Remember, everyone in the club has to see every detail and every act is exaggerated to give a maximum eyeful to the people standing, craning at the back. Massage oil into each other’s bodies. When you start to have sex, remember this—it’s a show. Everything has to be seen. Your audience loves it, and you can feel the tense silence as they watch you strip and the growing excitement as the sex becomes more explicit, more frenzied. You two get more excited, louder, more vocal, urging each other on verbally. When he comes, it should be over her body—the so-called ‘money shot’ beloved of porn films.
If this sounds a bit complicated try something less elaborate. Park your car in a remote spot and play at being teenagers again. Taking risks in public will make you feel far more daring than when you genuinely were a teenager. You can still do it somewhere where you could be overlooked without taking much of a risk of it actually happening. Just thinking that you’re being watched is a great turn-on.
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Top fantasy destination
You don’t necessarily need to leave the house to find great new sexual locations.
Doing it differently is part of the foundations for constantly exciting sex. Classic or clichéd, these love scenes can really get you going. Here’s one for starters.
Working late at the office (your kitchen)
One of you is the boss. The boss has very high standards and expects a great deal from the assistant, who is working late one night (at your kitchen table posing as a desk), bent over their work with only a desk lamp for illumination. Suddenly, the boss strides in and throws a sheaf of papers at the hapless assistant’s head and lets loose with a stream of invective along the lines of, ‘This is rubbish. If you want to keep your job, you’re going to have to be punished until you do it better.’ The hapless assistant is tied up to a chair and stripped, while the boss begins to undress and hisses, ‘You’d like to touch me, but you’re so incompetent you wouldn’t know what to do with it.’ The boss then proceeds to show the assistant how it should be done, ordering the assistant to help make amends for past mistakes.
Plan your fantasy trip carefully. Take time to run through the scenario in your mind and write your own script (mentally). Unless you’re both brilliant at improvisation and have a bit of a competitive streak, it will typically take two or three fantasy destinations for you to get a grip on it.
‘I say to men, “OK, pretend you’re a burglar and you break in and throw me down on the bed and make me suck your cock.” And they’re horrified. “No, no, it would degrade you.” Exactly. Degrade me when I ask you to.’
LISA PALAC
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Two more favourite fantasy destinations
If you enjoyed ‘working late at the office’, try these.
The alpine lodge in a blizzard (your living room)
It’s winter. Deep winter. You are two climbers who’ve had to take shelter in a remote log cabin, cut off from the rest of the human race and locked fast by a blizzard. You’ve no electricity, little food but luckily lots of brandy. You spread a blanket in front of the log fire, light a couple of candles and sip at your brandy. Outside the wind is howling. Your fellow climber is looking more attractive by the minute. Soon it seems a very good idea to get under the blanket (or better still, into a very cosy sleeping bag) and huddle together for warmth…
The sauna (your bathroom)
It’s very hot and steamy (thanks to your shower being on full). So steamy that at first you don’t see that someone else is sharing the sauna with you. Then you notice a figure sitting close by wrapped in a white towel. You smile uncertainly then shut your eyes and relax, letting the steam overwhelm you. You open your eyes. Your companion is staring at you. Their towel falls open. Everyone is supposed to wear swimsuits but you never do, and they obviously don’t either. You’re embarrassed. Should you point out that their towel has slipped or let your own slip a little too…?
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Shivering with anticipation (for her)
Here’s how to charge yourself up into an erotic good mood.
Try to put yourself on the psychiatrist’s couch and think about what situations are erotic for you. If you visualise yourself having a wonderful sexual experience, right down to the expression on your face and the perspiration dripping as you climax, it’s much more likely to happen.
Another trick is to devote a little time to just thinking sexy thoughts: for instance, giving yourself a chance to daydream, browse erotica and the freedom to respond to sexual imagery. Betty Dodson suggests we tap into aural pleasure because we’ve been conditioned to climax and have sex silently. Try recording an orgasm with a tape recorder and playing it back; you’ll probably find it’s more subdued than you realise. Just practising coming in a louder, sexier way can supercharge your sex life.
Get into the habit of writing down your dreams. When you go to sleep, think erotic thoughts and hopefully you’ll have raunchy dreams all night—which will mean you’ll wake up feeling wet and ready for a bit of love. The more you can train yourself to think sexy at odd times, like when you’re waiting in a supermarket queue, the faster you’ll be able to perform when it really counts.
‘Made a hell of a discovery the other night. Eyelashes on the clit…can blink her off in no time.’
DAN JENKINS
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Mind games
Building up an elaborate fantasy life is fun, creative and free, plus you get to know more about the hidden depths of each other’s psyche!
The delicious thing about head play is that you can talk over the details first at length and use this to get each other off. You might want to invest in some props to make it more authentic. For women, a wig and certain types of shoes and/or underwear are very effective, and it’s a great excuse to play around with make-up, temporary tattoos and accessories. Just like making a film, you come up with a script, work out the characters, sets and costumes, and then set it up so it’s ready to roll.
