In Case You're Curious

by Planned Parenthood

  IS THERE BC FOR MEN?

  Yep, there sure are birth control options for people with penises. First: the most effective option is abstinence, or not having sex. If someone wants to have sex and still be protected, they can use an external condom. Another birth control option for people with penises is the withdrawal method (pull-out method), although this is less effective than condoms in preventing pregnancy, and does not necessarily prevent STIs. Another option, to prevent pregnancy but not STIs, is a surgery called a vasectomy. A vasectomy is a permanent form of birth control, and may not be available to people under a certain age. There is currently research happening to provide more options to prevent pregnancy; so new methods might be coming soon. Even though a person with a penis can’t take the pill or the patch, they can still help their partner with birth control reminders or by sharing the cost.

  CAN I USE A TAMPON WITH AN IUD?

  Totally! Lots of people use tampons when they have an IUD. Tampons are put in the vagina, whereas IUDs go in the uterus—two totally different places! Even though the strings of the IUD hang into the vagina, it shouldn’t cause any problems if a person uses a tampon.

  It shouldn’t! Before the birth control implant is inserted into the arm, the doctor or nurse will make an injection that numbs the area where the implant will go. Some people may find this injection a little uncomfortable, but the actual insertion of the implant shouldn’t hurt. After it’s in place, people may notice some bruising and soreness on their arm for the next couple days. If the arm becomes very painful or a person is having trouble doing their normal activities, they should go back to their doctor immediately.

  Taking the implant out is similar and should also not be painful!

  That depends, are you talking five minutes late or five days late? The pill works best when used the right way, every single time, and that means taking it around the same time every single day. If someone takes their birth control later than usual (like in the same day, but later in the day), its effectiveness (how well it prevents pregnancy) may go down. And if a pill is actually missed, a person should check in with their doctor. If worried, use a backup method like a condom until back on schedule.

  The pull-out method is also called the withdrawal method. It is when a person pulls the penis out before ejaculting. When used the right way every time, it can lower the chances of pregnancy. In order to use it the right way, a person needs to know their body really well, and this can take practice. Using a backup method like condoms until someone is confident in their ability to pull out will offer added protection.

  No, condoms are a one-time use only! Using a condom again makes it more likely to break, and there is no way to make sure all the sperm, bacteria, or viruses are gone after you’ve washed it out. Condoms have only been proven to work when used one time. Don’t do it—get a new condom for each act of sex.

  Condoms can be used in water. The important thing to make sure of if having sex in water is that the condom stays on. It’s possible the force of the water in the shower or the ocean could cause the condom to slip off. Water can also wash away natural or water-based lube, so choosing a silicone lube can be more comfortable. Bacteria from the ocean could also get in the vagina/penis and cause irritation or infection. So while it’s possible, that’s a lot of things to think about compared to sex on land!

  Not so fast. Birth control pills usually take up to seven days to start protecting against pregnancy, unless your doctor tells you otherwise. Using a backup method like condoms for the first seven days will help protect against pregnancy while the body adjusts to the pills. Using condoms even after the pills have started working can continue to protect against STIs.

  HOW DO I ASK MY PARTNER TO USE A CONDOM?

  It can be as easy as, “Hey, let’s use a condom,” “What protection should we use?” or even, “I don’t want to keep going unless we use a condom.” Talking about protection is really important, but it doesn’t have to be awkward. Speaking up for what you do or don’t want in any sexual experience will help you feel more comfortable and protected.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  “WHY DO BROKEN HEARTS HURT SO SADLY?”

  AND OTHER QUESTIONS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

  WHAT ARE SOME WARNING SIGNS THAT YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS IN AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP?

  There are a lot of different warning signs that someone might be in an unhealthy relationship. Signs could include their partner yelling or fighting with them a lot, looking through their private messages, demanding passwords, following them, hurting them, not letting them spend time with friends or family, or giving them no time apart. A really important sign that people don’t always think about is that feeling a person gets in their stomach. You know, the one that says “something isn’t right.” Even if it seems like it’s not a big deal, it’s important to listen to that feeling. Both people should feel safe and comfortable in the relationship. If you or a friend are concerned about an unhealthy relationship, it’s important to talk to a trusted adult.

  IS TIME APART GOOD FOR A RELATIONSHIP?

  Just like spending time together in a relationship is important, so is having freedom and independence. Everyone deserves to have alone time, time with friends and family, and time to do their own thing—and so does their partner! It is common that both partners want to spend every possible moment together at the beginning of a relationship, and as people get more comfortable, they may start spending more time apart. That is normal and healthy. Some people need or want more time apart than others, and that is also normal and healthy. Talking about what feels right for each person helps everyone feel good in their relationship.

