Damaged and the Beast

by Bijou Hunter

  “First of all, Coop, I’d know they were Tic Tacs. Secondly, if you want to keep me forever, just treat me well and I’ll stay with you. Wouldn’t that be better than having a baby we’re not ready for?”

  Cooper grinned. “My girl is so smart and rational.”

  “You weren’t really looking for my birth control, were you?” I asked, sitting on the bed.

  “Yeah. The last day was the worst of my life and don’t you dare point out how I’ve had an easy life.”

  “I’ll just think it then.”

  Cooper glanced out of the curtains then back at me. “You need a TV in your room.”

  “I’m saving up for one.”

  Cooper grinned. “Foot massage time.”

  “We could go into the living room and watch TV while you service me.”

  “I was thinking maybe I’d stay the night and a relaxing foot massage might put you in the mood for makeup loving.”

  Looking around, I wasn’t sure I wanted to feel him inside me. On the other hand, I really wanted to kiss and hold him and that would lead to sex.

  “Okay.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.”

  “I want you to be honest,” Cooper said, looking rather grumpy.

  “I am.”

  “It breaks my fucking heart when you cry while I’m enjoying myself. Do you understand?”

  “I can’t promise I won’t cry. It’s a reflex.”

  “I’m not the guy who hurt you.”

  “I know.”

  “Maybe we should just hang out and mess around and keep it casual.”

  Frowning, I rested back on the bed and wiggled my feet at him. “I want to do what you said earlier.”

  “You can’t even say it.”

  Crossing my arms, I frowned harder. “I heard these girls in class talking about how great sex was and I felt jealous. I want to be like everyone else and enjoy stuff like they do. I can’t do that if I don’t practice. It’s like everything else. I just need to learn how to do it.”

  “So you want me to climb on you and fuck you while you cry?” he said and I felt my eyes burning. “You can’t know how it feels to watch you cry like that.”

  “No, but if you want me to ever learn to enjoy it, you’ll have to keep trying. If you want to give up, that’s fine, but I can’t learn to like it if I don’t practice.”

  Cooper sat at the end of the bed and took a foot in his strong hands. “Is it that you think I’m going to hurt you like that guy did?”

  Lifting myself up onto my elbows, I stared hard at him. “We don’t talk about those things in my family. We don’t say the words and I’m not talking about that.”

  “I just want to understand how to make you feel good too. I hate taking from you and watching you cry and waiting for it to be over.”

  “I told you. It’s a reflex. My body reacts and I cry. I know it’s you and I love you and I want you, but my body reacts. Talking about this is making me tense.”

  “We don’t have to talk about it then. I need you to be comfortable with us being together though.”

  “Be close with me then. The more you are, the better it feels. Like when we first tried, even when I was drunk, it hurt because I tensed up. It got easier last weekend at your house. I still cried and got scared, but it didn’t hurt. I want to have sex like everyone else. I want to learn, but there’s only one way and that’s through practice.”

  Cooper nodded as his thumbs pressed deep against my aching arch. I cried out, sounding somewhere between horny and in pain. Cooper just smiled and kept working at my feet as I watched him. After a few minutes, I was incredibly relaxed. I was also missing the feel of him against me.

  I whispered, “I love you.”

  Cooper lifted my foot and kissed it as his warm gaze held mine. Smiling at him, I opened my robe to show nothing underneath.

  “Hell,” Cooper muttered.

  “Your sister said my only good feature is my lips. Is that true and don’t lie because you want sex? We’re having sex no matter what you say.”

  Cooper didn’t even look at me as he moved his kisses from my foot to my calf. He only paused to pull off his tee and toss it on the floor.

  “You’re so gorgeous I have to beat up guys constantly to keep them away from you.”

  “Is that true?”

  “Uh-huh,” he murmured as he kissed my inner thigh.

  “You shouldn’t beat up anyone over me.”

  “Sure, whatever,” he said, kissing higher on my thigh.

  “I don’t like that,” I yelped as his lips moved between my legs. “I don’t want that.”

