Rome is Where the Heart is: An uplifting romantic read, perfect to escape with (From Italy with Love Book 1)

by Tilly Tennant

  ‘Nothing will change until something changes,’ Kate murmured.

  ‘What was that? I couldn’t hear over the radio.’

  ‘I’m going.’ Kate pushed her chair away from the desk and stood. She brushed down her skirt. Her heart was beating twice as fast as usual, and she was light-headed. But she also felt incredible.

  ‘Going where?’ Deidre asked with a sniff. ‘If you’re going to the vending machine you can get me a Twix.’

  ‘Home,’ Kate said.

  ‘But you’ve only just got here!’

  ‘And now I’m going.’ She smiled at Chantelle, who had now looked up from her phone at the first sign of a drama worth watching instead. ‘Chantelle – get out of here. Go to college, do something that really moves you, because it sure as hell can’t be this. And Deidre. . .’ She turned to the woman whose mouth was now hanging open like a basking shark waiting for a meal to swim in, ‘I’d like to say it’s been nice working with you but that would be a big fat lie. But if you want the lie then you can have it. Would you like me to lie about it right now to your face? I thought I’d give you the choice.’

  Deidre simply stared at Kate as if she had gone quite mad. Maybe she had, but it was the first time since Rome that she had felt properly alive, properly in control of her destiny. If this was madness then she wanted more.

  ‘No?’ Kate asked. ‘OK, well, I’ll be seeing you. Or not. Probably not, to be honest, and there’s no point in lying to you about that either.’

  She took one last look around at the drab, windowless room that had blighted so many years of her life. However could she have been content with this? Then she grabbed her coat and bag and marched out before she had time to change her mind.

  Lily opened the front door on the third ring of the bell. Kate had almost given up and gone home, confused about where her sister could be when she’d already messaged ahead to say she was coming. Kate briefly appraised her. Still in her pyjamas and hair unwashed, she didn’t look much better than she had the day before.

  ‘Where’s Mum?’ Kate asked as she followed Lily down the hallway. She wondered why her mum hadn’t answered the door. She was supposed to be helping out once Joel went back to work, shielding Lily from life for a while until she got back on her feet, but there seemed to be no sign of her.

  ‘Headache,’ Lily said. ‘She’s asleep in the spare room.’

  Kate frowned.

  ‘She’ll probably have to go home tomorrow anyway,’ Lily added.

  ‘So soon?’

  ‘Apparently the cat has gone missing.’

  Kate let out an exasperated sigh as Lily collapsed back onto the sofa and pulled the duvet around her chin.

  ‘I’m alright anyway,’ Lily said.

  ‘That’s why you’re still on the sofa.’ Kate took a seat across from her.

  ‘I’m tired, that’s all. My body has to recover. That’s what the doctor says.’

  ‘What about your brain? How do you feel?’

  ‘Numb. I don’t know how to feel. I keep wondering if I could have done something to prevent it, or if I did something that caused it. Everyone keeps saying it’s just a thing, a fact of life, it happens for no reason, but I can’t make sense of that. There has to be a reason, and the more I try to figure it out, the more it’s driving me mad. And then I feel guilty that I’m not sad enough. I mean, I’m sad, but it’s not enough. . . I can’t explain it.’

  ‘You’re probably still coming to terms with it all. It’s only just happened and you’re in a state of shock. There’s no wrong or right way to feel, only the way you feel, and everyone must feel it differently. How’s Joel holding up?’

  ‘Terrible,’ Lily said. ‘He can’t talk about it, but he looks so pale and sad and not himself at all. I almost think he’d feel better if he could talk about it. That makes me feel like I have to be the strong one too, so I mustn’t cry.’

  ‘You must do whatever comes naturally. If you want to cry you bloody well cry, no matter who says what about how you should feel and behave. And if you don’t cry nobody will think any worse of you, or that you care any less about what happened. This is your grief, and only you know what to do with it.’

  Lily gave her a thin smile. ‘You got wise all of a sudden. You sound like Anna now.’

  ‘I’m not sure that’s a compliment,’ Kate said with a small smile of her own.