  A healthy relationship is not just rainbows and sunshine all the time. Every relationship looks different, but a healthy relationship should include trust, communication, and respect (and maybe some puppies). It’s important that partners communicate honestly, share feelings (both good and bad), and respect each other’s limits, boundaries, opinions, feelings, and privacy. Even in healthy relationships, there may be times when you argue, disagree, or just need some alone time. These things are also healthy as long as everyone feels respected! Everyone deserves to be in a relationship that makes them feel safe and happy (even on those rainy days).

  Anyone can be abusive, regardless of their gender. No matter who is doing the abusing, it is never okay, and it’s important to get support and help if you feel you’re being abused. Abuse can be physical, mental, emotional, and sexual. No one deserves to be in an abusive relationship.

  HOW CAN I ASK FOR HELP IN A SITUATION WHERE A PERSON MAKES ME FEEL UNSAFE?

  If you are feeling unsafe or threatened in the moment, first try to see if there is support near you. If there are other people around, go directly to them and ask for help. If there is no one around, try to calmly leave the situation or call the police. Something doesn’t have to physically happen to you to make a situation bad/uncomfortable/unsafe. Whenever you feel unsafe or scared (even if something just feels off or doesn’t feel right), it’s important to reach out for support and tell an adult you trust. Remember that feeling in your stomach that says “this isn’t right”? Again, it is okay to listen to that feeling, even if what’s happening doesn’t seem like a “big deal.” No matter what happens, you are not at fault—only the person who is being threatening is at fault.

  There are different reasons why someone might abuse someone else, including a desire to have power, a desire to control their partner, or their own insecurity. People who abuse might try to make the person they are hurting feel like it’s their own fault; they might do this by blaming the person for making them angry, or they might say they are hurting the person because they love them. Remember, abuse is never okay in any situation, and if you’re being abused, know that it is not your fault.

  WHY DON’T PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS?

  This isn’t easy to answer. People stay in relationships for many different reasons. Leaving a relationship isn’t always simple. A
busive relationships often follow the same patterns, with moments of deep love and connection (honeymoon), followed by tension building and an abusive explosion. This cycle often repeats itself again and again. People might stay in abusive and unhealthy relationships because of fear, lack of outside support, lack of money, emotional trauma, and so many other reasons. We should never judge a person in this type of relationship. What people in abusive relationships need more than anything is support from friends and family. If you notice a friend in a relationship that isn’t safe, or if a friend tells you they are being abused, talking to a trusted adult is important. Even if a friend asks you not to tell, it is important to get support both for yourself and for your friend. Support can look like talking to a trusted adult, calling a hotline, or talking to the police.

  Cycle of Abuse

  You have a right to have other friends, no matter their gender, and to have those relationships respected. Trying to control who a partner hangs out with could be a sign of jealousy. Jealousy is a human emotion that almost everyone will feel in their lives. (Like when you see your two best friends are hanging out without you!) We can’t always control how we feel, but we can control what we do about those feelings. Spending time with and having other friends is not only healthy for you, but it is also a sign of trust and respect in a relationship. If you feel uncomfortable, or don’t like that your partner has made this request, it’s important to talk to them about it.

  SHOULD I GIVE MY PARTNER MY PASSWORDS?

  Depends. If your password is SlipperyBaNaNa2032, maybe don’t share it because it’s embarrassing. But really, we all use passwords to protect our privacy and personal information. Whether you decide to share your passwords with a partner is your choice. In some relationships partners share passwords, and in others they don’t. It’s never okay for someone to demand your passwords if you aren’t comfortable giving them out. You have the right to keep your password private if you wish. If you are deciding whether you want to share your passwords, it’s important to think about why your partner is asking. If they are asking because they don’t trust that you’re doing what you say, then it may be helpful to have a deeper conversation about what trust means to each of you. If they are asking because the random choice of SlipperyBa-NaNa2032 as a password is a deal breaker, then that’s different. Either way, you get to decide what is comfortable to you.

  Yes. If someone pressures another person to do something sexual, then they can get in big trouble with the law, with school, and/or at home. It is never okay to pressure someone—that’s wrong. When someone gives consent (says “yes” to sexual activities including touching and kissing), it has to be freely given. If it’s not freely given, then it’s not consent. Having conversations about what you want, what you don’t want, and each person’s boundaries is necessary in healthy relationships. But once someone sets their boundaries, it is important to respect them. If their boundaries don’t match what you are looking for in a relationship, then you can decide if that is the right relationship for you. If it is not the right relationship for you, then that is okay! If it is the right relationship for you, then you are accepting the boundaries your partner is setting.

  Check out the consent chapter to learn more!

