Be Careful What You Wish For: Three women, three men, three deaths (Kitty Thomas)

by Sue Nicholls

  She jerks her body away, grabs her clutch bag from the windowsill and hurries downstairs to say goodbye to the two children, who are snuggled up with their teenage babysitter. As it is near to bedtime, they are quietly watching cartoons on the television.

  They drive in silence towards Maurice’s office Christmas party. The firm is not large, with some 20 employees. Most are young men and women, brash and hungry for house sales, others, rather like Maurice, are paunchy, married men.

  They park in the street and Twitch pulls her flimsy wrap round her shoulders. Inside, the restaurant is bright with fairy lights and hanging baubles. Maurice is hailed by a crowd of male and female colleagues at the bar and he and Twitch join them. Soon Maurice is knocking back a pint. Standing beside him Twitch sips sparkling water and studies the females in the group, wondering which one could have fancied her husband. After deciding that none of these women would be so stupid, she raises her eyes to her surroundings. At a dining table nearby, she recognises a group of wives and strolls to join them, wishing the night were over.

  The women chat and husbands turn up occasionally to offer more beverages. At the bar, the noise is rising, and Maurice is getting drunk.

  Eventually the men come over, and Maurice slumps into a seat on Twitch’s right.

  ‘How is my loving wife?’ He leers at her and flaps his fingers either side of his head like quotation marks. Twitch stares at him coldly and turns to the man sitting on her left and asks about his plans for Christmas. Maurice mauls at her arm. ‘Won’t talk to your own husband then. Rather chat up someone else’s, huh?’

  ‘Steady on Maurice, mate.’ The fellow stretches across Twitch and places a hand on Maurice’s arm.

  ‘Fancy her then do you, Sebastian? Well don’t expect any rumpy pumpy.’

  Enough. Twitch launches herself upright and her chair topples to the carpet behind her. At neighbouring tables, the Christmas revelry subdues. Ignoring everyone else, Twitch looks down at Maurice. ‘I’m going home. Come if you want a lift.’

  He grimaces and flaps her away. ‘Naah. I’ll gedda taxi. You bugger off, you’re no fun anyway.’

  Twitch stalks between diners, her eyes straight ahead. Shiny decorations wave and weave as she pulls open the doors and lurches into the icy darkness.

  In the sanctuary of the car she rocks and weeps until she is emptied of shame and fury, then rams the vehicle into gear and drives home. According to the clock on the dashboard it is 9:30, at least the children will be in bed.

  In the driveway, red, swollen eyes stare at her from the mirror. Her cheeks are streaked with Mascara. Because she cannot think of a plausible explanation for her appearance, she decides to give Mia a condensed version of the truth. Letting herself into the hall she calls, ‘Don’t worry, it’s only me.’ and pokes her puffed face round the lounge door. ‘Had a bit of a disagreement with Maurice, I’m afraid.’

  The girl looks embarrassed. ‘Oh dear.’

  Twitch does not wish to prolong the conversation any more than is necessary. ‘I’ll pay you for the full four hours. Lucky you, you get a night off with full pay.’ She raises her hand to prevent further conversation. ‘Would you mind finding your own way home, Mia. I’m a bit tired.’

  ‘Not at all, Mrs Roman. Are you sure you’ll be alright?’

  ‘I’ll be fine. I just need a good night’s sleep.’

  The girl gathers her belongings. ‘Bye then – hope it’s all OK.’

  Twitch pours a large gin and falls into an armchair. She gazes round her arty and eclectic lounge with new eyes. She has put her soul into this house, but it is no longer home. She envies Fee her career. Something outside the home to focus on, a passport to another life. There must be an occupation for Twitch somewhere. She rises from the chair and fetches the local paper.

  Poring over vacancies, dipping in and out of possible opportunities, she is distressed to find the job descriptions and requirements so daunting. Her mind weaves around, looking for an escape route, and finally she puts the paper aside and picks up the phone. Listening to the burr burr on the line she takes a deep, shuddering breath. ‘Hi’ Her voice sounds strange.

  ‘Is that you, Twitch?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘What is it? What’s the matter?

  ‘I can’t talk now, and I can’t come over because Maurice is out and the babysitter’s gone home.’ She looks at the gin. ‘And I’ve had too much to drink.’ A sob escapes her, and Fee’s concern pours from the earpiece.

