The Clay Girl

by Heather Tucker

  “Babcia needs you. She needs Arielle to keep her broken heart beating. I can’t protect myself if you don’t go where you’re safe. Threatening you is how they get me to dance whatever friggin’ thing they want.” I link arms with my sister-friend. “Imagine, Jacquie Appleton going on a plane to Europe.”

  “What about the store?”

  “Len only left it to you so you’d have a future. His heart would break again if it ended up costing you that future. Sell it to Uncle Otto. He’ll give you a fair price. Then when you come back, Franc can restore houses like he’s always wanted.”

  Sometimes hope is a thing felt through a head on a shoulder. “Are you sure? I know what Aquarius means to you.”

  “Otto and Sabina love me. I’ll always be welcome.”

  The lake heaves like my belly. Ice monsters rear, open-mouthed, swallowing wave after wave. I’ve done some hard things. Shameful that this feels like the hardest of them all.

  “Ari? Belle said you needed to see me.” Mr. West touches my shoulder. “What is it?”

  “Miss Standish said you were driving to Winnipeg on March break. That day, at the church in Montreal . . . you told me your parents were soft.”

  “They are at that.”

  “Miss Standish said there’s a pond and fields that go on for miles.”

  He turns me and holds tight my shiver and tears.

  “Please—take—Zodiac—with . . .” Snot is getting all over his beautiful jacket.

  “No, you need him here with you.”

  My fingers are stiff-cold as I take a white envelope out of my pocket. He looks inside to see the hunk of Zodiac’s lovely golden fur. “This was under my pillow after the robbery. If Zodiac drowned in your pond chasing after a duck I could bear it, but if his throat was cut to teach me a lesson, I’d be done trying.”

  “Okay, I’ll take him. Let’s go to Belle’s and get you warmed up.”

  “I’m staying out of sight until Jacquie and Zodiac are safe. I’ll just go.”

  “Where?”

  “I should go to school and see if I can’t salvage something from this term.”

  “It’s six a.m. Come to my place and I’ll make you something to eat.”

  “No. I don’t want to get you in trouble. I’ll hide at Chase’s.”

  “I’ll drop you.”

  He puts the heat on full blast and pats my hand between gear shifts, not in an improper way, but a more-worth-than-trouble way.

  “Drop me at the back of the plaza so I can cut through the yards. Chase is being tortured, too. He’s gotten two tickets this week.”

  “For what?”

  “It’s open season on Ari Appleton supporters.”

  “Ari, this just isn’t right.”

  “What do you suggest I do? Call the police? If Zodiac and Jacquie are safe then he won’t have as much to plague me with.”

  His eyes connect with mine. “Meet me at the lake Sunday after March break, around ten, and I’ll let you know how Zodiac is doing.”

  In the newspaper office Mrs. Russell rustles my shoulder. “Ari, you’re going to be late for history.”

  I push myself away from the old Underwood. “Thanks. I just needed a few minutes.”

  “Girl, you look exhausted. Are you eating?”

  “Everything sits like curdled liver in my gut.”

  “Things okay at home?” Her polished nail taps a headline, “Seen But Not Heard,” in the latest edition of the Examiner. I glance down and read: “Sometimes the only thing in your control is your own tongue, the choice of whether to speak up or shut up.” She says, “What’s going on, Ari?”

  “Honestly? I don’t know. It’s like the Dick has zeroed in on all the things keeping me afloat and is puncturing them one by one.” My chest heaves, but I keep the floods in. “I have to go.”

  “Come back after school and we’ll talk.”

  “I can’t. I have to go straight home.”

  “You’re not going to work?”

  The tremble of my lip pisses me off. “The store’s been sold.”

  “Where’s your sister?”

  “She’s going away for a while.”

  “Another loss, Ari. I’m going to make an appointment for you with the school counsellor.”

  “Talking isn’t going to change this. Um . . . I can’t afford to miss this class.”

