by Avery Wilde
“Shh,” I said in a soft voice, rubbing her back lightly with my hand. “It’s okay. Whatever it is, it’ll be okay.”
“It’s not okay,” she sniffed, her face buried in my chest. “It’s never going to be okay.”
I pulled back and tipped my finger under her chin, forcing her to look me in the eyes. The look on her face was heart wrenching. “Listen,” I said softly. “I know you hate me right now, but I think you need me. Let me take you out for dinner. I’m a pretty good listener.”
She wiped at her eyes and looked down at her feet, biting her lip in the process. “I don’t know,” she finally said, making no movement to crawl out of my arms just yet. I was enjoying holding her, feeling like the luckiest man in the world that she wasn’t pushing me away… at least not yet.
“Trust me,” I said. “I know that sounds funny right now, but you can trust me, Cara. I’m not the man you think I am. It’s complicated… just like I assume whatever you’re going through right now is complicated.”
She looked up and I was delighted by the expression on her face. She was no longer looking at me like she wanted to hit me, which was a positive change. “I don’t know who you are,” she finally said, her voice soft.
I reached down and brushed my lips against forehead. Then rested my forehead on hers so I could look her in the eye.
“We can change that. But what you should know is that I would never intentionally hurt you.” I wanted her to feel safe with me, I wanted her to know I wasn’t going to hurt her.
She sighed and wrapped her arms around my waist, causing me to pull her back into a hug. Her body pressed up against mine was both a feeling of bliss and torture.
“I know you won’t hurt me physically,” she said. I rested my chin on top of her head, knowing what she meant. Hell, if I let myself open up she could damage me emotionally as well. I was scared shitless by all of the thoughts I had daily about her, the way I craved to see her. We hadn’t known each other long, but I felt like she had been in my life forever.
Pulling back once more, I gave her a half smile. “Give me a chance, Cara. Let me be the one to listen to you for a change.”
She blew out a breath, looking suddenly shy. “All right.”
I forced myself to step back and opened my passenger side, bowing to her. “Your chariot awaits my lady.”
The tremendous smile she gave me in return warmed the corners of my heart as she climbed in and I shut the door behind her, walking over to the driver’s side. I knew I was asking for trouble here… getting myself in deeper with her. Somehow, whether I liked it or not, she was changing me and it felt like this was the point of no return. But I couldn’t find a reason to not do this. That scared me even more.
Climbing behind the wheel, I cranked the truck and we pulled out of the parking lot as the first drops of rain fell on the windshield. “Well,” I remarked. “At least it waited until after practice to rain.”
“I’m sorry, you know,” she answered, fidgeting with her purse. “I didn’t mean to get all defensive with you out there in front of James. Maybe I judged you too soon, but I still don’t trust you. Not yet.”
Her voice cracked slightly and I patted her leg, nothing more than to comfort her. This was beyond the sexual tension between us. This was on an emotional level.
“It’s fine. I understand. I know I seem to be mysterious and weird, but I assure you, I’m not.”
“A little weird maybe,” she replied, causing me to grin. That was one reason I liked her. You never knew what was going to come out of her mouth.
“Okay, weird. I will fess up to that.”
“Oh, I pictured this all going very differently,” she sighed, leaning her head against the window as the rain started to pour now. “I feel like such a fool. What on earth does he think of me now?”
I wasn’t sure exactly what she was talking about, but it obviously had to do with James. What were the circumstances? Was that guy her ex-husband? The questions were endless, but I wasn’t going to ask them. I would let her tell me the story in her own time.
“Can we go by my office first?” she asked a moment later, looking tired. “I need to grab my charger. My phone is almost dead.”
I wanted to tell her that I had one in the truck, but she seemed determined to go to her office. “Sure, point the way.” As long as she wasn’t going to abandon me, I was willing to take her anywhere.
16
Cara
I didn’t know what I was doing. The whole day was turning into a royal mess. I watched as the rain slid down the windshield, turmoil in my gut. I had been so stupid to confront Luke in front of James and yet here I was on the verge of telling him everything; the one person I didn’t want to find out about my secret.
He pulled into the parking lot and shut off the engine, grimacing as he looked at the rain pouring down. “I don’t have an umbrella.”
Touched, I unlocked my door. “Don’t worry. I won’t melt,” I said before I stepped out, the cold wetness drenching me immediately. I hurried to the front door of the office—safer to bring him through this entrance than my apartment one—and watched him as he attempted to dodge the raindrops as he made his way toward me. His grin was warm as he shook the rain out of his hair, slicking it back on his head. “Well, there’s my shower tonight.”
“Saves on your water bill,” I answered dryly, pulling open the door to the lobby. Together we walked in, leaving puddles on the floor as I led him through the corridor.
“This is where you work?” he asked as he followed me in.
“Yes. It’s just me and Lucia. We started the practice a little more than a year ago.”
“Cool, it’s very swanky,” he answered, tucking his hands in his pockets, the dampness of his shirt causing it to cling to his chest nicely.
