by Anne Fraser
Harry stirred in his sleep. Colleen held her breath, wanting to know more.
‘My father was a disciplinarian—almost Victorian in his view that children should neither be seen nor be heard.’
‘Go on,’ Colleen prompted. ‘Tell me more. This is the kind of stuff you should be telling Harry when he’s awake.’
‘I wish Harry could’ve spent time in Dorset when he was younger.’ He smiled ruefully. ‘I wouldn’t want you to think my childhood didn’t have its happy moments. As I said, I used to go with my mother to the cottage at the weekends. She’d take me down to the beach and we’d do all the things families do when they’re at the seaside: make sandcastles, get buried in the sand, eat ice creams. I would have done that with Harry.’ He stopped speaking for a while. ‘Eleanor always loved that cottage. She was a great fan of Thomas Hardy. She said it gave her a thrill to live where Tess of the d’Urbervilles was set. She always intended to write a book one day.’ Daniel’s shoulders were stiff. ‘We were happy there.’
Something suspiciously like envy sliced through Colleen. Daniel had clearly loved Harry’s mother once. Perhaps he still did. Maybe he was grieving for a missed opportunity to get back with her. She knew so little about him. And it’s none of your business. Your business is with the child and not the father. Why, then, did she feel envious? Was it because it emphasised what she and Ciaran didn’t have?
There was a long silence.
‘But you didn’t visit Harry in Dorset after they returned?’ Colleen asked.
‘Eleanor made it clear that I wasn’t welcome. But, God forgive me, I could have tried harder to see Harry, but something always seemed to come up…’ He turned back to Colleen and the remorse on his face made her heart twist.
‘Maybe we could take Harry there when he’s a little better? Stay for a while if he likes.’
In a moment the mask was back in place. ‘I don’t think we should take Harry back to a place that is bound to remind him that he’s lost his mother.’
Colleen said nothing. Maybe he was right. It was too early yet to know what would be best for Harry. Hopefully when he was better he’d be able to tell them what he wanted.
Harry opened his eyes and blinked rapidly.
‘Hello, Harry,’ Colleen said quietly. ‘Remember me? I’m Colleen. You’re back in your father’s house in London. He’s here, too. We’ve just being talking about the house in Dorset.’
Colleen waited for a reaction from Harry, but there was none. ‘Now…’ Colleen beckoned to Daniel ‘…we’re just going to sit you up. Then I’ll read to you. Or would you like me to put your music on?’
They helped Harry sit up in bed, Daniel holding his son against his chest while Colleen sorted the pillows.
‘Okay, Harry,’ Colleen said, her heart aching for Daniel. ‘Blink once if you would like me to read to you.’
There was no response.
‘Blink once if you would like me to put your music on.’
Again there was no response.
‘Or, I can do both. I could read to you while you listen to music?’
Harry blinked twice.
‘Okay, not music, not reading. What about a DVD of Iron Man? Your friend Nat tells me it’s one of your favourite films.’
Harry blinked once.
Colleen and Daniel exchanged a look over the top of Harry’s head. For the first time, Colleen saw hope in Daniel’s eyes.
‘Look, I need to get to the office,’ Daniel said, ‘but I’ll be back as soon as I can.’ He leaned over and kissed the top of his son’s head. Harry flinched and turned his head away.
The look in Daniel’s eyes changed to one of despair, but without saying anything, he straightened and left the room.
‘Okay, Harry, it seems to me you can understand a fair bit of what’s going on. That’s good. But just in case you forget, I’m going to keep reminding you of where you are and who I am. It might get on your nerves, but until I know for sure what you remember, I’m afraid you are going to have to put up with it.’
Colleen slipped the DVD into the slot and pressed play. ‘While you’re watching this, I’m going to move your arms and legs for you. It might be a bit uncomfortable, but it needs to be done if we’re going to get you back on your feet. Do you understand?’
Another double blink.
‘Harry, you were in a car accident. Your head got a bit of a bump. Do you remember that?’
