I want to reach out to her, hold her in my arms, and take her mouth with mine. I want to show her what her hands, what her voice and her scent are creating. But I fight it. Then she runs her hands back to my hips, and she pinches my ass.
I tense, my back straightens up, but I lose my equilibrium and fall. She promptly moves away, but I catch a glimpse of her mischievous eyes. Luna winks at me as she continues walking toward the center of the room biting her cheek. Those eyes harbor humor underneath them.
“Relax, and breathe.” Luna’s mellow voice fills the entire room. Her eyes though remain on me. “Stay in the present.”
This is war. One of these days I’ll have you tied up, naked, and under my command. I’ll be the one ordering to relax and breathe. As I’m about to stand up, I notice my phone flashing.
Bradley: I have a job for you or T. Call me.
“Big guy,” I announce picking up my mat, my water bottle, and my towel. “Let’s hit the showers.”
I tip my head toward the beautiful girl in the front of the room. She stiffens, her eyes trained on me for a couple of breaths. Tiago leaves behind me.
“Though I’m flattered, I’m not into you,” Tiago jokes.
“Bradley has a job for either one of us.” I pull my phone out to forward the message. “Can you take it?”
He promised to take my cases for the next couple of months, but I have to make sure he’s going to do it. Mostly, because he will have to leave town. I want to spend more time with Luna, and with Tiago breathing down my neck, it’s impossible.
“This will save you from all the shit that Hazel scheduled for you.”
“Yeah, but your sister needs the help.”
“You’re a good man, Harrison.” He pats my shoulder, and I feel shitty.
I want to stay because I want to break the cardinal rule. Do not fuck thy best friend’s sister.
“That’s crazy talk, T. This is nothing.”
“I owe you, man,” he says while confirming to Mason that he’ll be the one taking it.
“Please, don’t mention it. That’s what brothers are for.” I flinch as I say that, feeling like a complete asshole but . . . Luna.
✰✰✰
I took a shower and waited for Luna’s class to be over. She had only a few minutes free between classes, but it was enough time to give her a kiss and make some plans to meet for lunch. She only worked a half day today and tomorrow she is off, which I’m fucking thankful about. I’m not sure how I’ll be handling tomorrow. When I saw the date, it hit me why Mason had found a job for me, but he also knew that I was helping Tiago with his sister. I try to be away from the city when it’s the anniversary of my parents’ death. Before I used to spend it with my brothers, which was the worst fucking idea.
We started the day well, but by the afternoon we were throwing words, and before dinner one of us ended up in the ER because the fights got out of control. That, or we’d go clubbing and ended up fucking too many women in one night. At least that was before Hazel noticed the pattern and we began to travel.
Not this year, this year I have . . . Luna, I say to myself as she walks through the glass doors of the studio.
“Hey,” Luna greets me, pushing herself on her tiptoes and combing my hair. “What’s going on?”
“Hmm?” I lose my voice when I realize I can see through her dress. Fuck, she looks hot but she better change, or I’m going to kill any man who stares at her beautiful body.
“You looked a little lost and sad.” She smiles wider, looking at me. “Though now, you’re upset.”
“Your dress is see through,” I mumble, grinding my teeth.
She squeezes her eyes. “I forgot the slip that goes under this dress. But my yoga clothes are soaking wet. We have to go home.” She presses a hand to her mouth to stifle the giggles. “Believe me, I’m not a fan of showing this much skin. Tell me what’s wrong while we rush back. I’m sure no one will notice.”
I take off my shirt and hand it to her, holding her big tote bag. “Just don’t do this during winter or I might end up with frostbite.”
“Thank you,” she mouths as she slips on the shirt. “Now tell me, why are you sad?”
“Nah, I’m good. Just . . . thinking about tomorrow.” I lean forward to kiss her lips and hand her the purse. “Regretting not going on that mission, but not too much since I would’ve missed our time together.”
