They walked down the path and to his car. He opened the door for her. She got in and immediately noticed the new car smell. He was definitely starting afresh with everything. She tried to tamp down the excitement beginning to build inside of her.
“Nice car,” she said.
“Well, I arrived back with just a couple of bags; I basically had to start over again and get everything new. I’m looking forward to closing on my house and moving in. My apartment is so small and I’ve had enough of small spaces on a boat. I can’t wait to spread out.”
“I imagine you’d have to get on really well with your crew. It’s not like you can get in a car and drive away if someone annoyed you.”
“Very true, but you can go on deck to get away from it all. When you get up there and see the night sky, you realize just how small you are and the reason for the argument fades away.”
“I bet the night sky would be an unbelievable sight. You don’t get to see much here in the city.”
“No, that is definitely one of the benefits of being in the middle of the ocean at night. The stars are so bright you could almost reach out and touch them.”
Dawn wondered what he thought now about being stuck in the city. Surrounded by people and chaos day in and day out. After the solitary life of the ocean, he must have found it difficult to acclimate himself to it all.
“Do you miss the peace and quiet of the ocean?” she asked.
Andrew parked the car and looked at her. She could see that he had been surprised by her question.
“To be honest, I haven’t given it too much thought. Being on the ocean can be pretty solitary.” She turned her face into the palm he’d placed on her face. “But the time had come to change my priorities.”
Again, there was something in his tone that suggested something had happened. She thought about broaching the subject with him, but not at that moment, maybe later on the timing would be better.
“That makes sense.”
“So are you ready to learn all about sailing?” asked Andrew.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” She pressed the button to release her seatbelt. “Let’s get going.”
They got out of the car and Andrew led her down to the dock. “Wait here and I’ll find out which boat is ours. I’m borrowing a friend’s for our trip.”
“Okay.”
Dawn gazed out over the river. The water was glassy and calm. Tiny ripples appeared every now and then, slowly getting bigger as they reached out towards where she stood on the dock. The peacefulness of the water called out to her and she wondered if they’d see any dolphins, it wasn’t unusual to see a pod of them frolicking in the water.
“It’s a beautiful day for sailing.” Andrew slipped beside her.
Dawn turned and looked at him. “Put it this way, if it was blowing a gale, you wouldn’t get me anywhere near a boat.”
“Chicken,” he teased. “Come on, let’s get going. I can’t wait to get back on the water.”
Dawn hesitated, and a red flag started waving. What if it were true? What if the moment he started sailing again he wanted to join another team and jet off on another adventure? What would happen to them?
“I know what you’re thinking,” Andrew said. “And it won’t happen.”
“What won’t happen and how do you know what I’m thinking?” she asked.
“I won’t want to go back to sailing around the world,” he said. “I’ve had my adventures. The time has come for me to chase other dreams. I can get on the boat today, give you a sailing lesson, and then bring it back to the dock. I’ll get off and I won’t look back and wish I could get back on it.”
Andrew placed his hands on either side of her face, warming her cheeks. His eyes blazed with an honesty she hadn’t seen before. “Trust me, Dawn, when I say this. I loved my time on the ocean, but it’s over now.”
There was something very earnest in his words and Dawn couldn’t help but believe them. “I believe you.”
If she hadn’t believed him before, the sexy smile he sent her way caused all doubt to fly out of her mind. She knew at that moment the dynamics of their relationship had changed. It wasn’t just going to be casual get-togethers for coffee. It was going to become so much more, and although it scared her, it excited her at the same time.
* * *
The gentle sway of the boat as they sat anchored in the quiet cove was hypnotic. Now Dawn could understand the appeal of being on the water. It was so peaceful. She looked at the man stretched out beside her. His shirt had ridden up and the golden skin of his stomach tempted her to reach out and touch it. Even though, in her mind, she was wanting to take the next step from casual to serious, she wasn’t sure Andrew was ready. When they had been sailing, she had been taken aback with his competence. Which really shouldn’t have surprised her, of course he’d handle the boat effortlessly. He’d been sailing for most of his life.
“I think I could quite easily stay here for a very long time,” she all but whispered to him, not wanting to break the ambiance of their surroundings.
“It’s a beautiful cove,” he agreed.
She flipped over onto her stomach, giving into the temptation, and reached out and laid her hand on his stomach. The muscles tensed beneath her fingertips. “I can understand why you sailed for as long as you did, especially if it is was peaceful as this all the time.”
“I seemed to recall you saying that if it was windy you wouldn’t get on a boat. It’s not pleasant when the wind is howling and rain is mixing in with sea water while its stinging your face.”
“Well, when you put it that way, I stick by my earlier comments—I’d definitely be a fair-weather sailor.”
He laughed. “You’re not the first person to say that. I remember the first time when we had weather like that. I threw up so much I thought my stomach was going to come out.”
Dawn laughed and trailed her fingers a little higher. She wanted so much to push his shirt up and touch him properly.
“Dawn…” His voice had a warning tone to it.
She looked up at him from beneath her lashes, sending him a smile that was anything but innocent. “What?”
“I don’t know what you’re planning, but you really are getting into dangerous territory.”
