“Humph, isn’t that something? I didn’t know I had it like that.”
“Oh, yes you did. Think we can have a repeat performance tonight?”
“Umm, I don’t know. I wouldn’t want you to get spoiled. Plus, too much of anything is not good.”
“I can never get too much of you. If only I could get you to feel the same way about me, then we could get married and spend the rest of our lives in total bliss with each other and a house filled with little Envy’s and Leonard, Jr.’s running around.” Leonard laughed.
She understood that Leonard was actually serious. He had a way of hinting around about what he wanted to happen between the two of them through joking, but it caused her to stiffen. She had too many hidden secrets in her life; so even if she wanted to settle down, she couldn’t. Leonard wanted children, which was all but impossible for her. She couldn’t see herself being a mother, anyway. She didn’t trust herself, and after seeing the hard time Kacie had raising her kids, there was no way on earth she wanted to bring a child in the world again.
Regardless, all of the worries about marriage, children, and being in love had to be pushed to the side. She called on her own resolve to keep her from making what she honestly believed would be a mistake in her life.
“We’ll see. I’ll call you a little later. I told Kacie I would stop by her house for a few minutes this afternoon.”
“Okay. I’ll be looking forward to it.”
“Bye,” she said to Leonard.
Five minutes after four, Envy stood at Kacie’s front door; her thumb pressed against the doorbell. She was greeted at the door by Kacie, Kassandra, Kyland, and Keith.
“Hi, Auntie Envy,” each one of the precious kids said almost in unison.
“Hello, there,” Envy said.
Kacie walked up. “Step back, y’all. Let Auntie Envy in.
The two of them hugged. “Hey, girl,” said Envy.
“Come on in, girl. Let’s go to my room so we can talk. That okay with you?”
“Sure.”
“Do you want something to drink or a snack, anything? I haven’t started dinner yet.”
Envy threw up her hand. “Girl, don’t worry about that. I’m fine. I don’t want anything.”
“Kids, go and finish your homework, and then I want you to clean your rooms. I need to talk to Auntie Envy in private for a little while. Okay?”
“Yes, ma’am,” the kids said.
Envy was amazed. More like shocked, to put it mildly. The tone of Kacie’s voice was almost angelic. The children were obedient and mannered. Envy couldn’t believe it. Kacie truly had made a change for the better.
“How did you do it?” asked Envy.
“Do what?”
“Your whole personality, the way you talk to the children, the way the children respond to you—everything! I’m amazed.”
“God did it. The day I walked up there and surrendered my all to God, I’m telling you, Envy, I felt myself being changed. I felt brand-new. I couldn’t go back to the old Kacie. I have children that I’m responsible for. I can’t allow my past mistakes to hinder me from raising them in the manner in which they deserve to be raised. I can’t allow anger, fear, and hatred to rule my life.”
They entered Kacie’s bedroom, and Kacie pointed Layla to a red-and-navy bedroom chair close to her bed. Kacie sat on the bed and propped her legs up on it.
“I’m proud of you, Kacie. It’s been a while since I’ve been over here around you and the kids. I love this new you.”
“I can’t go back to the way I was, sleeping around, having babies by this man and that man, looking at myself in the mirror every day and hating what I saw. I can’t keep blaming God for my disability; rather, I’m learning how to praise Him for making me just the way I am. I am beautiful, I am kind, and I have a lot to give. I know that He did not make a mistake when He made me. He did not make a mistake when He allowed me to have seven children. I”—Kacie pointed to herself—“made so many wrong choices, but God exchanged my wrong choices for something good—my children.”
Envy leaned over and hugged Kacie. “You are a good person, Kacie. You always have been.”
“But this visit isn’t about me. It’s about you and Layla. Tell me what’s going on between you two.”
“Kacie, I don’t know myself. Layla has changed. She’s become this…this prima donna-like person. She’s like an out-of-control diva. She even tried to blame me for the break up between her and Dennis.”
“Are you?” asked Kacie.