“Are you planning on going to the nine-eleven memorial, maybe take some flowers with you?” She takes my hand, entwining her fingers with mine and squeezing it. “We can go to church to light a candle. Maybe St. Patrick’s Cathedral?”
“That’s where they married,” I mention, as I kiss her hand. “I think they’d like that.”
“Why don’t we do it today?” she offers. “That way, it won’t be as crowded as tomorrow will be. Tomorrow we could go somewhere else, maybe get out of the city.”
I release her hand, put my arm around her back, and press her tight to me as we continue walking. My chest grows as my heart swells with the way this woman is behaving toward me. I wasn’t aware that my body was so tense because of tomorrow, until now. And unexpectedly, she brightened my day.
“I might kidnap you and never let you go,” I whisper in her ear when we stop at the light.
She sighs, turning to look at me. “Have you counted how many men and women turn to stare at your bare chest?” Luna scrunches her nose. “Not sure I’m happy about this. Keep my mind busy and tell me what you did after class.”
“Work.”
“You have another job?”
“Yeah, one that you might like . . . and if you’re good I might let you help me.” I kiss her ear and continue walking down the street to her building.
Twenty-Two
Luna
Two hours of yoga didn’t settle my anxiety. It’s not the type of anxiety that ties me to a chair and doesn’t let me move. But the one that makes my stomach turn and my mouth vomit thousands of stupid things to the guy who is holding your hand. I think the last time I felt this jittery was when I dated Jeremy Paul in the seventh grade. I couldn’t eat much for five entire days after he asked me if I wanted to go bowling with him, as his girlfriend. Needless to say, I shook off the anticipation after he kissed Trudy instead of me, asshole. That was the first man who couldn’t take my competitive streak. I won the bowling game, he ditched me.
“Do you have more of those supply bags?” Harrison glanced toward my tote bag after handing over the last one I brought with me.
“Nope, I grabbed the last ones I had in the pantry after I changed.”
“So, we give money away for now?” He looks around, then nods his head when he spots whatever it is that we are looking for.
“If you have, yes. I’m a little short on cash today.”
“I went to the bank, just in case we needed it.” He hands me an envelope, and he winks at me. “Unmarked ten dollar bills.”
“Tyler’s flowers?” I ask when we stop in front of a flower shop, and my eyes grow wide when I see all the flowers through their windows. “They have sunflowers, and mums, and . . .”
I walk inside, grinning when I read the sign on top of the baskets: Create Your Own Bouquet, Handle The Flowers With Care. Forgetting all about the knots in my stomach and the man who’s staring at me, I begin choosing a few flowers. Fall is so close that they already have all shades of burnt reds and oranges. Suddenly, I stop. Turn around and look at him.
“What did she like?”
“Um, who?”
“Your mom.” I close my eyes, enjoying the fragrance in the shop. It’s the first time in a while that I don’t have to pull the spritzer to bring back the sweet scent of flowers.
“She just loved them,” he answers. “Dad brought home all kinds, almost daily. The bigger bouquets were for when he fucked-up.”
“You should try to control your cursing,” I suggest, eyeing the little girl close to the counter.
He flinches, mouthing fuck. I roll
my eyes.
“I ordered a bouquet, while you were . . . dressing.” He runs his eyes over my body.
“It was a small mistake,” I remind him.
When I packed my clothing to stay at his house, I was too confused by the way his soon to be sister-in-law insinuated we’d be having five children and elated by how comfortable it felt being a part of them. At least I brought my underwear with me, or that dress I wore would’ve shown everything.
“We fixed it, didn’t we?”
“Yeah, let’s hope you make the same mistake when we’re alone, little moon.”
“Dream on, Everhart.” I take one of the flowers out of the basket to put it back when he touches my hand and shakes his head. “No, don’t. Finish it, and we can take both. She’ll like that.”
“What else did she like?” I ask after he picks up an arrangement of long-stemmed pink roses in a box.
