Barbarian Alchemist (Princesses of the Ironbound Book 3)

by Aaron Crash

  “I like this,” Gharam growled. “We make sure to get close to this Beryl, and at the first sign of trouble, we gut her.”

  Lolazny fluttered up, buzzed by the orc, and whistled. “Well, now, that is not a very nice thing to say, you big green bruiser boy. What if the humans are the trouble? What if King Velis and his guard draw blades against the fish people? Then what?”

  “Then the merfolk die.” Gharam sucked in his spittle. “No offense to you, Phoebe, but we of the land can’t trust those of the sea.”

  Brodor laughed. “And we of the underground can’t trust you overtoppers. And yet, you and I are friends, you big green bruiser. I would’ve added dumb, Lolazny. And speaking of not trusting other races, I’d rather eat diamonds than make a deal with a Fayee.”

  Lolazny giggled and landed in front of the dwarf. “And I’d hire someone to go through your scat, Professor Dwarf, depending on the quality of those diamonds.”

  That made all the Morbuskor burst into laughter.

  Professor Leel looked disgusted. Denalia Fisherking simply left, since such discussions broke all conventions of polite society.

  Della sighed at her people. And this had been one of the better meetings. They had the beginnings of a plan, and yet, the Princept found herself thinking of the barbarian and the she-orc librarian. If negotiations broke down, if there was violence, she would want both of those warriors fighting with her.

  She found herself amused. Was it wrong she hoped that the merfolk tried to take Vempor’s Cape again? A clansman from the north, ax in hand and casting spells, would be a sight no one had ever seen.

  And Della Pennez enjoyed such things, probably a bit too much.

  Chapter Three

  THAT SUNDAY MORNING, Ymir came awake to see the mermaid watching him

  The night before, he’d slept with Tori in her room in the Zoo, a big multilevel apartment in the Moons housing. With twelve women living there, it lived up to its name.

  Ymir hoped that Tori would get her Inconvenience that night, but she’d been as chaste as an Ohlyrran priest with not one essess but two. Ymir and the dwab had spent the night cuddling and talking. She’d fallen asleep in his arms, happy to be alone with him.

  It took a while, since being so close to her got him excited, but he’d finally wrestled himself to sleep. He’d felt her leave the bed, and he’d sleepily wondered why. Then he was out again.

  He’d awoken to Charibda Delphino.

  This was not an ideal situation. The mermaid looked normal enough—her ears weren’t pointed. But there were a number of things that were unusual about her: the blue hair with a single vivid purple stripe, the sprinklings of scales across her shoulders, and the webbed fingers and toes.

  She was naked—not unwanted, but strange.

  Her little breasts and little nipples were on display. She had no pubic hair and her oheesy was nice, plump, and pink.

  She had a largish nose with a silver hoop in the right nostril. That was easy to ignore because of how big her dark green eyes were, so dark they were almost brown. It wasn’t a particularly pretty color, especially not with the unbridled rage filling them. She stood, hands on her hips, with nicely muscled human legs, scintillating scales on the outside of her thighs. She was mostly leg, seven feet tall at least, thinner and taller than an elf.

  “Damn your fucking Tree, Tori, but we agreed we wouldn’t let strangers sleep over unless we discussed it!” She yelled like she snored: loud.

  Ymir had suffered through her gasps and snorts the entire night. He lay in the sheets of Toriah Welldeep’s bed, but the wide little dwab wasn’t with him. Officially, she had the weekends off, but most of the time, she worked through them anyway. She said the routine kept her sane.

  The missing dwab’s bed was a grand thing with a nice mattress and an array of comfy pillows. It was a bed fit for the unimaginably wealthy daughter of the Ruby Stonehold’s thane.

  Why she wasn’t living on her own was a mystery. More mysterious yet? She had the worst fucking room in the Zoo. The women living under her had to climb up through her room to get to the kitchen and the exit above. There were five levels in the apartment, and she was smack dab in the middle, on the third floor. Her room was above one bathroom and below another. It wasn’t a matter of smell, more of the noise from the showering and the rustling around.

  Tori’s room was thrust out over the southern cliffs of Vempor’s Cape, behind both the Chapel of the Tree and the Moons Tower. The little Morbuskor maid had a nice view of Angel Bay, from the AngelTeeth Islands to the town of StormCry. Winds whipped frothy white waves across the sea.