A look of bewilderment crossed Harry’s face, followed by a look of panic.
‘But you’re all right,’ Colleen hurried to reassure him. ‘Things are going to seem a little fuggy for a while, but don’t try to fight it. I’m here with your dad to make sure you get better. All you have to do at the moment is let us look after you.’
The fear left the child’s face and, as the DVD started, Harry fixed his eyes on the screen.
* * *
Half an hour later, he was asleep again. According to the staff at the hospital, the periods that he spent sleeping were getting shorter. If he continued to improve, sooner or later he would remember about the car accident. And then he would want to know where his mother was. It wasn’t a moment she was looking forward to.
CHAPTER EIGHT
THE next few days slipped past quickly. Colleen had established a routine, knowing it was important for Harry. She got up at six and, after showering and dressing, had breakfast in her room. Then she went to Harry’s room and received the report from the night nurse. Together they would wash the child and dress him before Colleen fed him his breakfast. After that she would spend the day reading to him or simply chatting to him as she put his limbs through passive movements.
After the night nurse had arrived, and Harry was settled for the night, Colleen would have a tray in her room. Some evenings she’d walk the streets of London, following her nose, delighted when she’d come across a familiar building or landmark. To her surprise, she never felt lonely. Her doubts about Ciaran were still there. Although she spoke to him every now and again, shouldn’t they be talking much more often? Making plans for their wedding? Neither of them had raised the subject recently, perhaps because they were apart. Or maybe he was having his doubts, too?
Her musing was interrupted by a knock on her door.
‘Mr Frobisher is asking if you would join him for dinner tonight, madam,’ Burton said.
‘Sure. Tell him I’ll be down in a minute,’ Colleen said. To her dismay and disappointment, Daniel had been out all day for the last couple of days, only returning late at night. Often Colleen would hear his footsteps echoing in the hall and the sound of his voice murmuring to Harry. She hadn’t spoken to him alone since the day Harry had come home from hospital. No doubt he wanted an update on his child’s progress.
She found him in the drawing room, a glass of whisky in his hand.
‘Ah, Colleen. Thank you for joining me.’ He looked tired, Colleen thought. One minute she was furious with him, the next she had to restrain the impulse to touch him—to smooth his ruffled hair with her hand. She’d never met anyone who made her feel so mixed up before.
‘I thought we could eat in the kitchen,’ Daniel continued. He gave her a wry smile. ‘If that’s okay?’
‘Suits me,’ Colleen said. ‘I was never one for formal dining.’ At that moment she thought of her family—the lot of them piled around the kitchen table, all speaking at once. Up until now she had been too busy to miss them.
‘Can I get you a drink?’ Daniel asked.
Colleen shook her head. ‘If I have any alcohol at all, I’ll fall asleep.’
Daniel looked concerned. ‘I’m sorry. We’ve been working you too hard.’ He waited for her to sit, before sinking into a chair by the fire. ‘I’ve organised the plane to take you home tomorrow for the weekend.’
Colleen covered a yawn with her hand. ‘I’m not going.’
Daniel raised his eyebrows in a silent question.
‘Harry is spending longer and longer periods awake. He’s improving more
quickly than I’d hoped,’ she said.
‘But that’s good, isn’t it?’
‘Yes. But it means that he might remember the accident any day now.’
Daniel placed his glass carefully on the table and closed his eyes. ‘And when he remembers the accident, he’s going to ask where his mother is. God, what am I going to tell him?’
‘The only thing you can tell him is the truth. He’ll be upset—distraught. He might even regress a little.’
‘But you’ll be here?’
‘He needs me,’ Colleen said simply. And you do, too, she thought. For all your wealth and position, there is nothing you can do to stop your child having to face the awful news that his mother is dead.
‘Thank you,’ Daniel said. ‘I’ll make it up to you.’
‘It’s my job.’ But that wasn’t the whole of it. The truth was, despite everything she’d been taught about keeping a professional distance, she had become involved with this small, hurt family.
The clock ticked into the silence.
