Too much pain is a turn-off, and everyone has a different pain threshold. Always remember to warm up each part of the body first: before moving on to harder strokes, you could start with stroking, move on to tickling and progress to hand spanking then possibly using a different implement. Don’t forget that faster strokes feel harder simply because the person experiencing it has less time to catch their breath. So take it slowly and experiment.
Even if you don’t have any specific fetishes or S and M fantasies, most people will find it interesting to try both ‘top’ and ‘bottom’ roles. Most newbies will try being a bottom first, and in the ‘scene’ bottoms outnumber tops by ten to one! Although it might seem appealing to be dominant, in actual fact they are doing all the work…They are not doing whatever they want to someone, but working to a pre-agreed ‘script’ that should be mutually fulfilling. In addition, who is penetrated is not determined by the role they are playing. The submissive partner may be ‘made’ to use their mouth/penis on the other, and the dominant partner could accept or initiate sexual activity. The whole point is that it’s a game where you invent your own rules. Break free from conventional constraints and find out what really turns you on!
The next time you are in the middle of foreplay, ask your partner to put their hands behind their head and close their eyes whilst you tickle them with something soft and silky. At any time they can open their eyes or release their hands, so there’s no pressure. If this works, you can progress on to more exciting things…
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Sex in strange places 2
Don’t forget that if you want incredible sex you need to keep that edge. Dare to be different.
Sex in unexpected places is sexy partly because it is unexpected, but also because it is something new and exciting. Lifts are incredibly sexy places. It must be something to do with being enclosed in a small space with someone. In a lift you run the risk of being caught which only adds to the excitement. There is something extremely erotic about getting into a lift with someone you have fancied from afar for ages and imagining what you would do to him if that dweeb from accounts would only get out and leave the two of you alone together…
Done the car, the cinema and behind the filing cabinet at work? Short of new ideas? Try some of these (be sensible though, remember having sex in public places is illegal):
A private box at the opera
A phone box (better be quick—easy-access underwear will help)
Your garden (put a tent up if the neighbours’ twitching curtains bother you)
The public library (not recommended for loud and energetic climaxes!)
A hospital (better than flowers and what do you think those screens are for?)
A rooftop (if you can get to the top of your apartment or office block)
On the train.
Take the sex in strange places challenge—promise each other to have sex in a strange place once a week for the next two months. That’s eight weird locations. Enough to have your imagination working overtime.
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Sex in water (solo)
There’s nothing quite like a bit of splashing and thrashing around in water, especially if it’s combined with a bit of aqua erotica!
All your favourite sex toys come in waterproof versions, and the versatility of water makes it the ideal medium for adding the X factor to your sex life. These days, there are loads of waterproof sex toys that help you to get off discreetly. For instance, you could insert Fun Factory pleasure balls and then go for a swim in your local pool or sit in a spa. There’s also the Wireless Waterproof Vibrating Panty with a wireless waterproof micro-orb that fits into the pants. Wear a swimsuit over it and nobody will notice.
Alternatively, there are plenty of bath and shower accessories that can be put to good use. Almost every type of sex toy imaginable comes in a waterproof version and you can get dildo accessories to stick on the shower door or side of the bath. Some toys look perfectly innocuous: for instance, there’s a Sponge vibrator that gets you clean as well, and a Ducky vibrator that gets going when you give the little fellow a squeeze.
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Sex in water (together)
Water is the most essential element of life, so it’s not surprising we feel revitalised when we’re splashing around in it.
Our bodies feel lighter immersed in it (the water takes some of the weight) and the sensation of water on our bodies kick-starts our blood circulation. In addition, during water play we’re probably going to be scantily clad, and doing some invigorating form of exercise. To top it off, hopefully our bodies will be being given a dose of vitamin D from the sun: all the raw ingredients for feeling raunchy and playful. It’s not surprising that sex on a summer holiday seems the best we have all year.
