The Trouble with Faking

by Rachel Morgan

  Livi: How’d it go?

  Andi: It was nice :)

  Livi: Nice? REALLY? Come on, you can do better than that. Give me details.

  Details? I don’t want to tell her the conversation was barely a smidgen above boring and the kissing was passionless, so I type, Um … He took me to a fancy restaurant at the Waterfront.

  Livi: Awesome :) Did you like it?

  Andi: Yes.

  Livi: Smoochies?

  Andi: Yes.

  Livi: Bum squeeze?

  I roll my eyes, then type, Yes, both cheeks.

  Livi: Okay seriously. What happened?

  I may as well get some entertainment out of this evening, so I type, I told you. He groped my butt.

  Livi: What endearing things did he say?

  Andi: “You have firm cheeks.”

  Livi: No, really. What did he say?

  Andi: “You’ve obviously been working out.”

  Livi: Andi! Come on!

  I roll onto my tummy, giggling and typing, You saying I have flabby cheeks?

  Livi: Andrea Clark!

  Andi: I’ll let you have a squeeze next time I see you.

  Livi: Oh. My. Hat. I give up.

  Andi: *laughing*

  Livi: *sighing* Fine. But you’re gonna have to spill when I see you.

  I put my phone down as my smile fades. If only I’d enjoyed the date as much as I enjoyed making fun of it.

  ***

  “Andi, hey!” Livi says as she pulls open the door to her second-floor flat. “What are you doing here?”

  “Um …” I twist my hands together. “Avoiding my new boyfriend?”

  “What?” Livi’s expression falls. “You guys have been together two days. Why are you avoiding him already?”

  I groan as I walk past her into the flat. “Last night’s date wasn’t as amazing as I may have led you to believe.”

  “Oh, you mean with the evasive non-answers about your butt? Trust me, you didn’t lead me to believe anything except that you’re infuriating.”

  “Right. Well—Oh, hey, Adam.” I wave to Livi’s boyfriend who’s sitting on the couch with a paused movie on the TV in front of him.

  “Hey,” he answers. “Uh … I’m just gonna sit here and pretend I’m not listening to you two talking about butts.”

  Livi rolls her eyes. “Keep watching the movie. We’ll chat in my room.”

  I follow her past the couch and into her bedroom. She closes the door, then moves a pile of papers with music notes scribbled on them off her bed. “You’ve been composing?” I ask as I sit.

  “Mmm, just some simple stuff. I’ve been avoiding studying for the past few days. And speaking of avoiding …” She gives me a pointed look.

  “Yes. Damien. I’m avoiding him because I’m pretty sure we’re not right together and I need to break up with him and I’m kinda scared of doing it.”

  Livi’s eyebrows climb upward. “Are you sure? I mean, we’re talking about the guy you’ve spent years pining after, right?”

  “Right. But you know what? When I went to talk to him on Sunday, it wasn’t to tell him I’ve always loved him. It was to tell him we needed to end our fake relationship and just be friends. I’d already decided he wasn’t right for me. But then he surprised me by kissing me, and I got all confused and figured maybe it was right after all, and I just went with it.”

  Livi nods slowly. On the bed between us, her phone starts playing piano music I don’t recognise and the name ‘Sarah’ appears. Livi switches the phone to silent. “I’ll call her back just now.”

  “Okay. So now I’m starting to think I was right the first time and that everything Noah said was, in fact, true.”

  “Who’s Noah?”

  “Um, one of Damien’s friends. And my friend too, I guess. I mean, we made a video together, so we must be—ANYWAY, I’m getting sidetracked. Noah pointed out that I’ve been chasing after this dream of a perfect relationship rather than Damien himself. It could have been any nice guy living next door to me and I probably would have attached the same feelings to him.”

  Livi stares quizzically at me. “What do you mean you made a video together?”