  “It’ll feel good,” he said, looking at me with a gentle gaze. “It’ll relax you too. Girls really like it. Trust me.”

  “I don’t want that,” I said again, fighting the urge to close my robe and have him leave.

  “Fair enough,” he said, crawling up to kiss my stomach.

  Realizing he stopped and wasn’t angry, I let out a long sigh. Glancing up at me, Cooper licked at my belly button then left a trail of affection all the way to the soft underside of my breast. A breath caught in my throat as I waited for the fun stuff. A grinning Cooper sucked my nipple into his mouth.

  “I like this,” I announced like a dork, but I wanted him to know it wasn’t all bad and I could loosen up eventually.

  “We can make each other happy, Farah,” Cooper said, lying between my legs and swinging his feet like a kid. His expression was tender as he teased my nipples. “I know you’re mine. If you let me start over, we can be so fucking happy that all the shit that came before will be no more than a bad dream.”

  “I’m afraid to love you too much.”

  “It’s normal to be scared when you grew up in a shitty way. I bet you spent most of your life worrying that anything nice might get stolen away. With me, with what we have, it’s probably scary. For me though, losing you is the only thing that scares the shit out of me. I need to make you happy so you’ll stay and I can be happy.”

  As my fingers caressed the soft prickles of his shaved hair, I thought about how much Cooper needed me. How he hadn’t forgotten I existed or moved on the second I wasn’t there. He really seemed to love me. I hadn’t believed it, but there was no other reason he would have freaked out.

  “Have you ever been dumped before?” I asked as Cooper snuggled his face between my breasts.

  “What do you mean by dumped?” he mumbled, glancing up at me. “Like what you did yesterday?”

  “I guess.”

  “Maybe. When chicks blow me off, I don’t usually care. I’m just about nailing them. Once I have, whatever happens happens.” Cooper paused and his gaze met mine. “How many fucking times do I have to tell you that you’re special?”

  “A million? Possibly more.”

  Cooper grinned at my tone. “Fair enough. Now, stop interrupting my reunion with the girls.”

  Starting to laugh until his tongue lathered love on my right nipple, I groaned instead. Cooper smiled, taking his time at getting reacquainted with my body. By the time he was inside me, I was as relaxed as I could be after a long stressful day. Even later when the neighbors were loud and I was startled awake, everything felt better because I had Cooper with me. He was still mine and I needed to find a way to keep him.

  Chapter Eighteen

  The next few days, Cooper and I fell into an easy routine. I was usually at his house where we’d eat breakfast with the family before heading to school. Our schedules didn’t mesh well so I barely saw him during the day. Cooper typically ran by and kissed the shit out of me during his lunch time. My lunch period was later so I was actually missing part of class to make out with Cooper. The instructor acted as if this behavior was all very natural even though another student was grilled after he walked out of class one day. Life was good for a Johansson in Ellsberg.

  Cooper was so relaxed those next few days. I tried to relax too, but life taught me to treasure every moment because the good one
s never lasted. When I was at work, Cooper hung around, talking to me and doing his schoolwork. Every night, we returned to his place where I received a much appreciated foot massage, followed by all of the sexual need he built up over the day. We sometimes didn’t sleep until after midnight.

  Thursday night, Cooper was especially horny. He couldn’t get enough and we would barely finish before he was ready to go again. I didn’t know him well enough to gage if this was a normal thing for him or if something in particular set him off? I did sense he was clingier than usual. Territorial too, so likely something irritated him, but he wouldn’t tell me what?

  By the time we fell asleep sweaty and exhausted, the clock read after two. I wasn’t sure how I would get through the next day with so little rest, but the exhaustion would be worth it. Cooper fell asleep with a smile on his face like he had finally worked out his issues with enough naked time.

  I rarely dreamt of the ugly incident. Most nightmares were about embarrassing myself at school like when I walked around with a blood stain on my butt. Occasionally, I dreamed of my parents hitting me or Tawny and me running from something. Those dreams were upsetting, but they weren’t detailed. This nightmare though was a vivid memory.