“She was an artist,” he responds. “Loved her family and liked to paint with watercolors. She did some pottery, and cut glass was her passion. She created the best stained-glass windows I’ve ever seen in my entire life.”
As we continue walking toward the memorial, he tells me about his parents. His father liked to sail, his mother’s motion sickness didn’t allow them to take long family trips on their yacht. She loved the ocean but preferred to vacation in the cabin they owned in Vermont.
“We didn’t have nannies. Only one person came to help her with the cleaning, Sarah. And just because Dad insisted.” He smiles. “She grew up with seven brothers, and her mother did everything and taught them how to do everything.”
“She followed your grandmother’s teachings?”
He nods. “I know how to cook, clean, iron, and even change diapers. Though, I haven’t done the latter since Hunter was potty-trained.”
“You’re a catch, Everhart.”
“Take note of that.” He winks at me.
He lifts his arm, his hand curls into a fist but he releases his thumb. “Good cook.” He releases his index finger. “Twelve inches, babysitting training, and I could be a great homemaker.”
The corners of his lips quirk into a slight smile.
“If I see any job openings that require those credentials, I’ll make sure to send you the email.” I wave dismissively as we arrive at the memorial, searching for my phone.
He looks down at me. “Thank you, for coming with me. This changed so much.” Harrison kisses the tip of my nose.
“You’ve never been here, have you?”
Harrison shakes his head, taking several deep breaths. I take his free hand and squeeze it tight. Waiting for him to talk or take a step. My stomach quivers. The unsettled feeling isn’t about having him next to me, but that I pushed him too far. I have no idea how this will affect him.
“Harrison?” I spot a tall, slender middle-aged woman only a few steps from us gawking at him.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” he mumbles.
I’m sure I’m the only one who heard him say that, but the couple in front of us are stunned and frozen in place as they see him.
His face turns red, his breathing is harsh. I can feel the anger in his gaze. The grimace on his face. He restrains all his thoughts. His lungs are almost collapsing from all the angry words he swallows. I caress his wrist with my thumb, trying to soothe the rage inside him.
“Ileana, Damon.” He nods at them, his voice neutral. “This is unexpected.”
“The kids wanted to visit, and we thought about you’re . . . parents,” Ileana says as she stares at the bouquet of daisies she holds in her arms.
Two boys and a teenage girl stare at us, and those bored faces tell me they have no desire to be here. I bet they would rather be at Coney Island or the Statue of Liberty than here.
“I remembered your mother loved flowers,” Damon adds, his voice shaky and his eyes on the floor.
Awkward. Can we move on people? Neither one of you wants to be here or talk to each other!
But everyone remains in place. Harrison’s breathing is settling, but his eyes continue watching the horizon.
“Hi,” I greet them, releasing Harrison and shaking their hands. “I’m Luna, his girlfriend.”
At least, that’s how people know me at the moment. You, of course, don’t need to know who I am and . . . why am I babbling inside my head? Someone just get me out of here.
“Nice to meet you,” Ileana shakes my hand, not moving her gaze from Harrison who is still frozen in place. “I’m Ileana. This is Damon, my husband. These are our kids. Josie, Cash, and Chase.”
“Are you from here or just visiting?” Why am I making small talk, when all I want is to go inside the memorial, but everyone seems to be paralyzed.
Morbid curiosity. There’s a big accident, and I am staring to see the damage and learn about the casualties.
“We used to live here. I moved to Texas with my family sixteen years ago,” Ileana says.
“Fifteen,” Harrison corrects her, staring at their daughter for one too many seconds.
She’s almost as tall as her mother, the same light brown hair, but with her tips dyed purple and pink. She has her mother’s green eyes, but her facial features aren’t that similar. I hold the gasp, as I remember him saying that he had a live-in girlfriend fifteen or sixteen years ago.
“Harrison, I’m s—” Damon shuts his mouth when Harrison glares at him.
