I never wanted to turn into my father, but if I sit back and look at what I'm doing, am I really any different from the man who forced my mother to marry him?
I may be like him, but I have to protect my sister from the life these men lead. Fucking motorcycle riders? They have no morals, no sense of pride. I don't care what my brother tells me, Jett is not the man for Maria. Jovanni might not have been her choice, but he'll take care of her, he'll take care of her baby. The baby I know in my heart Maria will sneak to meet with its father. How long could I honestly keep the kid from him?
I don't know if Maria really has fallen in love with Jett, but I do know that once she's married, there is no way she'll step out on her husband. She won't be able to leave him without coming to the famiglia and giving a damn good reason as to why.
I've already made her a prisoner in my home. I took away her apartment and her job. She sits in her room day in and day out, never wanting to be around anyone. Hammer is right with what he said about me allowing Jett to sneak into my house to see Maria. I don't know how long it's been going on exactly, but I saw him jump over the wall the other day. I saw him scale the wall that leads to Maria's bedroom. I stormed up those stairs so fast, gun in hand, ready to shoot the cunt then and there, I thought my feet were on fire. I was prepared to kill him right in front of Maria just to put an end to all of this.
However, I didn't shoot him. I didn't even open Maria's bedroom door. I just stood on the outside and listened to my baby sister crying, bringing back the awful memories I have of my mother doing the same thing. My mother was never allowed to find real love. Even when she did leave my father and divorce him, he forced her back to him not long after. Stalked her, beat her, did God only knows what else to her.
I had my hand on the doorknob when I heard Jett telling Maria that everything would be okay, that he'd never let anything happen to her. Then I heard her beg him not to do anything that would get him killed, that their baby would need him. I was shaking with adrenaline, I was angry, but I couldn't for the life of me work out who I was more upset with Jett or myself.
I heard Jett telling Maria how she meant everything to him. That he didn't know what she'd done to him, but he couldn't get her out of his head. All he wanted to do was take her home with him where he could take care of her.
I felt my heart crack when she sobbed to him how she didn't want to do this, get married to Jovanni, that she was scared and just wanted to be with Jett.
I walked away and left them to talk. Maria needed it right then. She needed to let out whatever was inside of her. It was stupid of me to allow it to keep happening. My brother is right about that. I should have put a stop to it that very night, but I can be a cruel bastard, and I knew it would hurt Jett more the closer he got to Maria only to lose her to another man. Once she was married, he'd have to live knowing he'd never be with her again, but who have I really hurt by allowing this? That's right my sister.
I sat in my room that night thinking about everything. It's expected of me to make sure Maria abides by the rules of the famiglia as much as everyone else. After Avery went and fell for one of those filthy bikers, the family were not happy at all. Even less that I finally caved and not only let him live but allowed the two to marry. I took out a fair few of my men because of that. I won't be told I'm wrong, even if I am. The Don is never wrong!
The way I saw it, it was either allow it or lose Avery, because I had no doubt she'd again try to take her own life, and maybe she would have succeeded next time.
If I allowed Maria to be with Jett, it would cause an uproar. I'd be ridiculed for not being able to keep my sister in line. I can't have my men ridiculing me again. It was bad enough when I claimed Hammer as my brother. God, the men I killed because of that one. I'll never deny my brother. I don't give a damn who he is and where he came from.
So then why can't I allow Maria to be with whom she so obviously loves? Jett is no different from the brother I love more than life itself. Not really. They run with the same club, just as Ghost does. He's proved himself to me, showed that he can take care of Avery and be a good father to their son.
I have no real reason to doubt Jett could do the same.
“Maybe you should speak to the man and find out just why he wants to be with Maria so badly. He won't lie to you, that much I guarantee. I know appearance and respect are everything to you, Draven, but maybe you should learn the meaning of them.” Is the last Hammer says before he walks out of my door.
I'm done thinking about this shit. I have a speech to prepare.
Chapter Eleven
Maria
I can't stop thinking about him. Jett. After sneaking into my room the other night and fucking me against the balcony windows, he's been back every night since. Each night he makes love to me. Each night he takes me away from here to a place that only we'll ever know, even if it is just in spirit.
It's risky that he comes here, but I don't think I could get through each day and the plans I'm forced to be part of if I didn't see him. I don't know how he gets past my brother, no one has ever been able to do that before, and I am scared for him each time, but I'm selfish in my need for him.
It's not just sex that he comes here for, we talk, a lot, actually. We talk about our dreams and what life would be like if we could be together. It sounds like such a beautiful life. The house we'd have, the big garden where our child would play with the medium sized dog we'd get so our little one wouldn't be lonely.
I'm happy while he's here, or at least, I keep that mask firmly placed. When he leaves, I cry myself to sleep. My heart aches to be with him all the time, and it hurts so much to know that I never will be.
When did my life get so out of hand? Sneaking around each night with my baby's outlaw biker father, spending my days organizing a wedding I want no part of but have no choice in attending. All because my brother refuses to let me go back to my accounting job. I now have no job and no home, I'm just a prisoner in my brother's house, until I become a prisoner in my husband's.
