She doesn’t say a word, she holds me in silence, rocking with me as I continue releasing all the pain I’ve held onto since they left. Closing my eyes, I remember the nighttime story. The routine never changed since I was little. Mom read the same books to us after reading a few chapters of our favorite book.
“Love You Forever and Goodnight Moon,” I say, pressing a kiss on top of her head.
“Hmm?” Luna tilts her head. Her eyes hide behind her long lashes and all of a sudden it hits me right in the center of my chest. This woman just saw me at my worst and lent me her strength.
And I think she just stole my fucking heart.
“Those are my favorite books. Mom read them to the four of us every night. She probably never stopped. I think the last time I sat and listened to her was when I was sixteen. Her good night phrase was a combination of both books: I love you forever, I like you forever. No matter if I leave. And when I’m gone, you say good night to the moon, because that’s where I’ll always be watching over you.”
Luna cups my face with one hand, smiling at me. “I like you forever,” she whispers, pulling me toward her and pressing her lips lightly onto mine.
There’s something so intimate about her words, this kiss, that I have a sudden urge to leave this place so no one can witness what’s happening. Because it’s happening. We are happening, and this moment is ours.
This moment is only for us.
Twenty-Four
Harrison
Luna doesn’t say a word until I’m calm and the feeling in my limbs comes back.
“I’m ready to get the fuck out of here,” I whisper in her ear, hugging her tight one more time to absorb some strength.
“Where do you want to go now?” she asks.
“Far away from everything,” I mumble.
“Fucking away from this place,” I repeat louder. Then I wince and glance around to make sure there aren’t families around us.
“We should wash that mouth out with soup.” She grins at me, looking up to the sky.
Then, she stops, her eyes widen, and she turns to me.
“Harrison.” Damon marches toward me, his eyes look guarded. “Can we talk for a minute?”
I crank my neck, square my shoulders and nod. Might as well let the man release some of the shit he’s holding.
Kissing Luna lightly, I mumble, “I’ll be back, if you see me do something stupid, please take me away.”
She chews her lip. “Just right now, or in general.”
I smack my lips against hers and shake my head walking to Damon.
“Are you okay?”
“Fine,” I narrow my gaze. “What do you need?”
He tilts his head toward the memorial. “Back there, I’ve never seen you losing your shit like that.”
“We haven’t seen each other in a long time. You wouldn’t know.”
“Yes, but you never cried for your parents. You and Scott were trying to be strong for your younger brothers. I just wanted to . . . I’m so fucking sorry for what I did.”
He drops his head, his hand massaging his temples. “If I could turn back time, everything would be different.”
I feel bad for my friend, the guy who I shared so much with since we were children. The asshole who cheated with my girlfriend doesn’t get anything. I have no idea what to do with this man. I don’t know him.
“Damon, nothing can change. You have a family, it seems like you’re happy.”
I glance at them and look at the girl who doesn’t look much like Ileana, yet looks familiar. “Your daughter, is she . . . yours?”
He shoves his hands in his pockets and nods a couple of times. “She’s mine, but not Ileana’s . . . the kids are mine.”
“What happened?”
“A lot of bad decisions. But I don’t regret them because I have them. I love my kids.”
“I wish you nothing but happiness, Damon,” I tell him, taking a step toward Luna.
She’s on the phone, shaking her head and moving her mouth too fast for me to read what she’s saying.
“It’s good to know you’re doing fine, Harrison.” Damon nods, not sure if he could shake my hand or hug me.
Looking at Luna, I nod. “Better than fine.”
“She reminds me of your mom,” he said, smiling at her. “Full of life, happy. She makes everyone feel welcome. It’s like you can’t believe there can be people that happy when the world is so fucking dark.”
I smile, patting his shoulder. “Luna is my light, Damon.”
“Are you sure it’s okay with them?”
“Hazel made the arrangements.” Luna huffs, going through her purse.
“But they said they had a conference.” I stare at Luna who is too busy putting on all those clingy bracelets.
“I knew going through airport security would be a shit show with you. I swear that’s the first thing I thought the day we met.”
She grabs one of the bracelets and threatens me with it. “Don’t upset me, Everhart, or I swear I’ll use this and it won’t be pretty.”
“Are you going to beautify me with your accessories?”
She pulls one of her chopsticks from her hair and holds it like a knife. “Shall I remind you how we met, Harry?”
“You’re vicious, woman.” I push the button, calling the flight attendant.
Once she finishes, she puts on the sweatshirt I just bought her at one of the stores and stares at me. “Excuse me.”
“Need any help?”
“You have to move.” She points at the window seat.
“Or you can try to make your way through.” I crook an eyebrow. “I’d like you on top.”
“Do you need something, sir?” I rise from my seat, letting Luna walk through, and control myself because spanking or pinching her butt in public might cause injuries—to me.
“The lady will have champagne,” I order for Luna.
“No, the lady will have water, the gentleman too,” she corrects me, smiling at the attendant, yet, giving me a nasty glare. Impressive, she did both at the same time. “We’re not drinking any more alcohol.”
“What’s one or two more?”
“For you nothing, but I’m smaller than you.”
I roll my eyes. “You win this round.” She’s right. I don’t want her wasted when we arrive in the Keys.
“Thank you for . . . today and for this trip.” I stretch my legs.
She shrugs. “The trip is all Hazel. She prepped this after I called her.”
“Mind if I ask why you called her?”
“I felt like I was losing you and I needed to know who they were.”
“They?” I arch an eyebrow.
“Your ex and the asshole.” Her fingers brush my knuckles. “Hazel’s words.”
“I’m glad she wasn’t there, or she would’ve kicked them. But they had nothing to do with . . . what happened. I had never been there, after . . . that day.”
“You live in New York City. How did you manage?”
“Everything is possible if you try it. I’ve done it for years, almost two decades.”
“What did Damon say when . . . he asked if you could give him a second.”
I scratch my forehead. Today was supposed to be different. My plans included sweet talking the woman next to me into a wrestling match in my bed. The only rules would’ve been no clothing and lots of mutual pleasure. None of that happened. However, I feel lighter and much more different than I’ve felt in years.
. . . and closer to Luna. I’ve never been or felt so close to someone, linked.
“How much did Hazel tell you about them?”
“‘The four-one-one is that she’s his live-in GF, he’s her BBF since pre-k, and they fucked Harrison, royally. Call if you need more.’ Her words.” Luna grins after she talks almost as fast as Hazel.
“He was my best friend, and he wanted absolution after what happened between us.”
“Since we have a few hours to kill, can I have the longer version?”
Mom used to say that I wore my heart on my sleeve. That I loved unconditionally and that she hoped that no one would take advantage of me. She never told me how she felt about Ileana, though she always said she’s lovely. I think that’s Mom code for ‘I can’t stand her but I’ll let you realize that she’s not for you sooner rather than later.’ The thing was that sooner never came until it was too late and we had a fucking disaster on our hands.
Fucking disaster I repeat inside my head as I think about the teenage girl. How old is she? I don’t think she’s mine, but she could be and would they have hidden that away from me? To think that Damon was my best friend. We were inseparable since kindergarten and . . . he fucked me over when I needed him the most.
I met Ileana at NYU during our freshman orientation. It wasn’t hard to lust after a leggy, blonde girl who kissed the same way she gave blow jobs. I had fooled around during high school but never went all the way with anyone until Ileana. I thought she was it. We spent a semester during junior year in Australia. When I came back, I had decided that she was the woman of my dreams. We made plans together. Our lives had been set right before we left Australia. We would marry after graduation, travel during the summer for our honeymoon, I’d go back to work for my father, and we’d live in an apartment right in front of Central Park.
My trust fund wouldn’t become available until I turned twenty-two. I didn’t have enough money to pay for the ring she wanted.
“That’s expensive, Harry, are you sure you want to buy it now?”
“We want to marry, Dad,” I insisted, showing him the picture of the princess or queen or whatever cut she had chosen that was about four carats and mounted with billions of diamonds. I had no clue what I was buying, only that she had asked for it and I said yes after we had mind-blowing sex.
“I’m not sure she’s the right girl for you, son.” He patted my shoulder. “Or that you’re ready to take that step.”
“She’s like Mom, how can you say that?” I offered, offended by his doubts.
“Ileana is nothing like your mother, Harrison. And the fact that you think they are similar in any way only solidifies my theory. You’re not ready, and she might not be the one for you.”
“Then how do you know when the right woman comes into your life?”
“It’s about the flaws, the heat, and the magic,” he said. “You fall in love with her flaws. The heat between the two of you is palpable even when she’s miles away from you. That’s when you find your forever.”
For a couple of weeks, I tried to think about what he said, but then he died, and Ileana was there for me. She helped me get through the funeral and Hunter’s anxiety. My twelve-year-old brother had developed agoraphobia. My extended family was fighting to get custody of Fitz and Hunter to gain access to my parents’ money. Scott and I fought tooth and nail against them, and Ileana lent me an ear. She was there for me at night when I was tired of battling the judges and my money thirsty relatives.
When I enlisted, she wasn’t thrilled, but she suggested we buy an apartment together. A step toward our future life. She’s the future wife of a soldier. I rented an apartment for us, purchased the furniture and moved a few things in with her. Ileana was the perfect girlfriend during deployments. She always sent me care packages and letters and our short conversations were sweet. She missed me, and she couldn’t wait until the war was over.
Marriage became a permanent subject in every conversation we had. She added it to her letters and even sent bridal magazines a few times. I told her it had to wait. I convinced myself that once I stopped serving, I’d marry her. But that’s not what happened.
Scott called me. Hunter’s panic attacks were escalating, and the doctor had suggested new drugs. “We might have to institutionalize him. But I don’t want to, Harrison.” Scott’s pleading voice broke me.
I asked for a week off, and my superiors understood the gravity of the situation. My first stop was home. Hunter hugged me as he had never done before. He thought I had died. There had been a picture of a soldier who looked like me, and he lost his shit. It was so bad he couldn’t even talk. I planned on staying home for that week as Scott, Hunt’s therapists, and I decided what the best way to treat him was.