Dawn moved her hand back to the bottom of his t-shirt. She slipped her fingers beneath the hem—his stomach was as taut as it looked. She could admit now, that ever since she’d seen him in the emergency room, she had wanted to touch him again.
She moved closer to him, unable to believe she was being this forward with him. She’d never taken the initiative, made the first move. In fact, when they’d been dating Andrew had made all the moves.
“You know,” she mused as her fingers rose up and down slightly as they flowed over his six pack, “I’ve been wanting to do this since I first saw you again.”
Andrew’s hand landed on hers, stilling the movement. He sat up and her hand slipped out. She bit her lip to stop the moan of disappointment from bursting out of her. But then he grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it up over his head.
Dawn’s mouth dried at the sight of his naked chest. It was like looking at a sculpted god. She didn’t know what came over her—all she knew was that she wanted to be close to him. Wanted to touch him. She sat up, and with a quick movement she was sitting on his lap and her arms were around his neck.
“You sure about this, Dawn?” Andrew asked.
No, she wasn’t sure she wanted to take this to the full conclusion. They were on the river out in the open; another boat could come into their cove. But she wanted to be close to Andrew. She wanted to touch him freely without knowing that they’d have to part in a few minutes. She wanted to throw caution to the wind because she had been living safely for so long.
“Yes, I’m sure.” She leaned in to kiss Andrew, but he drew back.
“I want to let you know that we will only do as much as you want. I’m not going to push you and I’m not going to be disappointed if y
ou want to stop.”
Another little part of the chain that had been her friend for the past two years broke away.
“Thank you,” she whispered as she gave into the desire that had been building within her from the moment she’d opened her front door and had seen him standing there.
She took his lips in an open mouthed kiss. He didn’t back away; he was with her all the way. She shivered when his hands slipped under her shirt and crawled up her back until he reached her bra.
She held her breath, waiting to see if he would take the next step and flick it open. Her breasts felt heavy and ached to be touched by him again. It had been so long since she had felt this wanton. She almost groaned when his fingers played with the clasp. She wanted him to stop playing and start taking action. She scraped her fingers down his back, and he arched into her touch, bringing his chest into closer contact with her sensitized breasts.
“Drew,” she moaned against his mouth.
“What, baby?”
Before she could articulate that she wanted him to rip her top and bra off, the distant whir of a motor and yelling found its way into her conscious mind. As the sound got louder, she turned her head and found two jet-skiers zooming around the bend and into the cove. The riders were oblivious to the fact there was a boat anchored nearby; they appeared to be too busy seeing who could go the fastest.
Andrew pulled his hands out from under her top. She went to move, but he pulled her a little tighter against him. She could feel his arousal against the sensitive junction between her thighs. How she wished there weren’t layers of clothing between them. How she wished they hadn’t been interrupted. Even though now that her mouth was away from Andrew’s, part of her was glad they had. A small part anyway.
“Don’t move,” Andrew said through gritted teeth. To torment him a little more, she wiggled her hips just as the wash from the jet-skis slapped against the hull of the sailboat. Dawn tightened her hold around Andrew’s neck as the boat rocked from side to side.
“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” he asked on a groan.
Dawn wiggled a little bit more and laughed softly. “I’m trying not to, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t.” She gave his lips a quick brush with hers. “Admit it, you’re enjoying it too.”
“They’ve got lousy timing is all I can say,” Andrew muttered as he burrowed his head in her neck and nuzzled it.
As the sound of the jet-skis receded and the quiet that had surrounded them was restored, Dawn reluctantly pulled herself out of Andrew’s embrace. She got up and walked over to the side of the boat and sat, her legs dangling over the edge. She had such mixed emotions running through her. Dawn couldn’t help but wonder how far things would’ve gone between her and Andrew if they hadn’t been interrupted. She couldn’t deny she wanted his kisses and his touches. The flames of desire his touch had ignited were only just starting to die down. But deep down she knew she still wasn’t quite ready to take the next step.
The guilt that seemed to have disappeared over the last few days popped up to say hello again. She’d never been so wanton with Tom as she had been right then with Andrew. Tom was her husband; his touch should’ve inflamed her. Tom’s touch should’ve made her lose all rational thought. But it hadn’t. She’d loved him but their sex life had been adequate at best and it hurt her to think it. With Tom, there had never been the fireworks that she’d experienced when she’d made love to Andrew. Dawn knew that it was because she had always held a little bit of herself back from her husband, hadn’t loved Tom as much as he’d loved her. But Tom had never complained. He had taken what she’d given him and he’d loved her unconditionally. She hadn’t deserved that, which was why his death had hurt so much. If Tom hadn’t been married to her, maybe he would be alive today.
The sparkle of the day died with those thoughts and it wasn’t fair to Andrew to bring the mood down. She’d been the one to instigate their kiss.
“Are you having regrets?” Andrew asked quietly as he came and sat down next to her. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw that he’d put his shirt back on. A spark of disappointment shot through her. She turned as he went to put his arm around her. Her face must have expressed an unknown emotion because he pulled it back and loosely clasped his hands between his knees.
