Magical Thinking

by Augusten Burroughs

  VANDERBILT GENES

  TRANSFIXED BY TRANSSEXUALS

  MODEL BEHAVIOR

  I DATED AN UNDERTAKER

  AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR

  THE RAT/THING

  DEBBY’S REQUIREMENTS

  ROOF WORK

  BEATING RAOUL

  HOLY BLOW JOB

  MARK THE SHRINK

  TELEMARKETING REVENGE

  MY LAST FIRST DATE

  THE SCHNAUZER

  KEY WORST

  ASS BURGER

  LIFE CYCLE OF THE NORTH AMERICAN OPOSSUM

  CUNNILINGUSVILLE

  I KID YOU NOT

  I’M GONNA LIVE FOREVER

  TOTAL TURNAROUND

  ROID RAGE

  MAGICAL THINKING

  PUFF DERBY

  MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE RANCH

  UP THE ESCALATOR