  That’s never fun. Only you know what is right for you in terms of who you date, and it’s always okay to say no. It’s possible that saying no may hurt their feelings, but that isn’t enough of a reason to do something that doesn’t feel right for you. No one wants to go out with someone who only said yes because they felt bad. Eventually you would have to be honest about your feelings, and it is much kinder to do it right away. Your feelings matter too. Some examples of how to turn down a date are, “I’m sorry, but I’m not interested,” “No thank you,” and “I like hanging out with you as a friend—can we keep doing that instead?” Being upfront and assertive with your feelings doesn’t mean that you are being unkind.

  Broken hearts hurt because a person is dealing with the reality that things aren’t how they want them to be. For example, maybe someone didn’t like them back, they’re dealing with a breakup, or they miss someone. Almost everyone will feel brokenhearted at some point in their lives. Some people describe feeling a physical pain in their chest, like their heart actually hurts. Many people have a range of emotions: sad, angry, disappointed, irritable, relieved, confused, and so many more. And these feelings may change day to day, or even hour to hour, and usually get a little easier with time. Sometimes people don’t want to be broken up, which could be especially difficult, and sometimes they do, but they still care about the other person. These emotions can feel very intense, sometimes overwhelming. If it ever feels overwhelming, it can help to talk or write about your feelings. Even though breakups can be hard, it’s important to respect each other’s decisions.

  Tips for handling a breakup:

  Don’t hold your feelings inside—find a trusted person to talk to

  Hang out with friends

  Ice cream

  Give yourself some space from the ex

  More ice cream (unless you’re lactose intolerant and then . . . cookies?)

  WHEN DO I KNOW IF I SHOULD END IT OR STAY WITH MY BOYFRIEND?

  Wouldn’t it be nice if a relationship was like a video game where you can hit reset? But that’s not how it works, and we can’t just start all over. So when deciding if your relationship has about run out of lives, a good place to start is to think about if you’re happy and if you’re getting what you want from the partnership. It’s okay to want to end the relationship even if you can’t put your finger on why. Sometimes it can help to talk it out. This may mean talking with your partner, to find out how they’re feeling about the relationship, or with your friends or family, to get their opinions. Relationships take a lot of work, and sometimes you have to decide if it’s worth it to you to keep working through an issue. In some relationships it is very clear why things aren’t working, and in some it’s not. Romantic relationships are relationships we get to choose to be in. In the end, whether you stay in the relationship is up to you.

  WHAT SHOULD YOU DO IF YOU LIKE A BOY AND YOUR FRIEND DOES TOO?

  Yep, this can be difficult. You can’t control who you’re attracted to (and neither can your friend), but you can control what you do about it. When you have a crush, you can choose to keep it to yourself, share it with someone, or tell the person you have a crush on. When you and your friend have the same crush, it can make it much more complicated. It can help to talk to your friend about your feelings and what you want to do next, and listen to their reaction. Depending on what you decide, it is possible that it could change your relationship with your friend. No matter what you decide, it’s important that you and your friend are respectful of each other.

  WHAT IS LOVE?

  Romantic love isn’t easy to define. Most people would say it is a strong feeling of caring or desire for another person. Some signs that a person is in love include thinking about the person often, being attracted to them, and feeling excited to be around them (sometimes nervous, too). But, every single person can feel love and experience love in different ways! Talking to someone you trust, like a friend or family member, can help you sort out what you’re feeling.

  Guess what—every person wonders this at some point in their life, and honestly, whether you know it or not, someone has probably had a crush on you (or will eventually). When that happens, you might like them, too, or you might not. Likewise, you might have a crush on someone, and they don’t feel the same way about you. It can hurt when someone doesn’t return our feelings, but we cannot make someone have feelings for us. Hang in there, you will find someone. Everyone deserves to be with someone who feels the same about them.

  It can be really difficult to not feel supported in your relationship. However, you get to decide what’s best for you and whether you stay in a relationship with your partner. Sometimes friends and family may see things in our relationship that we don’t. Often the adults in our lives ha
ve more experience with relationships and can give us insight and advice. They may notice controlling behavior, jealousy, or other things that might be unhealthy. It can be helpful to talk to them about their concerns. This can also provide an opportunity for you to let them know how you feel about your partner, and how they can support you. Often these people just want what is best for you.

  CHAPTER NINE

  “HOW DO I TELL MY PARTNER NO?”

  AND OTHER QUESTIONS ABOUT CONSENT

  *Trigger Warning*

  Talking about consent and sexual abuse can cause many emotions. This chapter covers topics about physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. Please take care of yourself when reading, and talk to a trusted adult if you need support. For resources, Click Here.

  Simply put: consent is giving permission. In more detail, consent is saying “yes” to a sexual activity. It’s important to get someone’s consent without using coercion (force). An easy way to remember consent is to think about fries. Yeah, like what you eat! FRIES stands for: