Myth Conceptions

by Robert Asprin

  First, the great amount of personal effects they carried was far in excess of that required for a simple pilgrimage. Whether bound in cumbersome backpacks or heaped in small, hand-pushed carts, it was obvious the southbound travelers were bringing with them as much of their worldly possessions as they could carry or drag.

  Second, no one paid us any heed other than a passing glance. This was even more noteworthy than the prior observation.

  Currently, our party consisted of three: myself, Aahz, and Gleep. We had left Buttercup at the palace, much to Aahz's disgust. He would have preferred to leave Gleep and bring Buttercup, but the royal orders had been firm on this point. The dragon was not to remain at the palace unless one or both of us also stayed behind to handle him. As a result, we traveled as a trio-a youth, a dragon, and a grumbling demon-not exactly a common sight in these or any other parts. The peasants flowing south, however, barely noticed us other than to give us clear road space when we passed.

  Aahz maintained that this was because whatever they were running from inspired such fear that they barely noted anything or anybody in their path. He further surmised that the motivating force for this exodus could only be the very army we were on our way to oppose.

  To prove his point, we attempted to question several of the groups when we encountered them. We stopped doing this after the first day due to the similarities of the replies we received. Sample:

  Aahz: Hold, stranger! Where are you going? Answer: To the capital!

  Aahz: Why?

  Answer: To be as near as possible to the king when he makes his defense against the invaders from the North. He'll have to try to save himself even if he won't defend the outlands.

  Aahz: Citizen you need flee no more. You have underestimated your king's concern for your safety. You see before you the new court magician, retained by His Majesty specifically for the purpose of defending Possiltum from the invading army. What say you to that?

  Answer: One magician?

  Aahz: With my own able assistance, of course.

  Answer: I'd say you were crazy.

  Aahz: Now look-

  Answer: No, you look, whoever or whatever you are. Meaning no disrespect to this or any other magician, you're fools to oppose that army. Magik may be well and good against an ordinary force, but you aren't going to stop that army with one magician . . . or twenty magicians for that matter.

  Aahz: We have every confidence-

  Answer: Fine, then you go north. Me, I'm heading for the capital!

  Though this exchange had eventually quelled our efforts to reassure the populace, it had given rise to an argument which was still unresolved as we prepared to sleep on the third night.

  "What happened to your plan to take the money and run?" I grumbled.

  "Big deal," Aahz shot back. "Five whole gold pieces."

  "You said you wanted a profit," I pressed. "Okay! We've got one. So it's small . . . but so was the effort we put into it. Considering we didn't spend anything-"

  "What about the unicorn?" Aahz countered. "While they're still holding the unicorn, we've lost money on the deal."

  "Aahz," I reminded him. "Buttercup didn't cost us anything, remember? He was a gift from Quigley."

  "It would cost money to replace him," Aahz insisted. "That means that we lost money on the deal unless we get him back. I've told you, I want a profit . . . and definitely refuse to accept a loss."

  "Gleep?"

  Aahz's heated words had awakened my dragon, who raised his head in sleepy inquiry.

  "Go back to sleep, Gleep!" I said soothingly. "Everything's all right."

  Reassured, he rolled onto his back and laid back his head.

  Ridiculous as he looked, lying there with his four legs sticking up in the air, he had reminded me of something.

  I pondered the memory for a moment, then decided to change my tactics.

  "Aahz," I said thoughtfully, "what's the real reason for your wanting to go through with this?"

  "Weren't you listening, kid? I Said-"

  "I know, I know," I interrupted. "You said it was, for the profit. The only thing-wrong with that is you tried to leave Gleep behind, who cost us money, instead of Buttercup, who didn't cost us anything! That doesn't ring true if you're trying to show a profit with the least possible effort."

  "Um, you know how I feel about that stupid dragon-" Aahz began.

  "And you know how I feel about him," I interrupted, "As such, you also know I'd never abandon him to save my own skin, much less for money. For some reason, you wanted to be sure I'd see this thing through . . . and that reason has nothing at all to do with money. Now, what is it?"

  It was Aahz's turn to lapse into thoughtful silence.

  "You're getting better at figuring things out, kid," he said finally.

  Normally, I would have been happy to accept the compliment. This time, however, I saw it as what it was: an attempt to distract me.

  "The reason, Aahz," I said firmly.

  "There are several reasons, kid," he said with uncharacteristic solemnity. "The main one is that you're not a master magician yet."

  "If you don't mind my saying so," I commented dryly, "that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. If I'm short on ability, why are you so eager to shove me into this mission?"

  "Hear me out, kid," Aahz said, raising a restraining hand. "I made a mistake, and that mistake has dumped us into a situation that needs a master magician. More than a master magician's abilities, we need a master magician's conscience. Do you follow me?"

  "No," I admitted.

  "Not surprising," Aahz sighed. "That's why I tried to trick you into completing this mission instead of explaining it. So far, all your training has been on physical abilities without developing your professional conscience."

  "You've taught me to keep one eye on the profits," I pointed out defensively.

  "That's not what I mean, kid. Look, for a minute forget about profits."

  "Are you feeling okay, Aahz?" I asked with genuine concern. "You don't sound like yourself at all."

  "Will you get off my back, kid," he snarled. "I'm trying to explain something important!"

  I sank into a cowed silence. Still I was reassured. Aahz was definitely Aahz.

  "When you were apprenticed to Garkin," Aahz began, "and even when you first met me, you didn't want to be a magician. You wanted to be a thief. To focus your energies behind your lessons, I had to stress how much benefit you could reap from learning magik."

  He paused. I didn't say anything. There was nothing to say. He was right, both in his recollections and his interpretation of them.

  "Well," he sighed, "there's another side to magik. There's a responsibility . . . a responsibility to your fellow practitioners, and, more importantly, to magik itself. Even though we have rivals and will probably acquire more if we live that long, and even though we may fight with them or beat them out for a job, we are all bound by a common cause. Every magician has a duty to promote magik, to see that its use is respected and reputable. The greater the magician, the greater his sense of duty."

  "What's that got to do with our current situation?" I prompted.

  "There's an issue at stake here, kid," he answered carefully. "You heard it from Badaxe and Grimble both. More importantly, you heard it from the populace when we talked to the peasants. Rodrick is gambling his entire kingdom on the ability of magik to do a job. Now, no one but a magician can tell how reasonable or unreasonable a task that might be. If we fail, all the laymen will see is that magik failed, and they'll never trust it again. That's why we can't walk away from this mission. We're here representing magik . . . and we've got to give it our best shot."

  I thought about that for a few moments.

  "But what can we do against a whole army?" I asked finally.

  "To be honest with you," Aahz sighed, "I really don't know. I'm hoping we can come up with an idea after we've seen exactly what it is we're up against."

  We sat silently together for a long time after
that, each lost in his own thoughts of the mission and what was at stake.

  Chapter Ten

  "One need not fear superior numbers if the opposing force has been properly scouted and appraised."

  -S. BULL

  My last vestige of hope was squashed when we finally sighted the army. Reports of its massive size had not been overstated; if anything, they had failed to express the full impact of the force's might.

  Our scouting mission had taken us across Possiltum's northern border and several days' journey into its neighbor's interior. The name of this kingdom was inconsequential. If it was not already considered part of the new empire, it would be as soon as the news spread.

  We weren't sure if we had just missed the last battle, or if the kingdom had simply surrendered. Whichever the case, there were no defending troops in evidence, just large encampments of the Empire's forces spread out in a rough line which disappeared over the horizon in either direction.

  Fortunately, the army was not currently on the move, which made our scouting considerably easier.

  There were sentries posted at regular intervals all along the front line, but as they were not more than a given distance from the encampments, we simply traversed the line without approaching them too closely, and thus escaped detection.