Constructing an elaborate fantasy that you can both get into is ideal for taking a short cut to getting in the mood: he plays a certain music track or says the magic word and—boom—you’re horny! This works if you indulge in it occasionally, so don’t be afraid to act out. You can be whoever you want to be!
Remember your dolls’ tea set and the fun you had with it? Get your partner to secretly set up lots of things in small dishes that you can use erotically such as ice, warm water, egg white (a natural lubricant), ice cream, honey, pieces of fruit, rose petals, sex toys. Your partner blindfolds you and gets you to investigate what’s waiting inside each dish and helps you to make the most of it…
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Porn star protocol 1
Porn star Stormy Daniels gives us the low-down on her job, her love life and her top sex tips.
‘Luckily, I get to pick the people that I work with so I’m almost always looking forward to it,’ she says. She’ll talk to the actors beforehand and agree on what kind of sex they’ll get into: ‘Every time I do a scene with someone I’ve already worked with, it’s easier because you learn with that person, just like in your personal life.’ Talk to your partner first about positions you’re keen to try and come up with a script you can play with. Stormy admits her day job didn’t teach her everything; a good relationship helped her to find another sexual dimension: ‘It wasn’t until I was with the person I’m with now that I could have a G-spot orgasm and that’s because I was looking in the wrong place!’ Every sexual partner can teach you something different, so make more of an effort to reach new sexual highs.
She doesn’t pre-lubricate herself beforehand and says to get herself psyched up she’ll go and watch scenes being filmed: ‘It’s kind of like watching real porn!’ It especially helps her get in the mood ‘if there’s someone who’s really having a good time’. The hair and make-up preparation also helps too.
‘It’s the same with people in their personal lives; you might not really feel like having sex so much but you go and take a shower and shave your legs and t
hen you’re more open to the idea.’ Stormy suggests that if you feel beautiful before you have sex, you’re more likely to enjoy yourself.
‘‘When pornography sneezes, pop culture catches cold.’
IRVINE WELSH
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Porn star protocol 2
More porn star tips from Stormy Daniels.
Stormy recommends fantasy and experimentation. ‘The first time I had sex in front of a mirror was just amazing because I could see something to help me visualise. To this day this memory is still something I think about when I’m having sex on camera and need to get in the mood.’ Find your own personal ‘trigger’ fantasy to help get you there.
Her advice to women looking to be a bit more orgasmic is ‘Have sex with yourselves to find out what you like. Speak up and say what you want and experiment in bed. If women stop having sex, they stop craving it. But once you get started, the more sex you have, the more you want it.’
Try preparing yourself to be ‘on call’ like a porn star and wait in a carefully appointed dressing room. Get your partner to pop his head in every now and then and bring you drinks…you’ll be fresh and looking gorgeous, and perhaps waiting for your partner until he says ‘they’ are ready for you will heighten your anticipation.
Stormy Daniels says, ‘The best position for orgasm for most women is woman on top. If your partner’s having sex with you, obviously he likes you, otherwise his penis wouldn’t be hard, right? So don’t be shy. Pornography is a great way to break the ice. You’ve got to experiment. For the longest time I didn’t even like oral sex; for me it was a waste of time. Not to give it, but to get it. I had a partner that just loved doing it and after a while I learned to enjoy it too.’
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Indecent proposal
Women think about sex at least four and a half times a day. The trick is to hold on to some of these fleeting images so you can make use of them.
Keep a dream/mood diary, and note down things and people that arouse a flicker of sexual interest—find out what turns you on.
Some women find their wildest thoughts are actually quite mundane. Don’t worry if your fantasy isn’t exotic, as the most common one is sex with a current or past lover. To get more acquainted with your secret fantasies, browse books, websites and erotic films for inspiration. Try to spend some time in the week on your own, safe behind a locked door. Some find sanctuary in the bathroom, where they can sip a glass of wine as they soak in the bath and let their mind wander. Let your thoughts take you wherever they want to go, and resist the urge to self-censor.
To delve deeper into his sexual psyche, get your partner to write his secret fantasies on your back with a lip liner pencil. You won’t be able to see them unless you look in a mirror (and then you have to be able to read backwards) so his secret is safe unless he can trust you enough to reveal all. If you only get part of the way in one session, have a bath and get him to wash it all off.
But who can we trust to tell us what good sex is? Should we ask people who have a lot of sexual experience, or people who have a lot of research experience?’
KATH ALBURY
37
Beyond the beyond
The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom. Tips for the sexually adventurous (not for the faint-hearted).
For advanced play you need new techniques. For example, instead of just penetration, you might want to experiment with fisting which is popular among lesbians.
Start by lubricating with a water-based lube and playing around with one finger, adding others one at a time. You have to be incredibly horny to be able to enjoy this. Using lots of stimulation and lube, get him to play with you and slowly add more fingers. See how far you can go. If he can insert four fingers, you’re nearly there and it’s just a question of him squashing his fingers together and twisting his hand to go further in. If it becomes uncomfortable, take some of the fingers out or stop altogether. A diagonal route is the best way to get the whole hand in.