I cleared my throat and looked away, feeling my cheeks heat. Even after everything, I was attracted to him. I wanted him to hold me again like the way he’d held me earlier. If I shut my eyes and forgot about the issue with his identity, I actually felt safe in his arms.
Pushing open the frosted glass door to the main part of the office, I stopped as I saw Lucia. She was standing in the lobby, bouncing Nora on her hip as we walked in. “Hey Cara, um Luke.”
“Hey,” I said trying to ignore her look of surprise. She wanted to ask a thousand questions I was sure of it. “I’m just here to get my charger.”
“I’m just here collecting my wife and making sure she doesn’t lift anything she shouldn’t,” Jacob announced as he walked out of her Lucia’s office holding a large box of files. Lucia was taking her work home again, I thought. Where she got the energy I didn’t know. “Good to see you,” Jacob said, looking at Luke.
“You, too,” he responded with a nod. “Going to a game or something?”
It was then I noticed that Jacob had baseball pants on, though his flip-flops really made him look weird. “What are you wearing?”
“A baseball uniform,” he answered, looking down. “Well part of one. I’ve been practicing my swing.”
“He has a charity game coming up,” Lucia offered as Nora squirmed to get down. “It’s all he talks about. You’d think he was playing for MLB and not the NFL.”
“Well you would, too, if you lost your pitcher,” Jacob said. He looked over at Luke with raised eyebrows. “You don’t happen to know a pitcher do you?” Jacob’s tone was off and I couldn’t understand why. Maybe Lucia had told him about what I’d found out and he was just trying to protect me by giving Luke a bit of a cold shoulder.
“Let’s get your charger while they talk sports,” Lucia said with a roll of her eyes, leading me into my office before shutting the door and putting Nora on the floor. “Okay, you better start talking. Fast. What the hell is going on, Cara? I thought you were done with that guy?”
“It’s a long story,” I sighed, walking over to my desk and pulling out my portable charger. Quickly I filled her in on the debacle of meeting with my son, forcing back tears as
she pulled me into a big hug. “I’m sorry, hon,” she said, patting my back. “I know it had to be hard to even approach him.”
“He looks a little like me,” I said, feeling dazed. “He has my nose and his father’s eyes. I didn’t know what to say to him, Lucia. I made a right mess out of it all. He probably thinks I’m a crazy person.”
She pulled back and looked at me. “I’m sure he did not. What’s the next step? Are you going to attempt to talk to him again?”
“I guess,” I said with a shrug, looking down at my sweet Nora as she crawled around on the floor. Ever since the day I could feel him move around inside me while I was pregnant I loved him, but I never realized how much until I actually met him properly. My heart was bursting with love for him. This couldn’t be our only meeting. We needed to sit down, maybe just the two of us and have a talk, to see if I even fit in his life now.
“So what’s with Luke?”
I looked up at my friend, giving her slight smile. “He was there when I had my breakdown. He was, well, surprisingly nice. I would probably still be out there walking around in a daze if he hadn’t been so persistent to make sure I was okay.”
She put her hands on her hips, tilting her head slightly. “So he’s not the liar you thought?”
“I don’t know what to think,” I sighed, running a hand through my damp hair. I really didn’t know what to think, but something told me that what I was doing was right. I should go out with Luke. Maybe I could get the truth out of him, understand his secret. After all, he partially knew mine now. “I better go.”
Lucia collected Nora and walked to the door with me. “Call me if you need a rescue,” she whispered as I opened the door. I gave her a nod and saw both of the men standing near the door, Luke frowning at something Jacob was saying. “Ready?” I asked, giving Jacob a look.
“Sure,” Luke said. “Good to see you again, Lucia, Jacob.”
We walked back down the corridor and noticed that Luke was still frowning. “What did Jacob say?”
Luke looked over at me and shook his head, his lips lifting into a slight grin. “He told me that if I hurt you, he would bury my body in his back yard and piss over my grave.”
“Shit, I am so sorry.” Part of me was surprised that Jacob had stood up for me, glad that I meant that much to him. The other part was extremely embarrassed that Jacob thought I couldn’t handle myself.
“He also asked me to participate in the charity game he has going on, so it wasn’t all death threats,” Luke continued.
“Are you going to do it?” I asked, as I let my mind wander, thinking of Luke in those tight baseball pants. Now that would be a sight to behold.
“Thinking about it,” he answered, opening the door. “Ready to shower again?”
I laughed and took off, reaching the truck about the same time he did. We both climbed in and he started the engine, giving me a quick grin. “What do you want to eat tonight?”
I leaned back on the seat, my clothes seeping into the upholstery. “Something fattening and fried would be great. Bury my sorrows under a pile of calories.”
“Works for me.”
Luke took us to a burger joint known for its onion rings and divine milkshakes, making be a very happy camper as I ordered both, including a monstrous burger that I would no doubt regret in the morning. After we placed our orders, I sat back in the booth and watched the rain fall outside. So maybe my first contact with my son hadn’t been the best, but I could change that and felt a tiny weight lift off my shoulders.
“So, you have a kid?” Luke asked as he fiddled with his straw wrapper.
