True Beauty

by Shelia E. (Lipsey) Bell

  Dennis may have been the main man in her life, but it did not keep her eyes from wandering. Her mind soon followed. She couldn’t help the change. With each extra layer of fat that fell off Layla, there was an extra layer of regret over all that her obesity had caused her to miss in her life. She was thirty-two years old, but she had never had a mutually satisfying relationship with a man, until Dennis came into her life. She had to admit, Dennis was a great person. He loved doing things to make her happy; and he fell for her before she had lost weight. That garnered him an extra special place in Layla’s heart.

  On the flip side, there was no denying the fact that she had stepped out and started seeing the world with a so-called new pair of eyes, and she no longer wanted to be bound to one man—at least not for now. Dennis would always have a special place in her heart, but no one said he had to have her whole heart.

  Layla sat down on the sofa and pulled off her suede boots, just as her cell phone sounded off with Dennis’s ringtone. She reached for her purse on the table next to the sofa and pulled out her phone.

  “Hi, sweetheart.”

  “Hi, there,” replied Dennis. “How are you? I hope you aren’t out in this nasty weather.”

  “Nope. I was about to turn on the fireplace.”

  “Want some company?” he asked.

  Layla thought for a second or two before she responded. She was by no means a woman who juggled men, at least not in her own eyesight. However, according to her best friends, Kacie and Envy, they begged to differ. They had accused her, on several occasions, of cheating on Dennis. Layla did not see it that way. She was merely catching up for all the times she missed going out on dates, talking on the phone for hours, and having men go “goo-goo ga-ga” over her. She had not gone to bed with any of them, and even when it came to Dennis, she rarely gave in to his sexual advances. She still considered herself a woman with godly morals. She had no problem with men wanting her because of her beauty, because it felt more than good to be desired for a change, but a loose woman she was not.

  “Dennis, honey, the weatherman says that it’s getting pretty bad, and by midnight it’s going to be treacherous. I don’t want you slipping and sliding just to come over here for an hour or two.” She made sure she added “an hour or two” so he would know that there would be no spending the night—especially not tonight after being out with Omar. It wouldn’t seem right.

  “You must forget that I’m a postal carrier.”

  “No, how could I forget? It’s how I met you.” Layla laughed.

  “Well, with that being said, let me remind you of the postal courier’s unofficial motto. Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.”

  “Oh, so now I’m one of your appointed rounds.” Layla laughed again when she heard Dennis laughing on the other end of the phone.

  “Of course, you are, because nothing is going to keep me from the woman I love.”

  Guilt quietly crept in and Layla felt ashamed, momentarily. “I still don’t think it’s a good idea,” she said in a more serious tone. “I’m turning in early. I have to brave the bad weather tomorrow morning, just like you. I have three hair appointments before noon, so I’m going to lay this body down so I can get up early just in case the weatherman knows what he’s talking about. You know I’m still getting used to driving in bad weather.”

  “I can always drive you to work and pick you up. You know it’s no problem.”

  “Honey, I know, but I didn’t go through all the trouble of learning how to drive and buying my first car, just so it can sit in the garage. I love being independent and doing things that I never used to see myself doing.”

  “And I’m glad for you, but you don’t have much experience driving on ice and sleet. The streets can be−”

  Layla cut him off. “That’s why I need to get out there, so I can get the experience. I promise to drive safely and be on the lookout for those who don’t,” she said to him in a reassuring tone. “I tell you what.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Let’s see how things go tomorrow. Maybe we can hook up when I get off work.”

  Dennis remained quiet.

  “Hello, are you there?”

  “I’m here. It’s just that I haven’t seen you for almost a week and a half. I miss you.”

  “And I miss you too. But remember that absence makes the heart grow fonder,” Layla cooed into the phone while she sat down in her favorite chair and propped her legs underneath her bottom.

  “I’ve heard the opposite, that absence makes the heart wander,” Dennis responded.

