys is clearly more laid back and relaxed than his with Jack.

  Dylan casually shares some details of the tour, specifically luggage requirements and bus constraints. Conversation flows between everyone except Jack. He drinks a coke and only speaks when asked a question, and even then only in monosyllables. If the guys or Jen notice his attitude, they quietly keep comments to themselves and ignore him for the most part.

  I haven’t been in his company much and I can understand moody, but this goes beyond. I’m having trouble ignoring him, however. His presence across the table is still a major distraction, even in his dour disposition. Dare I say moody Jack is very sexy?

  As we are finishing up with lunch, Dylan pulls some paperwork out of his brief case. “I hate to get down to business but this is the reason I did ask you to come. Basically it’s the same contract the studio has in place for each of the guys. The contract details my services during the tour as well as the studio’s responsibilities.” He pushes the stack of papers towards me and offers me a pen.

  I skim the pages and sign them where he added cute little flags. I push the stack back towards him. “Well that was harmless. Little do you know you that just gave me all your worldly possessions.”

  Narrowing my eyes I respond, “Well I hope you and Bessie are very happy together.”

  “Bessie?” he asks smiling.

  “My 2004 Honda Accord. The passenger door sticks a little, but just rub her a bit and she’ll open right up for you.” His eyes bulge and the guys snicker. I realize what I said could definitely be misconstrued and burst out laughing alongside Dylan. When I finally catch my breath, I notice the room gawking at us.

  Dylan awkwardly clears his throat and says, “Ok, well I think we are done. Anyone have anything they want to discuss?”

  “I do.” Jack voluntarily speaks for the first time. “Speaking of Bessie, I want car service sent for Leila every day. We will be working late hours on some nights, and I feel for her safety we should supply car service.”

  “I’m fine Jack. I can drive myself and I don’t need car service.” Who the hell does he think he is? My dad?

  Jennifer glares at Jack like he has lost his mind.

  Dylan nods considerately. “That’s a valid concern. I can most definitely offer car service to Leila on any nights you will be working late. She can also park her car in a lot at the studio’s expense.”

  “Thank you.” Jack and I both say at the same time as I glare at him.

  “Leila, I’ll have a copy of this contract mailed to you tomorrow for your records. If you have any questions, just let me know.”

  “Thanks Dylan. I will.”

  Trey chimes in at that moment. “Are we done here?”

  “Yep all done. You can all take off.” Dylan says.

  He stands and says to me, “Say hi to Lori.” Then he walks out the door.

  Lori? Well that’s interesting.

  Hunter and Scott stand next and wave to me on their way out. Neither Jack nor Jennifer move.

  “Well I guess I’ll see you guys on Monday.”

  Jennifer stands and says, “Leila, nine sharp. We have a lot to do Monday morning even before we start rehearsals.” The woman looks at me like I’m an idiot.

  “No problem, I’ll be here.” I look at Jack before I walk out. “Bye Jack.”

  “Bye.”

  He remains sitting as Dylan stares at him for a few seconds and finally turns to me. “I’ll walk you out.”

  So this is how he wants to play it? An ache settles in my chest. Why the hell is he upset with me? Maybe because I ruined his good time.

  Monday is going to be very awkward unless I do something to break the tension between us. Maybe I’ll be the better person and call him later.

  Once in the lobby, Dylan turns to face me when we are at the front door.

  “Are you and Jack ok?” Anyone could have guessed there was tension between us today, but I’m a bit taken back that Dylan would mention it barely knowing me.

  “Yeah, we are fine. Why?” I ask looking away. If he can read people as well as I think, he just figured out I’m lying.

  “Just seems like you two had a lot of tension between you. If there is anything I can do to help the situation, just let me know. I can talk to him, if nothing else.” He offers and I’m touched.

  “Thanks Dylan, but I can handle it.” This is between Jack and me.

  “Handle what?” Jack asks walking over to us. I turn towards him and sigh. How much has he heard?

  Without missing a beat, Dylan says, “Just the stress of going on tour.” He turns to face me and winks.

  Jack stands right next to us at the front door and makes no motion to leave. It’s obvious he thinks Dylan is full of crap.

  Dylan looks at him indifferently and then turns back to me. “Leila, remember what I said. You can call me for any reason. It was an absolute pleasure meeting you. I look forward to getting to know you.” He puts out his hand, and as I shake it he then lays his other hand over both of ours. He walks towards the hallway without a word to Jack.

  “You two BFF’s already?” Pure annoyance flashes across his face. Is that why he is so pissy?

  I ignore his comment and shoot him my own indifferent look before turning to leave.

  “Wait, can I walk you to your car? I’d like to talk.”

  Now he wants to talk?

  “Nothing to talk about.”

  “Please?”

  I sigh heavily and turn towards the door.

  “Bye Leila.” Ian calls out as I walk out the studio.

  “Bye Ian.” I wave and smile.