  “Ugh, Livi, not a dodgy video. A book review video. You’re missing the point. The—”

  “The point here is that you have a simple decision to make,” Livi says. “Do you see you and Damien having a future together? Do you really want to have a future with him? If not, then it’s simple: He’s not the one for you. I mean, unless …”

  “Unless what?”

  “Well, if you’re the kind of person who’s just looking for a casual fling, then it doesn’t really—”

  “No, jeepers. Would I have spent years pining after this guy—or this idea, or whatever—if I were a casual fling kinda person?”

  “Okay. Sorry.” Her cell phone screen lights up as a message comes through. She picks the phone up. “It’s just that we haven’t known each other that long. I had to check. And I wouldn’t … judge you … if …” She stares harder at her phone, clearly losing track of whatever she was saying. “Ohmygosh.” She straightens, then jumps off the bed. “Ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh. Adam!” she shrieks, yanking her bedroom door open and running out. “Look look look!” She lands on the couch and shoves her phone in Adam’s face.

  “What? What’s wrong? What happened?” He scrambles into a sitting position as I rush into the lounge to find out the same thing.

  “SARAH’S GETTING MARRIED!” Livi squeals and bounces up and down. “She and Aiden just got engaged. Look at the video. Oh my hat. I think I’m gonna cry. My best friend is getting married.” She jumps off the couch, runs to where I’m standing, and squeezes me in a tight hug. Then she dashes back to Adam, grabs the phone, and brings it to me. “Look, it’s so romantic.”

  She taps the screen so the video starts playing once more. The scene is of a guy and girl in the mountains somewhere with a cliff rising to their right and the beginnings of a sunset tinging the sky that’s visible on the left. Whoever’s taking the video is obviously hiding, because tree branches are visible around the edges of the screen. The guy lets go of the girl’s hand and gets down on one knee. The girl claps both hands over her mouth, clearly shocked. She nods, slowly, then more vigorously, and the guy stands and pulls her into an embrace. Then the video cuts to a close-up of them laughing and hugging as the girl waves the back of her hand at the camera, showing off her ring.

  I feel oddly emotional as the video ends, not because I know these two people, but because the happiness I see on the screen—that pure, overflowing joy—is what I’ve always wanted. And I know in this moment, without a doubt, that Damien isn’t the one to give me that.

  Mandy Lovet (1 hour ago)

  omg who is the hot guy?! please do more videos with him!

  Zelly (2 hours ago)

  Nice to meet you, Noah. And no, Andi doesn’t normally crawl around under the bed. She’s usually way more composed in her videos!

  Apple Turtle (1 hour ago)

  I like the non-composed version of Andi ;)

  Zelly (32 min ago)

  Me too!

  Apple Turtle (21 min ago)

  Think somebody’s got a crush on somebody?!

  Chelsea L R (2 hours ago)

  Cant wait to read this book but wil have 2 read it slowly since its the last in the series :-( and thanks 4 introducing us 2 your boyfriend he seems nice :-)

  Becky Becks (4 hours ago)

  Hey, I’m a new subscriber! My friend recommended your channel. Wouldn’t normally read this genre, but your review was entertaining enough to make me one-click the ebook of the first novel in the series!

  Shania Martinez (5 hours ago)

  Read it already. It was great! And yes, the cover rocks ;-)

  LollyMBooks (5 hours ago)

  Andi, are you blushing?! LOL ;)

  I sit on mem stone early in the evening on Wednesday and laugh at all the comments on the YouTube review of The Italian Hoax. Students walkin
g across the parking lot and down the stairs give me odd looks, but I’m too busy chuckling and typing replies to be bothered. When I’m done replying, I send Noah a message.

  Andi: I posted our book review video about a day and a half ago and it already has more views and comments than any of my other videos :D

  Noah: Told you they’d love me ;)

  Livi: :P

  Noah: You didn’t send me the link, but I found the video quite easily. Enjoying the comments ;)

  My face heats up and embarrassment curls in my stomach as I imagine Noah reading all those comments. At least, I think it’s embarrassment. Ignoring the weird feeling, I slide the phone into my polka-dot raincoat—the sky looked threatening when I left my room—and watch the passing students as I wait for Damien. He said he just needed to shower quickly after his jog around campus.