“How could you ask me that? She was already talking about she was sick of Dennis, and you know it. If anybody is responsible, it’s her. She’s the one who chose to run around on the man. Yes, I messed up when I called his house. I should have left well enough alone. But I needed to talk to her about something.”
“Come on, Envy. This is me you’re talking to. First of all, Layla says that you called Dennis at one or two o’clock in the morning asking for her, when you already knew that she wasn’t with him. That only made their already shaky relationship even rockier. And then she finds out that the guy she’s been seeing is one of the men you were sleeping with. She says you’re jealous. So what do you expect?”
“First, how could I be jealous of the likes of Layla with any man? Look at me. She can never be like me.”
“Who says that she’s trying to be you, Envy? And the girl is free to date whomever she chooses.”
“Not if he belongs to me!” shouted Envy.
A look of disbelief came on Kacie’s face. She pressed her lips together. “Why would you even say something like that? That man doesn’t belong to you. He’s not a pet or a piece of luggage. Come on now. If you were so tripped out about Layla and Tyreek hooking up, why didn’t you let the girl know that you had been messing around with him when she first told us about him? Then all of this could have been avoided.”
“I started to, but to be honest, I didn’t think Tyreek would give her a moment’s thought. But when she went to meet him that night, and then he started refusing to answer my text messages and phone calls, I was infuriated. I can’t believe he actually fell for someone like her.”
“Someone like her? Envy, listen to what you’re saying. You’re talking like Layla is some—some kind of misfit, or out of her league. It’s words like yours that ruin people’s lives. All of my life, people have made fun of me; pointing and staring. But you know this, because I’ve told you and Layla about it more than once. Now that Layla is hitting it off with Tyreek, you’re all upset; so upset that you call her names? And you know the girl had no idea you were seeing that man. Come on now, Envy.”
“No, she didn’t know, but I told Tyreek, and he had the nerve to wave me off, like I was nobody. And how does she know about me and Tyreek anyway?”
“Hold up, that’s irrelevant. First of all, you’ve never mentioned anything about this guy. It’s not her fault or mine that you’ve chosen to keep your love life separate from our friendship. The only man we have ever known, and we really don’t know him, is Leonard. You think we don’t know you sleep around? Girl, puhleeze. You give the impression that you’re the only one who can attract men. Granted, Layla flirts a bit now, and I hate that she did Dennis the way she did, but I am not the one to judge her, and neither should you. We certainly don’t go around judging you.”
“Still, she had no business fooling around with Tyreek,” Envy snapped back. “But I’m so over it now, Kacie. I was over it after she called me up like she was going to do something to me. I admit that the situation had me going for a while, but no more. If they want to be together, so be it. There’s nothing he can do for me, anyway.”
“He is not your man. He is not your husband, and obviously he is not committed to you. If you would stop and think for a minute, the only reason you’re probably so mad is because the man probably isn’t at your beck and call anymore. You know you’re wrong, Envy.”
“Didn’t you just hear anything I said? I said she can have him.
And if you want to hear me say it, yes, I called Dennis. I wanted him to open his eyes and realize that Layla didn’t love him.”
“In other words, Layla is turning into a version of you?”
Envy stood up. “I knew you would take her side. You always do.”
“Stop it, Envy. Now sit down,” ordered Kacie.
Envy sat back down, hesitantly, while rolling her eyes.
“Now you listen to me. God has been good to you. He just brought you through one of the most traumatic events of your life. You could be locked away in a jail cell right now. Your name could be splashed all across the papers, but God worked it out for you. All these years you’ve been punishing yourself; thinking that sleeping with this man tonight and another one tomorrow gives you control. These men are not Stanton, nor are they your father. It’s time to forgive yourself. You have to let go and let the love of God come in your heart.”
“Don’t you say anything about my daddy! And God is still the one who allowed all of this to happen in the first place. Things could have been so different if only God had been there the day I gave birth to my baby, to guide me—to tell me what to do and what not to do.”
