True Beauty

by Shelia E. (Lipsey) Bell

  Layla turned into the entrance of her apartment complex. She parked in her designated space and rushed inside before the coldness replaced the warmth that had surrounded her inside her car. Once inside, she removed her coat and headed to her bedroom. It was going on two-thirty in the morning, but she didn’t feel the least bit tired. On the contrary, she felt exhilarated, like she could scream with pleasure. She placed her hand over her mouth and released a muffled scream as loud as she could without disturbing the neighbors on either side of her; at least she hoped she hadn’t. She suddenly remembered that Tyreek had told her to be sure to turn her phone back on because he was going to call to make sure she made it home safely.

  Layla had turned it off so she could enjoy a quiet night with Tyreek. She didn’t know if Dennis would be calling her, begging her to forgive him for the things he’d said, or if Kacie and Envy would blow up her phone every few minutes to see how her date was going. They were known to do that. But not tonight. Tonight she wanted an undisturbed evening.

  Layla ran back to the living-room closet and removed her cell phone from her coat pocket. It seemed no sooner had she turned it on, than it started ringing. It was Tyreek.

  “You made it home yet?” he asked.

  “Yes, I’m here. Thanks.”

  “No need to thank me. I told you I was going to call. I wish I could have followed you home, just to be totally sure you made it there safely, that’s all.”

  “I don’t think that would have been a good idea.”

  “And why not?” he asked. “Don’t tell me that a self-assured woman like you is afraid of a nice guy like me,” he said with a slight tease in his voice.

  Layla giggled like a teen girl who had just been asked out by the star high-school athlete. “No, I’m not afraid at all. But still, a lady can’t be too cautious,” she told Tyreek. “By the way, have you made it home?”

  “No, I still have about another ten minutes to go. I’m on the interstate.”

  “Oh, where did you say you live?” she asked.

  “I didn’t. But I have no problem showing you,” he said with affection.

  “You are something else. I don’t want you to show me right now. Telling me will suffice.”

  “You like to play hardball, I see. Seriously, though, I live in Cordova.”

  “Wow, we’re on separate ends of the city.”

  “That’s nothing. I have a ride and so do you, so we shouldn’t have a problem seeing each other.”

  “You sound quite sure of yourself, Mr. Tyreek Davis.” She said his name with force.

  “It’s not that, but after what we experienced with each other tonight, I don’t believe this was our last time seeing one another. I told you, there’s something about you; there’s a chemistry we have. Don’t deny that you feel it too.”

  Layla sat down in her oversized living-room chair. A couple of years ago, she wouldn’t have had an inch of space, now the chair almost swallowed her. She fidgeted nervously as she listened to Tyreek’s seductive voice.

  “What’s up, baby girl? Cat got your tongue?”

  “No, I’m fine. And yes, I felt something tonight, but I don’t know if I would call it chemistry.”

  “What would you call it?” Tyreek asked.

  “Like. That’s it. I like you. I enjoyed spending time with you, and maybe, and I said maybe, we’ll do it again sometime.”

  “So now that you’re out of my presence, you want to play tough, huh?”

  “No, I’m just being real. I don’t play games, and I don’t believe in filling in the blank spaces with unnecessary words just to impress the next person.”

  “Is that what you think I’m doing?” he asked.

  Layla’s phone clicked. She removed it slightly from her ear and saw Envy’s number on the screen. “Tyreek, it’s late and I need to get some rest.” The phone clicked again. What could Envy want at this time of night—or morning? “So why don’t we table this discussion to a later date and time?”

  Envy’s call ended, replaced by a light beeping sound that signaled she had left Layla a voice message.

  “Aha, I knew it.”

  “Knew what?” Layla rested her head on the plush back portion of the chair.

  “I knew we would meet and talk again. You just admitted it.” Both of them laughed into the phone.

  “Okay, you win this time, but only because I’m exhausted. You win by default,” she said.