  Periodically, we would creep closer to an encampment or climb a tree to improve our view. Aahz seemed very absorbed in his own thoughts, both when we were actually viewing the troops and as we were traveling to new locations. Since I couldn't get more than an occasional grunt or monosyllable out of him, I occupied myself making my own observations.

  The soldiers were clothed roughly the same. Standard equipment seemed to include a leather helmet and breastplate, a rough knee-length cloth tunic, sandals, sword, two javelins, and a large rectangular shield. Apparently they were not planning to move immediately, for they had pitched their tents and spent most of their time sharpening weapons, repairing armor, eating, or simply lolling about. Occasionally, a metal-encrusted soldier, presumably, an officer, would appear and shout at the others, whereupon they would listlessly form ranks and drill. Their practice would usually grind to a halt as soon as the officer passed from view.

  There were occasional pieces of siege equipment designed to throw large rocks or spears long distances, though we never saw them in operation. The only pieces of equipment that seemed to be used with any regularity were the signal towers. Each encampment had one of these, a rickety affair of lashed together poles stretching roughly twenty feet in the air and surmounted by a small, square platform. Several times a day, one soldier in each encampment would mount one of these structures, and they would signal to each other with pennants or standards. The towers also did duty as clotheslines, and were periodically draped with drying tunics.

  All in all, it looked like an incredibly boring existence. In fact, from my appraisal, the only thing duller than being a soldier of the Empire was spending days on end watching soldiers of the Empire!

  I commented on this to Aahz as we lay belly-down on a grassy knoll, surveying yet another encampment.

  "You're right, kid," he admitted absently. "Being a soldier is pretty dull work."

  "How about us?" I probed, eager to keep him talking. "What we're doing isn't exactly exciting, you know!"

  "You want excitement?" he asked, focusing on me for the first time in days. "Tell you what. Why don't you just stroll down there and ask the Officer of the Day for a quick rundown on how their army operates? I bet that'll liven things up for you."

  "I'm not that bored!" I amended hastily.

  "Then what say you just keep quiet and let me do this my way." Aahz smiled and resumed his studies.

  "Do what your way?" I persisted. "Exactly what is it we're trying to accomplish anyway?"

  Aahz sighed.

  "We're scouting the enemy," he explained patiently. "We've got enough going against us on this campaign without rushing in uninformed."

  "How much information do we need?" I grumbled. "This encampment doesn't look any different from the last five we looked at."

  "That's because you don't know what you're looking for," Aahz scoffed. "What have you learned so far about the opposition?"

  I wasn't ready for the question but I gamely rose to the challenge.

  "Um . . . there are a lot of them . . . they're well armed... um . . . and they have catapults . . ."

  "That's all?" Aahz sneered. "Brilliant! You and Badaxe make a great team of tacticians."

  "Okay, so teach me!" I shot back. "What have you learned?"

  "You can spend years trying to learn military theory without scratching the surface," my mentor replied sternly. "But I'll try to give you the important parts in a nutshell. To appraise a force, such as we're doing now, remember two words: `Sam' and 'Doc.'

  " `Sam' and 'Doc,' " I repeated dutifully:

  "Some folks prefer to remember `Salute' but I like `Sam' and 'Doc, ' " Aahz added as an aside.

  "Terrific," I said, grimacing. "Now tell me what it means."

  "They're to help you remember an information checklist," Aahz confided. " `Salute's stands for Size, Activity, Location, Unit, Time, and Equipment. That's fine as far as it goes, but it assumes no judgmental ability on the part of the scout. I prefer `Sam' and 'Doc.' That stands for Strength, Armament, Movement, and Deployment, Organization, and Communications."

  "Oh," I said, hoping he wasn't expecting me to remember all this.

  "Now, using that framework," Aahz continued, "let's summarize what we've seen so far. Size: there are lots of them, enough so it's kind of pointless to try for an exact count. Movement: currently, they're just sitting there."