  Most of the time, Tori didn’t need privacy, nor did she enjoy her view, because she spent much of her time working. And when her Inconvenience hit, they went to a more private place, either in the sea alley cells or Jennybelle Josen’s luxury suite over in the Flow housing.

  “Tori!” Charibda was so angry that she couldn’t hold her human form. Her eyes went black, her lips darkened, and she opened her mouth to reveal fangs. Fish-like scales covered her face and body.

  Tori came climbing down a ladder, one of the many ways in and out of her room. There were both ladders and staircases—she’d have more privacy living outside in the Sea Stair Market.

  Despite the chaos of her living conditions, Tori was ever cheerful.

  “Hold up there, Ribrib!” Tori wore a long white nightgown, which struggled to cover her large breasts and swinging hips. She had a thick brassiere she wore a lot of the time to keep her huge nipples hidden. They were ugly to the Morbuskor but beautiful to Ymir. Her hair was the color of flames, her eyes were as green as emeralds, and she had a sprinkling of freckles over her gorgeous face. Every bit of her, four feet and not an inch more, had a rare beauty to it.

  Tori hurried over, grabbed a blanket off her bed, and tossed it to the mermaid. “Now, Ribby, we talked about this. You can’t walk around naked. I know you sea folks have more cavalier ideas on modesty, but not me.”

  “You didn’t ask us if it was okay for this animal to sleep here!” the mermaid insisted, dropping the blanket to the floor. “I can smell this man from my room. It’s disgusting.”

  Ymir smirked, still staring.

  Tori covered his eyes with a hand. She also covered her own. “Now, to be fair, you think all of us land people are disgusting. But you’re right, I broke the rules, and I’m sorry. I’ll try not to let it happen again. Now, please, could you get dressed?”

  The clansman had to chuckle a little. Tori wasn’t blocking his view very well at all. The mermaid had calmed a bit. Her eyes, lips, and teeth were back to seeming human.

  “I’ll get dressed, Tori, but this is unacceptable. I don’t want men sleeping over in the Zoo unless they have permission first.”

  “But it wasn’t like we were rubbing noses or anything. We basically slept as friends.”

  “That doesn’t matter,” Charibda shot back. “However, I appreciate that you don’t have to spend every night getting hammered like a whore. Fryla and her orc spent most of the night grunting in the room right above me. I have to say your barbarian smells better than Fryla and her orc. That Erigg Bloogg stinks worse than a horse.”

  Speaking of which, the steps creaked, and the big orc came up, dressed in his Flow robes. Erigg Bloogg was one of Ymir’s classmates.

  Erigg let out a grunt, eyed the mermaid, and nodded his head at Ymir. Erigg was shorter than Ribrib, but three times thicker. The orc had black hair braided down his back, huge tusks, and black eyes. He had piercings all along his ears.

  The orc kept right on walking up the steps, which grumbled under his weight. He was three hundred pounds of muscle. Ymir had to grin. Erigg wasn’t hammering a whore. Fryla Walker was a nice human girl from the Farmington Collective. Then again, she was a big brown-haired farm girl with wide hips and a certain utilitarian view of the world. A wealthy patron from Kingwater on the western slope of the Sunset Mountains paid her tuition, and it probably wasn’t because of her natu
ral intelligence. That was probably why she could handle that big orc cock so well.

  Fryla didn’t emerge, but then a woman Ymir recognized came climbing up the ladder from her room below. Stini Chemervic, otherwise known as Drippy, was a mousy woman from Winterhome to the north, part of the Sorrow Coast Kingdom. She was a sickly sort of person, a librarian who worked with Gatha.

  Stini squinted at Charibda’s nakedness and followed Erigg up the steps.

  Eyes cast down, Tori hurried over, picked up the blanket, and shoved it back into the hands of the mermaid. “Come on, Ribby—”

  “My name is Charibda Delphino of the Delphino family, and my father once ruled the Weeping Sea. You will not call me Rib, or Ribby, and if you call me Ribrib to my face, I will take you out to Angel Bay and drown you.”

  Ymir got out of the bed. He’d slept in soft cotton pants. Tori had put a bandage on his side where Gatha had sliced him. It was stiff but had scabbed over. He’d heal just fine.