Some women describe being fisted as the ultimate orgasm and when this happens, your muscles might clench so much they push his hand out. He has to go with the flow, but must never take his hand out quickly—it can take as long to get out as it took to get in, so this is not an activity to do in the five minutes before bedtime. If the vaginal opening forms what Califia describes as a ‘vacuum seal’ around his wrist, get him to insert a finger to break ‘the seal’.
‘The real fountain of youth is to have a dirty mind.’
JERRY HALL
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DIY porn 1
You need a lot of trust to photograph/video each other nude doing rude things, but it can build intimacy, spice up your love life and give you a few visual tips.
Begin by spending time just looking at yourself naked in front of a full length mirror. Rub body lotion or massage oil all over to give yourself a sexy sheen and practise a few poses. Go on, push out your breasts and make your back taller, pulling in your tummy. Look around from the back, sit on a chair in the famous Christine Keeler pose, try anything you like and see how it feels.
Perhaps you’ll feel more comfortable photographing yourself in private first. This exercise is a great excuse to buy something sexy, and remember the easiest way to make a naked body look better is to get an even tan and to regularly moisturise all over, so do the preparation work. You can set up a video camera and leave it running whilst you practise walking, undressing, posing or even masturbating. Play it back to yourself later and note how you moved and how any clothes you wore suited you. This is a great opportunity to parade around in those sexy items lurking at the back of the drawer. You could also use the photo function on your mobile phone to snap all kinds of strange positions down there, or set up a regular camera to go off at timed intervals. You’ll probably find you look totally different to how you imagined: edit the film or photos, keeping the ones that are the most flattering.
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DIY porn 2
If you want to immortalise each other together, lay down some ground rules first.
In an online article Rodney Chester warns, ‘Making a porn video is just one step. What to do with it is another problem.’ It could be that one of you keeps it in a safe place, or that you don masks for the filming, or only shoot non-identifiable body parts. We all know from the scandals around the Pamela Anderson, Rob Lowe and Paris Hilton tapes what happens when home-made porn leaks out.
Now you’re ready to experiment. Perhaps you’re choreographing everything around a narrative—like a sexy nurse and a sick patient. Take the chance to flesh out your fantasies. Later you can analyse your foreplay strategies and put a voice to the images, telling your lover what things turned you on the most. It’s a chance to learn something and develop trust, and it might turn you on: it’s really the perfect rainy day activity!
If you’re anxious about having photos/videos hanging around, get your lover to draw you in the nude like they do in art class. Of course, he can dictate any poses he thinks fit, and they’ll probably be far raunchier than the standard poses students work with.
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Sex as sport (for her)
These days casual sex is an exciting alternative to traditional relationships. It can be an emotional minefield, though, so here’s how to have the spark without getting burned.
One of the bonuses about deciding to go ahead with the chase for casual sex is that you don’t know when it’s going to happen. That means lots of anticipatory pleasure, soaking in luxurious baths, attending to matters of depilation and wearing knock ’em dead underwear. Just thinking about the possibility gives you a boost and any extra effort you’ve made will increase your confidence.
Obvious meeting places for casual sex are nightclubs, pubs and concerts, but really any social gathering offers opportunities, if you’re not too shy to look for them. The advantage of seeking out a casual partner is that you can discount a lot of the attributes you’d look for in a long-term partner, and can go for physical attractiveness and sex
appeal over a good sense of humour.
Don’t turn cold as soon as you’ve come, but don’t expect roses either. Discretion is everything. If you’ve made it clear there’s no commitment, don’t be afraid to be affectionate, or enjoy multiple orgasms. It’s meant to be fun!
‘I used to be Snow White…but I drifted.’
MAE WEST
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The pleasure of pain
Images of kink are everywhere. Most of the time they are used to shock in advertising, but experimenting along the edges of your ‘shadow selves’ can lead to mind-opening experiences.
Things to try include tying someone up (bondage), tickling (with hand or feather), stroking, spanking, caning and whipping. If you want to try being submissive without all the fancy gear, you can try meting out ‘school’ type punishments. An easy one is making someone stand next to a wall keeping a coin in place with their nose. Bondage adds an element of fantasy (it’s one of the most common ones for both men and women). Be wary about using makeshift household items like silk scarves; they are actually like wire in the wrong hands. Always pad areas that you want to bind first (handcuffs should also be padded). If in doubt, raid the kitchen for cling film and mummify your victim (don’t cover the face and don’t leave it on for more than an hour, though); you could try a little light spanking over the wrapping.
‘My ultimate fantasy is to entice a man to my bedroom, put a gun to his head and say “make babies or die”.’
RUBY WAX
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More pleasure of pain
Adding a little pain to the proceedings is stimulating for some because it releases endorphins—the same feel-good chemicals we get when we exercise.
Erotic fantasies Page 4