  ‘Me neither,’ Lily said. She looked up at the clock and seemed to check herself. ‘Wait. . . aren’t you supposed to be at work?’

  ‘Not today,’ Kate replied. She would tell Lily about the grand departure, but now wasn’t the time to add to her worries.

  ‘Oh. I must be confused. I was sure you said Wednesday.’

  ‘Change of plan.’ Kate forced a bright smile. She needed to change the subject, and fast. ‘How about a cup of tea?’

  ‘I’ve been drinking tea all day. I’ve drunk so much tea these last couple of days I could drown in it from the inside out. Everybody keeps making me tea. It’s very British, I suppose.’

  ‘I’ve hardly had any at all for a week, so I’m quite enjoying guzzling loads at the moment,’ Kate said.

  Lily waved her towards the kitchen door. ‘Help yourself if you want one. Just please don’t make me drink another cup.’

  Kate went into Lily’s kitchen and filled the kettle. It was as she was waiting for it to boil that her gaze fell on a cork noticeboard. Nothing special pinned to it, just leaflets they’d wanted to save, phone numbers and important bills that needed to be sorted. Kate suddenly felt the breath catch in her throat. Bills. She didn’t know where it had come from but she was gripped by a slowly growing sense of panic. She’d just quit her job, and she had a stack of bills exactly like this at home. How was she going to pay them now? What had she done?

  You can’t think like this. . . get it together.

  She pulled in deep breaths, tried to get a handle on her anxiety. She could type, right? So she could get agency work. But what was the point of leaving her job at the warehouse if she was just going to walk right back into another office that she’d very likely hate just as much? But she couldn’t get the dressmaking off the ground and making money that quickly, could she? The house needed to go, and fast – it was as simple as that. And then what? Take off for Rome? Was that even possible? What about Lily and Anna and her mum?

  Her head was spinning by the time the kettle clicked off. It was all so confusing. The new life she wanted wasn’t quite as straightforward as she’d first thought.

  As she went back into the living room, Lily was holding out her phone for her. ‘It was ringing in your bag. Deidre from Mr Woofy. . .’ She shot her sister a quizzical look as Kate took the phone.

  ‘Hello?’ Kate took the call into the kitchen, feeling Lily’s eyes on her back as she went. She shut the door behind her as she listened to Deidre.

  ‘Yes I meant it,’ Kate replied in answer to the first and most obvious question. ‘No I won’t change my mind,’ she added in reply to the second one. ‘You’re sorry to hear it? I’m sorry that you’re sorry but the answer is still the same. But thank you, for calling me and checking I hadn’t gone mad.’

  Kate ended the call. Despite her earlier panic, going back to Mr Woofy would be like ripping out her soul and shoving it into the nearest bin. She needed money, yes, but there had to be another way to get it that didn’t involve her slowly dissolving into the magnolia walls of Mr Woofy’s warehouse office, until she was as indistinguishable from her surroundings as Deidre was. And from the way she’d been feeling for the last few years, that day wasn’t far away.

  Switching the phone to mute, she went back into the living room and shoved it into her bag. She grabbed her tea and took a seat with Lily, who was looking at her expectantly.

  ‘I may be an invalid with a lot on my mind but that doesn’t make me stupid,’ she said.

  ‘Huh?’

  ‘What did Deidre want?’

  ‘Something and nothing. Wanted to ask me abou
t an overdue account. . . you know how it is there – I have to do bloody everything. The place would fall apart without me.’

  Lily made no reply, but eyed Kate keenly. Eventually she seemed to decide that dropping the interrogation was the best policy.

  ‘Maybe I should check on Mum, see if she wants anything.’

  ‘Shouldn’t she be doing that for you?’ Kate asked, peering over the rim of her mug.

  ‘She did look pale earlier. And you know how her headaches knock her off her feet.’

  ‘You’re knocked off your feet.’ Kate put her mug down on a side table. ‘If you’re really worried I’ll go and look in on her.’