  Layla swallowed deeply and cleared her throat. She’d never heard that saying, but it sent another wave of guilt washing over her. “I know how long it’s been, Dennis. But now that I’m working and able to drive too, it feels so, so new, like I’ve been given a chance to do the unthinkable. I’m enjoying my independence for the first time in my adult life. Just think, I don’t have to call on you or Envy every time I want to go somewhere or do something. I can drive myself wherever I choose. I no longer have to sit in front of the TV feeling desperate and all alone because I’m too fat to get up and get out, afraid of people laughing and staring at me. So, if you love me like you say you do, try to see things through my eyes, if only for a moment.”

  “Girl, don’t you know how happy I am for you? I know it’s only by God’s grace that you’re even alive, so it’s good to see you living your life for once. But I want to be part of your life too. I want to share in some of the things you’ve always longed to do. Remember when we went to the Desoto County state fair last summer?”

  Pleasant memories surfaced in Layla’s wandering mind about that day. “Yeah, I remember.”

  “You said you hadn’t been on a ride since you were a little girl. I think we rode just about everything.”

  “Yeah, we had such a good time. And we’re going to make more memories. So please do not make a few nights of not seeing each other into a big deal.”

  “Look, I guess I am being selfish because I want you all to myself. I know your world has broadened, and like you said, we’ll have plenty of time to spend together. And now that I think about it, I’m going to do like you.”

  “What’s that?” Layla asked.

  “I’m going to turn in. I have to be up by four, so I need to get some shut-eye myself. But promise me you’ll call if it’s too bad for you in the morning.”

  “I promise. Good night, Dennis.”

  “Good night, sweetheart. I love you.”

  “Ditto.” Layla didn’t hesitate. Immediately the tip of her acrylic-layered nail on her index finger hit the red End button on her cell phone. “Ooooo,” Layla said, and stretched while she yawned, stood, pulled her dress over her head, and laid it across her right arm. Entering the bedroom, she smiled when she thought about one of Omar’s comical stories.

  Every day was like a new adventure for Layla. Much good had derived out of a set of horrific circumstances. Along with the massive weight loss, Layla no longer battled dark moments of depression and feelings of low self-esteem. Her quality of life had definitely improved. Instead of being on a road that could lead to an early death and bad health, she gained a new self-awareness of the woman she was becoming. For the first time in her life, she felt beautiful. When she looked in the mirror, she no longer saw the ugly person who used to stare back and make fun of her. There were no more days and nights of eating herself to sleep. God had given her a new life and she made a promise to herself that she was going to soak up every second, of every day, living it.

  She treated herself to a soothing, hot bubble bath. Once finished, she stepped out of the claw tub she purchased from a Midtown antique thrift store she frequented. It was love at first sight when she spotted the copper claw tub.

  Envy and Kacie were with her the day she discovered it. They told her she had to be missing a few marbles when she indulged herself. Layla could not understand why
they had a problem when it came to her buying whatever she wanted; it was her hard-earned money and she was going to do as she pleased. The very same day they called themselves “roasting her” was the day Layla decided she would never allow anyone, not even her two best friends, to stand in the way of something she wanted. Let them and everyone else think what they wanted, because one thing was for sure, and two things were certain, every time Layla lay back in the tub, it reminded her of her self-made promise: “Whatever it takes to do whatever it takes, in order to do me, that’s what I’ll do.“

  Prepared to go to bed in less than an hour, she used the precious bit of extra time to go online. Immediately upon walking into her spare-bedroom-flipped-into-office, which was painted brushed lavender and cream cake, Layla tightened the belt on her terry cloth robe and walked to her compact-style workstation. The first thing she did when she sat down in her chair was to log on to her favorite social media site. Like a kid in a candy store, Layla began to interact with her growing number of online friends. Ten minutes of her precious time was spent checking out seventeen new male friend requests.

  Her attention quickly shifted to the pop-up box at the bottom right side of her screen. It was Envy. “What is she doing online? She always says she hates social media.”

  Hey, girl, I was about 2 get worried when I didn’t see you online. (LOL)

  I don’t no why, u’re the 1 who is oh so busted. Thought you were a social media hater. Layla typed into the message window.