‘I like to get Harry up every day,’ Colleen said, ‘even if it’s just to sit. But I think he’s well enough for us to try to take him out when the weather’s okay. Maybe take him to a cricket match. We could all go.’
‘I tried to get to his school cricket matches as much as I could. He was in the team, you know. Unfortunately I didn’t get to them as often as I would have liked.’
‘Work?’ Colleen guessed.
If he heard the disapproval in her voice, he chose to ignore it.
‘I took him to Lord’s for his tenth birthday. It didn’t go quite as I planned.’ Daniel’s smile was bleak. He took a sip of his drink. ‘I wanted to spend his birthday with him. The first birthday we would spend together.
He seemed so excited when I picked him up. He barely looked at the present I’d bought him. I thought it would be a new start for us. A common interest. Something we could share.’
‘Go on,’ Colleen said quietly.
‘I’d arranged the best seats and a picnic with all his favourite things. Eleanor had told me exactly what he liked. At first everything seemed to be going so well. He was chatting away, telling me about his matches, pointing out his favourite cricketer. And then, I don’t know, something went wrong. He clammed up.’
Colleen was puzzled. ‘Was it something you said?’
‘I don’t think so. I had guests. You know, business acquaintances I needed to speak to. It was when they arrived that Harry went all quiet. Maybe they made him shy.’
Colleen couldn’t control herself any longer. ‘Oh, you great big lummox of a man. Can’t you see what went wrong? Here was a little boy, being taken out for a birthday treat by a father he barely knew, thinking he was going to have you all to himself—for once. Then these strangers appear and take all his father’s attention. What kind of birthday treat was that for the lad?’
Daniel looked stunned by her outburst. ‘I would have been happy if my father had taken me to a cricket match.’
Agitated, she jumped to her feet. Hadn’t he listened to anything she’d said? Daniel had to start being more involved with his child.
‘And,’ she continued, ‘you have to spend more time with Harry. You’ve hardly spent any time with him so far. I know you have your cases, but isn’t it time you put Harry first?’
Under any other circumstances she might have found the look of incredulity on Daniel’s face amusing. She doubted anyone had ever spoken to him like that.
‘I’ve changed my mind,’ she said. ‘I think I’ll have a tray in my room if it’s all the same to you. We can talk again tomorrow.’
But as she spun on her heel, Daniel’s voice came from behind her.
‘Colleen, wait.’
She stopped in her tracks.
When she turned around, Daniel was looking as if the demons of hell were fighting a war behind his eyes.
‘When I found out that Harry was mine, I was bowled over,’ he said slowly, almost as if the words were being pulled from somewhere deep inside him. ‘I never thought that having a child would make me feel the way it did. Eleanor had talked about having children, of course, but only as a distant future possibility. I couldn’t actually imagine ever being a father. While we were married it didn’t seem there could be room for a child. When I found out Harry was mine, I was shocked—and furious with Eleanor that she’d kept him from me, but mostly I was amazed and delighted—even if I was scared to death that I wouldn’t live up to Harry’s expectations. I wanted to get to know my son, but what I didn’t anticipate was that he wouldn’t feel the same way. I didn’t know it was going to be so damn difficult to talk to him.
‘Taking him to a cricket match was the only way I could think of being with him. I thought that if I took it slowly—gave him time to get to know me—he’d eventually feel relaxed in my company.’ He smiled ruefully. ‘I can see now I made a mistake by inviting colleagues to the match.’
He pulled his hand through his hair. ‘This father business doesn’t exactly come easily to me.’
Colleen held her breath. She could see how hard it was for Daniel to tell her this. She sat down on the chair opposite him, mortified and ashamed by the way she’d spoken to him.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I shouldn’t have said what I did.’ And why had she? Why did she react to him instead of being able to treat him like she would normally treat any other patient’s father—in a cool, caring, but professional manner?
‘I like to have control in and of my life,’ Daniel continued. ‘But I haven’t been able to control anything that’s happened to Harry. Not knowing he was my son, trying to get to know him, his accident—I couldn’t control any of it.’ He clenched his jaw.
