Tactical Bear (P.O.L.A.R. Series Book 4)

by Candace Ayers

  I shook my head. “I don’t want to go home.”

  It was true; I didn’t want to go home, but I didn’t want to be at work either. I was ready to crawl right out of my skin from the restlessness and frustration. I still wanted Maxim even though I didn’t want to want him. My body was in pain from the cravings.

  We weren’t compatible though. The man didn’t give a single fuck about me, about the fact that my species was endangered, or about my mission to have our name changed to something more respectable.

  So, my resolve had wavered slightly in my kitchen. I’d let my body and my rabbit win out over my rational mind. It wouldn’t happen again. I wasn’t about to give up something that mattered to me for a guy who didn’t care about me as a person. Or, rabbit.

  Even if he was my mate.

  Not that I was admitting that he was my mate or anything. My rabbit thought so, but not me. I refused to be bullied by fate into having to accept a man who was clearly not right for me, nor would I turn my back on everything I believed in. I would choose my own mate, not have one chosen for me.

  At the end of the day, even if Maxim changed his playboy ways, even if he wasn’t actually a callous, pompous jerk, he wasn’t a rabbit.

  I had a goal. I was going to demand respect for my species and bring them back from the edge of extinction. That had been my dream for so long. I planned to do my part by having a huge family of my own full of rabbit shifters who would each go out and start their own big families. In a couple generations, my family line could number in the hundreds, thousands maybe. They—I—could single handedly save the species.

  It mattered to me, and if Maxim was truly my mate, it would matter to him, too. It sure as hell would matter to another rabbit shifter. One of our own wouldn’t write off my petition as frivolous.

  “Parker? You still down here with us Earthlings?”

  Snapping back into reality, I nodded. “I think I will take the day off.”

  Penny gave me a quick hug. “Go. Get some rest and call me if you need anything.”

  I grabbed my purse before she could change her mind. The B&B was always full and there was plenty of chores to go around. And, while Marvin tried his best, he wasn’t as quick or as efficient anymore as he once was.

  Once I got home, I pulled out my list of eligible rabbit males. The most productive thing I could do with my day off was to find myself a rabbit mate who would make me forget all about smug, pretentious polar bears.

  Yeah, I didn’t want to think about polar bears anymore, ever.

  Sitting at my kitchen table, I ran down the list to determine who would be the best candidate to meet up with next. There had to be someone that was perfect or, if not perfect, at least passable.

  At least better than a polar bear.

  20

  Maxim

  “We found out why you’ve been such a fucking asshat lately. Heidi spilled about your crush.” Alexei laughed. “We heard you two got caught going at it like,” he cleared his throat, “rabbits.”

  The guys laughed like that was fucking funny or something and I felt myself tense. “Fuck off. All of you.”

  Serge slapped me on the back. “Is she your mate?”

  I growled. “We’re not talking about this.”

  Roman grinned. “So, the rumor’s true. Hey, as long as you’re hoppy.”

  I stood up and glared at him. “Fuck you.”

  “You sound fed up with the hole thing.” Alexei chuckled.

  “Must be a bad hare day.” Dmitry was even getting in on the teasing.

  Serge was the person standing closest to me and he suffered for it. I swung a punch and hit him in the gut before grabbing Alexei around the neck and throwing him across the office. A desk collapsed in a flurry of papers. A file cabinet toppled. Someone tackled me, and I went down fighting. Someone slugged me across the nose and blood splattered. I managed to drag Roman under me and got him good across the chin before Serge grabbed me in a chokehold and dragged me out of the fray.

  Panting and still seeing red, I wanted to hurt them all. I wanted to lash out and hurt each one of them as badly as I was aching inside.

  Serge shook his head. “Why you assholes always go after me, I’ll never know! Get out. Go find your mate and make it right. You’re going to be hell to deal with until you do.”

  “She doesn’t fucking want me!” I ripped away from him and shoved him hard enough to make him stumble into the wall behind him. “She doesn’t want me.”