  I am, but I’m bored 2nite. I decided 2 mess around on here 4 a minute or 2. I searched 4 a few old friends from back in the day before me, u, and Kacie became practically inseparable. How was ur date?

  Good, but I cut it short cuz of this bad weather. And I have 2 get up at least an hour early because its sposed 2 b pretty slick in the morning.

  I think u r about 2 mess up a good thing w/Dennis.

  Girl, where did that come from?

  U no u’ve been stepping out on the man, and not just w/ Omar. He’s just 1 of many u’ve dated since u lost all of that weight.

  So? I guess u 4get that I lost all this weight after almost being killed. Anyway, I don’t feel like going there with u 2nite. Dennis is a big boy. He‘ll b fine. Until I decide I want a man to put a ring on it, I’m going 2 live my life. (lol)

  U r changing like crazy.

  What r u talking about?

  Don’t u get it? It’s not just about u dating other guys. What’s with all of the suggestive photos u post online?

  What can I say, I got it like that. This body will never b hidden again. (lol)

  By, silly. U r definitely out of ur mind. U must not no that yur pics can b seen all over the world.”

  Yeah, I do. That’s the best kind of feeling. Men from all over the world have commented on my pics. I get much attention, believe that, and it’s all good. I may have even surpassed yur record.

  What? I don’t sho myself off online.

  Oh no, that’s right. U just walk around toting yur Bible in 1 hand and yur panties in the other. I’ll talk 2 u 2moro. Goin 2 mess around a few more minutes; got some new pics I took last week that I want 2 post b4 I call it a nite.

  Whateva, Layla.

  Yeah, definitely. I’m out. Talk to u latr Envy/”

  Gnite, Layla.”

  Envy’s pop-up box displayed the word “offline.” Layla browsed through the photos on the disc she inserted. Staring at each one, some less subtle than others, she got a rush like she’d been given a shot of adrenaline.

  Layla Hobbs was new, improved, and ready to live life like she was more than a conqueror—in the “secular world,” that is.

  3

  Secrets are made to be found out with time.

  Envy shut down her laptop and placed it and its cooling pad on her night table. “Layla, you are playing with fire. Anyone who has the least bit of sense knows that fire burns. Lord, help my friend. She’s turning into someone that I don’t know,” Envy said aloud.

  Envy curled up in her bedside chair with her seven-year-old golden Lab, Fischer, lying contently in his doggy bed gnawing away on one of his chew toys.

  No matter how hard she tried to concentrate on the drastic change in Layla, her focus shifted to the skeleton stuffed inside her own closet. It was time for her to come to terms with the death of her newborn child; a death that took place over eighteen years ago, one for which she was at total fault. She shook her head like doing so would help erase thoughts about her past.

  “No, no, no . . .” She shook her head. “Not tonight. I refuse to go there.”

  She got up from her chair and went to her bed. She turned off the light, pulled the down quilt up around her neck, and turned over on her left side. Like clockwork, Fischer jumped on the bed, licked her face, and then went and plopped all of his 105 pounds at the foot of the bed.

  Covering her nose with her top lip, she said, “Ewe, you are so nasty! How can you lie in my bed and fart? You smell like a bowl of pinto beans gone bad.”

  Fischer gave her an innocent look before he turned his head from one side to the other, but he never moved from his spot.

  Envy pulled the quilt up over her nose, but the sound of the phone ringing forced her to inhale the malodorous odor anyway.

  “Hello, what’s up, Leonard?”

  “How’s my favorite girl?”

  “Trying to keep from throwing up,” she answered. She leaned over and reached for the air freshener when she noticed it on the floor next to her bed.

  “Don’t tell me. . . Fischer is in his spot at the edge of the bed, sprawled out, and firing off one round after another.” Leonard laughed into the phone.

  “I don’t see what’s so funny. Fischer is just like a man. I might as well be married. Every night he gets in the bed, if he isn’t snoring, he’s farting, or both! I tell you, sometimes I feel like sending him to one of those pet sanctuaries.”