“Yeah,” I said, knowing I couldn’t hide it any longer.
“I put him up for adoption in high school.”
Luke coughed out his surprise and I winced. “I wasn’t expecting that,” he said slowly. Dread filled my belly at his words. This was going to be the moment I regretted. He was going to turn on me and think I did the wrong thing giving James up. I scrambled to make my excuses.
“His father, well, he had no interest in me or the baby and I was too young… My mom refused to help. I had no other choice…”
“Cara, stop. I don’t blame you, I’m not judging you. It’s just not what I was expecting,” he answered, giving me a smile. “That had to be hard, though, giving him away.”
I swallowed and looked away, an accumulation of feelings rising to the surface. “It was very hard, but at the time, I thought it was the right choice.”
“And now?” Luke asked softly.
I sighed and rubbed a hand over my face, feeling drained. “I don’t know. Part of me thinks that he should’ve been with me and that I should have raised him. It would have changed my life and I probably wouldn’t be sitting here in front of you. But there is another part of me who knows he has probably had a great life, with great people who love him. And now, I just don’t know… it feels wrong to come between their family and upset the balance.”
“Both are great points,” Luke replied, looking at me. He’d been telling the truth; I didn’t see any judgment on his face, no pity either. “It’s a tough call to make.”
“Yes,” I said, glad to hear that he understood. “See my dilemma?”
“Maybe it’s best to do what the kid wants? Did he reach out to you first?” he asked.
I nodded, thinking of the letters. “Yes he did. It all came as a shock. Totally out of the blue. I have no idea how he found out about me.” I couldn’t help but wonder if his parents knew that he was reaching out to me or if they were the ones who had encouraged the contact. I didn’t want to cause any issues with them whatsoever.
“Well,” Luke finally said as our food arrived. “James is a bright kid. I’m sure he’ll let you know what he wants. He’s a hard worker, too, and is going to be one hell of a baseball player one day.”
I warmed at the praise, glad that he thought Luke was going to be successful. We ate in silence for a few moments before I looked at him, catching his eye. “So, now you know my deepest, darkest secret. Time to share yours.”
Luke set his burger down on his plate and wiped his mouth. “No.”
“No?” I asked, surprised. Are you kidding me? I had spilled my guts to him, he knew about James, which meant I trusted him enough to tell him. Now it was his turn to trust me.
“No,” he reiterated.
“Come on,” I said, exasperated. “I trusted you with my secret. Surely you can tell me why you changed your name.”
I watched as Luke took a sip of his drink, his expression unreadable. “I can’t do it. I can’t. If you can’t live with that then I will understand and we can part ways”
I didn’t understand. Was his secret that detrimental? What did it have to do with?
I stared at him for a moment, not speaking, and Luke looked away as if he’d resigned himself that this would be the end. That I would get up and walk away.
“Will there ever be a time you will trust me with it?”
Luke’s eyes flickered back up to mine. “What?”
I bit my lip. “Will you ever trust me?”
“Maybe. Jury is still out on that one,” he said with a pained smile.
Well it was better than no. He was willing to give it a shot, one day. “Okay, then.”
“Okay, what?”
“I can take it for now,” I said with a slight smile. “I’m probably going to regret this but I’ll show you that you can trust me. But I won’t wait forever, Luke.”
He nodded and busied himself with his food, looking a bit flustered. He needed time to open up and for the moment I was willing to give him that.
17
Luke
I shouldn’t be doing this, I thought as I swung my arms in wide circles and stared at the field, the familiar feeling of excitement welling up in my body. It was crazy to think I would be this excited over a charity game, but hell, I was ecstatic. While the Little League team had been great and all, it did not even come close to the way I was feeling about thi
s game. I was going to pitch once more, even if for just a little while.
“I really appreciate you joining at the last minute,” Jacob said as he came to stand beside me. “I had hoped this wouldn’t turn into a media circus, but it looks like I was wrong on all accounts.”
Several news stations were setting up around the field and the bleachers were packed with fans of all the different sports personalities Jacob had managed to wrangle into playing. The whole event was bigger than I’d expected and the thought of being filmed on TV, even if it was just a short news segment, was a bit nerve-wracking. There was always the chance that someone could recognize me, but after all these years the odds couldn’t be that high.
“It’ll be good publicity for the charity though, right?”
Jacob nodded. The charity was his football foundation, giving back to the community in the form of uniforms and equipment for the schools. I was honored that he had asked me to join, knowing that my kids were going to benefit from this as well, but hadn’t anticipated the publicity surrounding it. But a part of me was under the impression he only asked to keep me close, under his watch for Cara’s sake. Or perhaps I was merely overthinking it, looking for a problem where none existed.
“C’mon, let’s join the team,” Jacob said and I followed him to where the rest where gathered.
The teams were a mixture of local celebrities and athletes, some with experience, but most without. Jacob was a captain of one side and the captain of the other was the point guard from the local basketball team. There had been some ribbing already, some bets thrown out there, too, but it was all to benefit the kids. I was enjoying the camaraderie; it was nice to be a part of a team again.
