by Avery Wilde
“I’m sorry,” I said and leaned into her. “But you kinda did get knocked up again.”
Lucia laughed again and patted her belly. “Yeah I did, oops! I’m sure we will love this one just as much as we love our Nora. At this rate, Jacob is going to have to buy a bigger bed or I’m going to come live with you so I can get some sleep.”
I thought about the family all snuggled in bed and was grateful I didn’t have to share mine with anyone… but it would be nice too. “Thank you for coming over,” I finally said. “It means a lot to know you have my back.”
“Of course I do. There’s nothing you could do to make that change,” she said, giving me a soft smile. “You’re my best friend and whatever you need from me, I will gladly do it.”
I smiled and thought about what I needed to do for myself. Forget Luke/Mark and his secrets for now, I needed to meet my son. Until I did, I was going to worry and fret over it. It was time to get my priorities in order, suck it up and just do it. And hope I survived whatever happened.
13
Luke
I swung the sledgehammer with vengeance, feeling a burst of satisfaction when the concrete developed large cracks as a result. The sun was brutal once again, beating down on my bare arms and the back of my neck, telling me I was probably going to have a sunburn by the end of the day, but I paid it no mind. These were the days I enjoyed my job, the back breaking labor helping me air out my frustrations about everything that was plaguing my mind; my parents, and my dad just turning up, but mainly what had happened with Cara last night.
After my father had left, I’d drank more than I would normally drink and passed out. I woke and was confronted with a raging headache, an equally raging hard-on, and a full bladder. While I’d gone to sleep with bitter thoughts of my dad, my dreams had been filled with her and the things I would have done to pleasure her had she not found that yearbook. I would have woken up a hell of a lot happier, too, that was a guarantee.
Why the hell did I keep that stupid book around anyway? It wasn’t like I could change the past by flicking through the pages. And yet I still gravitated to it every so often. I’d stare longingly at pictures of a life that was lost, when I was last truly happy. There had been a few times when I’d been angry at myself and I’d tossed the book into the trash, determined to leave it there. But every time I did, minutes later I’d fish it back out again.
“Dude, what did that concrete ever do to you? You’re killing it.”
I turned to see Darren walking my way, a grin on his face as he looked at the hole I had created with the sledgehammer. “That’s what I’m supposed to do.”
He wiped his hands on his jeans and gave me a look. “Break it into pieces yeah, not pulverize it into a fine powder that blinds the rest of us.”
I shrugged.
“How did it go last night?”
“It was a disaster,” I admitted, stripping off my gloves so that I could grab my water bottle. “We had a disagreement and she left.”
“What? You forced me out of my own home and you didn’t even get any? Man you must be losing your touch,” Darren said, shaking his head. “No wonder you are in a pissy mood today.”
“I am not,” I said darkly, pouring the water in my mouth. Was there something wrong with keeping to myself for a few hours? My thoughts were too jumbled to spend time with anyone this morning. Whether I wanted to or not, I had a lot to think about, ‘cause any attempt to put it all to the back of my mind wasn’t working. It would be easier to wipe my parents out of my life for good, but seeing my dad again had made me realize how truly alone I was.
The same could be said for Cara. I could forget I had ever laid eyes on her at the bar and move on, but there was something about her that I just couldn’t shake. No doubt she wanted nothing to do with me ever again after last night. Hell, she probably thought I was some weirdo or serial killer… I should’ve just told her about it all. But still, trust was on short supply at the moment.
“Could have fooled me,” Darren said with an arched brow. “Hey listen, while you are talking to me, I found out some info that I think you will be interested in.”
“Oh yeah?” I asked, finishing up my water and slipping on my gloves. “What’s that?”
“The coach of that Little League team can’t come back at all this season. The kids are raving over you, man, and the parents want you to continue to be the coach until the end of the season.”
I thought about the kids, how hard they were working toward their first game and grinned, the only bright part of my life right now.
At first I would have said hell no and handed them off to someone else, but getting back into the game, even on such a minuscule level, had shown me how much I missed it. I had enjoyed myself, enjoyed helping those kids, too.
What else did I have to do anyway? Cara wasn’t going to talk to me and all I had was the bar, which was no fun anymore now that she had ruined that for me, too. Why couldn’t I get her out of my head?
Maybe she would turn up at the practice games, and maybe then I could apologize yet again. Third time lucky? She had to feel the fire that was between us, right? She would come back even though I still had no idea why she’d been there in the first place… it wasn’t for me, that was for sure. And if she did turn up, maybe I could find a way to tell her, to trust her with everything…
“Fine, sure, whatever,” I said nonchalantly, picking up my hammer. “I’ll keep doing it.”
I dropped all of the equipment in the middle of the field, watching as the kids ran to it, eager to get started. I was starting to recognize their faces now, remembering the kid’s names with ease. That meant I was getting used to this chaos. What the hell, I fucking loved it.
“All right!” I yelled, clapping my hands. “Sprints to center field, go!”