  “Hey, Andi.”

  I look up, expecting to find Damien coming towards me—quickest shower ever—but see Noah instead. “Oh, hey.”

  He waves his phone at me. “Latest comment says we need to make our joint book reviews a regular thing, although the commenter did say she’d like it if I actually read the books we review so she can get a guy’s opinion of the inside and not just the cover.”

  “Well, now you can reply to her and say you have read it.” I notice the towel around his neck and the sheen of sweat covering his bare arms and face. “Were you out running with Damien?”

  “No, I was at the gym. Getting in my five hours a day while listening to rap music.” I laugh as he pushes himself up onto the stone beside me. “I actually haven’t seen Damien for a number of days. I guess he’s been busy. How’s it going with you guys?” He runs a hand over his sweaty head. “Are you, uh, still doing your pretend dating thing?”

  “Um, no. We actually got together for real.”

  Noah drops his hand. “What?”

  “Yes.” Confusion furrows my brow. “Didn’t Damien tell you? Don’t you guys talk to each other?”

  Noah looks away so I can’t see his expression. “Apparently not.”

  “Yeah, it’s kind of a funny story, actually.” I swing my legs forward and back, bumping them gently against the stone. “I’d decided that Damien wasn’t right for me, just like you said. I went to tell him we should stop pretending we’re together, and he ended up kissing me and saying he wants to be with me for real. Somehow that muddled my brain and I thought maybe after all he was right for me. So we went out on Monday night, but then—”

  “I can’t believe you,” Noah says, jumping off mem stone. “Or him.” Without waiting for my reply, he turns and walks briskly back towards Smuts.

  “Hey!” I yell after him. “Don’t you want to hear the end of the story?”

  No response. He keeps walking.

  “Idiot,” I mutter to myself as I hastily jump down and follow him. This is why I’m annoyed by so many chick flicks. People always end up with half the story when things would be a lot simpler if everyone knew everything. But I suppose there wouldn’t be much of a story then. Well, this isn’t going to turn out like those movies. I change my walk to a jog, hoping I’ll catch up with Noah before he gets inside. If the silly boy had just waited another few seconds for the end of my story, he would have had no reason to get upset. And, now that I think about it, what does he have to get upset about in the first place?

  I run into the Smuts foyer as the glass door with swipe-card access swings shut. “Noah!” I shout, but he either doesn’t hear me or chooses not to. I bounce impatiently on my feet as I watch a guy I don’t know coming towards me on the other side of the door. I’m pretty sure grass grows faster than this guy can walk.

  When he eventually swipes his student card to open the door, I dart through before he can get out. Noah was moving in the opposite direction to where his flat is, so I’m pretty sure he’s gone to Damien’s room. I run along the corridor and up the stairs. “Oh, hey, Noah,” Damien’s voice says somewhere above me.

  “I’m pleased to see you remember me,” Noah says. “You’ve been avoiding me for at least a week.”

  I slow down, wondering if it might not be the best idea to get involved in whatever conversation is coming.

  “I just discovered something that really confuses me,” Noah says as I turn around on the stairs and prepare to tiptoe back down. “You and Andi are dating. For real this time. Want to know why that confuses me?”

  “Look, Noah—”

  “You see, I remember a conversation from not too long ago. A conversation that happened after a game of pool.” I freeze on the stairs, knowing I shouldn’t be listening to this but unable to make myself leave. “Remember that one?” Noah says. “Remember when I spoke to you about Andi, and you said, ‘Yeah, she dresses weirdly, but other than that she is rather amazing.’”

  I dress weirdly?

  “And I thought you were encouraging me. You didn’t give me any hint that you were interested in her.”