  The guys blinked up in silence from the floor.

  Then, Konstantin crawled up and plopped himself in a chair. Dmitry sat up, but remained on the floor. Alexei rolled over, rested his elbow on the ground and propped his head on his fist. Roman remained on his back staring up at the ceiling and shook his head, smiling. “Brother, they always do that. It’s just part of the process.”

  “I agree. I think it’s just the way it works.” Alexei shrugged. “You need to go out there and win her over.”

  I backed away, holding up my hands. “She won’t even let me. She doesn’t want…a polar bear. She’s determined to have a rabbit shifter mate.”

  “What? You’re at the top of the goddamned food chain!” Serge scoffed. “Alright, I guess it’s up to you to show her that fate paired the two of you for a reason. Quit picking fights with these goddamn dickheads and go work on convincing your mate that you’re the right man, shifter, and species for her. Go!”

  I ground my teeth. Serge had a point. I couldn’t give up on her; we belonged together. And, I was a better match for her than any rabbit shifter she could find. She had to see that.

  I left the office and headed straight to the bed and breakfast, but when I entered, Parker wasn’t at her desk. Penny emerged from a back room and as soon as she spotted me, her eyes went wide and she rushed over. “Oh, my god, Maxim! Are you okay?”

  “Where’s Parker?”

  “She went home. What happened to you? Do you need a first aid kit?”

  I didn’t answer. I just turned and ducked back out, heading straight to Parker’s. My heart was racing. My body was strung tightly. I was determined to do exactly what Serge said and convince Parker that she needed me. I got to her house and stomped up the steps. She must have heard me coming because by the time I reached the door, Parker was already opening it with an expression of shock. Okay, so she heard someone coming but clearly had not been expecting me. Before she could slam the thing in my face, I grabbed her and planted a kiss on her plump, pouty lips.

  Her mouth responded instantly. Her hands grabbed fistfuls of my shirt and she let me walk her back into her house. Apparently, I’d caught her off guard, because it only took another second or two before she yanked out of my grip and turned her back to me.

  “What are you doing?!” She flew to the other side of the room and ran her hands through her hair. “You shouldn’t be here.”

  “Stop, would you? Just stop this nonsense. We’re mates. I know it and you know it. We’re meant for each other. There’s no use fighting it. Stop the nonsense.” I took a step closer to her and growled. “No more of this looking for another mate bullshit. You won’t find anyone else. Your options are me…or me.”

  She suddenly turned and looked as though she was about to lay into me when she seemed to notice my appearance for the first time, and paled. “What happened to you?”

  I waved it off. “Scuffle with the guys. It’s nothing. Did you hear me?”

  She shook her head and her eyes shifted to her dining room table. “You need to leave.”

  “Fuck no I’m not leaving. You’re my mate, Parker. Do you understand that?”

  “I’m not your mate.” She glanced at the table again and then over my shoulder. “I’m not anything to you.”

  I walked over to the table to see what was so damned interesting to her. There was a sheet of paper with what looked like information on different men—names, addresses, phone numbers. All fucking rabbit shifters, I’d stake my life on it, and all men she
was considering as potential mates. I glared at her. “Are you fucking serious?”

  She snatched the sheet of paper off the table and held it behind her back. “I told you to leave.”

  I snapped.

  I knew it was counterproductive and wouldn’t help my standing with her, but I was hurt—maimed by the feeling of extreme rejection. I wasn’t acting like myself, or maybe I was. Maybe, I was just so desperate that the only way I knew to deal with it was to fight it head on as hard as I could. Even if it was another of my bad decisions.

  I took her shoulders in my hands and glared down at her. “You think you can just ignore fate, is that it? You think having a stupid, weak little rabbit for a mate is more important than being with your fated mate? Why? Because you’re so obsessed with making more rabbits? Jesus, Parker, so what if you don’t have a rabbit kid? So, what if your ludicrous petition doesn’t go through because it has all of, what, ten signatures on it? Is all of that bullshit more important than true mates? You’re willing to throw away your future for something so ridiculous?”

