Be Careful What You Wish For: Three women, three men, three deaths (Kitty Thomas)

by Sue Nicholls

  From his usual cock-kneed, flop-haired position, Max’s mouth curves, and his eyes gleam as though Paul has handed him a gift. ‘I’m glad you’ve decided to stop. It’s a sign you’re coming to terms with the breakup. From what you’ve told me, Kitty is quite open about her home life. Fee keeps you informed about school and holidays and so on, I imagine.’

  Paul wriggles his behind into the corner of his seat and props his legs straight out in front of him with his heels on the carpet, under the table. ‘Well, I find out about school from Kitty. Since you mentioned her reading and homework and so on, I’ve been taking quite an interest. She’s a bright little thing. There’s a parents’ evening coming up and I’m going to suggest to Fee that we both go. She does belong to us both after all.’ His brow bounces in and out of a brief frown. ‘As for holidays, Fee hasn’t been on holiday for ages though, well apart from a quick trip to Whitstable a while back.’

  Max pokes his pen behind his ear, then pulls it out again and places it on the table, parallel to the edge. ‘Did Kitty tell you about Whitstable?’

  Paul cocks one leg over the other. ‘I suppose she must have done.’

  There is a short silence before Paul says, ‘I still feel annoyed with Fee, sometimes. I wish I could see more of Kitty. You’ve no idea how many nights I spend turning everything over in my head, planning ridiculous kidnaps or hoping something bad will happen.’

  Max is staring hard at Paul.

  ‘Sad things have happened to them too Paul. Is there anything you want to tell me about that?’

  Paul shrugs his shoulders and pulls his water glass towards him. ‘Course not.’ He takes a sip and looks straight into Max’s eyes.

  Chapter 58

  Fee steps into the calm hallway of Will’s home and meets the enticing aroma of Moules Mariniere. Will hugs her and takes her through to the lounge. Holiday brochures are stacked on the coffee table, but he ignores them, enquiring about her day and concentrating on her responses. She tells of the police visit.

  ‘They seem to be taking it seriously. That's good, isn't it?’ Max says.

  ‘I’m scared, though. What if Twitch doesn’t come back? Where can she be? Is she hurt somewhere? Oh God.’ She hugs her body, and her ribs dig into her forearms.

  ‘Fee, darling. There's nothing you can do, so try and forget it for now. Think about this evening, our last hours together before I go away - and the divine meal I’ve cooked.’ He smirks. ‘In fact, it’s about ready. Come and eat it and have a glass of Chablis.’ He rises and pulls her into his compact kitchen, where wine glasses and cutlery are arranged with military precision.

  With an effort she pushes Twitch from her mind. ‘Pour me a glass of that wine then.’

  The wine splashes into the glass and condensation forms on its outside. She takes a sip and feels the chill traveling to her stomach. Will places a bowl of moules before her and sits opposite, raising his glass. ‘To life,’ he says, ‘And food.’ He grins at her. ‘Tuck in or it’ll go cold.’

  The mussels are delicious, and Fee mops up the garlicky liquor with crusty bread. Soon the warmth of the food and crisp coolness of the wine impose their influences. She holds her glass in both hands, with her elbows on the table and asks, ‘What have you been doing with yourself since I last saw you?’

  ‘Worrying. I was worried you’d run away.’ He looks into her eyes. ‘I know you said it was OK, but then you didn’t call me, and I thought I’d blown it.’ He hurries on as she tries to compose an answer. ‘You were right. I can’t expect you to think about anything long term right now. I’m sorry.’ He cocks his head on one side. ‘I’ve been looking at holidays.’ He flaps his hand at her to intercept her objection. ‘On my own. I don’t expect you to come with me this time, but maybe some other time.’ His voice drops at the end of the last sentence. A statement rather than a question.

  They share fruit and cheese, then Will makes espresso coffees, which they carry back into the lounge leaving the dirty dishes on the table. They sit side by side in the dints they had left in the sofa cushions (Gloria would have plumped them up). Will leans forwards and grabs a brochure from the top of the heap. He shuffles closer and puts his arm around her. ‘I’m thinking I might go here.’ A torn strip of paper marks his place, and he flips the magazine open, laying its slippery cover across her knees. ‘It looks pretty nice. What do you think?’

