She leaned against the doorframe and watched as he made his way to his car. A couple of weeks ago the thought of letting Andrew re-enter her life had filled her with dread. She’d wanted nothing to do with him. Had hoped he was just passing through. Now she was happy he was here. Now she looked forward to seeing him. Now her life was becoming filled with possibilities.
6
Dawn should feel exhausted. She should feel like she had a lead weight around her neck. She’d had a minimal amount of sleep, but energy flowed through her like an energizer battery, as if she’d slept for twenty-four hours straight. And she had Andrew to thank for this feeling of lightness. This feeling of being able to take on anything. This feeling of empowerment. It should scare her—and it did. By admitting to him what she had, part of the darkness that had enveloped her for so long had been lifted. She still had the guilt of taking a shift instead of being home with Tom and Brody on that fateful night. She’d told her mum about it, but she hadn’t understood. It was a guilt that admission would never get rid of. To be honest, she didn’t want to fully lose it. Part of her head and heart would always belong to Tom and Brody.
But today, right at this moment, she was happy and she liked the feeling. There was a spring in her step as she walked from her parked car to the hospital.
“Hey, where are you off to in such a hurry? Got a hot date?”
Dawn laughed and turned towards where the voice had come from. A few feet behind her was Andrew. He wore a sexy half smile that did nothing for her blood pressure except make it rise. She’d never thought a paramedic uniform was handsome or sexy, but on him it was as sexy as the muscle t-shirt and low riding jeans he’d worn when they were dating as teenagers.
She smoothed her already smooth hair. “I might have a hot date, I might not,” she answered with a wink. “Are you offering a better time?”
Oh, it felt so good to flirt. Andrew had been the last person she’d flirted with. Tom had been a comfortable relationship. She hadn’t needed to flirt with him. They’d fallen into their relationship and had taken the steps that were expected of them.
When Andrew reached her side, he slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her close. “I can offer you this,” he said before he took her lips in yet another mind-blowing kiss. The moment his lips touched hers all sensibilities were forgotten. He was impossible to resist and she had no hope in trying to avoid kissing him. Location and people surrounding them all faded into non-existence for her. All her senses were focused on were his lips and what they were doing to her. His hands rubbed up and down her back before they tightened and pulled her closer to his rock hard chest. She wondered what he’d look like without a shirt on. Would he be as sculpted as he felt?
The wailing of a siren, getting louder with every passing second, penetrated her consciousness. She pulled back and looked into Andrew’s slumberous eyes. “I like that offer a lot. But your timing is lousy,” she said with a laugh.
“Very true. I’m sorry I had to cancel our dinner plans, ” he agreed with a laugh of his own.
“That’s okay, I hope you sorted everything out with your house.”
“Yep, and even though tonight didn’t work out, someday soon, we will get our schedules synchronized. Trust me on that, Dawn.”
His words sent a frisson of fear down her spine. As much as she wanted his kisses, she wasn’t sure she wanted to head into a full on intimate relationship with him again.
Dawn took a step back, both physically and emotionally. She didn’t want to send mixed signals to him, but she needed to get her thoughts and reactions to him under control.
“Not yet, Andrew. Please.”
She saw a flash of hurt in his eyes before it was gone with a lowering of his eyelids. When they opened, his eyes were the same blue they’d always been, except now perhaps they were a fraction cooler.
“Why not? It certainly didn’t feel like you didn’t want this.”
“You have to give me a little time, it’s all moving a bit fast.” Dawn sighed and her energy levels dropped a fraction. “For over two years it’s just been me. I’ve lived in this little cocoon and I’ve been safe and secure and happy with how my life was progressing.”
“It wasn’t much of a life.”
Anger began to percolate through her blood. “It may not have been much of a life to you, but it was or is my life, Andrew.” She looked at her watch. “I’ve got to go, I’ll see you later.”