Pool accessories like floats, inflatable chairs and toys are all great for horsing around with. Use the opportunity to throw yourself at each other and play games on inflatable shapes. If you’re in a romantic mood, use floats to support your partner’s head and/or lower torso. Get your partner to close their eyes and gently wade through the water until their body is completely relaxed. If you have privacy, you can move up to genital foreplay, or use an underwater clit massager. If you don’t have these options, use the water to de-stress and warm each other up before you move on to dry land, and to the real thing. If you’re on a secluded lake, there’s also fun stuff like an inflatable trampoline that’s great for bouncy, gyrating sex. It’s best to wear a life jacket just in case, and you could even go for it whilst floating in life jackets. Water sports like snorkelling are great in themselves, so it’s an extra bonus if your partner massages you erotically as you’re swimming along. Again, take care of safety and incorporate floats if you’re in deeper water. And remember that in most places genital fondling and sex in public places is illegal!
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Play some games
Remember the gold-covered women in Goldfinger? Here’s how to paint and play with each other to your heart’s content. It’s silly but it works wonders.
Being playful in the bedroom can be erotically very powerful. For instance, you could play Twister naked, or stage a food fight: anything to get you having fun together. You can try strip poker or spin the bottle. A game like Nookii is designed specifically for couples and helps to initiate foreplay and daring sexual moves. Players move around each other’s bodies rather than a game board with instructions like ‘Moisten my nipples, then, with a gentle pinch, trigger their pertness.’ For a gentle introduction to playing at S and M, the Sensual Sweet Surrender game gives you rules and props such as a blindfold, feather, rubber tickler and flavoured massage oil. Although it’s a bonus if you get turned on by these activities, don’t be afraid just to mess about.
Another bonus of play is that it’s a chance to freely experience each other’s naked bodies. If you feel more comfortable being fresh out of the shower, then do this first. Maybe you need to top up your tan or get a pedicure; do what you need to get rid of any inhibitions. Then you can try stuff to decorate and lick off the body. Feel free to get out a sieve and be creative with cocoa and icing sugar. Can you decorate someone’s breasts neatly with strawberry sauce?
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Get decorating!
If you’re not that fussed about new underwear or sex toys, why not try some liquid latex?
You can get really professional and play with the Body Talk Tattoo Set which contains stencils, brushes and chocolate frosting with commands that you can temporarily paint onto the body. And then there’s lick-off body gel and body finger paints for you to have fun with. Regular make-up can also be used on body parts; use lip and eye liners to write messages. Another fun game is to appliqué small shells, sequins, sweets, whatever, onto people’s bodies using tepid wax. It’s a laugh and it gets the fun back. And you need this sense of fun if you want to try out specifically sexual things like new positions, erogenous zones or sex toys.
When we talk about changing, most people imagine a radical change, but taking small
steps is enough. Be prepared to try on each other’s underwear, or roll around in chocolate sauce and you’re pretty much road-tested for anything!
You can buy liquid latex and simply paint it on your body. It’s best to shave before applying it (then it’s easier to remove), and you can use it to create temporary underwear. Three coats are recommended and each takes around ten minutes to dry. After use, simply peel it off. Imagine the fun you could have decorating each other’s bodies!
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Tie me up, tie me down 2
Create your own bondage chair by tying your partner firmly to a straight backed chair with arms and blindfolding him or her. Or you can order your own bondage chair online.
You don’t have to go the whole nine yards to get results. Even on a bog-standard Wednesday night, using your tie, dressing gown belt or whatever happens to be around takes seconds and will add a delicious naughtiness to your love making.
However, half the fun of bondage is that it is unusual so you don’t want to make it too mundane. Specialness is heightened if you have an armoury of essential items such as whips, chains, handcuffs and silk scarves hidden away in your boudoir. If you’re missing any of this essential paraphernalia then just go online and order your bondage starter kit for less than the price of a dinner for two.
‘It would be rude to get your sexual satisfaction by tying someone to the bed and then leaving him or her there and going out with someone more attractive.’