  “A win is a win. Good night, Layla. I had a great time.”

  “Me too. Have a good night, Tyreek. Buh-bye.” Right after ending the call, Layla dialed Envy’s number and immediately she answered.

  “Girl, you must still be pinching yourself?” Layla said to Envy. “I’m so happy that everything worked out in your favor. Now you can move forward with your life. Leave the past where it belongs-in the past.”

  “You’re right,” Envy said. Her voice was low. “I can’t thank God enough for how He lifted that burden off me, girl. I’ve been calling and texting you, but I guess you had your phone turned off.” Envy sounded frustrated, because she was.

  “I know, and I’m sorry. I haven’t been home that long. But, girl, tonight was marvelous, simply marvelous. That’s all I can say.”

  “Good for you. I was worried.” Envy feigned concern.

  “Worried about what?” asked Layla.

  “About you. I called to check on you, and you didn’t answer. You can never be too careful these days, especially when you’re meeting someone new.”

  “I know. Thanks for caring, but I wanted everything to be perfect. Me and Dennis had it out earlier, and I didn’t want him blowing up my phone.”

  “You could have put it on silent or vibrate. Anyway, forget about all that. Tell me what made the date so marvelous. He must have really made a good impression.”

  “Girl, it was one of the best times I’ve had since I started doing the dating thing. I’m just getting home. Can you believe it?”

  “Yeah, because, I told you, I’ve been trying to check on you all night. Is he nice? Did he try anything?” Envy asked.

  “He was everything and then some.” Layla laughed. Envy was silent. “And he’s so good-looking, with a nice disposition. The man seems to have it together.”

  “Yeah, he’s probably someone to have fun with. Just don’t get serious because there’s nothing a bartender can do for you that you can’t do for yourself. So stick to what you know you have.”

  “Don’t get started on me and Dennis.”

  “Did you hear me say anything about Dennis?” Envy asked.

  “No, but I know you. You may not have said anything, but you sure were thinking it.”

  “Sounds like trouble in paradise.”

  “See, that’s what I’m talking about. There is no paradise when it comes to me and Dennis.”

  “What’s up with y’all?” Envy’s voice sounded tired.

  “I’ll fill you in on everything later. Right now, I’m ready to hit the sack.” Her voice dropped. “I’m going to call it a night.”

  “Yeah, I hear you. I’m going to turn in myself, now that I know you’re at home safely. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  “All right. Good night, girl.”

  Envy called Tyreek next, but again she did not get an answer. “You may run, but you surely can’t hide, Mr. Tyreek. Bet that.”

  18

  Not because of who I am, but because of what you’ve done.

  Not because of what I’ve done, but because of who you are.

  Envy, Layla, and Kacie arrived at church within mere minutes of each other. While Kacie parked and unloaded her kids from her 2004 Suburban, Envy and Layla had not only parked, but they were inside the church and seated in their usual spot midway in the sanctuary.

  Kacie took her seat at the end of the pew, next to Layla and Envy, just as the praise team was about to start the worship service. She kept her Bible on her lap and placed her purse between her and the pew.

  “You get the ki
ds to their designated places?” asked Layla.

  Kacie slowly exhaled before she replied, “Yeah. Kenny took Kassandra, Keith, Kali, and Kendra to Children’s Church before going to Youth Church. I took Keshena and Kyland to the nursery. They’ve started assigning each child a number that they give to the parents. Look up there to the right, over the choir stand.” Kacie pointed. “See that black rectangular box?”

  Layla and Envy both nodded.

  “When parents are needed in the nursery, the number assigned to your child flashes on and off in red.”

  “That’s a good idea,” said Layla.

  “Yeah, it sure is,” Kacie added.

  “It is, but I hope Keshena and Kyland’s numbers don’t pop up.”

  The praise team began singing. Envy leaned forward and looked at Kacie. “Don’t worry, they’ll behave. They always do.”