  Parker’s eyes filled with tears. Oh, shit. I suddenly felt like the biggest dick on the planet. I hated myself for losing my temper. I wanted to take back all the nasty things I’d just said in anger, but how?

  When she spoke, her voice was steady and calm, quiet even. “I asked you to leave.”

  “Wait, Parker…”

  She spun away from me and stalked across the room, nearly putting herself in a corner to get away from me.

  “I’m sorry I said those things. I didn’t mean them. Can we please just talk first?”

  She turned to face me, a tear rolling down her cheek. “I don’t want to talk, Maxim. I want you to leave. Please.”

  I swore and moved towards the door. “Fine. I’m going.”

  As I pulled her door shut, I heard her whisper. “Don’t come back.”

  21

  Parker

  In the bathroom of Cap’n Jim’s, Laila sighed heavily before stepping behind me to work on my hair. She stared at me through the reflection in the mirror and frowned. “Aww, babe. I hate that you’re so gloomy.”

  I looked away and shrugged. “I’m fine. It is what it is, you know?”

  “And you’re sure you can’t just sit down with him and open some lines of communication? Maybe together, the two of you can make sense of everything.” She pulled a few bobby pins out of her purse and slid them into my hair at different angles. “I mean, this situation doesn’t seem ideal, either. You’re clearly unhappy.”

  I swatted her hands away and turned to face her. “Would you be with a man who cared nothing about your feelings?”

  She blew out a deep breath and twisted her lips. “No, but maybe Maxim—”

  “Don’t say his name, Laila. I don’t want to hear his name. I came here to drink and forget about you know who.” I swiped mascara smudges from under my eyes and shrugged. “Besides, I’m not unhappy. I’m perfectly happy.” It was a bald-faced lie, and we both knew it.

  “Maybe we should go back to your house.”

  “No!” I was having difficulty stepping into my kitchen without reliving the wild sex that was started and interrupted, and I was having trouble stepping into my living room without reliving the angry reaction of a certain bear shifter when he’d discovered the list of single, available male rabbit shifters in the area. No, home made me feel hollow and empty and way too tempted to run out and find the polar bear-who-will-not-be-named for a makeup session.

  Laila finally nodded and gave me a side hug. “I’m here for you, Parker. Whatever you need to do.”

  I brushed her off and opened the bathroom door. Music from the bar was instantly deafening and cut off any chance of having a normal conversation. Which was awesome and exactly what I needed. I didn’t want to talk about mates, bears, rabbits, or anything of the sort. I wanted to pretend to be a human for a night and drink enough to forget that my chest felt like an elephant was sitting on it.

  I’d never been to Cap’n Jim’s. On the north side of the island, it was somewhat of a tourist trap. Club music played too loudly, the drinks were marked up and watered down, and Jim wasn’t even a real guy, much less a captain. The owner’s name was Kenny and he wasn’t a captain. The one thing that Cap’n Jim’s had going for it, though, was a distinct lack of polar bears.

  Back at our booth, Laila and I ordered drinks and settled in to people watch. I felt her eyes on me more than once, like she was taking my vitals. She was worried about me. Everyone seemed to be. And they all wanted to fucking talk about it.

  I didn’t.

  When two men slid into our booth, blocking us in, I pretended that I wasn’t thoroughly repulsed. Laila didn’t seem put off by the guy who was next to her, so I played along. I leaned in to try to hear what the guy next to me was saying, but the music was too loud for my shifter ears. Between songs, I caught that his name was Nathan and he liked Bud better than any other beer.

  Nathan talked, whether he realized I wasn’t listening or not, I didn’t know. I pretended I was and nodded along. He smelled like cheap cologne and trying-too-hard and I wished I didn’t have to breathe him in. When he touched me, an innocent brush against my shoulder, I felt my skin crawl. I leaned away from him.