Dawn turned and headed back towards the entrance, the spring in her step gone. She didn’t look back. She didn’t want to see him standing there looking at her. Or worse, walking back towards the direction he’d come. The tinted glass doors showed the answer to her thoughts. She made sure she concentrated on her reflection and not the reflection of the man in the blue uniform.
He hadn’t left.
* * *
Dawn cross-checked the contents of the drawer with the list on the clipboard in her hand. She counted the syringes again. Her third time, and for the third time she’d come up with a different number. The temptation to slam the drawer shut and walk away was high, but she needed to make sure that all the equipment and supplies were at the required amount. It wouldn’t be good to run out of things in the middle of an emergency.
“Do I need to get the Count from Sesame Street to help you out there, Dawn? One syringe, ha ha ha. Two syringes, ha ha ha.”
Dawn couldn’t help it; laughter burst out of her and took away the melancholy that had been her companion since she’d walked through the doors at the beginning of her shift. “Very funny, Phoebe. Seriously, your talents are wasted here; you should be up on pediatrics. Those kids need something to put a smile on their faces.”
Phoebe sat beside her on the bed. “I don’t think so. I couldn’t handle seeing kids so sick day in day out. It takes a special kind of nurse to work in pediatrics.”
“Yeah, I know I couldn’t do it. I hate it when a child comes into the ER.”
“So what’s up?” she asked.
Dawn started to count again, avoiding the question, but stopped. Perhaps talking to Phoebe would help her gain some perspective. She hadn’t had someone to talk to in a while. “I don’t know where to start, to be honest.”
“The beginning is always the best place to start.” Phoebe fiddled with the sheet on the bed. “Or so I’ve been told.”
Dawn hesitated. She knew Phoebe had her own issues; it didn’t seem fair to unload hers on the other woman too. “Are you sure you’re happy for me to unload on you? I mean, I know you’ve had a tough time of it lately, doesn’t seem fair.”
Phoebe gave a quick shrug of her shoulders. “It’s fine, but if you want to be fair, how about if I need to unload, I’ll come see you.”
She thought about what Phoebe had said. It seemed strange coming from her, seeing as Phoebe and Sophie were the close friends. But then again, at present Sophie would probably be consumed with her new baby. “Sounds fair.” Still, Dawn had no idea how to start the conversation off. Did she tell Phoebe about her and Andrew’s past relationship when they were in high school or how they’d reconnected in the last couple of weeks?
“Even though you know you need it, it’s never easy to start, is it?”
Dawn closed her eyes. She’d shared so much of her past with Andrew earlier in the day and now she was about to share more of herself with someone else. “It started the night Sophie came in and had Louisa.” She turned and looked at Phoebe. “Do you remember that emergency that came in and the team of paramedics which brought in the critically injured man?”
Dawn waited while Phoebe took a few moments, like she was going through her mental patient chart until she’d found the right patient. “Yep, I remember, Alex came back and helped.”
“That’s the night. Do you remember the paramedic team?”
“Can’t say I do, but I know there’s a new guy on the crews. Is that who you’re talking about?”
“Yep, that’s the one. His name is Andrew Holmes, and well,
let’s just say we know each other.”
“Know each other?” Phoebe asked, using fingers on both hands as inverted commas. “Or know each other?”
“We used to date.”
“Ahhh. I see. So he wants to pick up where he left off?”
“Not quite.” She hesitated before going on. “We didn’t really part on the best of terms.”
“Tell me when people part on ‘good’ terms. And if they do part on good terms, well, then they pretty much didn’t have a love relationship, they had a friend relationship.”
Hearing the bitterness in Phoebe’s voice had her reconsidering going on. She didn’t want to cause her more pain. Realization finally hit that the relationship between Phoebe and John had been a lot more serious on Phoebe’s side than on John’s. Dawn had to admire the way Phoebe hadn’t shown any distress while on the job. She was as adept at hiding her feelings as Dawn was hiding away from life on the night shift. There was more to Phoebe than met the eye.