  ‘How about tomorrow?’ Fee offers, ‘Could we get together when the children are at school? I’ll ring work and tell them I’ll be in late.’

  Twitch tries to control her mouth. ‘Would you mind? I’m at my wit’s end.’

  When she has ended the call, she flops back into her chair. During the short conversation she has made a decision.

  ***

  Fee greets her with a hug and leads the way into the living room.

  Twitch studies the shabby walls and lofty ceilings.

  ‘It’ll perk up when I’ve put a coat of paint on it.’ Fee’s face is apologetic.

  ‘It’s got lots of potential.’ Twitch begins to redesign the room in her mind.

  ‘I could do with a decorator. Work’s manic at the moment and I’m dashing here, there and everywhere. ‘

  ‘You need help.’ Twitch fixes her eyes on Fee. ‘I could do all that for you. The decorating, dealing with Kitty, cleaning, weeding. Then you could concentrate on work.’

  Fee stares at her friend in silence, and Twitch shrugs her shoulders. ‘I’ve decided…’ She hesitates. ‘I’m going to leave Maurice. I’m not qualified to do anything, and you need a housekeeper. You could pay me a wage and I could find somewhere to live or,’ she takes a breath, ‘I could move in here rent free and keep house for you. I’d have to bring the children of course.’ She stops herself from adding that it will be a squash.

  Fee drops into an armchair and stares up at Twitch, then shakes herself. ‘Sit down Twitch. Sorry to hesitate it’s just that I’m finally alone after so long and I’m still licking my wounds a bit.’ She stands again. ‘Let me make us a drink.’ She holds up her hand as Twitch starts to rise, ‘No. You stay here, I won’t be long.’

  Twitch subsides again and watches Fee’s back. This was a daft idea. Fee will not want another person under her newly acquired roof.

  ***

  In the kitchen Fee fills the kettle and opens cupboards and drawers, thinking about Twitch’s proposal. In all honesty, after their fantasy at the beach-hut, the idea of the others moving in with her has been at the back of her mind. Also, although she was desperate to leave Paul, now that she is here, she finds herself lonely. And she is frustrated that she has no time to work on the house and garden.

  As she drops two teabags into mugs and pours on boiling water, she weighs the advantages of Twitch’s proposal, against its potential problems. Although they are good friends - close companions by now - living together is quite a different prospect from sharing confidences across a table.

  She wonders how the children will get on, and it dawns on her that she should consult Kitty before making a firm decision. She drops the sodden teabags into the bin and with the two china mugs in her hand, returns to the lounge with a smile on her face. Twitch is still crumpled in the chair but now her face is in her hands, and her shoulders are shaking.

  Putting down the cups Fee crosses the room and props a hip onto the edge of Twitch’s chair, wrapping an arm round her friend’s shoulders. Twitch’s body heaves as they sit quietly, listening to children’s shouts from the park opposite.

  At last Twitch fumbles in her sleeve for a scrubby tissue and straightens her body to blow her nose. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. It’s too much to demand of anyone.’ She wipes under her eyes with her fingers to clean up smudged mascara.

  ‘I’m glad you asked me dear friend. It just took me a bit by surprise.’ Fee pokes out her bottom lip. ‘You know me, I need to think things through
, I’m not good at knee-jerk decisions.’

  Twitch lifts her face and meet’s Fee’s wry expression, and Fee squeezes her shoulders. ‘I can’t say yes or no. I need to talk to Kitty. You need to think about Sam and Josh, too. How will they react? It’s not just about us, is it?’

  ‘Well whatever I do will be hard on them. I just thought we’d muddle through really. They’re young enough to adapt.’ Twitch stuffs the tissue back into her sleeve.

  ‘They will adjust, but I know from my experience with Kitty that it will affect them in ways you can’t predict. Their confidence will be knocked, and they might have problems with friendships, school, sleeping, I don’t know what else.’

  She slips her arm from behind Twitch and rises to fetch her drink. ‘Here, have some tea, it’s good for the nerves.’

  Twitch takes the cup and sips, holding the mug in two shaky hands to stop it from slopping.