Kacie took hold of Envy’s hand. “God was there and He’s still by your side. There are many things in my life that I can’t understand, but it doesn’t mean that God has forsaken me. Quite the contrary, if it wasn’t for Him, shoot there’s no telling where I would be. I think of the men I’ve laid down with. I could have contracted AIDS. I could be dead and my children wouldn’t have a mother. As for my cerebral palsy, there is nothing I can do about it. I am learning that God always knows what He is doing. The same goes for you, and for Layla too. Who are we to judge one another, Envy? And think about it, how can you blame Layla for something she didn’t even know about? You have a man who is in love with you; yet you’re spending time thinking about a man who you definitely don’t love, but you’re mad because he happens to have a thing for Layla?”
Envy started to cry. One of Kacie’s kids knocked on the door.
“I’ll be there, Kendra. Just give me a few more minutes, okay? Mommy’s still talking to Auntie Envy.”
“Okay, Mommy,” said Kendra. “I want to show you something I colored.”
“Awright, baby. I’ll be there in a few minutes. Okay?”
“Okayyy.”
Kacie went to the chair where Envy sat and leaned over to embrace her. She held her head against her chest and allowed her friend’s tears to flow. “Give it to God, Envy. It’s time to let go and allow Him to fix your life. It’s the only way you can heal.”
“But I’ve messed up so badly, Kacie. I’ve done so much wrong. I don’t know how to begin to change.”
“That’s your problem. You can’t change unless God changes you. That’s when my life turned around, after I told God that I couldn’t do it anymore. I needed Him. Girl, if He did it for me I know He’ll do the same for you.” Kacie laughed and gently nudged Envy who smiled.”
“All you have to do is say His name. Say it, and mean it. Open your heart and let Him come inside and heal your brokenness.”
Envy wept. “Please . . . God. Help me. I want to change. I don’t want to feel ugly anymore. I want you to show me the true beauty that is inside me. Please.”
Kacie continued to hold her. “God heard you. What you’re going to have to do now is talk to Layla. Or we’ll all get together and talk.”
A dazed looking Envy looked up at Kacie with red, swelling eyes. “I don’t know if I can. I just don’t know, Kacie.”
“You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Believe me, Envy—I know.”
26
Fighting is essentially a masculine idea; a woman’s weapon is her tongue.
Saturday morning, shafts of sunlight parted the clouds. The three friends gathered around the breakfast nook at Kacie’s. Today, the children were at church for a couple of hours spending time at the Children’s Center. The church opened the new Children’s Center a few weeks ago. Minister Cecil encouraged Kacie to drop off the kids, or come with them to the center on Saturdays to enjoy all the fun games and activities they had for children, if she didn’t have to work.
“Listen, let me tell you two something,” said Kacie. “I did not call y’all over here to bicker, fuss, and fight. I could have been with my kids at the Church Center, but I believed it was important that I do this first; it couldn’t wait. Come on, y’all, we’re friends,” she said, and threw up her hands. “Now, the both of you want to sit here with your jaws on swoll and act like you’re archenemies? I don’t think so.”
Layla spoke. Her words sounded like they had been sautéed in a bowl of vinegar. “She,” Layla said, and pointed at Envy across the table, “started all of this mess. You know it, Envy. I would never treat you the way you’ve treated me, and all over some man? And one that I did not know was your personal bed warmer.” Layla cut her eyes deeply at Envy.
“You don’t know about me or my business. You don’t know what was going on between me and Tyreek, so watch your words, sweetie,” Envy snapped back, with both hands planted firmly on the table. “They might just come back to bite you.”
“You’re right, Envy. My point exactly. I didn’t know about you and Tyreek. You’re the one who made it a secret. When I first told you I met him, you had the freedom at that very moment to tell me that the two of you knew each other, and it wouldn’t have been a big deal. I would’ve stepped aside with no problem, sweetheart. It’s sad that Tyreek had to tell me what was going on and not my best friend. And you, you hate it so much that you go behind my back and do what you did to Dennis? But, you call yourself my best friend?”