  Franc and Jacquie invest the money from the store into two broken down buildings in the Village. Tomorrow they’re leaving for Poland with Babcia, and most of Uncle Iggy in a jar. A little ash is mine for when I plant his oak beside Len’s maple. Franc will return the buildings to splendour when they come back to Toronto and Jacquie will open a new and improved Aquarius.

  Strange, seeing Jacquie walk into the Riverboat. “Can you take a break?”

  “Bernie, can I take a break?”

  “Sure. How many beautiful sisters do you have?”

  “I’m taking five minutes for each and you can figure it out.”

  Jacquie scoots me out the back door, down the alley, through a gate, and up a fire escape to a tiny third-story nest, cozied with familiar things from the store apartment. “Jacquie, wha— What?”

  “Franc set up everything under a holding company so no one knows we own it. The café and apartment downstairs are rented, but this is yours if you need a place to run to. Franc made it safe with bars and reinforced doors.”

  Len’s pot graces a shelf and Babcia’s warmest feather comforter covers a full-sized bed. My favourite reading chair looks liquid gold in the soft light of the lamp.

  “There’s only a hot plate and a bar fridge and if you bend in the shower you might get stuck, but it’ll be dry and warm under the covers.”

  My books line a bookcase and my box from Auntie’s M&N sit atop. A sign hangs in the little kitchen nook:

  The Eagle’s Nest

  A place for Lion around.

  “It’s stocked with food that will keep. You could hole up here for weeks if needed.” Jacquie raises the trunk lid at the end of the bed. “Your letters and Iggy’s bag quotes are in here. We’ve set up a post office box. I’ve given everyone who needs to know the contact information. These are your keys. Belle has an extra set.”

  I jump, hugging her so hard we tumble onto the bed, feet kicking like I’m five and got a princess castle for Christmas. “This is the most spectacular thing ever.”

  The Dicks expect me to crash at the Riverboat on weekends, so no one is even looking for me. Chase discovers a toaster and kettle. “Breakfast, coming right up.”

  I believe heaven must be something like this: a friend, a featherbed, a cup of tea, a book, and . . . feeling completely safe.

  I just about Old Faithful the tea out of the fat blue mug I’m holding when a phone rings. “I have a phone?”

  Chase puts on his Queen of England voice, “MacArthur residence. Oh, hi, Jacquie. Yeah, right here.”

  I take the receiver. “Jacquie, I had the best sleep I’ve had in six months. Do I know how to pay a phone bill?”

  “It’s taken care of. Just promise me you won’t tell anyone other than Chase and Belle about the place.”

  “That’s an easy promise to keep.”

  Jacquie pries Arielle from my arms, replacing her with a plush toy retriever.

  “Jacquie, thank you.”

  “It’s from Mr. West. Tell me you’ll be okay.”

  “With you safe I can rage, rage against the dying of the light.”

  A minute less of goodbyes and they would’ve made a clean getaway. The Dick pulls up and Mum steps out dressed in a fun-fur jacket slung over a leopard skin leotard. Jasper cowers. Where’s the SPCA when you need them?

  Dickprick growls at me, “You were told not to come here.”

  “I was told not to go in the store. Is it a crime to say g
oodbye to my sister?”

  Jacquie lengthens. “What the hell do you want?”

  Franc scoops Arielle from Jacquie’s arms, handing her off to Aunt Sabina.

  “Just came to see how the repairs are going on my store.” Mum looks up at the chic new Sabina’s Boutique sign. “What’s this?”

  “The new owners picked their own name.”

  “You sold my store?”

  “Why is it so hard to get something into a head that’s completely empty? I sold my store. Now we’re off on a trip around the world and you are never going to see your granddaughter again, you stupid, useless bitch.”

  “You’ve never been anything but trouble.” Mum inches up to Franc. “You know she fucked her father.”

  “No, her father raped her and you allowed it to happen and that makes you the lowest person on this earth. You don’t deserve a single one of your beautiful daughters and you were never good enough for my uncle.” Franc spits on the sidewalk then insists Jacquie toward the waiting car.

  “I thought I couldn’t despise anyone more than Daddy, now I just feel sorry for him for having been married to you.”