  Lily nodded. She seemed happy with the arrangement. Kate held in a sigh as she pushed herself up from the chair. Everyone in this family was perfectly capable of looking after themselves, but they all felt they had to look after each other nonetheless. It had always been the way, and that sense of duty carried with it a sense of guilt too. She might not be needed as much as she thought she was, but it was still going to be hard to leave her sisters and her mum – even Matt to some degree – when the time came.

  She’d had a feeling this was coming. Kate had barely closed her front door behind her when she heard a familiar engine and looked through the window to see Anna’s car pull up outside. Seeing no point in waiting for her to knock, she opened the front door and stood on the step.

  ‘It’s a lovely surprise but what brings you over at this time of the day?’ Kate said brightly as Anna locked her car and walked towards her. ‘It’s a bit early, isn’t it? Finished work already?’

  ‘I took some time owed to me,’ Anna said.

  ‘To see me? I know you missed me last week but I didn’t realise you’d got it that bad.’

  Anna didn’t smile at Kate’s joke. Not that it was hilarious but she had expected some kind of good-natured reaction, however subtle.

  ‘Lily called me,’ Anna said as she followed Kate down the hall and into the kitchen, where Kate filled the kettle. ‘She told me you went to see her today, but I recall you told us that you were back at work today. She said she thought so too. You definitely told us you were back at work today and I’m sure both of us didn’t get it wrong. Then she says Deidre phoned you. And you made some vague excuse about it that Lily didn’t buy for a second. Christian also had a weird phone call from Matt.’

  ‘Christian?’ Kate frowned. ‘Why would Matt be calling him?’

  ‘They’re still on the same Sunday league footie team, don’t forget, so he calls him about fixtures all the time. But that’s not the point. He says you’ve told him you’re moving to Italy, that you have a boyfriend there. . . but that’s ridiculous, isn’t it? What’s going on? Kate, please tell me you haven’t done crazy things.’

  Kate leaned against the worktop and stared into space, grappling for a reply. Trust Matt to revert to type and stir things up at the first opportunity. She had thought she’d got through, that they’d finally come to an understanding, and she thought that maybe he’d swallowed her lie about Anna and Lily already knowing her plans to emigrate. Apparently not. And as for Lily, well. . . Lily was always going to be straight on the phone to Anna at the first sign of trouble. But the panic in Anna’s voice was also stirring up the panic in Kate too. She was doing crazy things and even she could see there was no other way of looking at it. But it was like she had no control any more – as if life was leading her and not the other way around. How could she explain that to Anna, though? Anna, the pragmatic, practical sister who had a life plan and days that ran like clockwork?

  ‘I think I might be doing some crazy things,’ she said, turning her gaze to her sister.

  ‘Go on. . .’

  ‘I quit my job.’

  ‘OK, so that’s not totally unexpected. What are you going to do instead? I assume you have a plan. . . right?’

  ‘I haven’t thought that far ahead, not really. I know I want to start my dressmaking business, but I don’t know the ins and outs of that yet.’

  Anna was silent for a moment. ‘You have a plan B then? Something to tide you over until it gets off the ground?’

  ‘There’s sort of no point in getting another job. . . at least not a long-term one.’

  ‘What does that mean? Is this something to do with what Matt said? Please tell me this isn’t something to do with what Matt said. Tell me he got it wrong.’

  ‘Not exactly wrong. I do want to move to Italy. Alessandro. . . the guy who took me out in Rome. . . he told me he loves me—’

  ‘Christ on a bike, Kate! And you believe him! He probably says that to a new girl every week, but I bet most of them aren’t gullible enough to swallow it! He’s told you he wants you to move to Italy?’

  ‘Not exactly but—’

  ‘What the hell are you thinking of then?’

  ‘I love him too!’ Kate cried. ‘I love him and I love Rome and I know you don’t understand or approve, but it’s what I want, and I thought you might be happy that for the first time in my life I want something that isn’t the same as what Matt wants! You kept telling me I needed to start again, find myself, and that’s what I’m doing!’

  ‘I meant a new job and a bit of decorating, not buggering off to Italy!’

  ‘I’m single and I’m an adult; I can do what I want.’