Draven has made everything beautiful for the wedding I'll give him that. He's picked the most beautiful Church for Jovanni and me to get married in, and I have a beautiful white dress. Mermaid style, custom made for me by one of the top designers in the world. It has diamonds all over the bust area, and they're real, tiny diamonds, hundreds of them. Draven insisted on them. Everything is as Draven insisted. The car that will be driven by Lorenzo is a beautiful cream Bentley. There will be ribbon attached to the hood of the car. My flowers are a bouquet of white roses because they were my mother's favorite, and I always said that when I got married, that's what I want in my posy.
All of our family will be there, even those who still live in Italy have flown over for my big day. Of course, my father won't be there because he's not welcome with the family and hasn't been since I was thirteen.
I've sat back a couple of times and asked myself if he'd be doing this to me if he was in Draven's position. Would he be forcing me into a loveless marriage with a man I can't stand? Then I realize he'd do just that, anyone in my family would. The family is everything, and outsiders aren't welcome.
However, then I wonder, how does Sam fit into the family? I know Draven loves Sam and would do anything for him, and I know that he loves me too, he's only doing this because he thinks it's the right thing. I love him for that. He did the same thing with Avery. I just wish he could see this from my point of view. I wish he could see how much pain I'm in.
Oh, don't get me wrong, I don't cry in front of him, and I don't make big scenes in front of people, I would never do that. I'm polite to the guests that have been around for the past few days. I wouldn't want to embarrass my brother. However, it's hard when I'm alone to think of anything but the sad, lonely life that's soon going to be mine.
I don't even know Jovanni well enough for this. Okay, I don't really know Jett either, but we have a connection. One that makes it feel like we've always known each other. However, Jovanni and I have nothin
g in common.
What the hell are we supposed to talk about?
What happens on our wedding night when he wants me to fulfill my wifely duties?
What will he do when I shrink away from him?
Because there is no way, I can have him touch me like that. Just thinking about having sex with him makes me vomit, and I do mean literally. However, I won't be able to fob my husband off indefinitely. It will be expected of me to make my marriage work.
I'm scared, and that's the truth. I'm afraid because I know he'll take it from me. It's required that we consummate our marriage on the wedding night. It doesn't matter that I'm pregnant with another man's baby. I'm going to have to lie there and let Jovanni take me, do whatever he wants to my body, but there's no way on earth I will ever do anything but lie there. Never will I make love to him.
Draven can tell me as many times as he likes that I'll learn to love Jovanni, I know that I never will, this isn't a fairytale where the guy takes the girl and forces her to love him, and, in the end, she really does fall for him because he turns out to be everything she ever wanted. Fairytales are bullshit!
Then there's the fact I have no clue how we're going to get around the fact I'm already four months pregnant, no one within the family yet knows I'm pregnant. What are we supposed to tell them? That my baby is four months premature?
My brother really hasn't thought that one through.
I sigh to myself and take a drink of my orange juice. A few of my cousins and friends are over tonight, each one drinking, laughing, the night before the wedding. Me? I'm sitting with my feet under my ass on my brother's couch, wearing leggings, and an oversized sweater shirt, when I should be dressed in an elegantly like the rest of them. However, I'm not like the rest of them, not anymore.
“Why are you so quiet? This is the night before your wedding!” Bella, a cousin, around Draven's age squeaks in that annoying voice of hers. She arrived from Italy a couple of days ago, tried taking over the rest of the arrangements with her mother, aunt Nina. Draven told them it was all arranged, nothing for them to do. They pouted as per but accepted it. It's not like they can argue with him. He's the head of the family, and they do as he tells them.
“Yeah, I know.” I try to force a smile for them all, I can't let them think I'm not happy about my wedding, and I definitely can't let them know I'm pregnant, I'll never hear the end of it. Isn't that what this is all about? My family not knowing I got knocked up before I was married?
“You're going to be a beautiful bride, just as your mother was.” My aunt Fia coos while cupping my cheek like elderly women do, kind of like a grandmother would.
I miss my mother right now, Fia is my father's older sister, his much older sister, she looks like him, as did uncle Vinny, Avery also. I sometimes wonder if she misses them, misses my father, but she was close to my mother and loved her like a daughter rather than a sister-in-law. She died when I was too young, I needed her, and with my father gone, the only person I had was Draven. I never really had any female influence in my life because I wouldn't leave my brother. Fia would visit every now and again and give me tips on how to be a lady and how to dress.
I used to love spending time with her, shopping, dancing, all the things a girl would do with her mother. I in no way felt like I was replacing my mom with her sister-in-law, but I did need that female bonding time.
When I look at Draven, I see my mama so clearly in his brown eyes. It hurts sometimes, but I feel like I still have her with me somehow when I look at him. I bite my lip to stop the tears from falling and wrap my arms around my aunt's neck. “Mio caro, whatever is the matter?” She soothes in her thick Italian accent.
“I'm just so happy you're here,”
“Oh, my tesoro, I will always be here for you.”