A chorus of groans met my demand, but the kids lined up at the mound and they started their sprints, each one trying to beat the other. I knew the parents would be grateful to me if I got them all dog-tired and worn out. After I was done they’d sleep well, but at the same time, we’d be building up their endurance and stamina, which I believed went a long way in the sport. Though it didn’t have the same physicality as football or soccer did, the long hours out on the field were enough to drain anyone.
“You know you’re really good at this coaching thing,” one of the dads remarked as he came to stand beside me. “All my son talks about now is practice. You’ve made him love the game and we haven’t even started the season properly yet.”
“Either they like it or they hate it,” I said with a shrug, not wanting the praise to go to my head.
“Well Kevin definitely likes it,” the dad said with a grin. “And I am ecstatic. I played ball in high school and I tell you we’ve tried every sport with him hoping something would fit. And until I put him in this league he was miserable. Seriously, you should do this more. You’re the best coach I’ve seen anyway, you must have played in your day too, huh?”
I didn’t say anything and gave him a slight nod, my eyes on the kids as they completed their second lap. “Better go make them hustle,” I said and walked away from the dad. I didn’t want him asking any more questions that I could and would not answer.
I drew closer to the kids shouting encouragement here and there at those who were lagging behind. Once the three laps were up they knew to hold up and wait to see if they had to do any more. It was a regimen I knew all too well.
“Come on, Harris! Pick your ass up and do another!”
I groaned as I heard my name being called and I sprinted out to the field, wondering why I had to run when all I did was stand on the mound. I wasn’t covering for outfield and I didn’t bat very often but for some reason coach made me do everything all the other players did.
“Come on you can do it,” Lance, our centerfielder said as he jogged past. “Or we’re going to have to start over.”
I picked up my speed, determined to not be the last one in. My breathing was harsh in my ea
rs as I hoofed it back to the mound, grinning as I beat the catcher by a foot.
“Good job, guys,” coach said as he looked at us from under the brim of his cap. “Remember, we play the top team in the league tomorrow. You all have to be on your game. No drinking or smoking tonight. Get your game face on or I will bench your ass. Huddle up!”
We all huddled up and did our little ritual after a hard day’s practice, ending in a yell before it let up. I picked up my bag, feeling the pull in my legs from the running. It felt damn good, but I hoped I could move in the morning.
“I’m depending on you, Harris,” the coach said as he walked past. I nodded, glad that I had his attention. Tomorrow there would be a ton of scouts at the game for me to show my talents off to, and I expected the college offers would start pouring in if I could reproduce my signature curveball everyone was so excited about.
Walking over to my truck, I noticed I was blocked in by a darkly tinted, four-door model, reminding me of those unmarked cop cars I’d seen on TV. The driver’s side door opened and a man stepped out, dressed in a dark suit that matched his car, despite the warm afternoon. “Marcus Harris?” he asked as I threw my bag in the bed of my truck, removing my cleats and throwing them in as well.
“Yeah,” I answered, looking up at him. “What do you want?”
He pulled out a wallet, flipping it open so that I could see the starred shield on the inside. I frowned. What had I done? “I’m Deputy Marshal Parsons. I need you to come with me.”
“Why?” I asked, tamping down the worry and concern. Marshal? Did that mean he was in the FBI? No, that was something else entirely. My mind was scrambling trying to figure out what he wanted with me.
The deputy tucked the wallet back into his suit coat. “I can explain that on the way. Please get in.”
The guy was big and I saw no reason to flee… that would only get me in more trouble, surely? Even though I still had no idea what this was about.
“Er, ok.” I grabbed my sneakers and walked over to the car as he opened the passenger door motioning for me to get in. Whatever the hell it was, he better hurry. I had chemistry homework to do and Anna to call.
I shook off the memory, whistling with my fingers for the kids to come to the mound. That had been the day that had started the downward tumble of my life. The day I wished I had refused to get in that car. I should’ve run away. If I hadn’t gone with Parsons maybe my life would be a hell of a lot different than it was now.
14
Cara
I eased up to the practice field trying to blend in as the kids were running to their parents, biting my lip to hide my nervousness. After my conversation with Lucia, I knew that this was what I had to do. I couldn’t run away anymore. I needed to meet my son, let him ask all the questions he wanted to, and answer them as honestly as possible.
What I had done all those years ago had provided him with a better life than I could ever have given him, with what I hoped were two loving parents where he never wanted for anything. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t be part of it now. I was getting ahead of myself, I knew. He wanted to meet me—anything beyond that would be up to him.
The kids and their parents scattered away rather quickly and I groaned as I saw Luke’s familiar form near the pitching mound. Damn. I was hoping he had already left so that I wouldn’t have to face him as well. I didn’t know what to think about him still, but there was something off about Luke/Mark or whatever his name was and I wasn’t so sure that he was completely safe to be around.
He threw the ball to a kid not far from him and I felt my newly discovered mom instincts start to take over. Was he safe enough to be around kids? What if he was into something dangerous that could put all of these innocent kids in danger as well?
It was then that I realized the kid he was throwing ball with had brown hair. No. As I moved closer, I could see the gentle slope of his nose that looked oddly familiar, a pair of hauntingly blue eyes that could have been a blast from the past.
James.