“I didn’t do anything to Dennis. Yeah, I admit I was wrong, but you were deceiving him. And it didn’t just start with Tyreek. You were messing off on Dennis way before Tyreek came in the picture. So, hon…ey, that’s on you. Actually, I feel sorry for you. You threw away a good man.”
“If he’s so good, then why don’t you go pacify him and make it all better!” Layla yelled.
“Excuse me?” Envy leaned back and gave Layla an evil stare.
“You heard me. It was none of your business, nor was it your place to ask Dennis anything about me when you already knew I wasn’t feeling him like he was feeling me. You were supposed to be my best friend, and best friends do not betray one another.” Layla sounded hurt.
Kacie sat at the table and played referee. She listened as her two best friends in the entire world argued. But this time it was needed, if Envy and Layla were ever going to get past the hurt they had caused each other.
Kacie soon drifted from the ruckus between Layla and Envy. She hid the smile on her face as she thought about Minister Cecil. She thought about the man she had dreamed about some time ago. Could it have been Minister Cecil in her dream? No, no, no, that would be just too wild. She smiled while Layla and Envy went at each other.
“Kacie, what do you think?” asked Envy.
Kacie looked stunned. She had been in her own world. “What? I’m sorry, I didn’t hear the question.”
“I said, what do you think about Layla saying that having a relationship with Tyreek shouldn’t matter to me, since I’m not in love with him?”
“I recall telling you a while ago that the time had come for us to reevaluate our lives. We all need to change.” Kacie’s frustration was obvious. “And what’s even crazier is you’re upset about a man that you care nothing about, but because he likes your best friend, who he didn’t know was your best friend, and your best friend happens to like him, but she didn’t know he was your lover, and you want to end the friendship with your best friend? Did you get all that?” Kacie sucked in her breath and chewed on her bottom lip.
Envy shook her head. Blood pounded in her temples.
“See, you can’t deny it,” Layla said to Envy.
Kacie showed no sign of relenting. “Envy, recall how good God has been to you. I don’t like bringing up the past, but the truth is
the truth, and sometimes it has to be spoken. You lived in your past by carrying it around into your future for a long time. You carried around guilt, self-hatred, and a number of other negative stuff in your life over something that happened when you were a young girl. How many times do I have to remind you how God turned everything around? Wake up. Shucks. For the first time in all these years, you can finally live free. You don’t have to be afraid to let love into your life. You don’t have to walk around with a needless burden. And whether you want to admit it or not, you have someone who adores you.”
“Who?” The edge was apparent in Envy's voice.
“You know who I’m talking about—Leonard. Maybe it’s time you give the man a chance. He’s been hanging around, chasing after you, running after you for a long time. I know you’re feeling him too. Y’all go together like peanut butter and jelly,” Kacie said, and started laughing.
Envy cracked a smile. “Okay. Never heard it put quite like that before. But I hear you.”
“And you”—Kacie shifted her eyes toward Layla—“God has His reasons for what and who He allows to enter our lives. I think I can speak for us when I say I don’t think any of us wanted to see Dennis get hurt. But that’s something you have to settle in your own heart. Still, it doesn’t mean that he’s your mate. Only you and God know that.”
Layla nodded.
“And back to you, Envy. I think you should apologize to Dennis for your act of deceit and to Tyreek, and Layla,” she emphasized, “for trying to sew discord.”
Envy looked down toward the table. “Who would have thought?” Envy said, and looked up to smile at Kacie, then at Layla, then back at Kacie.
“Thought what?” asked Kacie. Her eyebrows raised in question.
“That you would be the person to make sense of everything,” Envy said. “But I must say, spoken like a true mother.” They all laughed aloud for the first time since the three of them had gathered.
Envy stopped chuckling and turned serious. “Layla, Kacie is right. I have been wrong. I treated you unfairly. Will you forgive me for all of the nasty things I said, the trouble I caused?” Envy asked.
True Beauty Page 22