  Fee sits opposite and rewards her with a smile. ‘My first instinct was to say yes to you; I hope you believe me. I need help and I’d love some company. I find I’m not very good on my own. But we need to discuss how to make it work. Who would sleep where, what we do with the children, what jobs you’d be prepared to take on, and how we organise access for our husbands.’

  Twitch smiles and gives a small nod. ‘You’re right. I was so desperate to escape that I haven’t thought it through properly. I just want to run away with the children under my arms. I suppose that’s not fair on anyone.’

  ‘Well that’s more or less what I did, but no, it wasn’t fair. And if you move in, which would be lovely I think, we need to make sure it works. One broken home for the children is a problem, but two would be disastrous.

  They grin across the room, and then Twitch appraises the walls.

  ‘I can see this room in a soft peach,’ she says.

  ***

  Downstairs Maurice and Twitch’s front door opens and closes. Twitch pictures her husband taking in the pile of suitcases in the hall. Footsteps creak on treads but she continues with her task of wiping out drawers. He stops at the open door to the spare room, but she does not yet look up.

  Shutting the last drawer, she rises from her knees and turns to confront his expressionless face.

  ‘I’ll leave my new address on the kitchen table. I’ve told the children I’ll pick them up from school, but we’ll be back with a van at the weekend to collect the rest of our stuff.’ She clamps her jaws to control the tremble of her lips, and after a tense moment, Maurice turns away and goes into the bedroom next door.

  Chapter 13

  ‘It’s going to be very snug for all of you,’ grunts Millie. Standing on one leg she waves her foot behind her to locate the threshold, while her hands clutch one end of Twitch’s chest of drawers.

  Twitch hefts the other side, and they dump the piece of furniture in the hall.

  A Luton box van stands at the kerb, its rear shutter rolled up. It is not full but it was the only transport Twitch could find.

  ‘Thanks for helping me Millie. I was wondering how I’d manage without Fee.’

  ‘Where is she?’ Millie plops her buttocks onto the bottom stair and massages her fingers.

  ‘In Bath. She organised a work thing ages ago. Bonding? Something like that.’

  The sound of the backdoor interrupts them and five children troop through kitchen towards them. Kitty leads Lucas and Olivia, and they are followed by Sam and Josh. All the children look disorientated.

  ‘I’ll make drinks… and biscuits?’ Twitch is upbeat. Sam nods and for once, she does not remind him of his manners.

  While Twitch pours apple juice, Millie looks around. The place has a rented air. Movement outside attracts her attention, and her eyes meet those of a round, even-featured face grinning in the porch. She scrambles to her feet and dusts her palms on her behind.

  ‘Hi.’ The woman takes a step onto the mat. ‘I’m Nicola.’ She gestures to her right. ‘From next door. I thought I’d come and see how you’re getting on. ‘

  She cranes her head towards the kitchen where the children grasp tumblers and regard her balefully.

  ‘Hello, hello. Which one of you is Kitty? Let me guess.’ She directs her index finger to one side of the group of children and moves it past each one until it points at tiny Josh. ‘Is it you?’

  Kitty smiles at Nicola. ‘No. That’s Josh. He’s a boy. Try again.’ Nicola indicates Olivia’s dark face and tight curls.’ It must be you then.

  Kitty squeals with laughter, ‘No, it’s me.’

  Nicola puts on an amazed expression ‘Oh, so you’re Kitty. Your mum told me about you because we thought you and my Annie could be friends. I would have called in earlier but I’m a teacher and I always seem to be busy. Now I’m here, I wonder if all you children would like to meet mine. They’re hoping you’ll have a picnic with them in our house, if that’s OK with your mums.’ She raises her eyebrows at Millie and Twitch.

  ‘Fine by me,’ says Millie.

  Twitch nods. ‘Thank you.’

  They troop off, and Twitch gives Millie an anguished look. ‘This is so difficult. I didn’t think they’d mind so much. Maurice ignored them most of the time, but they seem to want him with them.’

  ‘Children don’t like change, but they’ll adapt. Look at Kitty, she’s recovering already, and they’ve only been here a short while.

  Twitch nods.

  ‘I hope you’re right. Let’s get this thing upstairs.’

  ***

  The van is empty, and they sit on the newly erected bed, their limbs aching. Millie cannot dispel a pang of envy. Tomorrow, Mick’s mother arrives to stay with her for a few days. Gloria and Mick have arranged the visit without consultation, although Millie would not have objected.