  She lifts the book. There are the usual royal blue seas and perfect models on white beaches, but the sumptuous hotel with every possible luxury looks fabulous. ‘It looks lovely.’ She drops it back quickly. ‘I’m sure you’ll have a lovely time there. You deserve a rest after working so hard on this place,’ she indicates her surroundings, ‘And trailing back and forth across the North Sea.’

  Will’s voice is soft. ‘Don’t you think you deserve a break too?’ He squeezes her shoulder. ‘My life is a doddle compared to everything you’ve been through.’

  ‘Will, I’m still going through it. How can I go on holiday now?’

  ‘Not now. September, or October, or even November if you prefer. Surely Twitch will be back by then, and if not, I think you can assume she’s not coming.’

  ‘Maybe that’s true.’ Fee thinks of that hotel, a temporary escape from her stomach twisting anxiety, time to get to know Will better, to decide about his proposal of marriage. ‘Maybe…’ She pauses.

  ‘Maybe? You mean you might come?’ Will’s face lights up and he does not give her a chance to say that she meant that perhaps he was right about Twitch’s return.

  Now, he is full of plans. ‘I’ve made enquiries and we can have a suite, with a deck outside. It overlooks the sea.’ He wraps his arms about her, pulling her closer and Fee senses his desire. He speaks softly into her hair. ‘We can sip cocktails and make love all night.’ His hand moves to her breast and he begins to undo her buttons. He kisses her eyes, her ears then her neck, then his lips move to one of her breasts, while his hand caresses the other. Very softly, his incisors nibble her erect nipple making her body arch, and her need for him prevents thoughts of anything else. His mouth moves over her body, and he pulls her down the settee, putting his head between her thighs. In this moment, nothing seems more important.

  They make long slow love, and when she climaxes Fee screams out, her head back, in an abandon she has never before experienced. Tears course from her eyes and into her ears. Will pulls her to his naked chest and holds her tightly until she has cried herself empty.

  Later, they dress, and Will makes coffee. Two hours have passed in this place of safety, without a thought of home. Fee decides Will is right: wherever Twitch is, she will have turned up by November. ‘We could catch fish and cook them on the beach.’

  Will’s head snaps up with a look of pure delight. ‘You mean you’ll really come?’

  ‘Well, I seem to have agreed to it without realising.’ She smiles.

  Chapter 59

  The house at Crispin Road is becoming tatty. It is not Gloria’s fault; she is doing her best, but she is not a young woman. She is, however, brilliant with the children. Although bossy, she exudes a quality of security, with her old-fashioned views and motherly way of enforcing them.

  In the kitchen today, the two women are catching up with the cleaning. Fee is on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor along the edge of the cooker. ‘We ought to pull this out really.’

  ‘Hmm, I think we need a man to help with that.’ Gloria kneels on the work top, her breath coming out in puffs and grunts as she polishes the panes of the big sash windows. She pauses to study the stove. ‘It’s a big thing that cooker.’

  ‘Yes,’ Fee looks at Millie’s substantial gas range, ‘Perhaps you’re right.’ Fee has something else on her mind. ‘Gloria?’

  ‘Mm?’ Gloria leans back on her haunches to check for smears, and Fee continues, ‘How are you enjoying your stay here?’

  Gloria looks over her shoulder. ‘Enjoyin'? I love it. I’d forgotten how wonderful little ones are. I feel useful, and I can
see my Mick and Lucas and Olivia as much as I like. Why? You want me to go?’

  ‘Go? No. No. That’s the last thing I want. I love having you here. I don’t want you to go at all. I’m worried that I’m keeping you from your home and your friends.’

  ‘Well, my house is just fine. My neighbour’s lookin’ after it. I haven’t got much garden, not like here, so he hasn’t got a lot to do, really.’ She dips her cloth in a bowl of water and squeezes it. ‘I love this garden. Wait till I have that vegetable patch planted up with onions and chillies - and potatoes and carrots and maybe some soft fruit. Ooh, I can make jam and pies for you all. We could even keep chickens - have fresh eggs.’