  “Look, I wasn’t sure at that point if—”

  “And what about the conversation we had last week, Damien?” Noah continues. “Are you choosing to conveniently forget that one too? The one where I said, ‘I never thought I’d get over Tania, but I think it’s finally possible.’ The whole time I was talking to you about Andi, you didn’t once think to tell me how you actually feel about her?”

  “Yeah, well, I didn’t know if she felt the same way.”

  “So instead you sat there saying things like, ‘That’s great. Good for you. You’re finally moving on.’ And a few days later, when Andi came to you to end that fake relationship and not start a real one, you decided to kiss her and complicate things even further.”

  “Hang on,” Damien says. “Andi feels the same way about me, okay? That’s why we’re together now. She chose me. I didn’t force her into anything.”

  Silence follows, and I wonder if Noah’s about to come down the stairs and catch me here. “Well,” he says eventually, his voice quieter now. “As long as it was her choice. I’m not sure where this leaves you and me, though.”

  “Well, if you want to end our friendship over a girl, that’s up to you.”

  “It actually has a lot more to do with my best friend deceiving me than with the girl he’s dating.”

  “Deceiving you? I—” Damien lets out a short laugh. “Come on, man. Don’t be ridiculous. There was never any deception. And if it makes you feel better, I don’t think you ever stood a chance with her. You’re not exactly her type. You’re …”

  “I’m what?”

  “Well, she’s … and you’re …”

  “Is there something you’re afraid to spit out, Damien?” Noah demands.

  “Andi doesn’t like coloured guys, okay? She told me she was getting a little creeped out with you hanging around her so much.”

  WHAT? Without thinking, I turn and march up the stairs. “How dare you put words into my mouth that were never there?” I shout at a startled Damien.

  “I—Andi—How long have you—”

  “Sure, I’ve never dated a coloured guy before, or a black guy or an Indian or any guy for that matter, because I’ve spent half my life hung up on you. And that doesn’t make me racist, that makes me a desperate fool.”

  “Well,” Noah says. “I’m glad you’re finally accepting the truth.”

  “And you,” I shout, turning to him. “You couldn’t stay sitting for another three seconds so I could tell you that after the date Damien and I went on, I decided you were definitely right about him not being the guy for me.”

  “What?” Damien says. “You decided I’m not—and you—” He faces Noah. “You want to talk to me about deception when you’ve been telling her not to date me? You’re a damn—”

  “It wasn’t like that,” Noah shouts. “I wasn’t trying to get her to choose me over you. I was trying to get her to see that the person she fell in love with when you were both kids doesn’t exist anymore, and possibly never did.”

  Damien looks at me. “You
… how long have you—”

  “For too long, Damien. For too long. I’ve watched you with every girlfriend you’ve ever had, I’ve listened to all your problems and all your break-ups and all your musings about the next perfect girl to come along. And when it was finally my turn, I realised it was too late for us. You’re not the person I need, and I’m not the person you need.”

  “So the fake relationship idea was a lie from the start,” Damien says quietly. “You weren’t doing it to help me get Marie. You were doing it so you’d get me. You’ve been deceiving me too.”

  “Oh my gosh, everyone’s been deceiving everyone, okay? I never liked Mike, and apparently you got over Marie pretty quickly, which means that when you were hanging out with her, you were probably only doing it to make me jealous instead of the other way around. We’ve both lied. We’ve both kept things secret that probably should have been said out loud. Now we need to just stop everything and move on.”

  “And what about poor Marie and Mike?” Noah says. “Are they supposed to be left wanting both of you when neither of you want them anymore?”

  “You.” I point at him. “Just stop. You’re always going on about bottling things up and how it’s not healthy and I need to get everything out, but what about you? You don’t tell me anything. Who’s Tania, huh? And why did you think you’d never get over her?”

  Noah steps closer to me, his voice growing dangerously low as he speaks. “Perhaps if you’d taken the time to ask about my private life, the way I did for you, then you’d know.”

  “Well maybe I’m of the opinion that private lives are PRIVATE!” I yell.