  Jack looks over at Ian then turns to me. “You are here like five minutes, and you already have two admirers?” He tries to sound amused, but he falls short.

  What is his problem?

  We walk towards the lot where my car is parked in total silence, as I quietly stew.

  “Can I sit with you inside for a few minutes?” he asks.

  My nonverbal response is to unlock the doors. Once inside the car, I barely shut my door before Jacks mutters, “I’m so sorry.”

  Staring straight ahead, he looks completely distraught. “Leila, I am…I am so sorry.” He finally turns to look at me.

  “Jack ...I…why are you angry at me?”

  He turns to me and looks confused. “I’m not angry with you. I’m angry with myself. I’m sorry I’m not handling my feelings very well.”

  “Oh…I…never mind.” I uncomfortably stumble over my own words. I don’t know what to say. Watching him, I fail to recall why I was even mad at him. My anger is slipping away, and I wish I could reach over and comfort him.

  Why was I so upset with him? He has already apologized for his behavior, but I guess I wasn’t ready to forgive him.
After the way he acted today, I assumed that he was annoyed with me.

  It suddenly occurs to me that the lack of contact from him for the last few weeks is what has me upset. What had me totally freaking out wasn’t the tour looming, or the kiss, or even Jack acting like a whore. It was the fact I wasn’t hearing from him.

  “Jack, it’s ok.”

  “I hate that we started off on the wrong foot. Can we start over?” He pleads.

  “I would like that.”

  He smiles and grabs my hand. “I know you are working tonight, but can I take you out to dinner tomorrow? Sort of a peace offering?”

  We do need to feel comfortable with each other. We need to get to a better place, and besides, I enjoy being with him. I now crave it. I would do anything this man asks because, well just because.

  Before I can stop myself I blurt out, “Why don’t you come to my place? We can bring in or I can cook. We can talk and get to know each other better.”

  Who am I kidding?

  He looks at me with raised eyebrows. “Yeah? Are you sure you are ok with that?”

  “Yes, I would like that.”

  “Ok, I would like that too.” He says smiling.

  As an afterthought I add, “Bring Hunter if you’d like.” I’m not sure I said that to help him feel more comfortable, or for me to.

  ***

  Jack arrives alone, explaining Hunter had plans. The way he stands at my door bearing dinner, which consists of a pizza, a six-pack and a box of cheap white wine, makes him look absolutely adorable.

  “You remembered the cheap wine.”

  “Well I was going to get a bottle, but I thought the box would impress you more.”

  Laughing, I open the door wide for him, taking the wine from his hand.

  As we sit eating our meal while making small talk, I can’t help but feel he seems a bit on edge with me. As he devours his fourth brownie, I shyly ask, “Are you ok?”

  Looking up surprised he responds, “Yeah, why?”

  “You just seem quiet tonight.”

  Smiling warmly, he shrugs and admits, “I just want things to be ok between us.”

  I reach over to cover his hand with my own, and as I’m doing it I’m aware it’s a bad idea.

  Looking down he turns his hand so we are palm to palm, and slowly runs him thumb across my mom’s wedding band on my right hand. His touch causes the sparks to fly through my body, and causes my logical side to scream for me to pull my hand away immediately.

  I can’t.

  Jack continues to play with the ring on my finger. “This looks like a wedding band.” He says, surprising me once again with his candor.

  “It was my mom’s.”

  Jack searches my face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

  “…Don’t worry about it.” I interrupt, smiling to ease his discomfort. Jack squeezes my hand affectionately.

  “Let’s relax.” He drags me over to the couch while still holding my hand. I sit next to him and consciously keep a safe distance between our bodies. I did not invite him here to worsen our complicated situation…at least I don’t think I did. But the yearning to touch him is unbearable now that he is here. Tucking my legs under my body, clasping my hands in my lap, I practically cocoon myself on the couch to prevent any accidental or intentional contact.

  Jack doesn’t seem to notice my shielding defense, and immediately makes himself at home, flipping around on the remote until he finds a Met game on TV. Side note, my dad will not be happy that Jack is a Met fan.

  “The Yankees are playing Boston tonight, and it is my TV.” Reluctantly I hold my hand out, waiting for him to relinquish the remote.

  “We’ll compromise. Next inning we’ll watch the bums from the Bronx.” Sneaking a sideways glance at me he says, “What? They suck.”

  “Spoken like a true Met fan.” I fold my arms to pretend to be angry, yet the look on his face causes me to laugh.

  “And a Yankee hater.” He leans over and places a chaste kiss on my cheek, leaving a tingly sensation behind.

  We fall into a comfortable conversation as the games move on inning by inning. He tells me about his childhood. He wasn’t a jock and preferred school glee club and school musicals to football, plus he was smart. He admits he should have gotten his ass kicked in school. But because he was so popular that everyone thought it was cool.