  Feeling mischievous, he dropped his pants to change. He stood as naked as the mermaid, and he didn’t care. Let her look. This fish woman obviously hated them all.

  The mermaid’s eyes went to his uht and she blinked. Then she did put the blanket around her. “Next time, Tori, sex or not, you have to ask. Even Fryla asks about Erigg. We have to have rules if we’re going to live together with any peace.” Charibda then turned, suddenly shy it seemed. She made sure the blanket covered her ass while she walked down the steps.

  The fire-headed dwab wasn’t done being shy. “Ymir, you have to cover yourself. I don’t have the Inconvenience on me now, and, Mr. Man, you know how nudity is shocking for a sweet girl like myself.”

  The clansman drew on his leather pants and his shirt, and found his robes, gray and black for the Flow, with the open-palm insignia on the front. He’d added deer leather to the sleeves and to the back to accommodate his size. He wouldn’t need his storm cloak until winter.

  Tori picked up his cotton pants and folded them. “I like it that you keep these here. I’d like to do this more, but I know, I know, I’m probably not as much fun as Jenny and Lillee.” She went to her big wardrobe against the opposite wall. From above, someone started the shower, and the water pattered down. Shouts came from the kitchen far above at the top of the cliff. In another room, a woman sang—she had a beautiful voice.

  “We can do this more,” Ymir said. “I don’t just love you for your Inconvenience.”

  Tori blushed. “You say that, but we’re all so busy. It’s fine. And thanks for loving me.”

  “My pleasure.” Ymir smelled a sweetness in the air. Did that come from Tori’s fairy roommate? Zorynda Gold was one of the few Fayee at the school. Tori said Zorynda kept to herself, was clean and pleasant, and of course, was very secretive. Ymir still had to learn more about the Fayee, since his main competitor in his candy business was Ziziva, who ran The Paradise Tree. Ziziva claimed it was Nan Honeysweet who ran the xocalati shop, but the old woman was some kind of clockwork golem, as fake as fake could be.

  Dressed, Ymir sat on the bed, smiling. He could see the appeal of living in the Zoo—all the noises, all the life. It reminded of growing up with his clan—the babies crying, the mothers scolding their children, and the men laughing or talking loudly. Of course, there was also bickering and fighting because people enjoyed hate as much as love. However, on the tundra, if you got tired of the noise, you could ride off on your otelkir, pitch an elk-hide tent, and find solitude. Generally, Ymir would take a battle brother along with him, or Ilhelda of the golden hair. He’d rarely been alone.

  Tori stood with a dress in her hands. “Now, I’m going to change, Ymir. But don’t look, okay? I know you’ve seen me naked, but that’s only during my Inconvenience, when I’m not in my right mind. Got it?”

  Ymir stood and walked to the window to watch the waves. More memories came to him. The snows would already be falling in the north, the temperatures plummeting. They’d have to make sure their elk stores were good for the winter or they’d be out hunting in the growing blizzards. Trade from the Summertown merchants also aided them.

  It was ironic, but Ymir’s life had been threatened recently—not by the killing cold, no, but by assassins, intrigue, and not a small number of demons. Such supernatural creatures had been rare. Not anymore.

  More yelling drifted down from the kitchen. The clansman sniffed and smelled the kaif someone was making in the kitchen. Then there was the lingering perfume of the mermaid.

  Ymir mused aloud. “Do you think Ribrib is petulant because she misses the water? Maybe that’s why she snores—she’s used to sleeping in the ocean. Why does she sleep on land anyway? Many of her merfolk come in from the sea simply for their classes.”

  Tori sighed. “Her mom insisted she live on campus. Poor Ribby. And she got put in Moons, like me, rather than Flow, which just goes to show you that the administration here likes to torture us. I mean, I should be in Form. You should be in Sunfire. Tell me again why Professor Slurp hates you?”

  Ymir grumbled, “I beat him in a fight. Well, it wasn’t the fight so much, or so Gatha said. Gharam can’t forgive me for breaking the rules. For being a savage, warlike race, the orcs do cling to their laws.”

  “You can look now.” Tori was in a green dress under her Moons robes, which had the crescent, half, and full moons in the insignia all done in blue and white. She stood in front of a mirror, brushing out the tangles. “That Gatha has problems. I have to say, I prefer Ribrib, and she’s a pain in my rocky bottom.”