  “She’s right, Kacie. I don’t think you’ve ever had to leave service because of the kids.”

  “Thank God for small miracles,” responded Kacie. “I’ll take the break any way I can get it.”

  “I heard that,” said Layla before she turned and focused her attention on the praise team.

  The three of them laid their Bibles on the pew before they stood up and started clapping their hands. They began to sing in unison with the praise team and other members of the congregation. “Emmanuel, Emmanuel, Emmanuel, Emmanuel. . . ,” they sang.

  The song “Emmanuel” was one of Kacie’s favorite gospel tunes. Each time she heard it, it ushered her to a good, peaceful place within her spirit. Knowing that the name Emmanuel meant God with us caused Kacie to remember that God remained by her side. Yet, while the three of them picked up their Bibles, and by the time Pastor Betts stepped up in the pulpit, negative thoughts had already begun to infiltrate her mind. Feelings of guilt and shame shifted her concentration from Pastor Bettss reading of the scripture to the person she had become. What happened to the little girl who used to be so self-assured and independent? Where was the person who believed that despite her physical handicap, there was nothing she could not conquer in the world? Kacie couldn’t bear to remain standing for the scripture reading. It wasn’t because her legs trembled from standing too long, but it was because inside she felt weak and worthless.

  “You may sit,” Pastor Betts told the congregation. Layla sat down and gently nudged Kacie in the side.

  “Are you all right?”

  “Yes,” Kacie mumbled. “I’m fine.” She continued to look down; her Bible was on her lap.

  Pastor Betts stood in the pulpit like the mighty man of God he was. He was an exemplary Bible scholar and teacher. Standing in a confident, but not conceited, manner, his powerful voice went forth.

  “Let me read the scripture one more time. I want to make sure you heard what I just read. I’m reading from the New International Version,” Pastor Betts reminded everyone. “Ezekiel chapter thirty-six, verses twenty-five and twenty-six. ‘I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.’”

  Kacie read the scripture the second time around. Well, I don’t feel clean. I don’t feel like I have a new heart. I feel tainted and dirty. I feel ashamed and wretched.

  “Listen to me,” Pastor Betts said. “God wants to do a new thing in you. It doesn’t matter what state of despair you’re in right now. It doesn’t matter what you did last night or this morning before you came here. He wants to do something new in your life right now.”

  Kacie slowly lifted her bowed-down head and focused on what Pastor Betts was saying. How could he preach a message that sounded like he had been reading her mind? How could he know what she was dealing with?

  “God says He will clean you up. He’ll remove the filth and the grime in your life. Then, then, then,” he repeated, “He will take all that stuff that you deem to be so important in your life. He’ll take it away, yes God will do that for you because He loves you.”

  Kacie was in a trancelike state, totally riveted by the words pouring from Pastor Betts’.

  “And if cleaning you up, fixing you up, and removing the stuff that doesn’t matter out of your life isn’t enough, on top of all of that, God will give you a new heart. Now that’s enough to make somebody shout right there.”

  Pastor Betts stood on his tiptoes and then took a step back from the podium with his black leather Bible in his hand. “I said, God will remove the old heart you have right now. You know the one that’s unforgiving, the heart that’s broken, the heart that’s been used and abused. God will remove that old heart. He will take the heart that is hardened, the heart that’s worldly and stubborn, and selfish and self-centered. God will take that heart and He’ll give you a transplant. Only it won’t be somebody else’s heart that He’s putting inside of you; it’ll be a brand-new heart, crafted and created and made over and designed just for you by Him.”

  His voice boomed. Kacie could see the glistening beads of sweat that had formed on his forehead. Her heart raced. Something began to stir on the inside of her. A feeling like she hadn’t felt since that day ten years ago when she gave her life to Christ, only this time it was an even stronger tug pulling at her within. Her hands began to sweat and she could feel the beat, beat, beat, of her heart. The more Pastor Betts preached, the more drawn Kacie was to his every word. She clung to it like paper to glue. Something was going on; something she couldn’t identify or make sense of.