He had his father’s scruffy hair and his eyes, the very same ones that had winked at me multiple times before he’d succeeded in getting what he wanted from me one rainy Saturday afternoon in his parent’s basement. The words of love and affection had been so silly looking back now, but I really did think that he had loved me.
Shaking out of those thoughts, I looked at my child closely. Despite the resemblance to his father, he was perfect. A perfect little kid who was trying hard to throw the ball the way Luke was instructing him to. Maybe he had my patience and strength. I felt a wave of panic crash onto me. This was my kid and he was with a man I didn’t know if I could trust.
“Get away from him,” I shouted out, waving my hands to get their attention. Luke looked up and his easygoing smile died, replaced by an expression I couldn’t decipher. James looked over at me and I did not see any dawning recognition in his face. In reflection, all he probably saw was a crazy woman running toward him.
“Cara,” Luke started as I made my way over. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Stay away from him,” I panted, my face surely red with my little exertion. I needed to hit the gym just a bit harder apparently. “You, you whoever you are! Whatever your name is!”
“What are you talking about?” he asked, gritting his teeth. “I’m just playing catch with the kid.”
“You could be someone dangerous,” I fired back, feeling the anger well up inside. “You shouldn’t be around kids if you can’t tell anyone who you are!”
His eyes narrowed and he peeled off the glove, clearly agitated. “Cara, you don’t understand.”
“I know one thing for sure: you lied,” I said flatly, crossing my arms over my chest.
He didn’t say anything but I could see his jaw clenching. Good, he was mad. He should be after what he had done to me, tricked me into believing that he was a good man. My instincts were right on the money from the moment when we first met. “James, don’t go near this man.”
“This is stupid. I’m his damn coach,” Luke hissed, his eyes blazing now. “I wouldn’t hurt him, not ever.”
I stepped forward, jabbing my finger into his chest. “I wouldn’t trust you with my dog if I had one. You’re a liar and god knows what else.”
“You don’t understand,” he bit out again, his voice full of frustration. He grabbed my finger lightly and removed it from his chest. I ignored the flame that licked up my body at the mere contact, hating that after all of this I still actually wanted him. “I want to tell you, I do. But I don’t know if I can trust you…”
“The feeling’s mutual,” I shot back, glaring at him. “Go home, James. Stay away from this man.”
Luke’s eyes widened and he looked at James, then back at me. “How do you know his name?”
I swallowed. It was my turn to feel uncomfortable, not wanting to tell him my secret either. “That’s not important.” It would be a cold day in hell before I shared that information with him.
“Mom?” said a little voice.
I looked over at the boy between us his head tilted up at me and saw the surprise on his face. I swore inwardly. I had just given myself away in the crappiest way possible. This was not how I wanted our first meeting to go.
“Um, hi. I’m sorry… I should have…” I felt like a dumbass, unable to get the words out as he stepped closer.
“You’re my mom, aren’t you?” James said, the beginnings of a smile appearing on his sweet face.
15
Luke
What the hell?
I stared at Cara, seeing the confusion on her face and felt some of my anger die out. When she had marched across that field like an avenging angel, I was actually happy to see her. She had come back, giving me an opportunity to attempt to explain myself, though it wouldn’t have been the whole truth. But then she had laid into me and it was on from there.
But this was a new turn of events. She was this kid’s mom? I wouldn’t have pegged her to have a child
. Did that mean she was married?
“James!”
We all turned to see a man standing along the fringes of the field, keys in his hands. “Are you ready to go? C’mon we’re going to be late.”
Feeling like a bobblehead, I turned back to James, seeing that he was still staring at Cara with a surprised, wondrous look on his face.
“I should go,” he finally said, giving Cara a small wave. “Thanks for coming to my practice today, mom.”
“Y-you’re welcome,” she said faintly, her eyes never leaving his form as he ran past and joined the man that I assumed was his father. We both watched in silence as James and the man walked to a car before I turned back to her, not sure of what to say. I felt like I was trapped in a puzzle I had no hope of solving.
“I should go introduce myself,” she said absently as if I wasn’t even there, her eyes never leaving the departing duo. “I should tell him.”
“Tell him what? That you’re the kid’s mom? Surely he already knows that?” I asked softly, crossing my arms over my chest. “What the hell is going on, Cara? Is that why you are here, to see your son?”
She looked at me then and I was taken aback by the tears in her eyes. “It’s complicated,” she forced out, swiping at the tears. “I should go. This was a mistake.”
She turned to go before I grabbed her arm lightly, forcing her to face me. Tears were streaking down her face and I felt all of my anger drain out of my body, my heart tightening in my chest. She was seriously hurting about it, whatever it was. A bad breakup with the father maybe? A messy divorce that ended up with her not having custody? Was she not allowed to see her kid? “Cara, talk to me. What’s going on?”
“I can’t,” she sobbed, covering her face with her hands. I tucked my arm around her waist and guided her over to my truck, leaning her against it before taking her into my arms. Her sobs were breaking my heart. This wasn’t the tough woman that I had met all those nights ago, this was a broken woman, a hurting woman who I wasn’t quite sure what to do with. I just wanted to make it better.