  Dick moves forward and Jacquie takes him on.

  “Don’t say one word, you murdering bastard. Once the police track down your thugs, how soon do you think it’s going to be before they point a finger at you? Iggy’s murder is on you. I hear cops get the royal treatment in prison.”

  Mum’s fun-fur bristles. “That’s my money. I earned it.”

  Jacquie screams while Franc tries to fold her into Uncle Otto’s car. “All you’ve ever earned is a place in hell!”

  Chase pulls my arm, “Come on, Ari. Now.”

  “No, we have to keep the Dicks from following them. I need Jacquie on that plane.”

  “They’re not going anywhere on those tires.”

  I look back at the puddling rubber under the Dick’s car. “What did you do?”

  “Guess the construction crew should’ve cleaned up better.”

  Morning light casts bars across the floor and this is a room I love being locked in. I climb over Chase, make tea, and sit in my very own chair with Mr. West’s note.

  Ari: You are the most courageous person I’ve ever met. I admire your spirit, grace, and tenacity. Knowing you is a privilege and caring for Zodiac is an honour. He will be cherished and loved until you’re ready to take him home. Aaron West.

  I sip the fragrant tea, realizing that if I don’t factor in all that’s happened or think about the mess waiting outside the door, I feel wholly happy.

  Four o’clock comes and Chase returns me to crapdom. “Let me off at the end of the street. Dick might shoot you.”

  “That’ll make me look guilty. I’m going in to see what the situation is; I want to be there if you need to run. Besides, I have peace doughnuts.”

  Mikey launches from the house like a flying squirrel. Ricky leans on the porch rail.

  “Am I going to be murdered?”

  “They’re both sleeping one off.”

  Chase asks, “Are you here for the night, Ricky?”

  “Yeah, night off.”

  Things continue to improve when Ronnie exits the house in the fluffy concoction Mum sported yesterday, masterfully accessorized with white go-go boots, black fishnets, and a hot-pink mini. Officer O’Toole pulls up and she hops in. “Don’t wait up, losers.”

  Chase hands the double-dip bribes off to Mikey. “Keep her safe, buddy. See you tomorrow, babe.”

  Piss, vomit, bird shit, all the really homey fragrances welcome me when I enter crapdom. “Jesus, Ricky, what happened here?”

  “A seizure and a fit. What happened yesterday?”

  “They found out Jacquie sold the store and left the country.”

  “Was your stepdad really rich?”

  “He just worked hard.”

  “Is it true he left you a whack of money?”

  “Believe me, there’s no gold mine. Just a pile of lead anchoring me here.”

  Todd sniffs into the kitchen. “Hey, Hari.” He nabs a double chocolate, a vanilla, and a fruit-filled doughnut.

  “You want me to make you a sandwich first?”

  He puts back the sugared raspberry. “Sure.”

  “Just let me excavate the counter.”

  The Junior Dicks watch in rapt wonderment as I make grilled cheese. “Is your homework done, Mikey?”

  He shrugs.

  “Finish it, then we can play Go Fish.” Mikey loves the game because he can talk with his fingers, though, it gets messy when asking for a card that has no numbers.

  By the time the Dick spills down the stairs it’s hard for him to get pissy confronted by such domestic bliss. He downs a handful of aspirin with swigs of Pepto. “What are you eating?” Mikey lifts his plate and the Dick scarfs the remaining inch.

  I offer, “You want one?”

  “Two. Wrap one to go.”

  Jasper dances. Glorious days, he’s going on nights.

  While we’re playing Go Fish the Dick dives under the kitchen faucet and scrubs his bristled head with the dish towel. He flicks excess water in Mikey’s face. “Damn it, scaredy-mouth, just say ‘nine’ for fuck sake.”

  Mikey puts down his cards to hold up nine fingers.

  Ricky says, “Yeah, I got a nine.”

  “How about a tenner, Ricky? I’m a bit short.”

  “I’m clean out.”

  I retrieve the tips I have stuffed in my pocket, offering them with the sandwich. “Will three bucks help?”