  “Come, come on. . . ,” the choir sang. Their hands were outstretched toward the congregation. Pastor Betts asked those who wanted to make a change in their lives, who wanted to be cleansed and cleaned up, to come forward.

  Kacie disregarded Layla and Envy and moved past them. She felt like she was floating down the aisle, as if she was magically being drawn to a giant magnet, and it was pulling her forward. But then…each step became easier and lighter, until she was at the front of the sanctuary, along with three other people.

  ~

  Church services ended. Layla and Envy went to find Kacie, who was led out by a team from the New Members’ Ministry. Those who had walked down the aisle were taken inside a room assigned to welcome new members, those who wanted prayer or wanted to rededicate their lives to Christ.

  Kacie came out after about fifteen minutes. She looked flushed. Her eyes and face were the color of cherries. “I’ve got to go get my kids,” she said to Layla and Envy.

  “What happened to you back there?” they asked as they followed her to the nursery.

  “You mean in the New Members’ room, or during church?” asked Kacie.

  Envy spoke first. “Both.”

  “It’s time I stop playing with God and my faith. I can’t keep on living like this,” she explained.

  “Like what?” asked Layla. “When are you going to stop tripping about having seven children? At least you didn’t abort them. It’s people out there every day that do that, but you,” Layla said, and stopped a few feet from the entrance of the nursery, “you kept every one of yours. I’m sure you asked God to forgive you every time you messed up.”

  Envy looked at Layla and rolled her eyes.

  “What?” Layla asked, frowning and shrugging her shoulders at Envy.

  “What Layla is trying to say is that anytime we do something or commit some sin, we know to ask God for forgiveness, and kaboom, just like that, He clears our slate and throws them somewhere, uh, I can’t remember where he throws them, but wherever it is, He forgets all about ’em.”

  Kacie giggled. “You need to study your Bible some more, girl. How are you going to tell me something when you don’t even know half of what you’re talking about? You misquoting scriptures and stuff.”

  All three laughed.

  “What you and Layla are trying to say is that if we admit our sins to God then he removes them as far apart as the east is from the west.” Kaci
e pointed her finger toward both of them and smiled. “Now that was from two different scriptures in the Bible, but I think you get my drift.”

  Envy and Layla had strange looks on their faces and remained silent.

  “Now it’s my turn to ask. What’s wrong with y’all?”

  “You didn’t say what they told you in there.” said Layla. “You come out here trying to quote scriptures and stuff. You just sound different.”

  “I can vouch for that, girl,” said Envy, and looked at Kacie, then Layla.

  One of the nursery staff came to the entrance. Kacie saw her and immediately knew that the volunteers and staff wanted everyone to get their children. Kenny and the other kids walked up.

  “Hey, Momma, we had fun in Children’s Church,” said Kassandra as she walked up with her sisters and stood in front of Kacie.

  “We learned about, uh, about four and giving,” said Kali.

  “No, we didn’t,” said Kendra. “We learned about forgiving.”

  “Good, that’s real good. Now, hold on just a minute,” Kacie said in a gentle tone.

  Envy nudged Layla.

  Layla nudged Envy.

  “Kenny, honey, will you go over there and sign out Kyland and Keshena from the nursery for me?”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Much like Layla and Envy, Kenny appeared to be shocked at his mother’s calmer tone.

  Kacie, Envy, and Layla held on to the kids while Kenny went to sign out Kyland and Keshena. “It’s all right. I’m right here,” Kacie said to the staff member standing within earshot.

  The woman nodded her head and proceeded to allow Kenny inside the nursery.

  Kacie returned her attention to Envy and Layla. “Like I said, things have got to change in my life. Yes, I have seven kids and seven baby daddies. I can’t change that. But, y’all, I finally believe God has forgiven me for sleeping around. Shucks, I’ve asked Him a thousand times.”