  “I heard that!” The shriek rose like a demon from the room below. The water pipes, the ladders, and the stairs all helped sound travel.

  “You know I love you, Ribby!” the dwab shouted back.

  “Keep it down, you two!” Another voice added to the din.

  “Gatha is troubled.” Ymir sat on the edge of the bed. Tori drifted close enough for him to grab her, so he pulled her in.

  The fire-headed dwab pushed her forehead against his. With him sitting and her standing, they were right about the same height for nuzzling.

  Tori sighed. “This has been nice, Ymir, just you and me. Me and you. Gosh me underground, it’s what I’ve always wanted. It’s what I used to dream about.”

  Abruptly, she stopped herself and pulled away, turning. She had tears in her eyes—he’d seen them—but then she was laughing. “I put some eggs and cheese aside for us in the kitchen. I was up early, cooking for everyone. I had to make sure Belissina had her kaif. That girl is as addicted as everyone else who lives in the Zoo.”

  “I’m not addicted!” Charibda called from below.

  Tori laughed and yelled back. “You shouldn’t be listening in on my private conversation, Charibda!”

  “Glad you finally got my fucking name right, Tori!”

  Tori’s tears were gone when she turned around. “Come on, Ymir. Let’s get you fed. I know you are itching to get studying. Are we still meeting up tonight after dinner in Jenny’s apartment?”

  “We are,” Ymir said.

  The dwab nodded. “We do have some scheming to do. And I want to hear that damn poem one more time. Up in the kitchen we’ll have more privacy. I’m curious about this next ring we’re going to make.”

  He followed the dwab up the steps. Her big juicy ass was too nice not to grab. She struck away his wandering hands, laughing, “No wonder you want me to eat your horny Amora Xoca. You want me Inconvenient all the time!”

  To Ymir, that sounded like heaven.

  Up in the kitchen, he sat at the table eating while Tori sat next to him. She had Ymir’s grimoire open, going over the poem he’d copied from Akkiric, Akkoric, Akkarotic by Derzahla Lubda. That had been the book he’d stolen from the Illuminates Spire after his last adventure.

  Tori sighed. “You see? This is why the Morbuskor are far better than you overtoppers. Whoever this Derzahla Lubda was, he wasn’t a Knowing Loremaster. Otherwise, he’d have given us instructions and not a rock-damned poem. You okay if I read it o
ut loud?”

  Ymir shrugged and shoveled in more eggs and cheese. “You can if you keep your voice down.”

  Tori rolled her eyes. “For one, that poem is so much nonsense. For another? The nosiest roommate has scales and is several floors below. Okay, here goes, Mr. Man.” She read the poem that Ymir had memorized:

  The Reveler’s fruit spoiled into chaos; what was sweet is now just stained

  A sorcerer’s voice that has long been silenced; the speechless dead might speak again

  Sour is the vineyard’s grieving; malleable becomes the ossified throat

  Pale blue is the peroxide water; dark crimson becomes the living heart

  Purity wrought from the murdering kiss; water taken from the ringmaker’s blood

  The yellow scorch burns blue into beauty; the open windpipe closed with gold

  The aszeculum catches the night’s sacred power; the amalgam washed in the terrible light

  Bone and gold melded neatly together; that which can burn will always ignite

  But what is summer can be made into winter; what is spring can be frozen into fall

  The white-stench crystals freezing wet fire; the flames of winter will rise to consume all

  Tori couldn’t help but grumble. “See? These aren’t instructions. The tunnel-lover was more interested in his pretty words than actually being helpful.”

  “I don’t like any of this,” Ymir said. “That poem speaks of blood, bone, and murder. We have the reflection of the moons again, and we’ll need gold, but I have to admit, Tori, that I agree with you. This all sounds like so much claptrap at best. At worst? Necromancy. I don’t want the dead to speak again.”

  “So are we giving up on making the Yellow Scorch Ring?” Tori asked.

  Ymir didn’t answer. He hadn’t begun seriously trying to craft the next Akkiric Ring because he was so torn. Part of him didn’t want anything to do with any kind of magic at all. Another part liked the challenge. And if he was damned already, he might as well double down on his fate. Nevertheless, the Akkiric Rings might give him unlimited power. Or they might damn him forever.