Colleen wanted to reach out and touch him, as if her touch could absorb some of his pain. But she instinctively knew her sympathy wouldn’t be welcome.
‘When Harry was desperately ill, when they thought he might die, I would have swapped my life for his in a minute. But I couldn’t. I would’ve given everything I own in the world if that would have made him better, or brought his mother back, but for once in my life I was powerless.’
He stood up. ‘Helping to get him better—that’s something I can do. But I can’t do it alone.’
The admission seemed to cost him the last bit of his self-control. He turned away from her.
‘If you’ll excuse me, Colleen, I think I’m going to do some work now.’
Colleen looked at him. He’d allowed her to see his pain. And now, more than ever, she knew she would never give up on this man and his child. She stepped across to the door and reached for the handle. She had only one more thing left to say.
‘Thank you for telling me what you did, Daniel. As long as you remember that there is only one thing Harry needs from you.’
Daniel narrowed his eyes then raised a questioning brow. ‘And that is…?’
‘You, Daniel. Plain and simple, all he really needs is you.’
* * *
Finding it impossible to concentrate, Daniel slammed down the lid of his laptop and leaned tiredly against the back of his chair. He found his thoughts once again returning to dwell on the exchange between himself and Colleen. He stared at the closed door of the sitting room. God, what kind of harridan had he invited into his home? No one ever spoke to him like that. It was yes, Mr Frobisher and of course, Mr Frobisher. Damn it. It wasn’t unreasonable to expect respect from employees, surely?
But then Colleen was a strange sort of employee. For a start, he needed her more than she needed him. But there were bound to be other nurses out there. More biddable ones for a start. Ones who wouldn’t feel the need to challenge him constantly. But the truth was, he didn’t want anyone else—no matter how fiery Colleen was. Harry already knew and trusted her.
And of course she had a point. Asking business acquaintances to Harry’s birthday treat had been a mistake. He could see that now.
But, hell, he hadn’t expected her to react the way she had.
God, she certainly didn’t pull her punches.
He took a gulp of his drink. He’d just told her stuff that he’d never told anyone before. Stuff that he didn’t want to share. She seemed to drag it out of him. Perhaps because for some reason he wanted her to think that he was a better man than the person she believed him to be.
Which made him feel uncomfortable. Why should he care what she thought of him as long as it didn’t interfere with her care of his son? He had managed all right up until now, without giving a damn for other people’s opinions.
He would just have to be careful how he handled Colleen in future. One thing was for sure, he hadn’t got to where he was without knowing how to get the best from the people who worked for him.
Why, then, did he have the uncomfortable feeling that in Colleen, he’d met his match?
CHAPTER NINE
A FEW days later, finding herself in the unusual position of having nothing to do as Dora was sitting with Harry, Colleen made her way down to the kitchen in search of a cup of tea. The smell of baking drifting from the kitchen made her mouth water. Although it was only a couple of hours since she’d had breakfast she was suddenly starving. Maybe she should head back upstaris while there was still time? She’d always intended to lose weight before the wedding, but somehow she only had to look at a cake and the pounds crept on. Thinking about her wedding brought back that uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach.
Perhaps a slice of cake or some home-made bread would help get rid of the butterflies that seemed to have set up home in her stomach? Food always made her feel better.
Before she knew it her legs had carried her into the kitchen; to her delight, she found a freshly baked chocolate cake with lashings of fresh cream just sitting on the table begging to be eaten.
She cut three thick slices and placed them, along with a glass of milk, on a tray to take it up to Harry’s room. She was still mulling things over as she made her way up the kitchen stairs, concentrating on balancing the tray of milk and cake. It was no surprise, then, that she walked headlong into Daniel who was at the top of the stairs with his mobile in his hand. Needless to say the contents of the tray went everywhere. Chocolate cake and milk in a sodden mess on the floor, but, worst of all, all over Daniel’s dark-grey, once-immaculate suit.