  "I got that far all by myself," I pointed out sarcastically.

  "The big key, however," Aahz continued, ignoring me, "is in their Armament and Equipment. When you look at this, consider both what is there and what isn't."

  "How's that again?" I asked.

  "What there is, is a lot of foot-schloggers, infantry, a little artillery in the form of catapults and archers, but nothing even vaguely resembling cavalry. That means they're going to go slow when they move, particularly in battle. We don't have to worry about any fast, flanking moves; it'll be a toe-to-toe slugfest."

  "But, Aahz-" I began.

  "As to the Deployment and Organization," he pushed on undaunted, "they're strung out all over the place, probably because it's easier to forage for food that way. Then again, it displays a certain confidence on their part that they don't feel it's necessary to mass their forces. I think we're looking at their Organization, a collection of companies or battalions each under the leadership of two or three officers, all under the guidance of a super-leader or general."

  "Aahz-" I tried again.

  "Communications seems to be their most vulnerable point," Aahz pushed on doggedly. "If an army this size doesn't coordinate its movements, it's in big trouble. If they're really using signal towers and runners to pass messages, we might be able to jinx the works for them."

  "All of which means what?" I interrupted finally.

  "Hmm? Oh, that's a capsule summary of what we're up against," Aahz replied innocently.

  "I know. I know," I sighed. "But for days you've been saying you'll formulate a plan after you've seen what we're up against. Well, you've seen it. What's the plan? How can we beat 'em?"

  "There's no way, kid," Aahz admitted heavily. "If I had seen one, I would have told you, but I haven't, and that's why I keep looking."

  "Maybe there isn't one," I suggested cautiously.

  Aahz sighed.

  "I'm starting to think you're right. If so, that means we'll have to do something I really don't want to do."

  "You mean give up?" I said, genuinely startled. "After that big speech you gave me about responsibility and-"

  "Whoa," Aahz interrupted. "I didn't say anything about giving up. What we're going to do is-"

  "Gleep! "

  The unmistakable sound came to us from behind, rolling up the
hill from the brush-filled gully where we'd left my pet.

  "Kid," Aahz moaned, "will you keep that stupid dragon quiet? All we need now is to have him pull the army down our necks."

  "Right, Aahz!" I agreed, worming away backward as fast as I could.

  As soon as I was clear of the crest of the hill, I rose to a low crouch and scuttled down the slope in that position. Crawling is neither a fast nor comfortable means of travel for me.

  As per our now normal procedure, we had tethered Gleep to a tree . . . a large tree after he had successfully uprooted several small ones. Needless to say, he wasn't wild about the idea, but it was necessary considering the delicate nature of our current work.

  "Gleep!"

  I could see him now, eagerly straining at the end of his rope. Surprisingly, however, for a change he wasn't trying to get to me. In fact, he was trying his best to get at a large bush which stood some distance from his tree . . . or at something hidden in the bush!

  Cold sweat suddenly popped out on my brow. It occurred to me that Gleep might have been discovered -by one of the enemy army scouts. That would be bad enough, but even worse was the possibility said scout might still be around.

  I hurriedly stepped sideways into the shadow of a tree and reviewed the situation-. I hadn't actually seen a scout. In fact, there was no movement at all in the indicated bush. I could sneak back and get Aahz, but if I were wrong he wouldn't be very happy over being called to handle a false alarm. I could set Gleep loose and let him find the intruder, but that would mean exposing myself.

  As I stood debating my next course of action, someone slipped up behind me and put hands over my eyes.

  "Surprise!" came a soft voice in my ear.

  Chapter Eleven

  "Should old acquaintance be forgot . . ."

  -COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO

  I jumped!

  Perhaps I should clarify. When I say "I jumped," I mean I really jumped. Over a year ago, Aahz had taught me to fly, which is actually controlled hovering caused by reverse levitation.