  Fee lets out a breath that she did not know she was holding. ‘Oh Gloria, you don’t know how happy that makes me. Come down from there and let me give you a hug.’

  Gloria looks embarrassed. ‘You don’t have to do that. I’m happy to be of help. You’re helpin’ me too you know? I was OK down there in Fulham, but I never realised how much better it is to have your family right under your roof with you. She stops and pulls a pained face. ‘These knees are hurtin’ a bit. I might come down for a while after all. Let’s have a cup of tea and one of the kiddies’ cakes.’ She struggles into a sitting position, her legs dangling over the front of a cupboard, and Fee moves a chair for her to climb down, then goes to fill the kettle. ‘I’m not goin’ to use that dratted phone though.’ Gloria nods at the new mobile on the work top. ‘Don’t know why you bought me such a thing.’

  ‘It will be useful if I need to contact you while you’re out.’

  ‘But it’s so tiny. It’s neat, I’ll admit that, but I keep pressin’ three buttons at once. And when it rings it makes me jump.’

  ‘You don’t need to use it all the time, just keep it charged up in case of emergency. Say you broke down in the car, you could call the AA or Mick or me to rescue you. I’m positive you’ll be glad of it one day. It’s another kind of insurance really.’

  Fee wonders if she should mention her holiday with Will. Now she has agreed to go, she feels awkward about asking Gloria to hold the fort. She carries their mugs to the table and Gloria brings the cake tin and pulls off the lid to study its contents. ‘Bit on the brown side,’ she observes, and takes a healthy bite from an orange flavoured fairy cake, chewing analytically. ‘Not too bad though. They’re getting’ quite good at cakes, those kiddies.’

  ‘Thanks to you Gloria. Millie and Twitch used to cook with them regularly. They were missing it. Think how lovely it'll be to put home-made jam into sandwich cakes next summer. They’ll love that…’ Fee realises suddenly that she is assuming Gloria will still be there that far hence.

  They stare at one another, and Gloria puts down her cake. ‘She’ll be back by then, makin’ her own jam.’

  ‘Yes.’

  Chapter 60

  House to house enquiries have turned up nothing. One or two people saw Twitch leaving home on her bike that evening but nobody saw her en route to the school where her art classes were held. They found no helpful CCTV footage in the town and there were no cameras on the country roads, so the police have pulled back, apparently now it is a waiting game. With no clue to where Twitch went, a television appeal would be pointless.

  Josh and Sam are the main concern. They have stayed with Maurice most weekends and although the other children miss them, it is the best arrangement. When the two boys are here, they are withdrawn. Both have lost weight and Fee is worried about them. Apart from Gloria gossiping and laughing, the house is subdued.

  Fee pulls her car out of the drive, heading to town. As she enters the main street a figure catches her eye. It looks like Will, but it is someone with a similar gait. She keeps doing this - she has seen Twitch a few times too. It is amazing how many women look like her.

  The car stops and starts, crawling past the wine bar where she and Will met on that first lunch date. When her office comes into view on the left, she turns hard into the little car park. It is chock-a-block - she had not expected that. In the normal course of events Fee would be first in and last out, so the capacity of the car park had never crossed her mind. She backs and fills to turn the long car round in the cramped space and pulls back into the traffic. After cruising slowly along side streets, she pulls into a spot and marches back down two long roads to the building.

  The code for the door has changed, and she presses the intercom for access. She looks at the security camera so they can see who she is and is startled when an unfamiliar voice from the speaker asks, ‘Can I help you?’

  ‘Fee Thomas, I’m here to see Jim Thoroughgood.’

  The door buzzes and she pushes her way into the foyer, relieved that nothing has changed here at least. The low seats, polished plants and gleaming lift evoke in Fee the same resigned familiarity that she once felt on returning home to her parents from university. She would enjoy her time with her mother but would be glad to leave afterwards. This visit to the office is different though.