“I’m sorry, this is probably the last thing you need to hear. My problems are my problems and I’ll work them out. I usually do.” Dawn finished with a wry smile.
“I’ll be honest and say I’m steering clear of relationships, but that doesn’t mean I can’t listen.” She gave a small smile. “I’m moving on. John has probably already found someone to move on with. So what’s the story with you and this paramedic? Oh, wait a minute; I can’t believe I didn’t connect it sooner. He’s the guy I saw you with in the hall, isn’t he?”
Dawn could feel the blush crawling up her neck. “Yep, that’s him.”
“So, even though you say he doesn’t, it looks like he does want to pick up where you left off all those years ago, but because of what happened to you, you’re not keen.” Dawn tried not to squirm as Phoebe looked at her with intense eyes. “Well, you weren’t keen, but you are now?”
And therein lay the problem. One minute, she was wanting to go head first into a relationship with Andrew. The next, the fear of losing her heart and the possibility of losing him in an accident paralyzed her and she wanted to run in the opposite direction. Saying she wanted to move on and actually doing it were two separate things.
“I’m not sure, to be honest,” said Dawn. “The risk of putting myself back out to have my heart broken again seems too much. Sometimes I think it’s safer just to keep in my little world where I come to work, go home, go to sleep, and then start over again.”
“But are you truly happy? I think that’s the question you have to ask yourself. If you’re happy with your life the way it currently is, then cut off the relationship before it starts. That way it’s fair to both you and Andrew. But if you’re not happy then perhaps it’s time to take the risk.”
With those few words, Phoebe had pretty much nailed the answer to her question and pretty much solved her problem.
“Thanks, Phoebe, talking has helped.”
Phoebe leaned over and gave her a quick hug. “Glad I could help. Now do you need me to help count?” she asked, pointing to the open drawer of syringes that had triggered the conversation. “Or have you got it under control?”
Dawn knew she wasn’t just talking about counting the supplies. “I think I can manage the counting. I’ll be out shortly.”
Phoebe nodded and walked out of the room. Dawn watched her retreating back. When Phoebe had told her to look inside of herself and ask the question if she was happy, she knew the answer to the question. She’d thought she’d been happy, but Andrew had shown her what all the members of her family had tried to tell and show her on numerous occasions. Her life was nothing but a shell. She had worked that out earlier, but as she’d told Phoebe, she’d been spooked by how quickly she’d wanted to pursue a relationship with Andrew.
* * *
Dawn kept gazing at the ambulance bay doors, willing them to open and Andrew and his partner would come rushing in with a patient. But she knew that wasn’t going to happen because she would know when an emergency was on the way.
“It’s really…”
“Don’t say it,” Dawn interrupted Phoebe before she said anything more.
“Surely you know me better than that,” Phoebe admonished. “I would never say those words you thought I was going to say.”
“Sorry,” Dawn said with a laugh. “It’s a reflex action now whenever anyone starts a sentence with those words. To be honest, I wasn’t paying much attention so I didn’t recognize that it was you.”
“Have you come to a decision yet?”
“Yes I have, and I’ve decided to live.”
“Good for you. It’s about time,” Phoebe said before picking up the phone that had started to ring.
Dawn listened to the one sided conversation—looked like they finally had some action coming through their doors. When Phoebe hung up, Dawn looked at her, waiting for whatever was about to be coming their way.
“We’ve got a multi-car accident on the freeway. One fatality. Two seriously injured are on their way here. In addition, there is another victim who has minor injuries and there’ll be another victim when they’ve extracted them from the car.”
“Oh geez, it doesn’t rain, it pours.” Dawn moved away from the desk. “Let’s get the teams organized so we’re ready for whatever is about to come through the doors. ETA of victims?”
“Dispatch said ten minutes.”
“Okay, let’s get moving.”