  Laila glanced over at me and smiled, but I could still see the worry etched in her features. Nathan’s mouth kept moving, and I was getting to the end of my rope. I wanted to scream. I wanted to shove Nathan out of the booth so I could run the hell out of there for some fresh air. A night out had been a mistake. I was in no condition to be around normal people.

  “Can you let me out?” I raised my voice and leaned closer to Nathan. “I need to go.”

  He squinted at me and yelled something back that I couldn’t hear.

  “Let me out!” I put my hand on his shoulder and pushed, hard, trying to emphasize my point. I needed to go. I was panicking, for some reason. The loud music and cloying scent of his cologne were wreaking havoc on my heightened senses and I felt a sense of panic beginning to surface.

  Nathan was instantly gone. I stared at my hand for a second, shocked and wondering how I’d somehow managed to gain the super-strength of twenty rabbits. Until the scent of pine and spiced oranges hit my nostrils.

  I told myself not to look, but there was no stopping me. Maxim was already halfway across the bar, dragging Nathan by the back of his shirt toward the door. I watched as he kicked open the exit and threw the guy out on his butt. Maxim looked back over his shoulder. Our eyes met, a shared gaze that made my pulse race and my heart leap in my chest. The searing intensity in his eyes touched me to the core. Then he turned and walked out.

  He just left.

  Laila pushed at the guy next to her, but he was already getting up to chase after his friend. She put her mouth right against my ear and shouted. “I think we’ve worn out our welcome.”

  I bit my lip and nodded. I felt as though I was crumbling. I was going to lose my composure and I didn’t want to do it in front of people. I followed her through the crowd and towards the back door, grateful for her quick thinking. Laila had realized that the front door was a no-go and had, instead, dragged me out the back door. We were hurrying down the beach, toward my house, in no time.

  I wasn’t normally much of a crier and I didn’t want to have to talk or explain the tears that had started trailing down my cheeks. Laila and I locked eyes. Everything that needed to be said was conveyed with just a single glance between us, and Laila nodded. She understood that right then what I needed was to leave my body. I needed to shift.

  My rabbit was small, but she was fast and smart. I ran past Laila, who stopped to grab my clothes, and skirted the edge of the water towards the southern tip of the island. I wanted to go farther. I wanted to run south until I couldn’t go any farther. It was an attempt to escape the extreme and confusing emotions.

  I hesitated at the edge of the road.

  “Come on, Parker. Let’s get you home. Stay shifted, if it helps.” La
ila scooped me up and held me against her chest. “I’m going to take care of you tonight, okay?”

  As embarrassing as maybe it should have been, being picked up and carted around like a child, it was actually cathartic. I let her carry me back to my house and then she sat down on the couch and stroked my fur while she spoke.

  “You know I love you. You’re my best friend and I’d do anything for you, babe. I think you’re making a mistake, though. I only know about mates from what you’ve told me and from what I’ve learned in the last year or so, but it’s never sounded like something you can run from.

  “I guess I had this idea in my head, from what you’ve said, that fate doesn’t get it wrong. I still think that. I know you know what you want, but maybe that’s not what you need. Maybe, just maybe, this is hurting so much because you’re fighting the best thing that’s ever happened to you.

  “Obviously, he’s not perfect. He really seems to care about you, though, and that’s a pretty good foundation to build on, isn’t it? They say communication is key to a healthy relationship. Maybe that’s what you need, the two of you. I mean, you could talk to him and explain what’s important to you and why. Make him see. If he’s truly your mate, I think he’ll listen and care about what’s important to you. You could at least give the guy a chance.”

  I buried my head in her stomach and tried to block out what she was saying. It made far too much sense.

  22

  Maxim

  I ended up getting permanently barred from Cap’n Jim’s for throwing that twatwaffle out on his ass. It was worth it. He shouldn’t have been talking to my mate, and he damned sure shouldn’t have touched her.

  The problem was, now I was having a hell of a time convincing my bear that running after Parker was a bad idea. No, we shouldn’t follow her home. No, we shouldn’t show up at her front door. No, we shouldn’t break it down to get in and make sure she’s okay.