  On the first floor, she steps from lift into the familiar space. Ranks of programmers arranged in rows on a powder blue carpet. Each industrious worker in a beehive pod. At the end of the room, in a glass office Jim is tipped back in his wide chair looking at the ceiling, a phone clamped to his ear. She walks up the aisle between the cubicles feeling eyes turn towards her and passes Nick with his shirt sleeves hitched up. His fingers pause on his keyboard and he looks at her. She nods a greeting, and he says, ‘Hi Fee, how are you?’

  ‘Fine thanks Nick. You?’

  ‘Good thanks.’

  Neither of them really cares. She moves on and meets the eyes of her boss through the glass partition. As soon as he sees her his body straightens, his elbow pokes out in readiness to end his call. Then he is at the door.

  ‘Fee, how great to see you!’ He gives her a hug and ushers her to a chair opposite his own. ‘Would you like a coffee or tea?’

  She could be a guest. ‘No thanks Jim.’ She settles into the chair and crosses her ankles. ‘It's good to see you. How are things going here?’

  ‘Well, they've been better to be honest. We heard last week that we’ve lost the Hampton contract.’

  Hampton’s has been the main source of business for the company for the past ten years or so. Losing the contract will be a big blow.

  ‘I’m sorry to hear that but actually, it makes it easier for me to tell you this.’

  Jim raises his eyebrows. ‘Out with it, Fee, I hope it’s not what I think it is.’

  ‘I’ve decided to leave, Jim. All this business with Millie and Twitch has knocked us all for six. I’m not at all ready to come back to work and the children need me at home. I don’t think it’s feasible for me to stay. I’m sorry.’

  Her boss pokes out his bottom lip like a thwarted child, but Fee has a suspicion he is relieved. ‘You had a brilliant future here.’ he meets her eyes briefly, ‘But I do understand. I hope things work out for you.’ He clears his throat and glances through the glass of his office at the ranks of pods.

  Fee nods her head silently, feeling as if her life has lost its purpose.

  Then Jim pushes back his chair and rises to his feet to open the door for her. ‘I wish you every success in the future and if there’s ever anything I can do to help you please let me know.’

  ‘Thanks Jim. You never know, I may take you up on that one day.’ Fee smiles sadly wondering if either of them is being genuine.

  On her final journey through the room, she stops occasionally at a desk to bid farewell to a colleague. She will miss it here, but her thoughts are already moving to the day ahead.

  Chapter 61

  Monday morning in Maurice's house. Ugh! School and work.

  The phone rings while he is cleaning his teeth. Shouting foamily to Sam to get Josh moving, he drops the toothbrush into the sink, quickly scoops some water into his mouth, spits and leaps through to the bedroom before his answerphone kicks in. ‘Hello?’

  ‘Mr Roman?’

  ‘Yes?’


  ‘This is Lymeshire police.’

  ***

  The children are at school, and Maurice sits at a scratched table in a bare room. Twitch’s body has turned up in a lake, spotted by a couple of walkers. They have told him no more than this. He thinks to himself that Twitch was a good swimmer - years ago she swam for her school.

  A round faced WPC opens the door and enters the small room carrying some paperwork on a clipboard. She sits down opposite him with a smile.

  ‘Sorry to have kept you waiting Mr Roman.’ Her accent is northern - Yorkshire maybe. ‘I have to get a few details from you then another officer will have a word with you.’

  The details are mainly personal: name, address, relationship with Twitch, then about Twitch: identifying features, hair, shoe size, dress size, name of her dentist. He does his best to help. Her hair of course, is easy to describe but he doesn’t feel qualified to comment on the clothes and shoes, and she might have changed her dentist. ‘You should ask Fee about that,’ he admits.

  ‘Don’t worry sir, we already have. We just like to check everything.’

  A male officer arrives in plain clothes. The WPC rises and hands over the clipboard, then stands by the door while he sits in her place and introduces himself as DI Collins. He is investigating the death of a woman found in the lake in Callun Woods. He looks hard at Maurice before telling him that the information he has given them will be used to check whether the person is Mrs Roman. They will also check her dental records but that she will not be easy to identify visually as decomposition is advanced. Maurice is revolted and at the same time he has a faint sense of unease at the way the DI Collins is staring at him. ‘How long before they know?’ he asks.