  ‘Of course you can. . .’ Anna’s tone softened. ‘God, of course you can do what you want. But doing what you want isn’t always doing what’s best for you. Surely you can see how mad this all is? I get it – you’re in a weird place right now, cast adrift, and you’re looking for answers, but running away to Rome with a man you’ve just met isn’t going to give you those answers.’

  ‘You don’t know Alessandro. If you did you’d think differently. He’s not at all like you say he is.’

  ‘Well I’m not likely to meet him any time soon so I’ll have to take your word for it.’

  ‘Come with me to Rome then. For a holiday. I’ll introduce you to him and his family and you’ll see!’

  ‘Would you listen to yourself? Have you any idea how this sounds?’

  ‘What’s wrong with a holiday? We can go back together; you’ll love it there. What have you got to lose?’

  ‘I can’t get the time off work for a start. Then there’s Christian; what’s he supposed to do while I’m chasing around Italy with you?’

  ‘He can come too. Why wouldn’t he want to come? Think about it, Anna – this is the perfect opportunity. You always said you wanted to go to Rome.’

  ‘That was before all this. And am I supposed to leave you there with this man at the end of the holiday? Is that how this works? I wave at you from the plane as I take off without you? Do you even know what you’re asking me to do?’

  ‘I’m not asking you to do anything but trust that I can find my own way.’

  ‘It sounds like it, but I’m not sure I can when you’re making decisions this massive on a whim.’

  Kate turned her back and busied herself making tea. Anna hadn’t asked for it and Kate didn’t want it, but it was a viable excuse not to look at her sister and not to reply. At least not until she had a reply that made sense. Because when she looked at it from Anna’s point of view, infuriatingly, Kate could see perfectly why Anna was freaking out. It was the conversation she would probably be having with Anna if the tables were turned.

  A jingling tune sounded from the direction of the handbag Kate had abandoned on the table. She crossed over and pulled her phone out. Alessandro’s name lit up the screen. He was probably on a break at work and decided to call, as she hadn’t yet called him. She glanced at Anna, who watched her carefully. She couldn’t answer this now but she didn’t want him to think she was avoiding him now that she was home.

  ‘Aren’t you going to answer it?’ Anna asked. ‘Perhaps your exciting future is calling.’

  ‘Funny,’ Kate said, cutting off the call. It pained her to do it, and she desperately wanted to hear his voice, but she couldn’t answer it now.
Before she could put the phone back in her bag, though, Anna grabbed it from her.

  ‘There must be some photos on here,’ she said. ‘Let’s have a look, see what all the fuss is about.’

  ‘If you’re going to be like that I don’t want to talk about it,’ Kate replied, snatching it back. ‘And I certainly don’t want to show you photos so you can scoff at them.’ She stuffed the phone back in her bag and tucked the bag itself into a cupboard.

  ‘So do we get to talk this through or have you already decided?’ Anna asked, accepting the mug of tea Kate handed to her.

  ‘Honestly? Whenever I think I’ve decided something comes along to make me doubt myself. Your visit today hasn’t exactly helped there.’

  ‘Taking it steady is not a bad thing. This is a big leap.’

  ‘I know that. I’ve thought about almost nothing else since I got back. Apart from Lily, of course.’

  ‘How did she seem today?’ Anna asked.

  Kate shrugged, but she was glad to be changing the subject, even if it was to something more painful. ‘She seemed OK. That’s what worries me. We both know how desperate for kids she is, how excited they were about this baby. It means the world to her and although she’s tired and low, she isn’t devastated. Not that I want her to be devastated, of course, but this isn’t the reaction I was expecting. In fact, I think it’s a bit weird.’

  ‘I was thinking the same thing. I think it’s delayed. If I know Lily it will come and it’s going to be horrible when it does.’

  Kate sipped at her tea. ‘I hope you’re wrong.’

  ‘So do I. For all our sakes.’

  Kate raised her eyebrows. There was nothing to say to that and she had a feeling Anna was right, yet again. She hated it when Anna was right, but this time it was for very different reasons than it normally was.