  Fischer’s head popped up and his big black bubbly eyes looked at Envy as if he understood what she had said.

  “Lie back down,” she told him. “I need you around to remind me why I never want to be married.” Fischer obeyed and rested his head between his paws.

  “You don’t mean that,” Leonard said. “I’ve heard that love makes the world go round.”

  “You’re free to think what you want. But I’m telling you that love is like a rose, beautiful for just a few minutes, but you’ll quickly discover that it is full of thorns.”

  “Envy.” Leonard sounded serious.

  “What.”

  “Let me in.”

  Envy kicked off the cover and bolted upright in the bed, and so did Fischer.

  “How many times have I told you not to ever pop up at my house? You don’t have it like that,” she fussed. “How can you talk about wanting to have a relationship when you’re determined to do whatever it is you want to do, when you want to do it?”

  “Hold on. For your information, I am at home with my legs propped up on my desk, sipping on a glass of red wine and enjoying the fire I started. So let me hear it.”

  “Let you hear what?” She snapped.

  “An apology for falsely accusing me.”

  “I don’t need to apologize; you’re the one that said to let you in.”

  “Yes, you’re right. I did say that.”

  “Uh, you don’t have to tell me that I’m right, Leonard. I’m not sitting here stuck on stupid, you know.” She lay back on her pillow and Fischer relaxed again too.

  “Of course, you aren’t. But what I meant was, let me into your world. I’m crazy about you. I know you go for tough and all, but somewhere inside of that wall of defense you’ve built, I believe you like me too.”

  Envy didn’t know what to say. She didn’t like to be told how she felt, or how she should feel. Leonard was a nice person, and if she thought long and hard, she probably would agree that she could easily fall in love with him. But she kept her heart under stringent protection. Only she had the key to unlock it.


  “Look, I’ve had a long day. It’s cold outside and I want to go to sleep. All of your lovey-dovey talk, save it for one of your females who’ll fall for it. You should know that I’m not about to go for your empty words. Never have, and never will,” she lied to him, and to herself. The strong beat of her heart against her breast betrayed her every single time she talked to Leonard or saw him.

  “It’s not lovey-dovey talk. It’s real talk. I know I’m not exactly perfect.” He chuckled. “I may not be one of those churchgoing, Bible-toting men, but I’m still a good man.”

  Envy’s legs flew up underneath the covers. “You are so crazy! This is one time you are definitely telling the truth.”

  “I love to hear you laugh.”

  “Uh, mmm,” she cleared her throat. “Maybe if you started paying more attention to getting next to God, then you wouldn’t spend so much time chasing after something you’ll never have. My heart belongs to one man—God. Unlike yours.”

  “We’ve known each other for how long, Envy—three years?”

  “And?” Envy retorted.

  “And you’ve never bothered to ask me what I believe.” Leonard sounded perturbed. “So how can you play the sanctimonious one, like you have the inside track on God? For your information, my mother and father were both evangelists and missionaries. They spent almost every summer of my boyhood going from town to town holding tent revivals and teaching the Word. We even went to Africa to minister once or twice.”

  If Leonard could see through the phone, he would have seen Envy’s hand fly up to her open mouth. Leonard? A sort of preacher’s kid? No way. “You’re definitely a man of many secrets, Mr. Stein. Any more confessions you care to make . . .” She opened her mouth and released a loud yawning sound into the phone, “before I bid you good night?”

  “Let me think about that.” Leonard paused. Envy waited. “One day you’re going to fess up and tell me what I know your heart is already saying—you love me.”

  “You are so full of yourself. G’night. Be safe out there tomorrow.”

  “See, I knew you cared.”

  “I care about all the stray animals out there in the cold too, but it doesn’t mean I’m going to bring them home. So until you come up with something better than that tired line, I bid you good night.” Envy ended the call without giving him the chance to respond. Easing back underneath the cover, she leaned her head to the side and looked at Fischer for a few moments while he slept.