  He pincers my arm while nabbing the bills. “You think you’re so much better than us, don’t you?”

  “I’m just a kid. In my almost fifteen years on this earth I’ve learned that we don’t get the betterment on grownups, no how, no way.” Dirt-dumb stupid bastard.

  He throws four doughnuts in a bag and leaves us in peace. The call of Green Acres proves too much for Todd to resist. “Mikey, go get ready for bed and then you can watch it, too.”

  Ricky hangs around, drying likely the first dish of his life. “You are too good for us, Ari.”

  “Auntie Mary says we’re all the same clay. The elements make us different, but we’re all still lumps of clay. It’s up to us what we make of it. You’re going to make something spectacular out of yours.” He rests against the counter making us almost exactly the same height. His eyes are double-dip chocolate and his hair the dark brown of forest earth. I know by his application form that he’ll be eighteen on June 10th and will, I’m certain, become a soldier boy. “Can I write to you when you go?”

  “That’d be nice. And a picture for my wall?” The finger-circle on my belly makes my underwear heat up. Motor grease and car dirt colour the creases of his hand and I one hundred percent like the feel of it on my one hundred percent cotton shirt.

  Can there be anything more romance-shattering than the sound of one’s pathetic mum hurling chunks from both ends? Yes—having her walk into the kitchen in a bra and baggy-bum panties with her flesh looking like a mess of lumpy oatmeal. She grabs the Pepto and shakes pills into her jittery hand. Eye goop leaks down her cheek. “I thought you left me. Everybody leaves me.” She downs a palmful of pills, and a corner of my head and half of my heart hopes it’s enough to kill her.

  FORTY

  I fill my warmed spot in the bed with the stuffed Zodiac, shower long to rid my hair of smoke, and dress warm. “I’m going now. I’ll bring lunch back.”

  Chase yawns, “Love you.”

  I navigate the Sunday-quiet streets, arriving on the boardwalk by the lake early enough to drink in some quiet time with Len and Iggy before Mr. West shows. The sky sags with steely clouds. I fold head to knees, warming inside my coat to keep my nose from turning red.

  “Hi, Ari. Did I keep you waiting?”

  “Waiting here is good. How’s Zodiac
?”

  He sits close. “My parents were more excited about him than about seeing me.”

  I shuffle the pile of offered pictures. “He looks spectacularly happy.”

  “My mother has never let an animal on the furniture, but there she was calling him away from my dad to curl up beside her.”

  “Your family looks nice.”

  “There’s no arguing I’m a lucky man.” He holds my mittened hand. “Zodiac told me that he’ll be happy there, so you can rest your heart.”

  “I don’t know how to thank you for this.”

  “I’ve lived a life in black and white. Yours is an unending adventure in Technicolor. Having your dog means we’ll have to keep in touch. Let’s set a date, third Sunday of every month we’ll meet here and I’ll give you updates.”

  Stripping the store out from under Jacquie had been the focus of Dick and Chick of Dick’s combined twenty brain cells. Frightening, terrifying really, to see the bitterness set in as hope slips through their mismatched hands. It’s finally sunk in that the store is gone, Jacquie has flown, and there’s nothing legal or illegal they can do about it. Plan B: Step up the squashing of Hariet Appleton.

  They have just over one year until I turn sixteen and can get the hell out. Minus a summer out east, that doesn’t leave much time. Dick is a wily bastard, I’ll give him that. Isolate the prey, easier to mess with them.

  He sucks some day-old pork chop out from between his yellow teeth. “We’re transferring you to Jarvis. You start Monday.”

  “The judge said I could stay at Birchmount.”

  “Well, I say you can’t.”

  He can’t torture my dog or my sister so I go to school as usual on Monday. I go Tuesday. Wednesday Mrs. Russell nudges my shoulder. “Ari, Mr. Hamilton needs to see you. Would you like me to come?”

  I seize her hand when I see O’Toole, in uniform, outside the office. “I want my lawyer.” We zip past him and close the door behind us.

  Mr. Hamilton looks up from his papers and informs me that I have to leave.