He waves his hands, shaking his head. The anger is gone, he’s not with us, but he’s definitely not upset. “It was long ago, Damon. It’s all good. What you two did was f—” he stops, looks at me and smiles . . . “freaking wrong, but it worked out for you. Maybe if we had met somewhere else at another time, this encounter would’ve been . . . different . . .”
“Friendlier,” he adds after a long pause.
He’s not upset, but my heart tells me that he wants this to be over right about now. “Ready to go in?” I ask him.
He bends and kisses my cheek. “Yeah, I’m ready.”
We step inside, he scans the big, crowded hall and closes his eyes briefly. “I think they’ll understand if I just drop the flowers and we leave.”
“They are with you in your heart, Harry,” I repeat the words that Abue said when I used to tell her that I wish I could visit Mom at the cemetery. Mom’s ashes were spread along a lavender field. “This isn’t necessary, just an idea I had. But we can go somewhere else.”
He doesn’t say a word. We walk around, and my attention is on him, his face. Everything around me fades, I am trying to read him.
He’s still too quiet, and my heart can’t take his absence. But I wait for him to come back on his own. Whatever is going on inside his head is working itself out. I just wish I could do more than hold his hand and make sure that he doesn’t get lost while he’s away from the present.
“Thank you, for being with me. I’ll be right back,” he says, closing his eyes briefly before he takes the flowers from me and walks away.
I want to follow him, but I give him space. He’ll come back to me soon, I feel him closer.
Twenty-Three
Harrison
I place the flowers on top of my parents’ names. I wanted to pile all my grief into a ball and push it away. I didn’t think coming here would be this hard. All these years I’ve been avoiding the site like the plague. The magnitude of the despair I feel isn’t as big as it was when it happened, but fuck, I am reliving every agonizing moment from that day. The hollowness in my chest increases. The stitches of the old wound break. The agonizing ache is back.
The imaginary walls are closing in on me, the people are getting louder. Don’t break, Everhart, I order myself. I take small breaths of air and start replacing those painful images from that day with the happy memories we made as a family. The same way I’ve done it in the past years, I recall how Mom would bake chocolate chip cookies every day. We could only eat one after dinner. That’s how I’ve lived through every day since they left me. Daily, I remember all the blesse
d moments of our lives, and try to bring them up as often as necessary to remind myself that life can be good. That life was good for them, and they loved us. Every time I’m about to break, I picture them watching over me, and all my troubles vanish. I can still feel my mother’s love and hear my father’s supportive words. Those memories accompany me always, those are the ones I need to stay with me so I can erase all traces of the bad shit that happens around.
Like right now, I’m invoking the memories I collected from this place when the towers graced the skyline of this city. On Halloween, Mom would bring my brothers to Trick or Treat. We would go through the cubicles dressed in whatever costumes she had made for us and ask for candy. Though in exchange, she would be handing a small basket of goodies for the employees. She was kind with all of them, they adored her because she was one of the kindest people in the world. Just like Dad. And they killed them. They took them away from me.
The tears burst, spilling down my face. The muscle of my chin trembles like a child who has fallen from his bike for the first time and scraped his knee. In my case, there’s no mother to run to my side and kiss it to make it better. The walls that held me up since they died collapse. They crumble as the salty drops fall from my chin drenching my shirt. I’m trembling and can’t stop it. Everything is back and raw. The screams over the phone while my parents said goodbye. Mom’s sobs, Dad’s pleas. The silence after they hung up. The darkness that fell when we lost them. That same darkness that’s sucking me into the vortex of despair. I couldn’t bring them back to my brothers, to me. I shiver as the shadows close up and the light begins to disappear.
“I’m with you,” Luna says quietly. “You have to come back to me, Harry. Don’t stay in the past. Please don’t leave me, baby.”
Her arms come around me. Her words make the pain bearable. Her heat warms my body. Her light pushes away the darkness. Being with her soothes me. Though, I can’t stop crying.
I sob as I cling onto Luna, grasping her tight.
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