  By the time I woke screaming with Cooper shaking me, I wasn’t eighteen and in Kentucky. I was back in that dirty trailer and Cooper wasn’t my love. He was a threat.

  Throwing myself away from him and off the bed, I crawled to the bedroom door, but didn’t know where to go next. Cooper climbed out of bed, looking large and intimidating. I put my hands up to stop him, but my words made no sense.

  “Who’s Travis?” he asked, frowning.

  “Why?” I cried. “Do you know him? Is he your friend? Are you going to give me to him?”

  Grabbing a shoe, I threw it at Cooper who easily batted it away.

  “Stop!” he yelled so loudly I fell backwards in terror. “Calm the fuck down!”

  Staring up at him, I knew he would hurt me and give me to Travis. It was why he fucked me so much the night before. He was saying goodbye and finishing with me before handing me off to his buddy.

  Cooper stared at me full of anger then he took a few deep breaths and stepped back. Swinging his arms, he settled himself down while I crawled to the corner behind a chair. Naked and cold, I knew something bad was coming as if trouble had followed me out of the dream. Eventually, Cooper dressed in a pair of boxers and sat on the ground nearby.

  “You said his name when you were dreaming,” he explained quietly. “He’s the guy who hurt you, right?”

  “Do you know him?”

  “Farah, why would I know him?”

  “He…I just don’t want to go back.”

  “You’re not going anywhere, baby. You’re staying here with me.”

  “He could come. He could take me.”

  Gaze darkening, Cooper whispered in a hard voice. “If he tried, he’d be dead before he put a hand on you.”

  Nodding, I tried to tell myself how Travis didn’t care about me. He hadn’t come for me all these years and he never would. Wanting to be rational, I still felt his rough hands on me. I hurt between my legs like I did when he was done. He had marked me again in the dream and I would never be free.

  After a short time, Cooper stood up and walked to the next room. Hating to be alone, I still flinched when he returned. He seemed bigger now. His shoulders wider, his face harsher, his whole demeanor reeked of potential violence.

  Instead of hitting me, Cooper lowered a blanket behind the chair so I could cover myself. I stared at him as he sat back down. We studied each other for a long time as I waited for something bad to happen or the fear to fade. Neither occurred, leaving me stuck behind the chair for hours.

  Cooper tried twice to caress my face and both times I jerked back and away from his touch. After the second attempt, he stood up and left the room. I heard the front door open and assumed he was leaving. Then, his big ugly dog Rafe waltzed into the room with Cooper following behind.

  In his hand, Cooper held a gun and I pushed farther back into the corner. “No one,” he said, kneeling down by the chair, “will come here and take you. If they do, Rafe will wake us up and I’ll kill the fucker. No one is hurting you or taking you away from me. Do you understand?”

  Staring into his dark eyes, I did understand. I craned my neck so I could see Rafe comfortable in the corner. When I looked back at Cooper, he sighed.

  “Baby, it’s nearly six in the morning. The sun is coming up and you need to sleep. I need rest too, so let’s go to bed and I’ll keep you safe. I won’t even touch you, but I need you to go to bed.”

  “You love me,” I said in a rough, exhausted voice.

  “More than anything else. I will never let that piece of shit or anyone else come here and hurt you. You are mine and that makes you untouchable. Do you understand?”

  Nodding again, I crawled out from behind the chair and Cooper helped me stand. He stepped back, willing to keep his distance to avoid scaring me. Reaching for him, I knew he would keep me safe. If I couldn’t shake the fear of the dream, I could at least know Cooper was someone Travis wouldn’t screw with. Rationally, I knew Travis likely forgot I existed, but I wasn’t rational. I was primal and the monster was always waiting to ruin me again. With Cooper though, I was safe.