Dawn spent the time making sure the non critical patients that had frequented the ER that night were dealt with, discharge papers signed, and then moved to the waiting area where they could wait for their family members to come and get them. Beds were efficiently changed and everyone was on standby. It was a rare occasion that they were all ready and waiting for the victims. In fact, Dawn couldn’t remember the last time that had happened. But they were and that was all that mattered.
A wail could be heard and she knew chaos was about to rain down on the ER.
“All right everyone, let’s get ready,” she said as she made her way to the front desk to direct the patients to the various rooms they would be treated in.
The doors banged open and in rushed one team. Dawn let out the breath she’d been holding, taking with it the disappointment that coursed through her when she realized that Andrew’s team wasn’t walking through the doors.
“What do we have?” she asked.
“Male victim, early forties, with suspected broken ribs from hitting the steering wheel. Also complaining of pain in his right arm. No sign of internal damage, but we can’t be too sure. Blood pressure’s one fifty over ninety two, high but not dangerously so.”
“Okay, put him in cubicle one.” Dawn looked down at the notes Phoebe had made and spoke to the senior resident on that evening. “Mike, from what we’ve been told, that is our victim that had minor injuries. We’ve still got two, potentially three, seriously injured people on their way.”
“Okay, I’ll have a quick look at the patient that’s just come in and leave them in the hands of another doctor, then come back here and wait.”
This was the only problem with being prepared—the waiting. It was like time dragged, even though it was really only a couple of minutes before the muffled sound of the sirens of the arriving ambulances could be heard.
Dawn tried to quell the anticipation of who might be walking through those doors next. It was ridiculous to be acting this way. Her feelings needed to be brushed aside—they had critically injured patients coming in. That was who she needed to focus on, not the urge to see Andrew.
The next few minutes passed in a blur as the victims were brought in and handled. Dawn found herself working next to the senior resident in an attempt to save the man who had been trapped in the car. Their efforts were in vain; his injuries were too serious.
“Time of death—two seventeen a.m.”
They were the worst words any doctor could say—they ranked right up there with “You have cancer.”
“I’ll check to see if the family has arriv
ed,” Dawn said as she raised the sheet up to the man’s chin.
She walked out of the resus room and closed the door. Leaning against it, she took a couple of deep breaths. As she’d dealt with the doctor and helped tried to save the patient, no thoughts of Tom or Brody or their accident had come to her mind. Usually they did, and the guilt she’d lived with for so long didn’t seem so strong now.
“Dawn, are you okay?”
The voice washed over her like a hot shower on a cold winter’s day. In all the chaos of the critically injured patient coming in, she’d forgotten her early anticipation of seeing Andrew. Now her stomach jumped like corn kernels popping in the microwave. She looked up and found comfort in the blue sea of Andrew’s eyes. His presence immediately giving her strength after dealing with the loss of a patient.
“I’m better now,” she admitted. “I didn’t know you were here.”
“I’ve only just arrived. We brought a drunk kid in who thought he was Iron Man and could jump from his carport roof and fly with his rocket boosters.”
Dawn cringed at the image; she didn’t want to ask how badly he was hurt. She’d seen some pretty serious traumas from people jumping off roofs. “How bad is he?”
“Surprisingly, he only sustained a broken leg and arm. I think he had enough alcohol in his system to supply a couple of bars. That was probably what saved him from being too seriously injured.” He gave a small smile. “Of course, we couldn’t give him too much pain relief so when he sobers up he’s going to be a pretty sore boy.”
“Why do people think they’re invincible when they drink?”
Andrew stepped into her personal space and his warmth and confidence reached out to her, soothing her. “Because all rational thought is soaked away with the alcohol.”
“Hey, Holmes, we’ve got another call.” Andrew’s partner called out and Dawn was disappointed that she couldn’t spend more time with him. It was selfish, but she wanted a little bit of reassurance before she faced the family of the man they’d just lost.
Rescuing Dawn: Lovers Unmasked: Book 2 Page 7