Instead of telling Ileana that I was home, I decided to surprise her.
When I opened the door, she was on top of the coffee table on all fours taking it in the ass. The dick belonged to one of my best friend’s.
My mouth slacked, my stomach clenched. Nausea hit the back of my throat. I already had so much shit to deal with, and now her.
“Get out of my fucking house,” I barked at both of them.
I saw red as I understood why my best friend’s beer was always stocked in our refrigerator. There was enough food to feed two people, and she only ate salads. I went to the second room where she had her home office and opened the closet where I found his clothes.
“You, fucking, asshole.”
“Wait, Harrison,” he stuttered.
“Wait for her. You fuck my woman, eat my food, and sleep in my bed,” I stated, pulling everything to the floor. “How long has this been going on, Ileana?”
“I can explain.” Damon ran a hand through his hair as I continued tossing everything he owned to the floor.
“Explain that you’ve been fucking my girlfriend?” I stopped, crossing my arms. “Good. Why don’t we start with how fucking long has this been going on? I assume years. Was this before or after we moved in here, Ileana?”
I was just the fucking sucker paying for their room and board.
“It’s not what you think.” She used her bedroom voice, rubbing her body against me.
“I think he was fucking your asshole, maybe I’m wrong, and it was your pussy. That’s what you want to rectify? Because I don’t give any fucks, bitch.”
“Don’t be disrespectful.” Damon raised his voice.
“My house, my tone of voice. Get your shit. You two have been evicted.” I went to our room and began doing the same with her stuff.
“You can’t just kick me out after everything I have put up with, Harrison. I’ve been waiting for you to marry me for a long time.”
“Why would I marry you? You’re a cheater, Ileana.”
“I felt lonely. You’re always away.” She started crying. “You stole the best years of my life.”
“Me?” I turn around, getting too close to her and raising my voice. “He is the one who’s been fucking you all these years while I’ve been serving my country. Defending your fucking freedom. Guess what, you’re fucking free to do whatever the fuck you two want outside my home. The locks will be changed.”
“At least let me explain,” Damon pushed me. “You can’t waste all these years of friendship because of her.”
I turned around and connected my fist to his jaw. “You were my best friend, fucker. If you had come to me, we could’ve . . . but this is treason. I will make sure to have my lawyer send you a bill for all the expenses you’ve incurred for the past few years, with interest.”
I glanced at her. “Have some decency and leave now.”
After Ileana, I was an asshole with women, with myself. I had too little respect for myself, or maybe I had a death wish. I liked to have rough sex. It made me feel something while it happened. But it disappeared so fast that I’d kicked the woman or women out of my bed, treating them like trash. According to my therapist, I was emotionally numb. I had lost my parents. My little brother was mentally ill. I was fighting in a war and killed people for a living. Plus, the woman I had been faithful to since I was eighteen had been fucking my best friend. The way I chose to feel was through sex. Rough, unadulterated sex. It was my addiction for a long time until I realized that it wasn’t fulfilling.
“I didn’t know you then,” Luna speaks after the long silence. “And though you mention a gray line, I don’t think you deserve what happened.”
“Seeing them was good. I’m not upset at them. Not anymore.”
The plane takes off, and I exhale. “Damon wanted to make sure I was okay. He knew my parents and also knew I never cried when they died.”
“You finally released the pain. You let yourself feel and maybe forgave yourself for things that you never did . . . Your aura is brighter.” Luna smiles. Her chin lifts and her eyes stare at the ceiling. “Sorry, I can’t help but notice those things.”
“Your quirks drive me crazy, Luna.”
She twists her mouth to the side and continues her interrogation. “You two were close?”
“At some point, I was closer to him than Scott.” I shrug. “Age difference.”
“I was afraid you’d hit him. She . . . Ileana mentioned you broke his nose and jaw.”
Covering my mouth, I try to suppress the laugh. “The night I caught them. It was epic at the time. But it’s over, and this situation falls into that gray area.”
Being with Ileana made sense. She was the only link I had left to my past. Everything I had before my parents died was gone. I had changed, my life was so different. If I let her go, the link to my past might be gone forever.
“How did you meet her?”
“We met in college. I believed she was it. But my parents died, I went to Afghanistan . . . we should have broken up when I realized we weren’t a good match.”
I massage my forehead. “She tried to stay with me for the wrong reasons, money. I wanted her because she was part of my pre-nine-eleven life. My comfort. She cheated, but I was a shitty boyfriend. It took me too long to understand that it wasn’t just her fault, but what she did was fucked-up. She wanted my money. I wanted my past.”
Once they said that we’re allowed to turn on our electronics, I set down the tray, pulled out my laptop and my headphones.
“I asked him about their daughter.”
“What?” Luna’s eyes land on me. “Is she yours?”
I shake my head. Damon and Ileana were fucking idiots. “She’s Damon’s, but Ileana isn’t the mother. They had a rough start but sounds like they are doing fine now.” I take Luna’s hand and kiss it. “And I’m happy about it.”
Fervent Page 14