P. J. O’ROURKE
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Another clichéd (and brilliant) fantasy role play
Bored with naughty nurses, had enough of being disciplined by teacher? Try this one then.
Husband and the Swedish au pair
He is the innocent, she the fun-loving au pair (extra points if she can keep the accent going all the way through). The wife is away and he’s settling down to watch the football when she asks if she can join him. Is he seeing things or is her skirt always that short? And is she sitting a little closer than normal? She seems more flirtatious, more brazen. Double meanings and loaded looks are passing between them. He tries to get a grip of himself and resist temptation while she goes out of her way to seduce him into making the first move. Until finally, losing patience, she makes her intentions quite clear…
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Two final favourite fantasy destinations
A fantasy destination will get your creative juices flowing and some others besides.
Every so often, make one of your dates an at-home soiree. Decide on your fantasy destination—use your imagination and introduce as much role-play as you feel comfortable with.
The camping holiday (your garden, in summer)
You and a friend have gone on a holiday—walking in the hills. After a long day, you set up camp (or settle under the stars in your sleeping bags) in the middle of nowhere. You switch on a torch, have some dinner, share some jokes, drink some wine, play a game of cards. Before you know it, the game of cards has turned into a strip version of the game and things get very friendly in your tent (or, if you’re unperturbed by the neighbours, under the stars)…
Murder in the dark (your house, with the lights off)
You’re both guests at a country house party. A fellow guest has suggested a game of murder in the dark. One of you goes off to hide somewhere in the dark silent house. One of you is the murderer who stealthily hunts them down, getting closer and closer. But when the murderer finds the victim, there’s another surprise for both of them…
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Dirty little secrets 2
Try wearing each other’s underwear to work.
For women, wearing a loose pair of boxers under a skirt lets the air circulate where it normally never gets to go and makes you feel more open in every sense of the word. For men, the feeling of constriction that comes from tight feminine underwear worn beneath your business suit can be arousing—as well as all the other associations and images that will flash through your mind throughout the day.
Take this one step further and play around with cross-dressing. Wear each other’s clothes in bed. You’ll hate it or love it, but if you love it, you might be surprised at how much you love it. For men especially, breaking one of the last great heterosexual taboos (dressing as a woman) is a hugely liberating experience. Remember, no one knows but you two.
Need more inspiration? Go to a naturist beach together, make a porn short, photograph each other nude or have sex in the supermarket carpark (make it a quickie!)—risky, but it will give you a little frisson every time you drive to the supermarket!
And, of course, don’t break the first rule of secrets. You don’t tell. Ever.
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What you see…
Actively look for images that turn you on and use them in fantasy and lovemaking to make you feel more sexually vibrant.
This is one of the easiest and quickest ways to keep your libido alive and kicking. Wear clothes to bed that turn you on. If you love the way your breasts look in a push-up bra, keep it on. Wear a favourite pair of red stilettos to bed. They may do nothing for him, but you can lie with your feet in the air, admiring what those shoes do for the length of your legs. Love yourself!
This is all easier for women as the sexual female body is a ubiquitous image (and why women find it easy to observe themselves for titillation), but men don’t often get the chance to be sex objects. So why not be different? If you really want to rock her world, hire a fireman’s outfit for the night. It would be a rare women who wouldn’t appreciate the gesture.
Use mirrors—line them up so you can see yourself from all angles. Then experiment with lighting. A torch adds a creepy, otherworldly quality to proceedings and you might find that interesting. It’s also hard to get the image of shagging by candlelight out of your mind afterwards, which is a bit less scary and a lot more flattering than a camcorder. Though of course, that works on the same principle.
‘We want to know how to turn our mates on. We want them to know what turns us on. We’d like more variety…more foreplay…more surprises…more interest…new tricks…and, once in a while, somebody else should do all the work!’
LAURA CORN
Erotic fantasies Page 5