I know that to be true, and I know if I told her the truth, she'd tell me to leave with her and go to Italy, that she'd take care of my baby and me. However, I don't want that either. I want Jett. I want to be his wife. I want the life he could give me. I don't care that he's part of a motorcycle club, I don't care that he's a killer, I don't care that he hurts people for a living. My brother has done the same thing, worse, actually, all his life. All of the death that surrounds me is normal to me. No matter how crazy that sounds, it's just my life. It's all I know.
All too soon, the night is over, my family leaves to get some rest ready for tomorrow, and I take a shower and change into my nightwear. I need beauty sleep, apparently. However, as I stand in front of my floor-length mirror, looking at myself, I don't see whom I'm supposed to see. I'm supposed to see a strong, independent woman, a bride-to-be with a wonderful life ahead of her, but all I see is a sad, lonely, scared woman with no way out of the life she must now lead.
Tomorrow, I will become Maria Addario when I should be Maria Jackson. I stroke my stomach gently without taking my eyes from my mirror's reflection. I don't even recognize myself anymore. I've lost even more weight, I have dark circles under my eyes, and my skin is pale.
I can't afford to lose weight I'm pregnant, what the hell is weight-loss doing to my baby? I swear to God above that is not intentional. Maybe it's normal? I don't know because I've never had a child before. Makeup will hide the darkness under my eyes and even the paleness. I hope.
Is this as good as it gets?
Am I ever going to have anything to smile about again?
Well, of course, I am, my baby, but what kind of life is my child going to have stuck in a house with a mother and father that don't even like each other? Jovanni is old school Italian, and he's going to Lord it all over me. Me, the little wife. Staying home every day to cook, clean and take care of the child, or children. Because no doubt I'll be forced to have more to keep his family name going. He'll want a son of his own, they all do.
“You should be in bed.” I heard him knock, but he entered before I told him it was okay to do so. I could've been changing! However, my brother seems to know these things and I very much doubt he would have walked in here if he thought for a second he might see me naked.
“I know, big day tomorrow.” I smile slightly while turning to look at him.
My brother shoves his hands in his trouser pockets, rolling his shoulders at the same time. He's not wearing a jacket or tie, so I'm guessing work is done with for today. “When am I going to see you smile again, Principessa?”
“I don't have much to smile about.” And that's the truth. I fold one arm around my body and clutch my hip while I tuck my hair behind my ear with the other.
“Have I really made you this unhappy?”
I don't answer him. It's not like it will do me any good to protest about the wedding. I've done it a hundred times already, and it's gotten me nowhere. I won't say anything to ease his mind either. I'm not going to tell him what he wants to hear.
“Is there something you wanted, Dray? Only I need to get to bed.”
“I feel like I'm losing you, Cura l'orso.”
Despite myself, I chuckle. “Draven, I'm not a child anymore, you can stop calling me carebear.” He laughs, and I find myself smiling at him. He's a handsome man, a very handsome man. Every woman wants him. I know that's mostly because of who he is, but the way he looks helps.
“You're going to be a beautiful bride, Maria.” And... my smile vanishes. For a split second there I'd forgotten about the wedding. I was me again. I'll never be me again after tonight.
He hugs me to him tightly, I might want to scream at him for making me marry Jovanni, but I know his heart is in the right place. So I hug him back tightly. “Everything is going to be perfect. You'll see.” If only that were true.
Once he's out the door, I climb into bed and cling to the pillow that still smells like Jett, all the time the tears fall as I wish he could be here to hold me tonight. However, I have to face the fact that he'll never hold me again.
Chapter Twelve
Jett
This has to be a fucking joke! The whole MC has been invited to the Vidal wedding. Ar
e they fucking serious? They expect me to sit there in that damn church and watch my woman marry another man?
What the fuck does Draven Vidal think is going to happen if I attend? Because I'm telling you now, there is no way on this earth I'll sit there and let it happen. I'll blow the whole fuckin' church to smithereens first!
Cunt even wants us all there in suits. Fucking suits! Last time I wore a suit was at Willow and Nova's weddings. I didn't even wear one for Ghost's wedding!
Prez forced us all to buy brand new suits for this one though. I ended up with this dark gray bullshit suit. I look fuckin' stupid in it. I feel unfuckincomfortable. My chest is too fucking big for this jacket, and that's a damn fact. If I'd shopped around, I could have found one that would fit. However, I didn't, I just grabbed the first one that looked my size.
I told the Prez I wouldn't go, that I couldn't care less who went, but he wasn't to expect me to go. He told me that I don't have a damn choice and I better show up, or he'll break my neck. I mean, what the fuck is he trying to do to me? And since when do Mafia bosses ask bikers to attend the wedding of their sister's if not to punish the guy who loves her in the worst way?
Yeah, yeah, I said I loved her because I do. Never been in love or anything before, but the more time I spent with her on the nights I snuck over there, the more I fell for her, and I know she feels the same, I could see it in her eyes, I felt her heart beating in time with mine.
They have no idea what it will do to me to watch her marry someone else. It'll kill me inside. Because once she's married to him, there's no way she'll ever be mine again. She told me as much the other night. Being the good – almost innocent – Italian girl she is, once she's married, Maria will be faithful to a man she'd rather die than have touch her.
Never Give You Up (Snakes Henchmen Book 3) Page 9