  This morning, Mick had wanted Millie to stay at home to make sure the house was up to his mother’s exacting standards. They’d argued, but Millie had already promised Twitch, so after a few choice words she raged out of the house, her left arm clutching a squawking Lucas, and her right hand clamped round Olivia’s reluctant fingers. The children bawled as she forced them into seats and drove too fast to Fee’s. Now she feels guilty. Furthermore, she is uncomfortable that they are still next door.

  ‘Can you manage now?’ She asks. Twitch also seems pensive.

  ‘Yes. I was thinking that we should rescue poor Nicola from our children. I’ll have to invite her round for a drink one evening, to say thank you’.

  During Millie’s drive home, the back seat is silent. She squints through her rear-view mirror. ‘Did you have a good time?’

  Lucas has his thumb in his mouth, his lids are drooping, but Olivia’s bright, brown eyes sparkle back.

  ‘We had a picnic on the carpet then we played battleships, then we went on the trampoline. Mummy, can we live there?’

  Millie’s eyes shoot back to the glass.

  ‘What do you mean Livvie?’

  ‘’You and me and Lucas and Daddy, we could live in a house there. Then we could play with Kitty and Sam, and Josh, and Annie, and …’

  ‘I don’t think Daddy would be keen on moving, Lovey. He’s got so much to do at work. Moving house is hard you know?’

  ‘Well, Aunty Twitch did it.’

  ‘Mm.’ Millie turns her eyes back to the road. They are almost home.

  ***

  ‘What you got all this stuff in here for?’ Gloria waves a handful of string, pens, batteries and other detritus from a kitchen drawer.

  ‘Oh, I don’t know.’ Millie tries to sound unconcerned. ‘It’s things we don’t need every day but it’s handy to have nearby.’

  ‘Well, you could organize it a bit better than this,’ Gloria says. ‘You got some bags or boxes or somethin’?’

  ‘Sorry. No. I haven’t.’

  Gloria tuts, and rattles in the drawer trying to sort it out. ‘You could save some margarine tubs and put the batteries in one, and these elastic bands in another.’ Millie ignores her and concentrates on the soapy breakfast bowls.<
br />
  Gloria’s voice at her shoulder makes her jump.

  ‘You got too much washin’ up liquid there,’ she peers into the washing up bowl, ‘an’ if you wait until the bowl’s full of water before you put it in, you won’t get all them bubbles.

  ‘Where’s a tea towel?’ Gloria opens and closes drawers, exclaiming at their shameful state. When she finds them, she unfurls a linen rectangle ‘Don’t you iron these?’

  Millie sighs.

  ‘They could do with a soak in biological powder. I’ll do that next.’ Gloria goes on.

  ‘Whatever you want, Gloria.’ Millie uses a corner of Gloria’s tea towel to dab her fingers.

  ‘Hand towel,’ exclaims Gloria. ‘Don’t dry your hands on this.’

  For goodness sake. Millie stalks into the garden to calm down. Gloria has been here less than one day and already she is intolerable. Millie longs to disappear for the week leaving Gloria and Mick to it. She would do it if she were a different person. She would stroll through the kitchen, smiling sweetly, go to her room and pack a bag, leave a note on the hall table, and walk out of the door. It is tempting. When the Pankhursts tried to free women from oppression, it was the dominance of men they were fighting. What would they have thought of women dominating each other?

  The garden is cold, and she hugs her arms against the wind. Her mind goes, as it has often done of late, to Fee and Twitch, snuggled into their little house with nobody telling them what to do. She marches back through the kitchen, ignoring Gloria, and lifts the phone in the sitting room to dial Fee’s mobile.

  ‘Hi Millie.’ Fee’s voice lifts in enquiry.

  ‘Hi Fee. Are you in?’ She hears traffic rumbling in the background and knows the answer.

  ‘I’m in town. I’ll be home in about half an hour. Is everything OK?’

  ‘I need to escape for a while.’ Millie kicks at the bookshelves.

  ‘Twitch is home if you need a friend.’

  In the kitchen Gloria is opening and closing cupboards.

  ‘I’ll be round shortly.’ She hangs up and stalks into the hall. Her jacket, the one Lucas was sick on, is hanging from a hook, and she lifts it down and opens the door.