  I relay stories of all the trouble Evan and I would get into and the many girlfriends he lost because of me. He wants to know what my dad’s like, and he tells me about his parents. He talks about Lizzy and how gorgeous she is, but more importantly how smart she is. We discuss how Lori and Trey hit it off. He wondered why Trey said to say hi to her. Of course Trey hadn’t mentioned it to him but he could see them together. She was definitely his type. I laugh and admit the same.

  He brings up Matt once again. I act all cool when it comes to him but truth is he hurt me. I promised myself I would never let that happen again. I fell hard for Matt and that was why I gave him another chance. I was convinced he had matured and changed. All I admit to Jack is that Matt was a dick and he didn’t know the first thing about relationships. Surprisingly he defends Matt, and says that he doesn’t know all that much about relationships either. I guess he is right. What the hell do I know about relationships?

  I confess that I was not happy with his offer at the lunch with Dylan regarding car service. I tell him he made me feel helpless and pathetic. He is a bit amused at first, but then backs off and says it wouldn’t happen again. I then forgive him for being a jackass.

  I ask him about the scar on his hand. He says when he was a kid he fell off his skateboard and landed on a broken bottle in the street. I laugh and he says he is glad his injury amuses me. I explain I had a more exciting scenario in my head where he got into a bar brawl, or punched a window in a fit of rage. Now it’s his turn to laugh.

  He suddenly becomes serious and asks, “What was your mom like?”

  “She was perfect.” I lean back on the sofa, closing my eyes.

  He reaches over and places his hand on my knee. “I didn’t mean to upset you.” His touch affects me and I stiffen slightly. Jack interprets my reaction as discomfort and quickly removes his hand, turning his attention back to the Met game.

  “You didn’t upset me. It’s just still hard to talk about her. I miss her every damn day. She would have been so proud of me right now. She always was, but this would have really made her happy because I’m following my dream.”

  He shifts slightly to face me and smiles warmly. “What did she look like?”

  Returning his smile I stand and say, “Come, I’ll show you.” Jack follows me down the hall to my room. Flipping on the light, he steps in behind me and looks around.

  For a few seconds, I watch Jack as he takes in my room.

  “Nice room.” He smirks. “Very girlie.”

  He’s right. My room is a typical girlie room. I have a pretty white wrought iron headboard with floral patterns on the duvet, shams and sheets, lacy curtains, and a retro princess phone. I tried to duplicate my room at home when I was a little girl because it reminds me of my mom so much.

  “Well, I am a girl.”

  Turning towards me, Jack sweeps my body with his smoky gaze. “That you are.”

  Damn it! He can’t look at me like that with a bed two feet away. In an alternate universe, there is a Leila Marino who pushes a Jack Lair down on his back and has her wicked way with him over and over again. But I want more than hot, sweaty sex with Jack. I also want to connect with him in the most intimate of ways.

  All this from one look in my bedroom?

  Remembering why we are in here, I walk over to a framed photo of my mom hanging on the wall. Jack follows me and leans in to closely examine the picture.

  “You are practically twins.”

  “A little. She was gorgeous.”

  “So are you.” We turn to face each other.

  “Thank you.”

  He nods at my response. I
look up at my mom’s picture again to break the connection between us. “You haven’t met my dad. I look a little like him too. I also have my dad’s personality. Mom was such a free spirit. She was so much fun.”

  “I wish I could have met her.”

  “Me too. She would have liked you. Believe it or not, dropping out of law school to pursue your dream would have impressed her.”

  “Really?”

  “Yep. She felt you only live once. Everyone should live his or her lives without regret. I think she’s the only parent on earth that could care less how I did in school. I take that back, she did care, but if I failed a test she would take me for ice cream.” With a small smile, I remember the day my mom did just that. She dried my tears and told me it was no big deal.

  Jack focuses on my mom’s picture, and then focuses on me. The seriousness in his expression has me wondering what he’s thinking.

  “What?”

  He shakes his head and smiles. “Nothing. You know, I’m really glad we did this.”

  “Me too.”

  “I should get going, it’s late. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

  “Yep…nine sharp!”

  Jack laughs out loud. “You sounded just like her. That’s awesome.”

  “I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”

  “Don’t apologize. That was spot on. Promise me you’ll do that for Hunter.”

  “What? No way. She’s your agent.”

  “Our agent.”

  “Even more of a reason not to.” Jack follows me out of my room towards my apartment door.

  “Do you want to take the rest of the brownies home?”

  “Don’t tease me woman.”

  Now it’s my turn to laugh. Taking that as a yes, I wrap the rest of the brownies for him and hand them over.

  “I love you.”

  I shove him towards the door and he laughs on his way out. “Sweet dreams pretty girl.” He leans in and kisses my cheek, leaving me a quivering mess.

  Quivering and clenching.

  Oh boy…I’m in deep shit

  It’s just a crush, right? And because my body was denied sexual activity for so long, it took over the cruise controls of my lower half. But it’s just a crush and nothing more. That’s why I feel like I’m young and stupid and giddy. That’s the only explanation for how I act around him. I feel like I’m back in high school.