  We walked to bed where Cooper’s body warmed me until I could sleep. I dozed off, praying not to dream. When I woke up hours later, it was like I was in heaven. I literally had a smile on my face while opening my eyes, refreshed after a horrible night. The sun was out, but hidden by Cooper’s dark shades. I could see a hint of light around the edges of the window as I glanced at the clock.

  “Eleven o’clock!” I cried as if yelling might turn back time.

  Before I could freak out more, and I was already freaking out pretty badly, Cooper appeared at the door then rushed to the bed.

  “Don’t freak.”

  “I overslept. Why didn’t you wake me up?”

  “You’re kidding, right?” When I started crying, Cooper realized I wasn’t kidding. “Baby,” he said, wrapping his arms around me, “I woke up just before the alarm went off and there was no way I was waking you up after two hours of sleep. Not after the night you had.”

  “I’m missing school.”

  “It’s okay. I called a woman in administration and she’s having someone in each of your classes take notes. You won’t miss anything.”

  “I’m going to get in trouble,” I mumbled against his chest.

  “It’s college, not high school. No one takes attendance at New Hampton.”

  Staring up at him, I tried to stop crying, but I felt like I would be punished for missing a day of school.

  “Since you’re already upset, I’m dumping this on you too. I called in sick at your job.”

  Breathing too quickly, I shrugged him off. “You don’t care.”

  Cooper wanted to be angry. His jaw set and his lips pressed together in a grim frown. Then, he cracked his neck. “Explain how I don’t care about my baby needing time off?”

  “I need money to pay for things.”

  “I’ll pay for your lost wages.”

  “I don’t want your money.”

  “My money. Denny’s money. What difference does it make?”

  I was angry. Outraged really, but I’d quickly become accustomed to seeking comfort from Cooper. So I snuggled against him then glared into his irritated eyes.

  “You can’t just do whatever you want.”

  “Yes, I should have woken you up to ask if you wanted to sleep. That makes sense.”

  “Don’t make fun of me.”

  “Don’t be a dipshit.”

  Pulling away, I found myself in his grip. His arms refused to relent and I gave up.

  “Let’s try this again,” he said after a minute. “You had a tough night. So did I. In fact, it was the worst night of my life to be honest. You needed rest. I needed it too, so I made a decision. I did what you couldn’t and I’m
not sorry. You need to relax or you’ll burn out.”

  Saying nothing, I listened to his heartbeat. When I didn’t complain, he began stroking my hair.

  “I want to have my dream,” I whispered, relaxed now. “I need to prove to my family that I’m not a loser.”

  “You’re not a loser. Everyone in your family either knows that or can’t admit it because then they might be a loser. You need to stop worrying about what other people think.”

  “Except you, right?”

  “Hell yeah,” he whispered, grinning down at me.

  Smiling, I kissed his chest. “I don’t know what happened last night.”

  Cooper said nothing and I forced myself to look up at him. He watched me with the same pained expression as the night before.

  “You had a bad dream,” he finally said.

  Wanting to apologize, I sensed he would be bothered by it. Instead, I sighed. “You took care of me.”

  Just as I hoped, Cooper gave me a little grin. He was like a kid sometimes, needing reassurance. The guy who asked his mom for relationship advice wasn’t always the scary beast he showed to the world.

  “So we’ll study later?”

  “Sure, but I was thinking we could clean up and go to lunch at the Italian place we had our first real date at. Or we can go somewhere else. I want you to have a good lunch since you skipped breakfast.”

  “That would be really nice,” I said, smiling up at him.

  “Then, maybe we could go to the movies.”

  While I wanted to hide how excited I was by this idea, Cooper was no fool.

  “Tell me you’ve been to the movies before.”

  “Once when I was little, my grandma took me and Tawny.”

  “Who doesn’t go to the fucking movies? I see poor people at them all the time. Trailer trash with their loud kids at the ten o’clock showing.”

  “It’s not something we could waste money on.”

  “Well, we’re definitely going then. So lunch, movies, we’ll pick up your notes, do a little studying before a nice dinner. Finally, back here for swimming and hopefully you’ll be up for a little loving.”