Dawn laid her hand on his leg, the hair on his thigh tickling her palm. “No, not really,” she said, stretching the words out. “I’m just feeling a little confused.”
“Confused about what? You were the one who kissed me.”
Dawn got up and walked to the front of the boat. She knew Andrew deserved an explanation. She didn’t know how to fully express what she was feeling. For the first time since she’d stepped on the sailboat, she wished they were anywhere but stuck on the water. There weren’t many places you could escape to on a boat.
She was leaning on the railing, looking into the water, trying to see if it held any clues on how to deal with the situation she’d gotten herself in. She sensed the moment he walked up behind her.
“Dawn.” Andrew took hold of her shoulders and turned her so that she faced him. She studied the scoop neck of his t-shirt as if it was the most important document in the world and required close attention to understand it. When he lifted her chin, she was worried about what she would see in his eyes. Would he be angry? Would he close himself off from her? It’s what she deserved. Or would he still have desire glowing in his eyes? She met his gaze and saw compassion—an emotion she wasn’t sure she warranted.
“Dawn, I don’t regret what happened, and I’m trying to understand you and give you space. But you’re blowing hot and cold. You say one thing and then you do something else.”
“I know, and I’m sorry.” She took a deep breath. It was time to let him know just how he made her feel. “You make me do things I’ve never done before. You make me feel things that I’ve never felt before.” She pulled out of his embrace and wrapped her arms around her stomach. “It’s like I’ve been asleep for the last ten years and now I’m finally waking up.”
* * *
Andrew looked at Dawn as if she’d spoken in a different language. How could a person be asleep for ten years? Was she telling him that his return meant all the feelings of hurt and humiliation his departure had caused her, were coming back to life?
His head started to hurt. He could understand her reasoning for blowing hot and cold. He hadn’t been married. He wasn’t the person that had lost a spouse and child. Her guilt for surviving was what was keeping her from fully committing to him. He knew he had to give her time and he wouldn’t pressure her. But if she blasted him with more hot kisses like the one they’d just shared, his resolve to take it slow would be shot to pieces.
“I don’t quite understand what you’re trying to say here, Dawn.”
“What I’m trying to say is that I didn’t love my husband the way I loved you. I never burst into flames in Tom’s arms like I did and still do with you, like I did right here on this boat deck. I feel like I’m betraying him and his love for me.”
For an infinitesimal second, his ego had burst to life knowing how he made her feel, but it deflated with her next words. No one should ever feel guilty about feeling emotions. But he did understand it. He recalled the first time he’d slept with another woman other than Dawn. He had felt cheap afterwards. It had taken him a long time after that before he’d ventured into another woman’s bed. Unlike some of his crewmates, he’d never had a woman in every port. No one had ever measured up to Dawn. No one had ever felt right. It hadn’t taken him long to stop accepting the invitations women sent his way.
“I take it I’m the first person you’ve kissed since Tom’s death?”
“Do you want to know how many men I’ve kissed in my life, Andrew?”
There was something in her tone that made him wish he could take back his question. It was stupid and it had been his ego talking. He’d transformed back into the brash, over confident teenager who never thought about what he said.
“No, Dawn, I don’t need to know.”
“Too late. I’ve kissed a total of two men in my life. You and Tom.” Dawn jammed her finger in his chest. “Does that make you feel good knowing that? Does that build your ego up?”
Andrew grabbed her hand and pulled her into his arms. She stood stiffly. He silently cursed the jet-skiers that had intruded on their private interlude. Things could’ve been so different. But then again, perhaps it had been a blessing that their kiss had been interrupted. It was clear that Dawn was still in a place of confusion about her feelings.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured against her hair. He rubbed his hands up and down her back. Slowly she began to relax and when her arms snaked around his waist he knew that they were making some headway. “I’m sorry that I put you in a position where you felt you needed to justify your past to me. It wasn’t fair.”
They stood there, quietly just holding each other. He found a quiet joy within him, standing on the bow of the yacht with the sun shining down on them. It felt right to be holding her.
“I’m sorry too,” Dawn whispered into his chest. “I overreacted, but I’m really confused at what to do and what this is.”
“Are you asking what we are?”
As Dawn leaned back, Andrew had to fight the urge to kiss away the sadness that filled her every feature. He remembered seeing it the first night at the hospital when he’d found her in the quiet room. The sadness and pain in her eyes had been so acute it had broken his heart.
“So what are we, Drew? What are we doing? Where are we going?”
All valid questions, but he wasn’t too sure he was in a position to answer, as he didn’t know exactly what was going on. All he knew was that he wanted to spend time with her. He’d enjoyed their coffee dates. Today had been magical, finally showing her what his world had been like as he’d sailed the oceans. He wanted more and he would take whatever Dawn could give him.
“We’re getting to know each other as adults now, not as teenagers.” He framed her face and placed a soft kiss on her lips, before letting his hands drop. With that little taste he wanted more, but he knew that he had to really take his time and let Dawn set the pace. If she did what she did earlier and things got hot and heavy and she pulled back, he would respect her. He wanted her in his life and he would do whatever he had to do to keep her there.
Rescuing Dawn: Lovers Unmasked: Book 2 Page 9
